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Is this the beginning of the end?


dsprimal

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Hi All,

 

So i've been on 4 dates over a period of roughly a month. 4th time we took it back to my place and we hooked up. I asked if she was seeing anyone else in which she was honest and said 2 others are involved. She asked the same for me and we spoke about it a little but nothing too crazy. I kept it casual. We didn't fully hook up by the way and we both felt great that we didn't actually hook up fully. We spoke about if we believed in past life love relationships and reinncarnation and all that spiritual stuff. Long story short we are warming up very well and the comfort level feels like we've known each other longer than we have. She just reached out asking if I had plans this week and we are planning on meeting up again tomorrow. The frequency of our hangouts are increasing fast.

 

When is the right time to DTR (Determine the relationship)? I want to let her know that I want to be exclusive and see where she stands. Too soon? I figure if we hook up again....then the pillow talk would bring about this question. She has been saying how she has been thinking of me. She texts me first a lot of the times too. So all great signs.

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When you say Define The Relationship, you mean only exclusivity or becoming a couple? Being know to this dating scene after my break up 6 months ago, I've learned that those are two different things.

When I started dating, the guy told me from the start that he wasn't the type to see multiple person at once, but if I wanted to, he was okay with it. I wasn't ready to be exclusive (but I never saw anyone beside him during that time).

So first, I texted him one evening that I deleted all dating apps a while back, and he answered that he did too.

6 weeks in (so about 6 dates, mostly weekends spent together), I simply asked : I'd like us to be exclusive, to which he answered : Aren't we already? He was clearly waiting for me to bring it up since I was the one who wasn't ready at first.

 

Talk about it when the time feels right I guess. There's not right or wrong answers. I've known people who DTR after the first date, and some who take up to 8-9 months. It depends how the relationship evolves I would say.

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When you say Define The Relationship, you mean only exclusivity or becoming a couple? Being know to this dating scene after my break up 6 months ago, I've learned that those are two different things.

When I started dating, the guy told me from the start that he wasn't the type to see multiple person at once, but if I wanted to, he was okay with it. I wasn't ready to be exclusive (but I never saw anyone beside him during that time).

So first, I texted him one evening that I deleted all dating apps a while back, and he answered that he did too.

6 weeks in (so about 6 dates, mostly weekends spent together), I simply asked : I'd like us to be exclusive, to which he answered : Aren't we already? He was clearly waiting for me to bring it up since I was the one who wasn't ready at first.

 

Talk about it when the time feels right I guess. There's not right or wrong answers. I've known people who DTR after the first date, and some who take up to 8-9 months. It depends how the relationship evolves I would say.

 

 

Yeah - I want to be exclusive as in only seeing each other and no one else. But since she admitted to having a "friend" and another guy as an on and off hook up. I don't know if I should tell her I want to be exclusive or have it be natural. Just hangout with her and let things plays there course without communicating what we are or what we want. Just enjoy each others company and whatever happens, happens. Therefore if she grows more with me then I wouldn't NEED to tell her to stop seeing whoever else she may also be involved with right?

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I'm not clear, but it doesn't sound like you mind at the moment if she's having sex with you and another guy (or guys). Personally, I don't want to have sex with someone who is also having sex with someone else so I would say that right up front. I think that's a prudent and reasonable health issue.

 

Beyond that, "the talk" should come naturally, when you're ready to have it you'll know.

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there's definitely a difference between asking about exclusivity and being a couple. at least to me, i think it's too early ask about being an official couple after just a few dates - especially since she's seeing two other guys.

 

with my current LTR, in the first two months of dating, i casually let him know that i was really enjoying spending time together and wanted to continue doing that and he felt the same. then a couple months after that, we checked-in about how we felt each other, saying that we were both happy to just see each other only. by the end of the year, we decided to be an "official couple".

 

as mentioned before, there's no real timeline for when to DTR for everyone. it's very much more when it feels right to you, and you'll know when that time is when you know exactly what you want from her and each other.

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Fill her calendar with things to do with you and that eliminates the other guys.

 

At least take the “prime time” spots by making plans ahead of time.

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Should I tell her that I don’t feel comfortable that shes also seeing 2 other guys? She said one wasnt even considered a relationship but the other has been on and off.

 

I’m torn and sort of put off by this because we got intimate the last time and i’m not sure if i’m in the right state of mind but I just don’t feel right further getting intimate with her without knowing if we are exclusive and not talking to others

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I think u should play the game a bit. Act like u r seeing other people too. People want what they can’t have, don’t make it too easy for her. If u go all in so quickly, she will loose interest. People value things that they have to work for. If u cancel or reschedule ur next “date”, it’ll make her appreciate having u around and available next time. I know this is kinda messed up, but it works ?

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fieldoflavender

What's exactly the line between exclusive and being a "couple"? Calling each other gf/bf?

 

To me, if we're exclusive, then the semantics don't seem that important since I can't actively look for someone else. Then sure you're dating, but like even with marriage you can always break up anytime too right.

 

Like do most people have a talk where they go "are we a couple?" after months of being exclusive?

 

I think it becomes clear at some point if you're being serious if you discuss lifelong goals or moving in together because that requires real commitment and not just hanging out and doing fun things or sleeping together.

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Hi All,

 

So i've been on 4 dates over a period of roughly a month. 4th time we took it back to my place and we hooked up. I asked if she was seeing anyone else in which she was honest and said 2 others are involved. She asked the same for me and we spoke about it a little but nothing too crazy. I kept it casual. We didn't fully hook up by the way and we both felt great that we didn't actually hook up fully. We spoke about if we believed in past life love relationships and reinncarnation and all that spiritual stuff. Long story short we are warming up very well and the comfort level feels like we've known each other longer than we have. She just reached out asking if I had plans this week and we are planning on meeting up again tomorrow. The frequency of our hangouts are increasing fast.

 

When is the right time to DTR (Determine the relationship)? I want to let her know that I want to be exclusive and see where she stands. Too soon? I figure if we hook up again....then the pillow talk would bring about this question. She has been saying how she has been thinking of me. She texts me first a lot of the times too. So all great signs.

 

You can't undo what's been done, but IMO you have gone about it the wrong way.

 

Your focus should be to enjoy the time you are spending with this girl, getting to know her more intimately and hooking up. Don't focus on the outcome.

 

She should be the one that initiates "The Talk". Women want to feel free when in courtship/relationship. Putting labels on things is only going to make her feel pinned down unless she brings it up first.

 

Also you shouldn't be getting butthurt if she's seeing/sleeping with other guys. You aren't in a relationship and quite frankly you should be seeing other girls too until you are both ready to be exclusive.

 

In future, never ask a girl if she's seeing other guys. It sounds needy/weak.

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We both agreed that we don’t like games. I’m genuinely only interested in her eventhough I have other girls I could be dating as well. We’re both 31 idk why we would play the game to win one another over when it can be simpler than all that

Edited by dsprimal
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Well l know one thing , it's so refreshing to hear someone doesn't wanna play games for once.

But the rest god l dunno. l've never asked someone that in my life it just was, and l'd never be seeing someone that was seeing 2 other guys either.

Sorry , not much help.

But hey , she does sound much keener on you so good luck with things.

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Hi All,

 

So in my prior post of “when to DTR” you can get a gist of where I currently am with the girl I have been seeing. We have been out 5 times within a month. Last time we hungout we hooked up. Not full sex tho. She’s also been the one reaching out more often first and actually was the one to setup our cureent date which was tonight. But tonight felt like I took a couple steps back from the night we hooked up. Once again back into a public date setting and back to the formal interview like questions trying to get to know each other. But behind closed doors we are so open and comfy.

 

Long story short I am opening myself up like a book for her to read because i’m honest about my life and interest, passions, etc. But for her when I ask questions shes very formal and says just enough without getting too detailed. So i’m left feeling like i’m getting to know her but yet not as fast or as much as I am putting out for her to know.

 

Her last relationship was with a guy who was the director of some fancy fashion company and how hes well traveled etc. for once it put into perspective what she has been used to. Obviously made me feel less masculine when it comes to being established and financially stable.I am totally opposite as in i’m a basic down to earth kind of guy. Working and hustling and trying to make ends meet. I have a good career and place to live. I have things going for me. She still lives at home because of her recent career change and she claims shes broke. But beleve me she is very smart and is going places. I know she seems my genuine side and respects it. Im trying to not let my insecurities show through but I feel more and more gravitated towards her but still feel this wall between us.

 

We spoke about where we stand and she said she likes spending time with me....the more we are together the more she is intrigued by me. We bith share many similarities as in we both have gone through a lot of s*** in our 20’s and now we’re both at the point of finding true love and working on ourselves the best we can.

 

My issue is....I feel like i’m falling for this girl... but I feel forced to bite my tongue on my feelings for the sake of letting her feel free and not forced to decide how she feels based off how I currently am feeling. I dont want to scare her off. But its eating at me and i’m acting way out of my comfort zone for her while I feel like she remains the same. Like calm and steady.

 

I just dont know what to do....how can I turn the tables on her and ask deep questions to really understand who she is. She seems closed off to an extent....a mystery.....while i’m here showing her my world so freely.

 

Should I tell her how I feel? Hoping that she hears me out and might admit to the same feelings? Because that would be amazing cause it would drop all tension or worries we have in our own heads if we knew we were on the same page. My insecure side feels like I should give up while i’m ahead and cut things off with her so I dont get hurt later down the line.

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Versacehottie

i don't have the total answer i do have some suggestions & kind of part of an explanation. It is possible that she seems slightly closed off because females are more/often conditioned than males to wait until asked about themselves to talk about themselves. Otherwise it can feel like bragging or being too self-absorbed. Obviously this is a generalization so it doesn't apply to everyone but it's very possible that's part of what is going on with her.

 

I think you should:

*Mirror the types of questions she asks you. Realistically the questions she ask you probably reveal some of the things she would hope you would ask about her. Or the style in which you expand on your stories because of her questions should give you a clue of a way that might help you break through that wall with her.

 

*i think if you are giving her a blank slate to talk and speak about herself, it might be more of a challenge so maybe chip away in bits and pieces rather than give just time and open space to speak. In a way, it's like you would talk to a kid. You can usually use the last thing they said to you to keep the story going with your next question, and thus end up learning a lot about a person.

 

*I know you are eager to get the big and deep special stuff. While that is great and all, a lot of bonding or where a person who is more closed off would feel comfortable opening up can happen by building on little insignificant (seemingly) moments, inside jokes, etc, remembering little things and regurgitating them in a cute way. This would allow her to feel ok about opening up and WANT to do that because she would feel more bonding with you. Also you can tell stories of "others" which reveal a person's value regarding heavier subject matter without being so direct about it and it can lead to discussions that you both feel are deep. such as telling her a cousin or friend of yours is going to have a baby but he's also nervous about it or excited and say his reasons and then say what you think you would feel like if you were in same situation and then ask what she would think. The point is you can use these outside situations and just sharing news with her as a way to open a deeper dialogue between you two.

 

*you can keep asking deep questions directly and hoping that she opens up with some time. sometimes the reality is that a person is just so not this type of person no matter how much time goes on. This is what dating is for is to figure if she is the right one for you. Sometimes a person is an "almost but not quite". And i agree with you that wanting someone that you can have deep talks with is important--but not everyone has that same opinion nor can everyone do it comfortably. Good luck

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Hi All,

 

So in my prior post of “when to DTR” you can get a gist of where I currently am with the girl I have been seeing. We have been out 5 times within a month. Last time we hungout we hooked up. Not full sex tho. She’s also been the one reaching out more often first and actually was the one to setup our cureent date which was tonight. But tonight felt like I took a couple steps back from the night we hooked up. Once again back into a public date setting and back to the formal interview like questions trying to get to know each other. But behind closed doors we are so open and comfy.

 

Long story short I am opening myself up like a book for her to read because i’m honest about my life and interest, passions, etc. But for her when I ask questions shes very formal and says just enough without getting too detailed. So i’m left feeling like i’m getting to know her but yet not as fast or as much as I am putting out for her to know.

 

Her last relationship was with a guy who was the director of some fancy fashion company and how hes well traveled etc. for once it put into perspective what she has been used to. Obviously made me feel less masculine when it comes to being established and financially stable.I am totally opposite as in i’m a basic down to earth kind of guy. Working and hustling and trying to make ends meet. I have a good career and place to live. I have things going for me. She still lives at home because of her recent career change and she claims shes broke. But beleve me she is very smart and is going places. I know she seems my genuine side and respects it. Im trying to not let my insecurities show through but I feel more and more gravitated towards her but still feel this wall between us.

 

We spoke about where we stand and she said she likes spending time with me....the more we are together the more she is intrigued by me. We bith share many similarities as in we both have gone through a lot of s*** in our 20’s and now we’re both at the point of finding true love and working on ourselves the best we can.

 

My issue is....I feel like i’m falling for this girl... but I feel forced to bite my tongue on my feelings for the sake of letting her feel free and not forced to decide how she feels based off how I currently am feeling. I dont want to scare her off. But its eating at me and i’m acting way out of my comfort zone for her while I feel like she remains the same. Like calm and steady.

 

I just dont know what to do....how can I turn the tables on her and ask deep questions to really understand who she is. She seems closed off to an extent....a mystery.....while i’m here showing her my world so freely.

 

Should I tell her how I feel? Hoping that she hears me out and might admit to the same feelings? Because that would be amazing cause it would drop all tension or worries we have in our own heads if we knew we were on the same page. My insecure side feels like I should give up while i’m ahead and cut things off with her so I dont get hurt later down the line.

 

I don't think you're going to like my advice because we don't sing from the same hymn sheet.

 

She's not wondering about you because you're just laying it all down on the table. You're not a mystery or a challenge to her. She's worked you all out.

 

You don't derive any benefit from making a women feel secure by telling her everything about you upfront. It's an attraction killer.

 

If you move too fast emotionally, she will lose interest fast.

 

It seems based off what you are saying that her short answers are a sign that she is backing-off / her interest levels are dropping because you are over-pursuing.

 

If you want to "turn the tables" so to speak. Back-up a little, go focus on your purpose and become more of a mystery to her. How do you do this?

- Use the phone for setting dates only

- When you meet ask more questions / make observations & assumptions to spark conversation about her and talk less about yourself

- DO NOT tell her your feelings

- You are 5 dates in, far too early to be talking about relationships

- Enjoying having fun, do things that can make you both laugh

- When the signs are there, be physical. If there is opportunity for sex to happen, do not pass up on it.

 

You have to let her come to you emotionally at this stage. Stop focusing on the outcome(relationship) and be more present / in the moment.

Edited by DrNo1962
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As someone who started falling too early and opened up perhaps too quickly, it worked well in the beginning but the shine wore off a little. I'm learning to back off a bit and let her come to me more. My situation was that I am separated, so I was more eager to show her I'm not still hung up on my ex.

 

My advice is try your best to play it cool. You've got a great gal in your grasp, so as the poster above stated, enjoy the now and live in the moment. I know that can be tricky to do, but you'll be better for it later on.

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I have a loooong history of falling too fast and too easy. I temper it by enjoying the moment but reminding myself that I barely know them yet and to not expect too much.

 

My husband's late mother used to chuckle about how I once said something to the effect of "I think he's perfect...but I haven't found his flaws yet"

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My ultimate fear is that she sees my core values and loves them (loving, caring, respectful, refined, grit, family oriented, communicative etc.) But my status in life might not be to par with what she is looking for. As in found something I truly love and passionate in doing, goal oriented, constantly growing and wanting to do more with myself. Being productive. These are all things ive volcalized on and made known that although i’m not quite there yet I KNOW I will get there eventually. I showed this when I spoke about how I ideally plan on wanting to do XYZ but for now I don’t see the opportune moment to be able to do so. But I KNOW thats what I want for my future. Which she admired. But i’m going off what I beleive or read from her. These are all assumptions but thats what my gut tells me because these are my own insecurities that I know I need growth in.

 

Then again maybe i’m being too hard on myself and maybe these arent the things I believe will make or break me in her eyes. She says she loves picking at minds and understanding how one mind works. I have been through a lot of crap in my 20s (illness, loss of my mother, foreclosure of my family house, forced to find a place to live and work asap.) all of these events happened one after another over the time frame of my 20s. Which led me to where I currently am now that I have a foundation of my own to work off of now I am indulging in SELF GROWTH. She doesnt know what I had just listed yet but I told her I would eventually open up about it soon. She knows ive gone through a lot and that I am now able to self reflect and invest more into myself (she said the same goes for her). We both also have addictive personalities.

 

I told her I feel like I am butter spread across too much toast and how i’m TIRED but I still hold strong and stay positive. She laughed because she said she feels the same exact way based off what she went through in her 20s and where she currently is now. She was living in the city and fully immersed herself in the lifestyle of drinking, partying, doing drugs, etc. these are things I have also went through in a similar fashion but I beleive she went a more hardcore route. But I related to her and told her stories of my drug use etc and it got to the point where she was almost in tears because I believe she realized that I can actually understand where she is coming from. She smiled but had sparkles in her eyes (this was the last time we went out prior from tonight). That to me felt like a genuine deep down smile as if I hit a cord in her. This is one of a couple times I caught her in her emotions that I can read clearly off her face after I ramble on about life and whatever stories I shared. She says she loves deep convos btw.

 

Currently she is sober and doesnt drink or do any drugs at all. Her career change and living situation with her family is all fairly new (couple months. Theres a ton of grey areas of her past that I feel are being left out which is fine that she isnt bringing up to me yet.I believe she moved back with her family to change her lifestyle and find a new career path and new life in general.

 

The point is I feel like we are both on the same page and can truly learn, grow, and support one another on multiple levels. But once again I am trying to NOT move fast. I am and Leo and she is a Sagittarius for those who believe in astrology. Thought id throw that in there for those who have experienced similar situations who are either leos or sagittarius’s.

 

***shes also into BDSM which we have also spoken about. She randomly brought that up in text out of the blue which idk was planned or not but it definitely broke the ice which led to the hookup that night when we met up. So we are both very sexual and kinky. But we agreed that it is not the most important aspect in a relationship for either of us. I thought id throw that in there for more details of who I am

Dealing with. She meditates and is very spiritual. I always attract the crazies but I am invested in her as she seems to be into me so far but im falling fast and need guidance.

Edited by dsprimal
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It's only been a month Try to slow it down. At this point you need to focus on having a good Christmas together, a great NYE & maybe projecting out to Valentine's Day. Do not worry about the future beyond that.

 

Remind yourself that while you do like what you know so far, it's only scratching the surface.

 

Stop negatively comparing yourself to her EX. Money isn't everything.

 

When I met DH he was delivering newspapers in the mornings to make ends meet & going to school on line in his 30s. Many of my friends disparaged him & told me to dump him in favor of somebody more established. I thankfully didn't listen because I wasn't dating his resume.

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She complimented me on my size too (yes. that size.). said she was thinking about the other night and how she couldn't openly talk about it when we were out. but she said it was on her mind and that she wanted to say that she isn't that type of girl to just randomly hook up with guys. But with me she got caught in the moment and when she realized how big I was and w/e she got sucked into the heat of the moment. Anyways I told her I don't pass judgment and thank you. we both agreed that sex isnt the main focus for us. I added how sex without the meeting of the minds is...shallow...and gross. she smiled and agreed. But a part of me continues to think shes sugar coating or being nice rather than letting me down and saying its not working out. But would a girl make such comments if she genuinely was not interested? Because I feel like some of the things I said during our date could have turned her off but yet she says she enjoys my company and is more intrigued by me the more we meet up. But yet I still cant shake this thought that shes just being nice?

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She complimented me on my size too (yes. that size.). said she was thinking about the other night and how she couldn't openly talk about it when we were out. but she said it was on her mind and that she wanted to say that she isn't that type of girl to just randomly hook up with guys. But with me she got caught in the moment and when she realized how big I was and w/e she got sucked into the heat of the moment. Anyways I told her I don't pass judgment and thank you. we both agreed that sex isnt the main focus for us. I added how sex without the meeting of the minds is...shallow...and gross. she smiled and agreed. But a part of me continues to think shes sugar coating or being nice rather than letting me down and saying its not working out. But would a girl make such comments if she genuinely was not interested? Because I feel like some of the things I said during our date could have turned her off but yet she says she enjoys my company and is more intrigued by me the more we meet up. But yet I still cant shake this thought that shes just being nice?

 

Why do you need to say this?

 

She was qualifying herself to you about the sex you had and you said to her that you don't pass judgement (you could say that with a smile, a look in the eye and just leave it at that). In fact you could have continued by being a little playful in that moment and move things towards the next sexual encounter between the two of you that evening.

 

Instead you came off as too compliant and over-reaching by trying to say you're not one of "those guys". You're basically walking yourself into the friend-zone without her even trying to put you in there.

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Relax, she likes you or you wouldn't be at 5 dates. She could be an introvert like me and it takes awhile to get her to open up because she is nervous. Be consistent and keep her calm and she will open up.

 

Do not tell her you love her yet. Hold that for at least 3 months. If you do it too soon she may question it and your judgement.

 

As far as the money thing. I have dated both ends of the spectrum and as long as my man has a job and is roughly the same success level as me, I don't care. I divorced and moved into a completely different lifestyle and am also 'broke' with a good job. So that happens too.

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Hi All,

 

So based off my prior posts I have been dating this girl for barely a month. Been out 5 times together. Each date progressively getting better and close to one another. We have good communication so far. Last time we were together we ended up having sex. We got into some deep conversation where I shared my darkest years with her how I went through cancer, a loss of my mother due to cancer, foreclosure of my house and having to find a place of my own to live and a job to support myself all within a timeframe of a couple years. She told me she had been dealing with an eating disorder since she was a child, how shes been addicted to drugs and was an alcohlic. She also opened up to saying during her darker years she used to go out when she lived in the city and look for “trouble” and how shes been in really bad situtations. It was an adrenaline or urge she had during this time.

 

—-side note —- she aaid her eating diaorder has effected her mind because she feels

Bad for hurting peoples feelings, she feels at fault for it, and thats just who she is by nature.

 

Long story short we got deep with one another and then I brought up how I felt and said “I am going to be honest with you and say that I have been catching feelings for you and I want to know where you stand. She didn’t give an answer that I was thrilled about. I know she has guy friends that she enjoys spending time with. One in which she has sex with. She admitted to sleeping with him once during me and her dating. I told her I have patience for her and wont mind her working through her emotions and feelings but I would like that to be if we were both EXCLUSIVE and have no other 3rd party potentially take away from us getting to know each other more. She asked if being exlusivr is what I wanted and she said “ok lets do it”.

 

So the following day she ends up calling me and this is when she was fully honest about the situation. She said she was anxious and agreed to being exclusive because she was caught in the moment.

 

She told me comnittment and wearing the title scares her. She said its only been a couple weeks and something of value should come with time. She told me she likes her FREEDOM. She asked me “If I want to go out with a guy for coffee will that be ok” and I said “yeah as long as the trust is there who am I to take your friendships away?” (Eventhough idk how I would feel if it were someone she has been sleeping with??). She said “would you want me to tell you when I hangout with a guy?” And I said “yes.” Then ahe asked “is it because you think I will hook up with them?” And I said “yes”

Then she said “you don’t have to worry about that because I do not have any interest or attractions to anyone else but you. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else but you.”

 

So I at fiest told her “ok well you made up your mind. You want to be single and free so I cant stop you. Yeah it will hurt and I was looking forward to getting to know you and see where this would go but it is ok....ill be ok.” She was silent and didn’t just say “ok bye” she was lingering because I felt like she didnt want us to stop seeing each other.

 

So I told her I would call her back soon after I think it through and when we spoke later that night I told her “Im sorry for making you feel pressured or if I came off too strong too soon. I’m a hard lover, I fall hard, and I am very passionate. I understand where you are coming from and respect that. I still want to date you, spend time with you and get to know you.

 

Before I could even ask “if thats something you would like to do too” and she instantely said yes before I could ask that. She wants to continue things where they are and how they are going. Its just that the title will make her have to act the GIRLFRIEND role in which she is not ready for yet.

 

We went on about a different topic and we spoke about a coffee container she had left at my place and I asked if she wants me to bring it to her or send it in the mail.....she said dont worry about it I have another. So I said “well ok its a pretty nice mug so I will probably end up using it and we both started laughing at that then she said “its ok....its fine by me....it will make it better...” as in me using the mug would give it a better quality.

 

So the question at hand is is she being genuine? She has been the realest woman I have ever dated but now i’m less confident on where we stand. Like do I continue to act the way we have been?? Should I slow down the sexual tension?? She knows my qualities for a real relationship are there. I am very gentleman like and respectful and mindful of my partner. Our intimacy is amazing. Should I end it? Idk how long she will take and idk if I can handle her going out with other guys? I trust her but I dont trust THEM which I had told her about in earlier convos.

 

What should I do? Respect myself and cut it off? Or proceed and hope I don’t become another one of her guy friends she doesnt want to committ to???

Edited by dsprimal
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You want an exclusive relationship she isn't offering you that.

You have found someone you see a future with, she hasn't.

You have somewhat trauma bonded to her, she wants freedom.

I guess you could get pretty hurt here.

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