LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Date in hospital/after hospital


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree160Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 25th January 2019, 6:09 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
What the hell!! Your friend sounds so insensitive! Good riddance!!

The teddy bear might be a good idea, but I'd refrain from spraying it with perfume given the nature of his illness. It could trigger a fit if this is anything at all like migraines.
Yeah, I'll be honest it wasn't nice getting it or reading it

I can just leave him the bear and hope it reminds him of me.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th January 2019, 8:25 PM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,844
So here's a key question:

Does he allow you ... does he want you ... to talk to the doctors?

At a certain point in a relationship, a partner will often invite the other partner into discussions with the doctor. I can't tell if you're at this point. When my ex was diagnosed with breast cancer, I basically talked with her doctors from the get-go ... because I went to all her appointments.

Anyway, at some point, before the hospital discharges him, the docs will give him an update on his condition ... the docs will discuss at that time his ability to take care of himself and all of that. Might be good to be there for those discussions. And then you'll know what role there is for you.

But seriously, you mention "cheer him up" and "normality." He's not in normality right now ... that's fine ... just relax and talk to him almost like you would talk to him anyway. Flirt with him and see how he reacts. Kiss him, hug him ... See if he's comfortable with touch ...

He will cheer himself up ... don't take on that role. It's an exhausting role and not necessary. Just show up! ... and give him lots of affection and smiles and warmth ... see how much he is comfortable with.
Lotsgoingon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th January 2019, 3:11 AM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotsgoingon View Post
So here's a key question:

Does he allow you ... does he want you ... to talk to the doctors?

At a certain point in a relationship, a partner will often invite the other partner into discussions with the doctor. I can't tell if you're at this point. When my ex was diagnosed with breast cancer, I basically talked with her doctors from the get-go ... because I went to all her appointments.
Yes he does, He has asked me to come with him to many appointments and explained to the doctors I'm his "family in everything but name".

Quote:
Anyway, at some point, before the hospital discharges him, the docs will give him an update on his condition ... the docs will discuss at that time his ability to take care of himself and all of that. Might be good to be there for those discussions. And then you'll know what role there is for you.
The doctors have already said at a checkup they want me involved (Going as far as saying my boyfriend mentions me a lot, when talking about going home) when it comes to discharge and even when they get him settled and the attacks under control they will want a support network, people who can help him. I know his parents will be involved too, His best friend has said she'll be there, so it looks like he has a good support network forming. Discharge looks a little while off so I can cross this bridge when we come to it.

I'm going to be there for him good or bad.

Quote:
But seriously, you mention "cheer him up" and "normality." He's not in normality right now ... that's fine ... just relax and talk to him almost like you would talk to him anyway. Flirt with him and see how he reacts. Kiss him, hug him ... See if he's comfortable with touch ...
We hug, kiss and touch each other. I just hold his hand when he is having a bad day, and talk about my day, we have normal conversations. He has "Normal" days where we are like we are out of hospital and he has even done some work on his laptop. He wanted that bit of normality like that.

He has asked for his hair to be cut as its getting too long for him. I mentioned this to his dad and he said he would speak with Stan to go see him.. So we are keeping things as normal as we can.

But keeping this normality up is hard. Times I look at him and he looks really bad and he looks in pain and I just want to cry and hug him, then I remember he is more frightened than me and he needs me to be strong.

Quote:
He will cheer himself up ... don't take on that role. It's an exhausting role and not necessary. Just show up! ... and give him lots of affection and smiles and warmth ... see how much he is comfortable with.
He gets this when I go. He says my "Irish charm" cheers him up and he really could do with "The luck of the Irish". I go every day, sometimes twice. Times he tells me I should go out with my friends and have "me time" but he is always on my mind and if I'm out with friends I'll check my phone see if anyone's rang. We talk about work and what his best mate has been saying.

We try and keep it normal but from my perspective its hard.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th January 2019, 8:14 AM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
So I popped up to the hospital see my boyfriend, Spoke with the doctors and they said outside food is fine subject to the nurses not minding and the doctor thinks it will do his mood some good.

So on to planning this now!
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th January 2019, 1:05 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
So, I'm going to do this tonight. He has had a comfortable day. I'm actually really nervous for it. I know he needs normality but I just want to do something special for him.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th January 2019, 2:12 PM   #21
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,844
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShaunaN View Post
But keeping this normality up is hard. Times I look at him and he looks really bad and he looks in pain and I just want to cry and hug him, then I remember he is more frightened than me and he needs me to be strong.
Actually, you CAN cry ... and you do NOT have to be strong. I was so "strong" for a relative I would visit in a hospital (he was in for a long-term stay) ... that turns out he thought I didn't get the magnitude of his suffering.

One day, I couldn't be "strong." I simply sobbed ... I felt so bad for him ... He later told all our families members how moved he was that I had cried ... How he knew I cared for him--by my tears. And I've had this happen multiple times since then with other people I've visited who were ill.

Why is crying apparently helpful? ... Because sobbing or being sad convey "I deeply love you and feel so bad about what you're going through. I feel your suffering and pain in my deepest heart."

Ironically, HE can then step up to comfort you a bit ... which actually will strengthen him ... and provide him with some "normality." One thing ailing people miss out on ... is helping others they love.

There is another reason you don't have to control your emotions and hide your tears and your own pain. That's because one of the worst things we can do when someone is ailing ... and we do this unintentionally ... is act like "everything is OK" when in reality everything is NOT OK. Things are frightening and scary and painful. What can easily happen is the cheerful friends end up MINIMIZING the pain and suffering of the person in the hospital.

You can accidentally block him from sharing his fears with you ... which is draining when you're sick and then trying to put on a face for your loved one. Chill ... allow yourself to cry if you want ... don't worry ... you won't get stuck there.

Seems like you're a wonderful partner. But relax: Tears and simple silent hugs are among the most healing actions people can take when we're in pain--way more healing than upbeat words and smiles.
Lotsgoingon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th January 2019, 6:04 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lotsgoingon View Post
Actually, you CAN cry ... and you do NOT have to be strong. I was so "strong" for a relative I would visit in a hospital (he was in for a long-term stay) ... that turns out he thought I didn't get the magnitude of his suffering.

One day, I couldn't be "strong." I simply sobbed ... I felt so bad for him ... He later told all our families members how moved he was that I had cried ... How he knew I cared for him--by my tears. And I've had this happen multiple times since then with other people I've visited who were ill.

Why is crying apparently helpful? ... Because sobbing or being sad convey "I deeply love you and feel so bad about what you're going through. I feel your suffering and pain in my deepest heart."

Ironically, HE can then step up to comfort you a bit ... which actually will strengthen him ... and provide him with some "normality." One thing ailing people miss out on ... is helping others they love.

There is another reason you don't have to control your emotions and hide your tears and your own pain. That's because one of the worst things we can do when someone is ailing ... and we do this unintentionally ... is act like "everything is OK" when in reality everything is NOT OK. Things are frightening and scary and painful. What can easily happen is the cheerful friends end up MINIMIZING the pain and suffering of the person in the hospital.

You can accidentally block him from sharing his fears with you ... which is draining when you're sick and then trying to put on a face for your loved one. Chill ... allow yourself to cry if you want ... don't worry ... you won't get stuck there.

Seems like you're a wonderful partner. But relax: Tears and simple silent hugs are among the most healing actions people can take when we're in pain--way more healing than upbeat words and smiles.
We sit there looking at each other and we both become teary.

We had our date in hospital night it was nice, we really enjoyed ourselves and we were laughing and joking and we watched some tv together.

I do give him a lot of cuddles and just hold his hand and we just generally be use. Theres times I just sit there holding his hand.

Tonight I just wanted to stay with him, he was getting tired and he said if I wanted to I could stay at his. So thats where I am. I'll give the place a clean in the morning and collect his post up for him, all 5 dominos leaflets.

I feel so close to him and I have to admit I have had a little cry here.

Hope people don't mind me talking, I don't have many people here in the UK I can talk to.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 5:18 AM   #23
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
This morning I was awoken at 2am to be told my boyfriend has had a massive attack, I've got to admit I've cried and I cried all the way to the hospital and I've just been sat with him holding his hand telling him I love him. He just kept squeezing my hand.

I might just hide under a duvet today.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 7:30 AM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,956
I'm so sorry to read this. Take care of yourself during this distressful time.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 11:48 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
I'm so sorry to read this. Take care of yourself during this distressful time.
Thank you, to be honest I need to. I've not really been eating or sleeping properly. I'm listening out for the phone.

I'm scared. I worry the next phone call could be a very bad one.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 3:06 PM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
So I've been sat with him for a few hours. He said "cheer up!" to me before hugging me.

Why do I feel so helpless? I've got to work tomorrow, I'm at a clients site for a few days and I really don't want to go. I can't let the client down but want to be with my boyfriend
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 4:08 PM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,956
Taking a break from it and putting your concentration elsewhere for a bit will actually be good for both you and your boyfriend. You'll be in a better emotional and mental state to be strong for him.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th January 2019, 4:36 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
Taking a break from it and putting your concentration elsewhere for a bit will actually be good for both you and your boyfriend. You'll be in a better emotional and mental state to be strong for him.
How so. I'll just be checking my phone and keeping an eye on flights if I need to get back.

But alas my boyfriend has a strong work ethic and would be annoyed if I missed work.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2019, 3:13 AM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
I'm sat at the airport really worried but to keep normality I bought my boyfriend a model plane. Hopefully will cheer him up when I see him. I'll even let him tell me all about the type of plane.

My heads all over the place at the minute. I couldn't find my passport that was in my handbag!
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2019, 5:31 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 371
Client said I was preoccupied today, Couldn't concentrate. Client said he would report me to my manager if I didn't snap out of it.

Boyfriend had a comfortable day so thats something.
ShaunaN is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
After date text or no after date text whatwhit Dating 20 24th February 2017 5:39 PM
Why did guy lose interest after second date after liking me so much on first date? ilovemusic3 Dating 21 10th January 2016 5:20 AM
Boy goes to mental hospital, boy meets girl... who works at the hospital... Cowboyninapiraterobo Dating 9 7th October 2012 5:28 PM
Didnt call friend after hospital app not fallen out big time!! wildtrac77 Friendship 4 12th November 2011 5:24 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:54 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.