Jump to content

How do I develop something with this guy? **Updated**


krystalviolin

Recommended Posts

krystalviolin

So I've met this guy who I immediately found attractive but didn't think much about afterwards. We've seen each other 3 times by now. No dates, just seminars. A few days after the third seminar, I got a message from him and he was being really nice and kept complimenting me. As he had seemed like a very kind, extroverted, nice, outgoing and socializing type of guy,

 

I thought he was just being nice to me, like he was to everyone else. I texted him back, also being nice, and we kept texting for about a week. He followed me on my social media and liked many of my few pictures. During this week of texting, I was on a school trip for 4 days, so I had a lot to tell him and he was very interested and wanted to hear about it. We also sent each other many audios. Then, he suggested that we should have a phone call. So we had a phone talk, right after I came back from the trip at 9 pm for 90 minutes and it was amazing.

 

He immediately texted me good morning the next day. FYI: We live pretty far away from each other and the next seminar where we will probably see each other is in two months..

And then this happened: Two days after that phone talk, it was a Friday, and he was very busy, which is understandable.. but he suddenly started texting less and I immediately started feeling some kind of pain or missed him or whatever.. I suddenly developed feelings when I realized how much I loved texting with him. Maybe it was his strategy? To text me less, so that I long for him? Cuz then, he was successful..

 

He does answer me when he is online, he is just not online as often anymore.. I considered asking him if we should have another talk on the phone but I didn't because I thought: Maybe he lost interest and I don't wanna seem needy.. He also seems busy because he is rarely online. I wanna bite myself because it's been a week since he's been online less frequently and since I couldn't stop thinking about him, which is strange because we have only flirted (I think) on the phone and per text message but not in real life..

 

I really want to have a phone call to create that spark or whatever again.. But I seriously can't read this guy.. Does he have feelings for me? And what should I do now? Should I ask to have another talk on the phone? Or would that seem needy at this point?

 

Am I being too passive?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
So I've met this guy who I immediately found attractive but didn't think much about afterwards. We've seen each other 3 times by now. No dates, just seminars. A few days after the third seminar, I got a message from him and he was being really nice and kept complimenting me. As he had seemed like a very kind, extroverted, nice, outgoing and socializing type of guy, I thought he was just being nice to me, like he was to everyone else. I texted him back, also being nice, and we kept texting for about a week. He followed me on my social media and liked many of my few pictures. During this week of texting, I was on a school trip for 4 days, so I had a lot to tell him and he was very interested and wanted to hear about it. We also sent each other many audios. Then, he suggested that we should have a phone call. So we had a phone talk, right after I came back from the trip at 9 pm for 90 minutes and it was amazing. He immediately texted me good morning the next day. FYI: We live pretty far away from each other and the next seminar where we will probably see each other is in two months..
Of course he is into you, it is fairly obvious. But it is also obvious that he is too Beta-ish to act on it. A more "manly" man would have to been up front with you about it. This is mostly likely the reason that you, in your words, "I immediately found attractive but didn't think much about afterwards." The lack of masculinity is why you didn't think much about him afterwards once the physical attraction wore off a little.

 

And then this happened: Two days after that phone talk, it was a Friday, and he was very busy, which is understandable.. but he suddenly started texting less and I immediately started feeling some kind of pain or missed him or whatever..
That is just your Ego. You enjoyed the attention you were getting which caused you to take notice when it dropped.

 

It is up to you how you handle it next time you see him, but most likely the feelings you think you have will weaken the more you are around him,...not get stronger. Unless of course your Ego (we all have one) gets in the way and artificially boosts your feelings. Granted I could be wrong on this,...but I am reasonably certain that I am not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin
Of course he is into you, it is fairly obvious. But it is also obvious that he is too Beta-ish to act on it. A more "manly" man would have to been up front with you about it. This is mostly likely the reason that you, in your words, "I immediately found attractive but didn't think much about afterwards." The lack of masculinity is why you didn't think much about him afterwards once the physical attraction wore off a little.

 

That is just your Ego. You enjoyed the attention you were getting which caused you to take notice when it dropped.

 

It is up to you how you handle it next time you see him, but most likely the feelings you think you have will weaken the more you are around him,...not get stronger. Unless of course your Ego (we all have one) gets in the way and artificially boosts your feelings. Granted I could be wrong on this,...but I am reasonably certain that I am not.

It could partly be my Ego but it's not just that. When I first saw him, he was handsome to me but I was in this mode of "I'm not looking for a relationship right now, I have to Focus on school, he is way out of my league". In other words: I never even expected him to text me. I was so caught-off-guard. And now I can't stop thinking about him..

Link to post
Share on other sites

This post made me so sad. The idea that you have to ask somebody for a phone call & a call where you hear the other person's voice is considered significant. The whole concept broke my heart.

 

A phone call is so much less intimate or significant then social media. Social media is window into your whole life. A phone call is a moment in time. Stop imbuing it with so much power. The fact that you think wanting to talk to him on the phone is being clingy, oh heavens, I just don't get it.

 

Seeing a guy at a seminar & a few texts is not really anything. I think like many young people you created this whole big thing in your mind after a few texts. Yes, the attention is flattering & it's easy to weave a fantasy around this but the reality is this if anything is only potentially the beginning. Stop getting used to the daily texts & stop paying attention to when he is on line. Compartmentalize things until you see him at the next seminar in 2 months. At that point, see if you can manipulate the situation into getting a coffee or drink with him. Be flirty then see where this goes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Don't push it by trying to make things magical over a few phone calls. Be aloof, and let him miss you. You want to make an impact, do it in person. Next time you see each other, dress a little sexier, be flirty, smile lots, pull him away from the seminar for a one on one coffee or dinner, engage in conversation with good eye contact.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin

Maybe I should give more details (I'm just scared someone I know might read this ): We were both playing at a concert and I played right before him. After I was done, he told me that I played very well and then went on stage. Now, at the time I assumed that he was just being very nice and didn't think too much about it. One week after that we had our next seminar. We barely talked there (There wasn't really an opportunity and I also didn't think about it as much). Before he left, he shortly talked to me, asking me where I wanted to study after school but it was a very short conversation. And THEN half a week after that, he saw in my snapchat story (he added me right after the concert I think) that I was in the town where we have our seminars and he was there, too. He wrote something like: "Are you in XX Right now? -smirk emoji - " And that's the first message he sent and we have texted until now since then. We didn't meet up that day, I was tired, went home and we just wrote about the concert and stuff. And he brought up several times that I was playing so well.

After that I think he followed me on insta and liked my pictures. When we had the phone call he brought up one picture where I was performing because he wanted to know what kind of performance it was and he remembered the color of the dress.

So this is how it was in the first week (and before that) with more detail. And in the second week (so the week that just passed) he was sick (he really was, I could hear from his audios) and waaay less frequently online.

During the phone call by the way he mentioned a few nice locations in the town where we have our seminars.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My advice hasn't really changed.

 

Send him a piece of music you like for him to play or listen to.

 

Research the places he mentioned & tell him which one you find most interesting & suggest getting together after the next seminar.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin
My advice hasn't really changed.

 

Send him a piece of music you like for him to play or listen to.

 

Research the places he mentioned & tell him which one you find most interesting & suggest getting together after the next seminar.

 

Already did the music thing and he listened to it and sent me snap as a photo of the youtube video..

 

He didn't mention names, just that he knew a nice location.

 

But yeah, I guess I'm just gonna keep myself busy for two months and see what happens. Though he has an audition tomorrow. Should I call him after that? Rather not, I guess..

Link to post
Share on other sites
True. So I call him?

 

As opposed to...?

 

Of course, call him!! He may be thinking you have low interest because you're too much in your own head.

 

There isn't enough here between you two for you to be this lost on what to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have to call him because you mistakenly think that calling is soooooo significant & overwhelming. But do reach out even if it's just a text saying break a leg or hope your audition went well

Link to post
Share on other sites

He should be wanting to communicate with you everday. If he goes longer than that he has low interest.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He should be wanting to communicate with you everday. If he goes longer than that he has low interest.

 

Nobody you aren't dating should want to talk to you every day. If somebody does want to talk to you daily before you are dating or even during the beginning of dating they have poor boundaries. You need to work up to that level of intense communication not start there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin
You don't have to call him because you mistakenly think that calling is soooooo significant & overwhelming. But do reach out even if it's just a text saying break a leg or hope your audition went well

I was going to text him after the audition anyway.

Okay so I'm too romantic because I loved the phone call I get it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin
He should be wanting to communicate with you everday. If he goes longer than that he has low interest.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend.

Thanks you too!

 

I think the only way to not be confused about this anymore is to meet him. But that's the problem because he lives far away and we'll see each other in two months. So I'll just to wait.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
krystalviolin

I sent him a picture of me in a dress and he answered wow?. is that a clear sign that he's flirting or likes me? or do guys just do that?

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's flirting. Emjojis with hearts is not basic friendship. It's also not a "clear" sign of much. Slow down & don't put stock in texts.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mortensorchid

I think he does like you based on this behavior. But he is, like another poster said, too Beta-like. Someone who wants something to happen takes actions to make it happen. That can't come from you, it can only come from him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...