Evaluation 7 in OLD 2019

[mortensorchid]

Now this is ... Well I will just say what happened here.

 

I am on a dating website and I see this guy's profile photo. Something said "Wow, connect with him". He wasn't particularly hot, he wasn't particularly anything, I just felt like "Do this". So we liked one another, I initiated conversation with a hi how are you message. He seemed like he was up my alley in many ways from the conversations we had, we liked a lot of the same things, I was feeling very positive about it and I could tell he did the same about me. He was/is divorced with three kids. I had a feeling this weekend I would meet him once we arranged things as such.

 

And then, I went back to the info on his profile main page. And there was a word there that I had never heard of before. So I googled the word "Heteroflexible". According to the definitions I found, this means a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity in an otherwise primarily heterosexual orientation, which may or may not distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight". (That's a direct copy / paste from Google btw.) Huh. I asked him for clarification. Exactly how does that apply to him?

 

His answer? He said he wouldn't say he was bisexual, but he has had open and polyamorous relationships where at times a few people might share intimacy in the same moment. And he navigates that stuff okay. He is certainly not scared of another man's penis, but it isn't going to turn him on either - so it seemed like an okay label for how he felt. He is a huge ally through for others who want to explore and define their sexuality and gender as they see most appropriate. So he would just hope even if he was bisexual it wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

 

Excuse me, but what kind of hippie nonsense is this?!? We're both in our forties!!! We're not teenagers on this trans trendy gender blender revolution, we're adults! NEXT.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it means he just enjoys a good sex party or orgy and if a naked man is in the mix he doesn't get freaked out.

 

Totally not for me either, MO, but I'm not sure this has anything to do with age.

[Happy Lemming]

Many years ago, I met this woman. She had been flirting with me a bit, so I chit-chatted with her a bit and asked her out. I picked her up and during the drive to the restaurant she told me she was bi-sexual. I told her that it was a "deal breaker" for me and I turned the car around and took her home.

 

This is the first time I've heard the term "Heteroflexible", but it seems similar to bi-sexual. This would be a deal breaker for me if a I started dating a woman who told me she was ""Heteroflexible".

 

I'm with you...

 

NEXT!!

[edgygirl]

I've seen tons of heteroflexible men on dating apps. But I'm also on a kinky site, so I think the heteroflexible denomination is one of the most innocent ones out there - I've seen so much worse

 

I find it funny that you created a thread about not attracting anyone yet you already had 7 dating experiences/interactions in less than a month

[greymatter]

I find it surprising that you are surprised by his sexual orientation.

[diddilybop]

to me, it sounds like he would be down to get intimate (emotionally & sexually) with someone he's attracted to - whether that other person is a man or woman. he "doesn't see gender". out of curiosity, is he super into Burningman? lol

 

anyways, his romantic lifestyle and sexuality seems too complicated for your personal taste. i say, move on.

[rightondude]

I just felt like "Do this"

 

apparently he has had that same feeling before too, just in a different scenario.

 

Not my cup of tea, but at least he's honest about it.

[losangelena]

Eh, I’m not sure what the big deal is or the judgment around it. Heteroflexible or pan sexual isn’t a trend, and it’s not just for young ppl. I know several men at my workplace who identify this way. They all have wives and kids and seem very conventional.

 

I actually admire someone who’s willing to stand outside the norm and declare what they want, even if it doesn’t look like what everyone else is doing. I think it all seems trendy because maybe now people feel more emboldened to express themselves authentically, where before they felt like they couldn’t. I guarantee, folks have been into all kinds of ish in the bedroom for a millennia.

[Gretchen12]

It's Orgy.

[lana-banana]

Wow. A man tells you he's mostly straight and you think it's "trans trendy gender blender" "hippie nonsense", and that it's not appropriate for someone your age to respond that way? Transphobic language aside, are you saying that people over 30 aren't allowed to be gay or queer?

 

It woukd be one thing if he answered and you were like "well, that's not my thing but OK", but you are calling it hippie nonsense and seem outraged because a potential date gave you a completely honest explanation to a simple question.

[Wallysbears]

Wouldn’t be my cup of tea. But gotta give the man credit for being honest and forthcoming about who he is.

[elaine567]

Excuse me, but what kind of hippie nonsense is this?!? We're both in our forties!!! We're not teenagers on this trans trendy gender blender revolution, we're adults! NEXT.

 

 

I would guess as people age the frequency of all sorts of complex sexual orientations and preferences will come to the fore.

The "straight monogamous" will have mainly paired off, leaving those whose desires may not be so mainstream.

People who have not found their "match" easily or people whose sexual proclivities have ruined previous relationships.

[LastStraw]

Sounds to me like he is a dude that has enjoyed the company of other dudes but doesn't wanna see/call himself gay or bi. A lot of guys are in denial about that sort of thing.

 

^This. Men are very binary creatures in general, either like something or don't. Even moreso in sexual context. Anything with 'questioning' in the description suggests the guy is gay/bi, just not comfortable admitting it.

[Shining One]

I think the main thing to take away here is that one should thoroughly read OLD profiles. I always checked profiles for deal-breakers in both directions before I considered messaging someone.

[Lotsgoingon]

Look, to each his own ... but I wouldn't want to date someone who isn't clear that they have the same clear orientation that I do.

 

By all means, avoid working hard to fit around worries about his "flexibility." Life is complicated, let him find someone comfortable with his flexibility. And you aren't "judging" him. You'd simply be honest in saying I don't think you are the right partner for me.

[NuevoYorko]

 

Excuse me, but what kind of hippie nonsense is this?!? We're both in our forties!!! We're not teenagers on this trans trendy gender blender revolution, we're adults! NEXT.

 

Of course you should not date a person who has a sexual orientation that's incompatible with yours - but this kind of response?

[edgygirl]

Wow I missed that. So OP thinks having a different sexual orientation is about... age? Or being... hippie? ?

 

Of course you should not date a person who has a sexual orientation that's incompatible with yours - but this kind of response?

[mortensorchid]

Ok noted all the comments made and whatever else. I did jot respond to him in this manner, I didn't respond to him at all as a matter of fact. I can admit my mistakes and recognize that now. However, I am just going to decline him because he and I are not right for each other. I'm sure this isn't the only incompatibility.

[Happy Lemming]

... I didn't respond to him at all as a matter of fact.

 

This was probably a really good idea.

 

In my situation, when I told the woman (I was trying to date), that her bi-sexuality was a "Deal Breaker" for me, she got angry and hostile. I didn't put her down or call her a derogatory term, I simply told her it just wasn't my "cup of tea".

 

Truth be told, I had a problem being in competition with both men and women. I don't mind competing against another man for a woman's attention, but competing against both (men and women) was just too much for me.

 

I do wish she would have told me she was bi-sexual prior to our first date. We had talked several times on the phone (before the date, setting things up, etc.) and she ample opportunity to tell me was bi-sexual.

[Eternal Sunshine]

In defense of MO, word "heteroflexible" is a bit of a hippie non-sense. At 40, he should just call himself bisexual - I truly don't see the difference. Bisexuals can prefer women 95% of the time.

[Simple Logic]

you gotta give him credit for being up front about it.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's a turnoff for me, too. I'm 100% straight, zero homo leanings, and I'm only attracted to 100% straight men.

 

It is great that he's upfront about his orientation so he doesn't waste anybody's time.

[edgygirl]

If I remember it correctly, "heteroflexible" is one of the options on the forms you fill on a few dating apps.

[lurker74]

In defense of MO, word "heteroflexible" is a bit of a hippie non-sense. At 40, he should just call himself bisexual - I truly don't see the difference. Bisexuals can prefer women 95% of the time.

 

I don't see it as non-sense at all. When I was younger, actually, I might have agreed, since I believed that there were no bisexual men. Just gay men that would have sex sometimes with women. But heteroflexible I think is a better label than bisexual in many cases....Bisexual indicates that you are ATTRACTED to both sexes. Homosexual means that you are ATTRACTED to the same sex. Heterosexual means that you are ATTRACTED to the opposite sex.

 

Heteroflexible means that you are attracted to the opposite sex but that you don't mind the occasional mixture, even if it isn't your thing. In that sense, it is distinct from bisexuality.

 

I don't believe in making people conform to any particular language and to be honest, I find it borderline offensive when someone tells me I MUST use a particular term. It's one thing to be polite but it's another thing to force me to use a term (and don't get me started about people that spell Becky Behckey or some crap).

 

But that doesn't mean there aren't some terms that didn't exist twenty years ago that might be useful in understanding a person's psyche. In fact, there are around a thousand words invented each year.

[chillii]

Damn shame though with some nice feelings for once and all mc but you don't need that garbage in your life especially at this stage .

That was basically my gf's ex, married 12 years. She didn't find out for sure until near the end but there were always things about him she'd known for years something was weird.

No need to go into how that all ended.