srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) Me 26, were both the same age have been dating for just shy of almost 6 months. We got serious in the relationship, in fact were susposed to move in together next week Monday. Shes a good female that has all her stuff together, and fun to hangout with. For the past 2 days, her replies have been 1-3 word replys, and would take normally between 3 hrs or more for a text back. Like for example yesterday we were both off from work. I told her I was bored, and she invited me to her house. I declined because i wasnt able to come to her house at the time. So after that, that's when the texting dropped significantly. at around 2p.m I finally got a reply from her, I replied and 9p.m comes, and she still hasn't replied. So I called her and she answers the phone immediately. Shes home playing her game system and I kno for a fact she was home because she lives with her mother, and I heard her step brother and her mother in the background as usual etc,..we stayed on the phone for an hr or so then we hang up. Normally she would continue to text me after we hang up, but I went to sleep and woke up to no texts. Today she texts me good morning like she normally does, but Today, it is 6:10 p.m and she has only sent me 3 very short texts. Nomallly when she texts me she always tells me how much work she has to do, how shes feeling during the day..well today none of that. I have not talked to her about this because I'm just trying to see exactly what is going on myself....am I'm being over dramatic or am I'm getting myself into something bad here? And please back off with the "just call her" comments. I did mentioned I called her and still got the weird texting behavior. What you guys think? Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I think you two are no where near solid enough to move in together. Anybody who is worried because their SO doesn't respond instantly has more growing to do. People have lives & jobs. You shouldn't be texting all the time anyway. It's 7:15 & my husband texted me once today but not at all yesterday. It's meaningless. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just wow. Goes to show that I was wrong and guys can be like this too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I think you two are no where near solid enough to move in together. Anybody who is worried because their SO doesn't respond instantly has more growing to do. People have lives & jobs. You shouldn't be texting all the time anyway. It's 7:15 & my husband texted me once today but not at all yesterday. It's meaningless. I knew this was coming...all I'm stating is, there's a change I'm seeing that's all. I'm pretty sure if I changed the way I communicate with her, which I did one day by mistake, she sent me texts like "???" Or "dang ur just not gonna text me all day?" See my point here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Just wow. Goes to show that I was wrong and guys can be like this too. Like what? I'm pretty sure if I texted her the same way she would have questions like she did before in the past Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I dont see anything wrong..She was playing games so she didnt reply, big deal? You are 6 months in, and if you see each other often, She's probably getting comfortable. Dont need to glue to each other constantly? Once I honestly forgot to text my ex for a day or two (I normally texted daily), didnt mean anything. I was just busy. Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Yea i would rather give you the "calm down" comment. Like really calm down man...with checking the time, how long she takes to reply, how many words she uses, checking whether or not the family is really in the background. If not already, you are gonna become very insecure or angry when she takes too long to talk and scare this girl away. Best advice i can give you...find something to keep yourself busy while she is quiet. Give her time to miss you.She still likes you a lot if she invited you over and all that and if you guys are going to move in together soon then you will have SUPER lots of time to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 I knew this was coming...all I'm stating is, there's a change I'm seeing that's all. I'm pretty sure if I changed the way I communicate with her, which I did one day by mistake, she sent me texts like "???" Or "dang ur just not gonna text me all day?" See my point here? I'm a firm believer that people shouldn't move in together before they have known each other for more then a year. That colors my response. I also think that just because people have the ability to be in touch all day doesn't mean it's a good idea. Perhaps you do need to talk to her about what she's feeling & how she's making you feel. While I think you are overreacting & she's probably got a lot on her plate with the upcoming move, if you gut says something is wrong explore that don't sweep it under the rug. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) I dont see anything wrong..She was playing games so she didnt reply, big deal<snip> But if I mirror this behavior she would have questions. Haven't tried it yet, but 99.9 that's going to be the case. Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) So? What's your point? She unintentionally didnt text you much, cuz she didnt realize you are expecting a lot of words. She didnt know you are upset. And we are telling you no need to be upset. Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Yea i would rather give you the "calm down" comment. Like really calm down man...with checking the time, how long she takes to reply, how many words she uses, checking whether or not the family is really in the background. If not already, you are gonna become very insecure or angry when she takes too long to talk and scare this girl away. Best advice i can give you...find something to keep yourself busy while she is quiet. Give her time to miss you.She still likes you a lot if she invited you over and all that and if you guys are going to move in together soon then you will have SUPER lots of time to talk. Oh no, I have not confronted her about this, or showed her any signs or anything about this being a problem. I just seen a change in the last 2 days on how she would normally communicate over the phone that's all dude .. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 But if I mirror this behavior she would have questions. Haven't tried it yet, but 99.9 that's going to be the case. You can't jump on every blip that happens. For now, it's just a departure from usual. If it becomes more of a pattern, then you might start "worrying". Otherwise, just let this be for now. And, for god sake, don't do some kind of tit-for-tat, passive-aggressive sh*t test . . . "But if I mirror this behavior she would have questions." -- All that would mean is that there are two overly anxious, clingy, needy people in this relationship, and if you do move in together, you will smother each other quickly and the relationship will fall apart anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 So? What's your point? She unintentionally didnt text you much, cuz she didnt realize you are expecting a lot of words. She didnt know you are upset. And we are telling you no need to be upset. Not upset, just concerned. You never know. But then again I tell myself "we are both moving in together why on earth would i have concerns?" But i tell you this much, **** happens. That's why i guess I have trust issues. Take a look at my previous posts when you get time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 You can't jump on every blip that happens. For now, it's just a departure from usual. If it becomes more of a pattern, then you might start "worrying". Otherwise, just let this be for now. And, for god sake, don't do some kind of tit-for-tat, passive-aggressive sh*t test . . . "But if I mirror this behavior she would have questions." -- All that would mean is that there are two overly anxious, clingy, needy people in this relationship, and if you do move in together, you will smother each other quickly and the relationship will fall apart anyway. No shes no where near a needy female. And that's what I'm hoping for is for the relationship not to fall apart. "For now, it's just a departure from usual." So that doesnt seem kinda odd? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 No shes no where near a needy female. And that's what I'm hoping for is for the relationship not to fall apart. "For now, it's just a departure from usual." So that doesnt seem kinda odd? Odds are going to happen lol! no one's behavior is going be the same all the time and it doesnt mean anything necessary. Yes sh*t happens, the relationship may very well fall apart, and you cant control it. All you can do is to be strong yourself. Enjoy it while at it and know you are going to be alright if you lose it! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 No shes no where near a needy female. And that's what I'm hoping for is for the relationship not to fall apart. "For now, it's just a departure from usual." So that doesnt seem kinda odd? NO, it's not odd -- yet. You cannot expect somebody to behave exactly the same way every single day, with everything, all-the-time. Chillax and just observe. If she's not a needy female, your neediness will certainly become off-putting to her and you will drive her away. You cannot keep a strangle hold on a person. If she very slow to respond for a few days in a row, you can have a talk with her to say that you've noticed a change. But don't do it yet. Observe for a bit longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author srt92 Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 Odds are going to happen lol! no one's behavior is going be the same all the time and it doesnt mean anything necessary. Yes sh*t happens, the relationship may very well fall apart, and you cant control it. All you can do is to be strong yourself. Enjoy it while at it and know you are going to be alright if you lose it! "Odds are going to happen lol!" Within 6 months already??? Heck we talked about kids and everything. Not planning for one but more on a level to see if we were on the same page of that nature or not. Were both on the same phone plan etc,..you name it. I just find it odd how ones behavior can change this early, and were moving in together that's why I'm concerned jethro..and no I'm asking for a needy person but honestly who goes from texting you maybe 45 mins to an hr here and there to 4-8 hrs? Makes no sense in my goggles Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 (edited) If you are really very concerned, why dont you ask her? 'Hey what you been up to? you seem to take every long to text these days. Are you busy?" Oh btw, texting for 45 mins is OMG too much if you ask me... Edited January 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 srt92, I'm a firm believer in trusting your gut instincts. What seems normal to us means nothing. You're the one who knows her and senses an issue. There may be one, there may not be one. That said, in your place I'd give it a few days before having a heart to heart. You could, however, casually mention it seems she's changed her texting pattern a bit and ask if everything is ok in her life, if she's stressed with too much to do, whatever. I wouldn't phrase it to ask if the two of you are ok just yet. Appearing anxious about a relationship is never attractive and at this point it may come across as anxious. Make it more about her and being concerned she might be overwhelmed. If the behavior continues balance your judgement about it with how she treats you when the two of you are together and any other signs in your relationship. You are still getting to know each other and this is part of the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 It's so rare to see men here complaining about this kind of thing, so it makes me wonder if you ever read about "insecure attachment style"? I have it and it makes people like us hyper-vigilant to any signs of distance. We count hours/minutes when someone's behavior/communication changes and start overthinking things. I don't think securely attached people do this kind of thing at the slightest change. They don't fear someone's is changing their mind if they have a few days where they are busy and less communicative. Something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 The fact that you haven't found a way to go directly to her about her texting gaps ... and instead you are asking us here for guidance ... makes clear that you guys are nowhere near ready to move in together. You two apparently don't know how to talk about disagreements in a good way. You in particular apparently don't know how to confront and probe in a constructive way. A sudden change of behavior ... without explanation ... yes, your alarms should be going off ... By six months, you guys should have worked out your communications expectations ... Indeed that should have been worked out months ago ... a frequency that works for both of you. If she is tired of texting so much, she needed to tell you that ... Welcome to the real world of relationships brother ... where having awkward conversations is absolutely important for the good of the relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 You're really over the top with all this texting. What on earth do you find to talk about when you finally see each other? Isn't it just repetitive because you already know everything. I can't speak for her, but I don't want whatever I'm doing to be interrupted all day with someone texting about NOTHING. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 If her behavior has changed drastically, even if we are only talking about texting here, is there any reason you can't just say "hey, babe, everything ok with you?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 You were bored so she invited you over. You were unable to make it, so she went and did other things. I wouldn't complain about the lack of texting when she'd just invited you to her place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morello Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 Today I thought about two really cool things I could message my date t spark a good conversation. We'll see each other in a few days so, guess what, I didn't text her and saved those for when we meet in person. Then we'll have plenty of cool things to talk about and won't run out of subjects due to extra everyday texting. Why don't you approach it similarly, OP? Texting too much will kill her attraction. Use text for important things and setting dates. I read that somewhere (blink) but it's one of those recipes that actually work. Link to post Share on other sites
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