scaring a girl off/ congruency

[fred123]

when you are seeing a girl at the beginning stages how does a guy not scare a girl off?

if the girl says she doesnt want a bf atm and is scared of liking you or anyone but is interested in you and enjoys your company how does a guy go about it without pressuring the girl so to speak?

 

in my previous situation with my ex i felt she was being incongruent. she assumed all my actions meant a commitment. so for example me wanting to hold her hand when we go out was something she felt was a commitment. me planning dates in advance was. her staying the night at mine she felt was too coupley. me dancing with her on her birthday felt too much of a commitment. yet she would text me non stop every day.

 

just wanted a girls opinion on how does a guy date a girl then without her making it feel like w commitment or pressure? its not like i asked her to be in a relationship. i was just asking her on dates.

 

i find it weird that all the things at the beginning of our dating that she said felt a commitment and she made it clear many times she didnt like to do coupley things she ended up doing coupley things with the new guy after me. in fact when it was valentines i was so nervous asking her to do something as i thought she would shoot it down but she actually did do it.

she said she didnt want anything on social media or even our relationship status as she is a private individual and doesnt want people to knoe about her private life so i made sure not to post or tag anyone on there or write on her wall or comment.

question for girls?is it pressuring when a guy asks u out every week for a date and wants to do somwthing nice.

is it wrong to hold hands with you after 2 or 3 dates? is it wrong to feel **** if the girl invites you to her birthday but doesnt want to dance with you as she had " told herself she wanted to be single in the summer for her birthday" .

when i tell her a sweet message she replies in a cold manner. when she tells me that she would get pissed off if i get with other girls but im allowed to and i respond i dont want any other girl apart from you, she rejects my nice comment

or is she being congruent with her actions because she told me she doesnt want a bf and just enjoys my company?

 

is inviting the girl to your friends birthday not respecting her wants? is inviting the girl to your friends birthday casual or not?

[smackie9]

Sounds like she was under the impression you were friends, and when you amped it up to romantic, she pushed back/went cold hoping you would get the hint to back off....and stay friends.

[Wallysbears]

She wasn't that into you.

 

Sorry to be so blunt...but she just wasn't

[fred123]

yes i get that. but im trying to now work out how to date women and respecting their wishes at the same time. i am going on a dating course next week also

[fred123]

Sounds like she was under the impression you were friends, and when you amped it up to romantic, she pushed back/went cold hoping you would get the hint to back off....and stay friends.

 

smackie when do you as a girl feel presuured by a guy and what makes u think a certain action by a male is meaning commitment?

[elaine567]

When girls say they do not want a bf, then just do not ask them out on dates.

 

She was happy being friends, but rejected your romantic advances.

So why were you still there, why didn't you back off?

 

 

Texting nonstop does not make you a bf... just some guy she can talk to all day.

[preraph]

She's not attracted to you. She thinks you'd make a nice friend. You can't change that. There has to be mutual attraction. Women will be friends with guys all day long, all types of guys, but they will only date one they're attracted to.

[smackie9]

smackie when do you as a girl feel presuured by a guy and what makes u think a certain action by a male is meaning commitment?

Pressured? when he doesn't take no for an answer, and that I am not interested.

Commitment? When we are just hanging out, then he turns it on me that we should be dating. And then I go, "well you should have told me at the start, then I would never have hung out with you".

 

 

 

Those are just a few of my experiences.

[Gaeta]

when you are seeing a girl at the beginning stages how does a guy not scare a girl off?

if the girl says she doesnt want a bf atm and is scared of liking you or anyone but is interested in you and enjoys your company how does a guy go about it without pressuring the girl so to speak?

You don't.

 

 

 

Don't date women that don't want a boyfriend atm.

Don't date women suspicious of men's every action.

Don't date women that are overall scared of feeling again.

[basil67]

To not pressure a girl into thinking you want her as a girlfriend, don't ask her on dates. Don't try to hold her hand. Simply treat her as you would any other platonic friend....which means hanging out with her in a group as you would any other friend.

[lurker74]

Yeah, she was not that into you. Then you got friend zoned and she set you up as an orbiter to increase her self esteem. You can be friends with a woman but someone who says that holding your hand is a commitment is just playing you. While you HAVE to respect a person's boundaries, it is largely up to men to escalate the physical touch side of things while dating and if she rejects that touch (if you're being respectful), then it's a sign that she is not interested. And if she rejects you like that, it is incredibly unlikely that she will go back to accepting it in the future.

 

Short answer...time to move on and not worry about it.

[todreaminblue]

you really cant scare the right woman for you....away....holding hands dancing kissing at the end of the night...all par for course.....

 

if you feel the girl is holding back on commitment and you want commitment then she isn't the right one for you...

 

 

you need to find someone who is looking for a relationship in the same direction as you so as not to waste your time worrying about things you shouldn't have to worry about..the fact she did coupley things with the next guy from you.....shows...you just werent the one for her or her for you..her coldness towards your sweet gestures...a way to make you see she wasnt happy with you i guess........i wish you well....deb

[Curiousroxy86]

Like bias

 

Men and women do this.

 

Two people can do the exact same thing. And the person they are dating will either say yes I want to be your boyfriend/girlfriend to one or no I don't want commitment. Actions are the same but it boils down to whether the person wants you enough.

 

It's not about what you can do per se. Because it's not up to you. You can't make a girl like you, love you, want to commit. You can do things to increase your chances but that ultimate decision is out of your control. The only thing you can do is be the best you that you can be (which is in your control) and see Who does want you.

 

This is one of the maaaaaiiiiin reasons why I don't recommend people get oneitis in dating. focus on being your best self and focus on the people who show interest in you or respond to you with interest instead of focusing on getting any one person to like them.

[DrNo1962]

yes i get that. but im trying to now work out how to date women and respecting their wishes at the same time. i am going on a dating course next week also

 

A dating course? Not sure what this is costing you but I'd save the money and do some reading instead:

1) No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

2) Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman

3) Models by Mark Manson

 

A lot of fundamentals in those books that coupled with actually getting out there and testing yourself/learning from your mistakes will do you better than any course in my opinion.