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Date in hospital/after hospital


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 9th February 2019, 2:44 PM   #61
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Hang in there Shauna.

I'm not sure why you're feeling guilty that bf offered to pay for your haircut.

And if you feel THAT guilty, why did you accept?

I do not mean to give you a hard time ... But as a partner of a former cancer patient, I'll be blunt: you can't tie yourself in knots over a haircut and expect to emotionally survive the ordeal of cancer.

Either accept a wonderful generous gift ... and feel good and loved ... or don't accept a gift. Please ... please ... for your own wellbeing ... please don't put yourself in some no-win situation. If you turn a gift into a losing situation, you're just weakening yourself before the ordeal has really begun.

I'm thinking you have unrealistic expectations of yourself ... as if you're supposed to be some all-giving superwoman who can drop her life just to concentrate on him ... That's not a reasonable expectation ... You don't have to be a superhero ... and yes, you do want to let him take care of YOU during this period ... Strange as that seems, he's feeling very powerless right now ... probably like he's not holding up his part of the relationship. Giving you a gift makes him feel good ... and strong! ...It's one of the few ways he can exert some control over what is happening to him.

You don't have to be a super-hero ... Just show up and maintain contact and you're being heroic ...

And yes get your hair done, get some sleep, go out with friends ... If he's going to get chemo, that will be a major ordeal ... With a focus on taking care of yourself, you're still going to be overwhelmed.

So enjoy every little break you can take ... every little good thing you can do for yourself ... the stuff is going to hit the fan soon.
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Old 9th February 2019, 4:41 PM   #62
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I feel guilty because he wasn't there to enjoy himself with us. If you get me? I get why he did it. I took it because I know it meant a lot to him.

I know I can't be a super hero, My body is saying that to me. I've popped up to see him. He told me to get some wine and have time with my aunt/mum. I think its doing me alot of good to be honest.

I just want to be strong for him, I know he is struggling I just want to be that strong force for him to help him through. The doctor did say about chemo being a challenge, The MacMillian nurse talked about having to be careful kissing and cuddling. I think that will be hard for me.

I really want to do something nice for valentines day. Do I sound silly on that?

I guess I'm just really run down.
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Old 9th February 2019, 6:35 PM   #63
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Doing something for Valentine's is a great idea!

I'm aware of one really funny story of a couple when the guy had cancer. His wife came in ... they closed the curtains ... and ... got busy ... the nurses heard all this laughter behind the curtain and loved it ..... because they knew the husband was in pain ...

Depending on his own views ... hospitals often do have counselors for patients about to undergo grueling cancer treatment. A friend of mine is a retired cancer doctor ... and he used to hire Reiki practitioners ... even though he wasn't all that into Reiki ... but his patients undergoing chemo ... loved Reiki.

Tip: google and see if you can find an online cancer patients' community (that addresses partners) ... similar to this community.

I'll share that the times I was the most short with my ex ... were times when I was beyond exhausted ... running back and forth to the hospital ... for various surgeries ... And my ex had all her insecurities triggered by the cancer (understandably so from this perspective now) ...

Put on your oxygen mask ... you're doing great for him ...
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Old 10th February 2019, 5:39 AM   #64
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Originally Posted by Lotsgoingon View Post
Doing something for Valentine's is a great idea!

I'm aware of one really funny story of a couple when the guy had cancer. His wife came in ... they closed the curtains ... and ... got busy ... the nurses heard all this laughter behind the curtain and loved it ..... because they knew the husband was in pain ...

Depending on his own views ... hospitals often do have counselors for patients about to undergo grueling cancer treatment. A friend of mine is a retired cancer doctor ... and he used to hire Reiki practitioners ... even though he wasn't all that into Reiki ... but his patients undergoing chemo ... loved Reiki.

Tip: google and see if you can find an online cancer patients' community (that addresses partners) ... similar to this community.

I'll share that the times I was the most short with my ex ... were times when I was beyond exhausted ... running back and forth to the hospital ... for various surgeries ... And my ex had all her insecurities triggered by the cancer (understandably so from this perspective now) ...

Put on your oxygen mask ... you're doing great for him ...
Have to admit sex in a hospital would be so bucket list!

I'm just going to organise something nice for valentines day, even if its a deliveroo and I get him a gift or a card. I know he won't have the opportunity to get me anything but for me just seeing him will be enough. I know his best friend is going up to see him today to give me a rest and I can go to the Irish centre and church with mum/my aunt. It gives me some peace praying and such. I also had a text saying some guys from one of his modelling groups is also going up to see him and talk model things.

Its all going to step up regarding treatment. I'm scared I know he is.

Thank you for saying I'm doing great for him. I'm just me, I try my best.

I'll have a look at other forums. I'm here for more relationship and just how to make it better during this time
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Old 11th February 2019, 3:48 PM   #65
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Todays been a good day. I've been given some paid leave to sort myself out. I spoke to the dispatch manager and he said I need to be with my boyfriend so he's given me a fortnight and will review after then, He said I need to be there for him.

He started his chemo today, hes been asleep after it, I'm resting up we both need to be as strong as we can be.
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Old 14th February 2019, 4:01 AM   #66
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Hey Shauna,

How is your boyfriend coping with the chemotherapy treatment? How are you doing? Are your mum and aunt still there with you?
I am glad to hear that you got some time of work, the situation is already difficult enough as it is, without having to travel and worry about projects and clients.
I hope that despite the circumstances you and your boyfriend will have a nice Valentines Day.

Take care,
Double Helix
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Old 14th February 2019, 12:07 PM   #67
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Glad to hear about the dispatch manager giving you some time.

Hoping you are good. Update us when you can.
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Old 14th February 2019, 3:14 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Double Helix View Post
Hey Shauna,

How is your boyfriend coping with the chemotherapy treatment? How are you doing? Are your mum and aunt still there with you?
I am glad to hear that you got some time of work, the situation is already difficult enough as it is, without having to travel and worry about projects and clients.
I hope that despite the circumstances you and your boyfriend will have a nice Valentines Day.

Take care,
Double Helix
Hey,

He is putting a brave face on things, I don't think he is coping well. We talk and he puts a brave front on.

I'm worried, tired and I don't know. The doctors and nurses are great. They are caring and they seem to look after me too. They did get a bit worried about me, I was late and they checked me over. turned out to be stress. I'm not really sleeping either. He has had a few major fits.

My dispatch manager was actually alright. Said he understood and he was shocked that I wasn't given time off. He text me asking if I'm ok today which was nice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotsgoingon View Post
Glad to hear about the dispatch manager giving you some time.

Hoping you are good. Update us when you can.
Thank you, Valentines day has been alright so far. I got him some plane things, he was telling me about them which was nice. I wasn't expecting anything and he got me a promise ring and a card, said I'll get something more when he gets out.I was more than shocked to get anything.

I got some non alcoholic wine (Nurses said it was ok) and I'm waiting for the deliveroo to arrive. I'm going to spend the night next to him and we can just watch tv

I truly do love him I hope he knows this.

Thank you everyone for checking on me

I'm waiting outside for a deliveroo. I got some
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Old 14th February 2019, 5:01 PM   #69
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Boyfriend is napping

Mum and my aunt are going back home next weekend they are keeping me sane and looking after me.

I had a nightmare last night that he died, I realised there was nothing keeping me in the UK and I went back to Ireland and was more miserable because I missed him, plus not being close to his grave.
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Old 15th February 2019, 4:03 PM   #70
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Todays a bad day. He has a major fit today. When he come round, he asked who I was and he didn't recognise me.

Later on he started remembering but was upsetting.
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Old 15th February 2019, 5:58 PM   #71
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Hang in there Shauna. I'm glad he snapped out of it later, I'm sure his temporary blank on who you were was hard to deal with.
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Old 16th February 2019, 5:56 AM   #72
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Hang in there Shauna. I'm glad he snapped out of it later, I'm sure his temporary blank on who you were was hard to deal with.
Thank you. I am trying to hang in there it is really hard. Doctor explained after the fit it was like his brain was resetting and reloading all the data back and that would explain why he forgot who I was.

Its really upsetting to see. When he is him he is amazing. He asked if it was a bad one. He wanted the truth and I told him and he apologised.

I just feel really helpless.
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Old 16th February 2019, 8:19 AM   #73
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This will sound really selfish and I apologise if it does.

I really want my boyfriend out of hospital by the 15th March, There is a St Patricks dinner dance and the parade on the Sunday. It sounds selfish yes but I just want him home now and start looking forward to things and I want to show him my world and my heritage I know he has a heritage too and we can explore it too but I just want him out and we can start doing things together again.

The hospital have said they will discharge him once his fits are under control. I just can't see the light.
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Old 16th February 2019, 8:32 AM   #74
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I know you want to see the light, but making fixed dates regarding his condition is not realistic and putting pressure on yourself, him and the medical staff is helping no-one.

The brain can take a long time to sort itself out, so even if he was tumour free tomorrow, he may not be "better" for a long time.
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Old 16th February 2019, 9:36 AM   #75
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I know you want to see the light, but making fixed dates regarding his condition is not realistic and putting pressure on yourself, him and the medical staff is helping no-one.

The brain can take a long time to sort itself out, so even if he was tumour free tomorrow, he may not be "better" for a long time.
I really just want him out of the hospital now, at least at home its all familiar to him and its not clinical.

I know fixed dates aren't helpful. A girl can dream though. Plus I want to show him "my world" he always asks about Ireland and such, so I just wanted him to see some of Ireland in the UK.
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