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Blocked after amazing first date


richdeniro

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I had what I thought was a great first date with someone on Sunday, we met at 3pm and ended up having a few drinks, decided to go to dinner and then she came back to mine. She said she had never felt that amount of chemistry with someone before and it was the best first date she'd ever been on. We had been chatting for around two weeks before getting around to arranging this date and she told me she had been seeing someone else after we'd slept together but I assumed it was along the lines of just maybe having been on a few dates as you do with dating apps.

 

Got this message from her the next day and she blocked me before I could reply:

 

Hello! Ugh I would like to do this in person. I must say I really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and didn’t think I would like you so much. Like I told you I am seeing another person and waking up this morning I must admit I felt terrible. I am not a ‘more than one guy’ sort of woman and I have been seeing him for a while (albeit not formally exclusively of course). But I feel even with that I need to keep things simple for my own peace of mind. I am so very sorry and this has been very confusing. I hope you don’t think I am a total ****.

 

Feel gutted to be honest as haven't connected with someone in that way for a really long time.

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Ruby Slippers

She felt terrible probably because she was having sex with him already and then had sex with you. You got off easy here. The other guy will probably never know she had sex with someone else after having sex with him :sick:

 

If I were you, I'd let her know how skanky she comes across. Somebody needs to.

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She feels she cheated on him. The time for her to confess is before she sleeps with you, so you have some say in the matter.

 

That's like the time I was first in bed with a guy I'd known for 3 years and never seen with a woman more than once, and he sits up afterwards and says he feels guilty -- and that's how I found out he was married this whole time. Grrrr.

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She felt terrible probably because she was having sex with him already and then had sex with you. You got off easy here. The other guy will probably never know she had sex with someone else after having sex with him :sick:

 

If I were you, I'd let her know how skanky she comes across. Somebody needs to.

 

THIS.

 

You want a woman who chooses you first.

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Good reason not to have sex with any woman u til you understand completely if they are invested with you - in a real relationship.

 

Looks like she used you - and yes, she’s kinda skanky... so you really dodged a bullet.

 

Hope she bought you dinner/drinks!

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Don’t count anything they say or do until they get pass 10-12 dates with absolutely no red flags.

 

Always protect your heart guy. And always listen to your gut.

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You did nothing wrong. Sounds like she likes the other guy more.

 

At least she didn’t totally ghost you.

 

Sorry.

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No surprises , why the hell would you even bother let alone sleep with someone that tells you she's seeing someone else.

She's had her fun and her little experiment and now it's just back to number one.

ps , hope the poor sod knows she ohhh, ooppss, l just screwed someone else the other night baby.

Edited by chillii
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I am not a ‘more than one guy’ sort of woman and I have been seeing him for a while (albeit not formally exclusively of course).

 

Yes she is...anytime someone says "I'm that that kind of person", but they do the behavior with you, they are that type of person. You aren't the first person she's done that with...AND she told you about the other guy AFTER you slept together. That's the kind of info she should have told you before you slept together.

 

The guy she was probably also seeing is likely her boyfriend. I hate to say it, but there are a lot of dishonest people, especially online. She blocked you so you didn't even get time to respond or discuss. At best, she had grass is greener syndrome and now has it out of her system.

 

I agree with other posters. If you are a sensitive person/get attached easily, you have to know that about yourself and not move too fast physically until you get to know the person.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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...I am seeing another person and waking up this morning I must admit I felt terrible. I am not a ‘more than one guy’ sort of woman and I have been seeing him for a while...

 

Uh, yes, that's exactly what you are - and more. You're a morally bereft liar.

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Always look on the bright side. At least you're not the other guy.

 

Something tells me she is not going to divulge to him that she had sex with someone else when they were 'not formally exclusive'

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I agree with Alpha, she just wanted sex... she is a horndog and used you...it is who she is... oh well....

 

At least you aren't the other guy she is dating... you got sex.. he got cheated on. if he really exists that is....

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She said she had never felt that amount of chemistry with someone before and it was the best first date she'd ever been on.

 

The "best first date" comment could be true. She wouldn't have ghosted you if she really felt that way about the "chemistry" part unless "seeing someone else" means it's more than casual with the other person. People often say what they feel in the moment, so don't get hung up on these words. Her words don't match her follow-up actions.

 

she told me she had been seeing someone else after we'd slept together

 

This is a grey area. When casually dating, you aren't under obligation to mention the other people you are casually dating. If it was something more, then it's much better for them to be honest about it. You'll never know.

 

It sucks OP. This was just a fun date with sex.

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Mrs._December
I had what I thought was a great first date with someone on Sunday, we met at 3pm and ended up having a few drinks, decided to go to dinner and then she came back to mine. <snip>

You dodged a bullet, kiddo.

 

Here she is already seeing someone while she's STILL shopping for the 'bigger, better deal.' She gave you a spin and while you were a worthy opponent, you weren't 'enough' bang for her buck to cause her to unseat her current guy. I'm sure he'd be very interested in knowing that she's out having sex with men only 2 or 3 hours after meeting them. She's a real 'catch,' alright. Her current guy has a right to know that she's sleeping around so he can protect himself sexually, but I'm sure she'll keep her mouth shut and not tell him because she's shady as hell.

 

THIS is the type of woman you're crying into your Wheaties about.

 

She'll continue looking for that bigger, better deal and when she finds it, the guy she's currently seeing will be tossed to the wayside, and the new guy will be in the hot seat. And then, she'll likely do the same thing to that guy and the guys who FOLLOW that guy.

 

You dodged a bullet.

 

Seriously.

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She's full of it....she cheated on her BF because they had a huge fight. She had revenge sex with you. You got duped.

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Not so much that she should have any loyalty to the OP, but it's harsh on the other guy.<snip>

 

She wasn't exclusive with the other guy either. Some people multidate. She probably thought she'll be able to multidate but wasn't. Where's the lack of empathy in this? She was horny just as the OP - I bet he didn't try to stop her and say something in the lines of "oh, maybe let's try to get to know each other better first". And if the OP had expectations so early, it's on him.

 

It was just ONE date. If you feel hurt and mislead so easily, don't sleep with people right after meeting them. The same goes for both genders.

 

Sex on the first date should be taken as a one night stand. If something good develops out of that - great, awesome, if not, well you got laid cause you wanted to, no harm done. ( and I'm saying this as someone who only has sex after exclusivity, I simply hate the double standards against women)

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Thanks all for the replies.

 

Just to add some more info that I got from the date.

 

She divorced a couple of years ago (she's 38 now so the same age as me). The ex-husband lives abroad. Perhaps she isn't fully over him and even though she thought she might have been emotionally available perhaps wasn't?

 

When we spoke about our experiences with dating apps we both spoke about our bad experiences from them - ghosting, etc. She told me she had been seeing someone in the back end of last year but he ghosted her over Christmas and New Years which hurt her. I wonder if this guy might still be on the scene or she has met someone else from Bumble in the last month or so. The fact she said she had been seeing someone for a while makes me wonder if he is still on the scene in some form. Either way he is obviously not fully into her if he is ghosting her and not fully committing to her after that amount of time.

 

Also when speaking about our experiences with dating apps we both said how much we hated the whole multi-dating side of it all but how it seems to be the way now. I also commented on how I would prefer to just date one person at a time and even though not jump straight into a relationship would prefer that exclusivity at the beginning. Perhaps that scared her off when she had time to think about it the next day?

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Thanks all for the replies.

 

Just to add some more info that I got from the date.

 

<Snip>

 

It sucks when you feel like there is a connection (and it sounds like there was) but the other person is fine with letting it go when you want to keep it going. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

Having said that, I don't understand why so many people are calling her names or calling her a dodged bullet. She wasn't the only one that had sex on that date. And yes, she was seeing someone else with whom she was definitely NOT exclusive so what is the problem here? OP..did she TELL you that she was dumping the other guy or did you just have a great date that ended in sex but didn't go further?

 

Honestly, it sucks, OP, but it happens with both genders and you just have to pick up the pieces and move on. I don't think she's a skank or a sl_t as others have called her. Just confused and making bad decisions. I'm sure none of us have ever done that.

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I think her text very clearly states what happened.

 

She is seeing someone else.

They aren't committed yet so she went out with you.

She wasn't expecting to like you enough to get carried away and sleep with you.

Now she feels guilty (even if she technically didn't cheat) as she has some emotional attachment to the other guy so she is cutting you off.

 

It sucks but you'll be fine.

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Honestly you're better moving on. The fact that she did this should have you thinking. It's a good thing that you're not in the other guys position. He will most likely not know that she cheated on him with you.I don't think you need that in your life. No one does. Thus,you dodged a bullet.

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mortensorchid

She was/is a user. Reminds me of a gal I knew who always had two bfs at all times. One knew about the other but the "real bf" didn't. She slept with you and she used you for sex and she feels like she cheated on her "real bf" with you. Get out now while the getting is good, cut your losses and move on. You don't want to be with someone who does this.

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She was/is a user.
No she is not.

 

Reminds me of a gal I knew who always had two bfs at all times. One knew about the other but the "real bf" didn't.
There is no "real BF". Everyone in this story are non-exclusive and are hence, free-agents, to do whatever in the heck they want. This whole thing is a One-Night-Stand. No one lied to anyone. No one deceived anyone. In fact she was more honest with the guy than most any women I have ever met. Most women would have just ignored him, ghosted him,...and never told him the truth,...and we all love that don't we?.
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