Trust issues: Should I say anything to him or not?

[sensitivegirl0]

Hello,

 

We are dating with a guy for 2.5 months. We clicked. Everythng is going well. He messages me everyday, we talk about everything and anything. everything feels right. He went for holiday 5 days ago to Thailand for 2 weeks. (PS: The holiday was booked before we met).

 

 

The day before he left, i stayed at his, we cuddled it was so nice. (we havent had sex yet). He told me after he comes back he wants us to be exclusive. We also told our parents about each other. I am meeting his mother soon.

 

Anyways, he is traveling alone but he wll be with a group there for 2 weeks. He told me they are 13 girls 7 guys and two couples in total. I got a bit jealous (I dont like the idea of my bf or someone i have feelings for to spend 14 days with random girls i dont even know) but didnt say anythng to him. Two days ago, he messaged me saying he missed me etc. He said teh more people he meets and talks, the more he understands how special I am to him. Yesterday we were texting, he randomly said, one girl he used to see back home 2 years ago (where we both live), messaged him saying they should meet up for a few drinks when he gets back. he sent me a screenshot of the message, his reply was "sorry but i cant do that".

 

I thanked him for sharing this with me. i said honesty is so important for me, if a man is honest then i can trust him and i can know that he will be loyal to me. He replied and said, i should not worry about this at all, thats why he shared it with me. he was like he doesnt like secrets and he will always be honets and loyal with me and have only eyes for me.

 

But, after we had this conversation, he hasnt replied to my last text, but i saw him followng girls (no guys) on instagram, some of them are probably girls from the group. some are probably girls he meets at the beach or night outs. but i feel jealous. If he has eyes for me then why is he following these girls on instagram? who are these girls? why does he feel the need to follow them? We never talked about social media. I feel like not responding to his text because i feel that his actions and words dont match.

 

should i ask him about why he follows these girls? or should i wait until he comes back (in a week time) and we have a talk abiout this. I also dont want to undervalue myself in his eyes by acting insecure (which I know I am right now).

Edited December 19, 2018 by sensitivegirl0

[kendahke]

No. They are friends of his that he's known way longer than he's known you. This is the sure fire way to grind your relationship to an early death by not having a grip on your insecurities.

[Wallysbears]

There is nothing to say. He has given you zero indication that anything is amiss. Don't be insecure for no reason.

[kendahke]

i saw him followng girls (no guys) on instagram, some of them are probably girls from the group.

 

He didn't spring to life the night he met you.

 

If his word isn't enough to quiet the voices telling you that he's cheating on you and can't wait to cheat on you the minute he's out of your line of sight, then nothing will do it until you bring about the very thing you fear.

 

I feel like not responding to his text

 

2.5 months in, if you're playing games when this is supposed to be smack dab in the middle of the "honeymoon" phase, then this has already run its course and isn't going to work.

[SophieG]

Why is following girls on Instagram a problem? Is this guy suppose to remove all female from his life because he met you?! I don’t think so.

I’m in a relationship, and I meet guys on the job, friends of friends and I add them on FB or Instagram... doesn’t mean I’m interested or will cheat on my bf!

 

He didn’t do anything that justifies jealousy. It is your own insecurities talking... it is unfair to give him intentions based on your own fears.

 

He’s on vacation! He’s aloud to relax and not answer his texts 24/7. Give him some slack and breath!!! If you start your relationship with that mindset, it’s gonna become a problem later.

[BaileyB]

If he has eyes for me then why is he following these girls on instagram? who are these girls? why does he feel the need to follow them? We never talked about social media. I feel like not responding to his text because i feel that his actions and words dont match.

 

should i ask him about why he follows these girls? or should i wait until he comes back (in a week time) and we have a talk abiout this.

 

Hmm... why does he follow these girls on Instagram - probably because they are friends and just because he is dating you doesn’t mean that he can’t follow his friends on Instagram.

 

Should you ask him why he follows them and have a talk about this - sure, but be prepared that he may not appreciate you trying to accuse and control who he does or does not follow on Instagram or who he can be friends with in real life.

 

My friend, you don’t want to appear jealous and insecure but that is exactly how you will appear if you try to tell him who can and can not be his friend. Has he given you any reason not to trust him? Because, until he does you need to show him that you are mature and you have self control. I understand that it is an anxious and uncertain time early in a new relationship... but really, you have known this man for a short time. It’s way too early to start making demands on him - it won’t be appreciated. Welcome him home with love and appreciation.

 

Good luck to you!

[sensitivegirl0]

No. They are friends of his that he's known way longer than he's known you. This is the sure fire way to grind your relationship to an early death by not having a grip on your insecurities.

 

teh girls he follow are not his friends he knows longer than me. these are people he just followed today, yesterday, meaning they are girls that he meets on holiday.

[elaine567]

teh girls he follow are not his friends he knows longer than me. these are people he just followed today, yesterday, meaning they are girls that he meets on holiday.

 

 

You are correct to be insecure and suspicious.

You have caught him out.

His "honest" screenshot sounds like a trick too...

[SophieG]

teh girls he follow are not his friends he knows longer than me. these are people he just followed today, yesterday, meaning they are girls that he meets on holiday.

 

So? Isn’t he aloud to meet new persons of the opposite sex? Should the only female in his life be you from now on?

[olivetree]

I think it's interesting timing that he wants to be exclusive AFTER he gets back.

So that screenshot of his convo with the ex doesn't really mean anything.

 

Ever been to Thailand?

Hooking up at beach/pool/jungle parties is very common amongst young travellers.

Or pretty much anywhere with alcohol and drugs.

[sensitivegirl0]

So? Isn’t he aloud to meet new persons of the opposite sex? Should the only female in his life be you from now on?

 

of course he is. but the problem is that he is meeting random girls (god knows where in what condition and how) and adding them on instagram (which means there is at least a conversation taking place) and at the same time he is telling me he has eyes only for me.

[elaine567]

I think it's interesting timing that he wants to be exclusive AFTER he gets back.

Well spotted...

[elaine567]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/665132-my-insecurities-tells-me-keep-away-guy-my-intuition#post7639211 - is this the same guy?

[sensitivegirl0]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/665132-my-insecurities-tells-me-keep-away-guy-my-intuition#post7639211 - is this the same guy?

 

nope, this is a new guy we have been together for almost 3 months.

[sensitivegirl0]

Well spotted...

 

so we are not exclusive. and ok he might do things there. but still he is trying to imply that he is loyal to me.

 

what should be my approach to him?

 

i gave up to be honest.

[olivetree]

so we are not exclusive. and ok he might do things there. but still he is trying to imply that he is loyal to me.

 

what should be my approach to him?

 

i gave up to be honest.

 

I think the fact that he is trying to imply he is loyal to you while he probably is not means he's not a very trustworthy guy...

 

If he was actually loyal to you, you would be exclusive before he went away.

Planning for after is just like dangling a carrot... it's weird.

 

So that's two weird things to me.

Planning to be exclusive and then making it seem like he's loyal while he's probably not.

 

And he clearly doesn't only have eyes for you.

He sounds like one of those guys that says all of the right things but they are just words.

His actions say otherwise.

 

You either accept it or you don't.

If you find you can't trust him, don't continue with him.

Trust is everything.

[BaileyB]

I think it's interesting timing that he wants to be exclusive AFTER he gets back.

So that screenshot of his convo with the ex doesn't really mean anything.

 

Ever been to Thailand?

Hooking up at beach/pool/jungle parties is very common amongst young travellers.

Or pretty much anywhere with alcohol and drugs.

 

Possibly. His choice of words is at best, unfortunate. Or perhaps, telling...

 

But, it is possible that he is saying "When I get back, we are going to take this whole relationship to another level - be 'boyfriend and girlfriend,' meet my mom, have sex, etc..."

 

Perhaps I'm naive, but that's what I would assume - not that he's going to go and have sex with a Thai sex worker.

Edited December 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[elaine567]

Perhaps I'm naive, but that's what I would assume - not that he's going to go and have sex with a Thai sex worker.

 

 

Really?

Single guy on trip alone to Thailand...

[BaileyB]

Really?

Single guy on trip alone to Thailand...

 

I'm well aware of the sex trade in Thailand, but he doesn't fit the demographic for me. He is traveling with friends. Surely, young people go to Thailand for reasons other than the sex trade.

 

My mind didn't even go there...

Edited December 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[elaine567]

Sure. Young. Traveling with friends.

 

I'm well aware of the sex trade in Thailand, but he doesn't fit the demographic for me. My mind didn't even go there...

 

 

No not travelling with friends he is travelling alone. He is in a group of people he does not know...

[BaileyB]

No not travelling with friends he is travelling alone. He is in a group of people he does not know...

 

I thought he had this trip planned prior to the new relationship, and he was traveling with friends. My mistake. Thanks Elaine.

[sensitivegirl0]

I thought he had this trip planned prior to the new relationship, and he was traveling with friends. My mistake. Thanks Elaine.

 

yep, he planned it before we met. he was even having second thoughts about going there. he didnt want to leave me and go.

 

But he ended up going. And he is with group of people who came from different parts of the world.

[Gretchen12]

why haven't you had sex? you wanted to wait? he doesn't seem to be a swinger (he hasn't been like that with you) so he may not even be comfortable having sex with strangers there.

I wouldn't say anything for now. See how it goes after he comes back.

[kendahke]

of course he is. but the problem is that he is meeting random girls (god knows where in what condition and how) and adding them on instagram (which means there is at least a conversation taking place) and at the same time he is telling me he has eyes only for me.

 

THEN DUMP HIM.

 

He's not who you need as a boyfriend.

 

Why make life harder on yourself than is warranted? Is this level of self-torture really necessary?

[olivetree]

I've been to Thailand twice.

 

Young travellers are constantly hooking up with each other all over the place.

I wasn't even referring to the sex workers.

It's like a party every night, depending where you are.

 

And yes, people that never have random hook-ups and one-night stands in their hometowns find themselves doing just that while travelling, especially in a party environment.

 

While I realize not everyone is the same, most single people in that situation are not likely to stay faithful when they haven't actually agreed to, nor is he likely to admit to hooking up with girls while he was away...