falxmanolo Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Hello! I have a situation. I’m a 29 year old lady and I’ve been dating after the end of a long term relationship. I was introduced to a family friend’s son in early December. We met for coffee and then we went on a dinner date. We got along incredibly well. He took my number down. All of this happened in Dubai, where my family and the man lives. I am working in London and I came back to London just before Christmas. My trouble is communication with this man. He’s 33, smart and accomplished and otherwise very confident man. This guy texts me once in three days. TEXTS. He has not called me ONCE in the past two months. I’ve asked him via text if we can call andhonestly the only thing I haven’t done is shared my iCloud calendar, I’ve explained to him what my schedule is like and when I have free time. He clearly hasn’t made any effort. He will go MIA for a few days and then text me like nothing has happened. I politely told him that this radio silence and fragmented communication is not working for me and we should probably end this and then he completely turned over and said he really likes me and hence he makes the effort to text me (wtf) and texted me religiously everyday but still no calls. Now he hasn’t texted me since Friday again ugh! I honestly got along with him so well in person but I’m just too old for this texting game. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I don’t want to put up with minimal effort at the same time I’m worried I won’t find someone who I get along so easily with. When he goes MIA, he still posts stories on Instagram,haha! Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 You let him know clearly that his communication style is a deal breaker for you. He did what you want for a bit and then went right back to his old behaviours. It's a long distance relationship anyway. I'd let him go and find someone who communicates the way you want and also lives closer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Stop returning his texts. If he wants contact he will call you. If he doesn't, then it was unlikely a relationship that would have worked out anyway. Plenty of other men out there! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lyfeofafreespirit Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Sounds like he's just keeping you on the hook, but isn't super interested. You could call him out on it to see what he says and either way it will stop the texting game. He'll either realize he might lose you and try a bit more to communicate, or he will stop contact in which case you have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Stop returning texts. You told him to call. He has your number. If he was interested, he would call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Yes he likes you and if you were there he would communicate more and make an effort to see you, but the situation with you being in another country is not favorable to him. The reality is, he's not head over heel for you, so he isn't going to pull all the stops to romance you long distance....that ain't happening. It's not mixed signals, it's a lack of true interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author falxmanolo Posted February 11, 2019 Author Share Posted February 11, 2019 Sounds like he's just keeping you on the hook, but isn't super interested. You could call him out on it to see what he says and either way it will stop the texting game. He'll either realize he might lose you and try a bit more to communicate, or he will stop contact in which case you have your answer. So I did call him out on his communication because I wanted to clearly communicate to him that this was unacceptable. And even after he panicked and went on a tangent about liking me oh-so-much, I feel myself not being able to fully trust his intentions. My concern is, what should I say when he texts me again, because I know he will text me in the next 24 hours as it's been three days since he last texted me. Like I've already tried to break things off but I keep getting sucked in, damnit! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) Dump him and stop fretting. You've made your interest clear. That's all you can do ... and all you want to do. Despite how wonderful you felt in person with this guy, he's either not interested ... or has a woman already in his life that he hasn't told you about ... or he's just terrible at relationships ... All three are non-starters. I think the hardest part of dating is when we feel a deep connection with someone and that person doesn't reciprocate ... The feeling of interacting with the person can be so good ... that when they disappear or only sporadically appear ... we have trouble literally believing it ... We think there must have been a glitch somewhere that blocked the person from communicating. There are no communication glitches when people are interested in us. Let go and move on ... And you're not getting "mixed" signals ... You're getting a loud and clear signal of unavailability--for whatever reason. Edited February 11, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 So I did call him out on his communication because I wanted to clearly communicate to him that this was unacceptable. And even after he panicked and went on a tangent about liking me oh-so-much, I feel myself not being able to fully trust his intentions. My concern is, what should I say when he texts me again, because I know he will text me in the next 24 hours as it's been three days since he last texted me. Like I've already tried to break things off but I keep getting sucked in, damnit! If he texts again just say "I'm no longer interested, take care." and then block him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lyfeofafreespirit Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 So I did call him out on his communication because I wanted to clearly communicate to him that this was unacceptable. And even after he panicked and went on a tangent about liking me oh-so-much, I feel myself not being able to fully trust his intentions. My concern is, what should I say when he texts me again, because I know he will text me in the next 24 hours as it's been three days since he last texted me. Like I've already tried to break things off but I keep getting sucked in, damnit! I really believe that if someone wants to contact you, they will. It may not be right away, but its definitely not three days later. Sounds like games to me, and maybe he really does like you and he really doesn't have time, but that also sounds like something you don't want to deal with. Focus on people in London unless you're planning to relocate to Dubai soon. You are missing stuff around you for someone that cant text you from another country. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 (edited) Too many other men out there to let this one treat you however he wants. If he isn't giving you what you want now, what makes you think you'll get what you want a year down the road when he maybe is actually dating you? Stop texting him back and make him call you. Edited February 12, 2019 by Amalyn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I don't understand why you are even bothering with this guy. He's long distance, you barely know him, no plans to meet again, and there is no real relationship here. Surely there are available local men you could meet. This guy is not at all invested and is probably dating others and just keeping you around for an ego stroke. Don't bother texting him back and just move on. He isn't worth your time at all! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Dump him and stop fretting. You've made your interest clear. That's all you can do ... and all you want to do. Despite how wonderful you felt in person with this guy, he's either not interested ... or has a woman already in his life that he hasn't told you about ... or he's just terrible at relationships ... All three are non-starters. I think the hardest part of dating is when we feel a deep connection with someone and that person doesn't reciprocate ... The feeling of interacting with the person can be so good ... that when they disappear or only sporadically appear ... we have trouble literally believing it ... We think there must have been a glitch somewhere that blocked the person from communicating. There are no communication glitches when people are interested in us. Let go and move on ... And you're not getting "mixed" signals ... You're getting a loud and clear signal of unavailability--for whatever reason. Def agree here! I've been in your situation before and that was emotionally draining. I had many talks about wanting him to text more and I got a couple days of good texting. Then the situation went back to the same non communication. Not worth your time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author falxmanolo Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 UPDATE:- As expected, woke up this morning to find a string of text messages. No apologies as expected, just that he was busy. Second confounding factor- I did mention he is a family friend’s son and we were introduced by our parents after they deliberated for months. So there is a subconscious pressure for me to try harder. But my mum recently told me that he told his mother that we TALK everyday (as conveyed by his mum). Which is obviously a lie. I asked him straight up if he isn’t interested in me and if so that’s cool, we can just tell our parents to back off and move on BUT he keeps insisting he really connects with me. Do you see why it’s hard for me to just block him? Like this would be a non-issue if I met him on a dating app or whatever. Also I do shuttle between Dubai and London and will be moving permanently to Dubai in December this year. Link to post Share on other sites
lif3sci Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Why don't you call him instead? Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 UPDATE:- As expected, woke up this morning to find a string of text messages. No apologies as expected, just that he was busy. Second confounding factor- I did mention he is a family friend’s son and we were introduced by our parents after they deliberated for months. So there is a subconscious pressure for me to try harder. But my mum recently told me that he told his mother that we TALK everyday (as conveyed by his mum). Which is obviously a lie. I asked him straight up if he isn’t interested in me and if so that’s cool, we can just tell our parents to back off and move on BUT he keeps insisting he really connects with me. Do you see why it’s hard for me to just block him? Like this would be a non-issue if I met him on a dating app or whatever. Also I do shuttle between Dubai and London and will be moving permanently to Dubai in December this year. Not really. Just tell your mom the information she heard is not accurate and you’re moving on. I don’t see how any of that would justify hanging on to an uninterested man. And you don’t have to actually block him. Just let it fade out and date others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author falxmanolo Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 Why don't you call him instead? Well I’ve literally shared my schedule with him and it’s the least I am expect a 33 year old to do right? I would call him if he texted me constantly but the fact that I’ve brought up telephone calls multiple times and he’s just ignored it makes me feel a bit iffy. He is coming to Europe and for Gods sake he flies private jets, so this is not a man without means to support his travel. Hence the mismatch between is his words and action is perplexing. Also, I’ve told him TWICE that this level of communication isn’t working for me and I won’t be offended if he isn’t interested but he keeps insisting otherwise. Idk maybe I will laugh about this in a months time but at the moment this seems too confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author falxmanolo Posted February 12, 2019 Author Share Posted February 12, 2019 Not really. Just tell your mom the information she heard is not accurate and you’re moving on. I don’t see how any of that would justify hanging on to an uninterested man. And you don’t have to actually block him. Just let it fade out and date others. Actually it’s not that easy. I’ve told him AGAIN that tho communication isn’t working and he frets and makes an effort for a few days. The only option is to ghost him but I can’t do that because that’s just not nice. Ugh I’m so fed up, I’m not helping myself am I Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 His words don't match his actions....you figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 Actually it’s not that easy. I’ve told him AGAIN that tho communication isn’t working and he frets and makes an effort for a few days. The only option is to ghost him but I can’t do that because that’s just not nice. Ugh I’m so fed up, I’m not helping myself am I You’re letting him call the shots and giving him all the power. You’re an adult. It’s not working for you and you’re moving on. Period. You don’t need his permission. You already gave him multiple chances and he’s not going to change. It’s not that complicated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 He doesn't seem interested at all. I bet he is only going back and forth with you because of his parents just like you are. His mom probably really likes you and wants him to give it a chance. He's cold. I would just stop texting him and move on. If your mom asks what happened tell her he doesn't communicate enough for your taste so you're moving on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Trust me, your family and mutual friends ... don't give a wit about whether you and he going anywhere in your relationship. Literally ... not figuratively ... literally ... if they hear things didn't work out. They'll say "Huh." ... One second ... two ... five seconds max. And they will not give you and her another thought. Not one nano-second of a thought. And stop asking this guy if he likes you ... That's a terrible question because lots of people know how to utter a lot of words that make it seem like they want to be in relationship ... and yet they don't ... Trust me: I apologized for late communication with a woman ... only when ... I had to force myself to communicate with that woman (maybe for the same reason you feel pressured--because of the mutual friends intro) ... Link to post Share on other sites
beentheredonethat77 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Actually it’s not that easy. I’ve told him AGAIN that tho communication isn’t working and he frets and makes an effort for a few days. The only option is to ghost him but I can’t do that because that’s just not nice. Ugh I’m so fed up, I’m not helping myself am I I live in Dubai (and have done off and on for ten years but permanently for 8) -- you and i both know that to be an attractive (successful, you said he flies private jets for business etc) man in Dubai is a non-stop party. He has plenty of attractive women around him (in fact ive got male friends who have their choice for tens of gorgeous instahos who all flock to dubai to find a rich man). Im married with kids but see the scene around me. I am not saying hes a terrible person but hes 33 and living in a city that for a young man is like being on constant vacation. Keeping up a long-distance (no sex) relationship is just work for him. I would personally STOP texting and pull back.. dont be rude or cold.. just very very distant..and he'll have to chase. Men like the chase and if he doesn't chase.. let it die. Link to post Share on other sites
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Actually it’s not that easy. I’ve told him AGAIN that tho communication isn’t working and he frets and makes an effort for a few days. The only option is to ghost him but I can’t do that because that’s just not nice. Ugh I’m so fed up, I’m not helping myself am I Just dump him! He isn't being nice to you by not communicating. You don't owe him any courtesy. I'm willing to ghost someone who ignores me. TBH even if you did ghost him, he prob wouldn't notice, just sayin.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Just dump him! He isn't being nice to you by not communicating. You don't owe him any courtesy. I'm willing to ghost someone who ignores me. TBH even if you did ghost him' date=' he prob wouldn't notice, just sayin....[/quote'] After what you said about a young man's chances in Dubai I can see why he isn't communicating, he probably doesn't have time. Whew! Link to post Share on other sites
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