Post-Number Exchange

[tommyleejones]

One thing that has been on my mind recently is how to proceed with the opposite gender after you are given or exchange numbers during interaction whether it be on a night out or in any other scenario.

 

My own personal situation is that I met a female in a bar and our conversation occurred naturally after being introduced to her and her friends. We connected and seemed to have a naturally flowing conversation and realised we had many things in common. This went on for maybe 10-30 minutes, hard to say when you are in full swing, however as I had to leave, I went to say my goodbyes and without prompting, she told me that she wanted me to have her number including her full name, that I seemed like a cool guy and that she doesn't give out her number often.

 

Whilst I can appreciate that she may use that line often to get rid of guys in order to avoid rejection or a face to face chat in that regard, there was really no need to say that to me or even give me her number to begin with. I messaged her the day after asking if she had a good time celebrating her friends birthday, to which I received no reply.

 

This raised various questions which I would appreciate different perspectives as to the dynamics of a post-number exchange. If she genuinely was not interested, why not just say her farewells without mentioning to give me her number? Why did she not respond after when I sent her a message on Whatsapp? Do I try communicating with her again? Not sure what the chances of a response are from this point.

 

I am not upset or annoyed at the situation but more so made me question the transition from a moment of chemistry to something more!

[ShadeOfGreen]

I've had friends who would give the wrong number to a guy on purpose, but that was when it was a guy she wasn't attracted to that wouldn't leave them alone. Your situation does not sound like that at all. You perceived a pleasant conversation, and she approached you with a compliment and her phone number.

 

Who knows why she didn't respond. If she was out at the bars celebrating her friend's birthday, it's possible drinking had a play in this. Maybe she was really hungover the next day, and didn't feel like making much effort to text anybody. Perhaps during a moment while under the influence she gave out her number when she normally would not have, and changed her mind about it the next day. It's also possible she drank so much that she doesn't even remember meeting you.

 

From your description, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. She's still a stranger at this point, so I wouldn't send anymore texts unless she responds. Hold value in yourself, and don't chase.

[clia]

Sometimes when you are out at a bar, drinking and having fun, giving someone your phone number seems like a good idea. Then the next day you wake up, he texts or calls, and you feel very ambivalent or nervous about the whole thing, so you don't bother responding. Or maybe there is someone else on your radar and you realize you don't have time to worry about both, or maybe you have a busy week at work over the next few weeks and don't want to worry about trying to start dating someone new. It could be any number of things.

 

You didn't do anything wrong and she probably liked you in that moment. If you want, you can text her one more time, just something casual, and see if she responds. However, she has your number now so she knows how to reach you if she wants to get in touch.

[Mrin]

If a woman gives a man her number unprompted, he should _call_ it the next day - assuming he's interested in her.

[PRW]

Whilst I can appreciate that she may use that line often to get rid of guys in order to avoid rejection or a face to face chat in that regard,

Where in the world did you ever get the idea that women will offer you their number on their initiative to get rid of you? You didn't ask for the number. That idea only applies if you had asked for her number. They then might give it to you to get rid of you knowing they can ignore you later or give you a fake number. But she offered the number on her own, so it isn't the same thing.

 

I messaged her the day after asking if she had a good time celebrating her friends birthday, to which I received no reply.

Wait a couple days to do that so you don't look like all the other "Needies" that texted her as soon as they got up the next morning.

 

If she genuinely was not interested, why not just say her farewells without mentioning to give me her number?

You were the one leaving, not her. You are inconsistently describing the situation. Screw "genuinely". They can be interested in one moment and disinterested 15 minutes later, especially if they met a different guy they liked better after you left.

 

Why did she not respond after when I sent her a message on Whatsapp?

She was interested when you were standing there,...she was not interested the next day. It is no more complicated than that. It is NOT a transaction. As far as the last part,...Screw Whatsapp, screw social media. You get their cell number and either call or text them,...that's it.

 

Do I try communicating with her again?

No. You hit the ball to her side of the net. She has to hit it back. For all you know you messaged her while she was waking up laying next to the guy that she met 15 minutes after you left that night.

[Gretchen12]

Google her full name and the number she gave you. Also, I might call just out of curiosity. You may get a phone company error message, or a guy answers the phone. It's interesting to find out. You don't have to date her.

[LauraXX]

I agree that it's quite strange that she never replied. When I give out my number I'm usually on pins and needles the next day waiting for the guy to call me.

 

 

 

HOWEVER.... could it be that she wasn't attracted to you in the first place and just liked you as a friend? I just remembered a situation last year. I had a high school reunion and ran into a guy from my class I had last seen 20 years ago. I chatted with him for a while and it turned out that he lives close to me now. We were both quite drunk and I gave him my number and told him that we should get in touch sometime. I wasn't attracted to him AT ALL (not even for one second). It's just... I wanted to leave at one point and it somehow didn't seem polite to just disappear and say "See you at the next reunion in 10 years!" We were having a nice conversation after all and he's basically a neighbor.

 

 

 

Anyway... he texted me early the next morning, asking me if I got home ok...very flirty tone. That's when I realized that I had made a mistake. I didn't reply at first, but then he started calling me nonstop and it was a bit annoying tbh. I finally told him that a date wasn't a good idea, but that it would be fun to get a few people from our class together and have a little post-reunion-reunion. He never texted me again. I would have liked to stay friends with him, but that's apparently not what he had mind.

[tommyleejones]

Thank you for the different responses and pieces of advice that you have all provided so far, very interesting to say the least.

 

During the conversation, it seemed that she was very much engaged with what I was saying/asking and that was reciprocated by her also. It never once felt as if she was looking for a way out to leave the conversation so much so that she didn't even realise that her friends disappeared. She also didn't seem intoxicated and was providing quality chat.

 

Whether she supposedly liked me enough as a friend could be possible, however as she realised that I was ending the conversation and about to leave without asking for any of her details, is it not rather strange that she would give me her number if it wasn't for more than friendship? Considering what she said alongside giving me her number? Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

 

Her details are all legit and the number I am certain is hers. I haven't contacted her since Saturday and reckon I'll drop her a text one more time to see if anything comes of it.

 

Whether she responds or not is ok with me, however I have definitely learned something new.

[Mrs._December]

Whether she responds or not is ok with me, however I have definitely learned something new.

Seriously. Stop with the childish texting. That is just SO cowardly. All through history and right up to about 15 years ago, guys had to sack up and actually call a girl and use their social skills, not type some lame message to her.

 

Come on, now.

[ShadeOfGreen]

Seriously. Stop with the childish texting. That is just SO cowardly. All through history and right up to about 15 years ago, guys had to sack up and actually call a girl and use their social skills, not type some lame message to her.

 

Come on, now.

 

I completely understand your frustration with the texting. After having been out of the dating game for a long time, I'd ask others how things were going with their experiences. A guy friend would say he met a girl, and got her number. After a couple days I'd ask if he called her yet, because that's what we all did "back in the day". I was met with apprehension, and he'd go on to explain that calling during dating now is almost considered too aggressive. This is especially true before the first date or two. Talking to a bunch of female friends actively dating at the time, and they all agreed with what he said. They thought it would be too much.

 

Texting, especially with people in their mid-30's and younger, seems to be the de facto practice these days. After re-entering the dating world a few years ago, I experienced the same. It was a different experience. Gone was the personal challenge of putting yourself out there by verbal conversation with a stranger. I found texting to be convenient with simply setting up dates and learning some things about someone, but I also feel we've lost some things by not talking on the phone. I also feel society has become too reliant on texting for "conversation".

 

I guess I'm saying I can't fault someone these days for not calling when first meeting someone. There are definitely people out there who appreciate to hear an actual voice. I like it, too. I just accepted things are not what they use to be. Doesn't mean it's better for sure.

[PRW]

During the conversation, it seemed that she was very much engaged with what I was saying/asking and that was reciprocated by her also. It never once felt as if she was looking for a way out to leave the conversation so much so that she didn't even realise that her friends disappeared. She also didn't seem intoxicated and was providing quality chat...................

.................I was ending the conversation and about to leave without asking for any of her details, is it not rather strange that she would give me her number if it wasn't for more than friendship?

There is nothing strange here. She knew you were leaving and didn't have each other contact info. She isn't thinking about friendships or what the babies will look like, she was just open to seeing you again,...no rocket science. The next day she felt differently, again, no rocket science. She stayed after you left, she probably met 5 more guys after you left and they exchanged numbers. She may have even went home with one of them and may have been with him when you messaged her,...again, no rocket science.

[PRW]

I completely understand your frustration with the texting. After having been out of the dating game for a long time, I'd ask others how things were going with their experiences. A guy friend would say he met a girl, and got her number. After a couple days I'd ask if he called her yet, because that's what we all did "back in the day". I was met with apprehension, and he'd go on to explain that calling during dating now is almost considered too aggressive. This is especially true before the first date or two. Talking to a bunch of female friends actively dating at the time, and they all agreed with what he said. They thought it would be too much.

Back in the day you weren't calling a cell phone. You weren't calling them while they are in the car, or out with friends. Back in the day the phone was screwed to the kitchen wall or sitting on the lamp table with a 6foot cord. So if they were available to even hear the thing ring in the first place there was a good chance they had time to talk.

 

 

So am from that "era" but I rarely call direct now, unless I already have a well established situation with them or they are expecting me to call for some reason. Other times I just text first and say, "Are you somewhere you can take a call?", then if they reply "yes", then I voice call them.

[ShadeOfGreen]

Back in the day you weren't calling a cell phone. You weren't calling them while they are in the car, or out with friends. Back in the day the phone was screwed to the kitchen wall or sitting on the lamp table with a 6foot cord. So if they were available to even hear the thing ring in the first place there was a good chance they had time to talk.

 

 

So am from that "era" but I rarely call direct now, unless I already have a well established situation with them or they are expecting me to call for some reason. Other times I just text first and say, "Are you somewhere you can take a call?", then if they reply "yes", then I voice call them.

 

Very good points. The way we treat things have changed not only from the fact that texting is available and "free", but also because the phone is no longer tethered to a wall in the house or a short wireless distance from the base transceiver. Because of this, people carry their phone places where a voice call is frequently not convenient or desirable.