Jump to content

Do you think we just forget? (just venting)


ClayVantage

Recommended Posts

Earlier this year I unexpectedly re-established a connection with someone I thought I'd never be able to pursue. We met years ago while they were in a LTR at the time, so we remained friendly and chatted often - sometimes about superficial things, but sometimes quite deep too as we had a lot in common. I really admired and liked her, absolutely more than any previous romantic interest of mine. Then, life changed, and I stopped seeing her often and we went a year or two without really taking.

 

But randomly, we matched on Tinder, apparently her LTR had ended, so I told her I was interested (side question: was this a mistake? are you not supposed to tell?). She said she shouldn't be on Tinder as the heartbreak was too recent and she needs time, but we could chat as friends and see where it goes basically.

 

So we chatted for a few weeks and it seemed to go well. I asked her to hang out and she said yes. Then, when I asked when she was free she said she was sick and she'd let me know (I knew right then this was a bad sign, it's an obvious lie), she then stopped responding, and started dating someone a week later...

 

I didn't think I was owed a date or anything, but why would you agree to hang out with someone you know is interested in you if you have no intention of actually hanging out?! And clearly, the "heartbreak" wasn't "too recent" because she jumped right into another relationship right away... why all of the lying? Just tell me you're not interested and save me the trouble. Seriously, she has no idea the pain and trouble this caused. It's not her fault, but this event led to A LOT of bad things happening in my life. Did she think I was just going to forget that I liked her and that she said yes to hanging out? How stupid does she think I am, that she can just say "I'm sick" and think I don't realize what's happening.

 

Haven't spoken to her since that last exchange basically, she dated that person for 9 months I think, but then it ended recently and she's single now. I reached out again, no response at all.

______________________________

So I'm still dealing with the after effects of the above scenario. Things are overall very bad and I'm completely demotivated.

 

I met a girl about a week ago, not on an app, and we started chatting about dogs but it turned out we were both musicians and had quite a bit of musical synchrony. It helped that she was a pretty girl my age, but I was genuinely musically interested too. This was so exciting for me though, to be able to have a meaningful interaction with someone, especially given what I just went through.

 

We chatted for a while and it went well, she was blushing and asking questions and seemed interested. I told her I'd send her some music to see if she liked it and then we could jam/form a band. She seemed eager, I sent the music and she responded right away. We exchanged a few messages over the course of 5-6 hours. She said she liked the music so I asked if we could jam and she said yes, "that would be awesome." We exchanged a few more messages and then she didn't reply to a message of mine that clearly was continuing the conversation...

 

Next day, nothing. Day after that, nothing. After 5 days without a response, I asked again if she wanted to jam, and this time instead of eagerly saying yes, she gave me some line about needing to help her family around the house... haven't talked about music or jamming at all since then.

 

Did she think I was going to just forget about the pretty girl who likes the same music as me who wanted to jam?!

 

I am really sick of this. Tell me the truth, I don't care if it's bad news, I just want the truth.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language
Link to post
Share on other sites

I seem to get the same thing a lot, it's maddening. I figured by late 30s, early 40s that kind of thing would stop but it's actually worse.

 

 

You start thinking everything is going well, every sign you get is positive, they will suggest another date. Then they cancel but suggest another time. Then they cancel again and you're thinking, if you just cancelled and didn't suggest another time at least I'd have a chance to take the hint!

 

 

When I was in my 20s I didn't really string anyone along to be nice, but now I won't do it as a rule. If I am not interested, I don't try to softly reject anyone over time. If they ask me out I don't cheerfully say, "For sure!". I am an adult, they are an adult, I'll be honest rather than agree knowing I am going to cancel or ghost on them later.

 

 

I am not sure there is much you can do because they really will show interest and do it over time, despite all the chances in the world just to say they are not interested. Even when I was younger I knew that if I said yes or maybe to a date and a girl kept contacting me and I knew she was interested, just feigning interest and no action was a complete dbag move.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Many of my friends (female) can’t be direct! I’ve seen them giving excuses to man (much like those women did to you, never closing the door completely) because they felt they would hurt their feelings... it’s gotten to a point where they ask me to write the « dumping text » because I have no problem being straight to the point.

I have no idea why they do that, but I’ve realized that is quite common with women.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She doesn't want to hurt you because she once at least liked you as a friend. But clearly she is not interested in dating you, so you might as well just blow hr off and move on and stop talking to her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That first girl was probably on Tinder just looking for a rebound or some male attention. (Which you gave her) Maybe if you met up right away instead of texting her for a few weeks, something casual might have happened... but I doubt it since she wanted to "chat as friends first," she was never really interested.

 

I'm sure she told you all about her ex and you were a shoulder for her to cry on, which pretty much destroyed your chances. I wouldn't be shocked if she actually dated other guys while you were texting her.

 

Second girl was possibly only interested in a friendship, but then she realized you wanted more. Sucks, but it happens.

 

Most people will give you a lame excuse because they don't have the "balls" to tell you the truth. Try to be more direct next time, and ask the girl out on an actual date. (And don't text for hours/weeks)

Edited by Erik30
Link to post
Share on other sites

Speaking of lame, "Tinder" and asking her to "hang out" are two signs of lame behavior poisoning the chance of cementing a relationship these days. Just vague wastes of time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Speaking of lame, "Tinder" and asking her to "hang out" are two signs of lame behavior poisoning the chance of cementing a relationship these days. Just vague wastes of time.

 

I rarely use Tinder, I was surprised she was on it. Didn't even remember swiping her, just saw the notification I matched with her.

 

I did not use the words "hang out." It was phrased far more eloquently.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That first girl was probably on Tinder just looking for a rebound or some male attention. (Which you gave her) Maybe if you met up right away instead of texting her for a few weeks, something casual might have happened... but I doubt it since she wanted to "chat as friends first," she was never really interested.

 

I'm sure she told you all about her ex and you were a shoulder for her to cry on, which pretty much destroyed your chances. I wouldn't be shocked if she actually dated other guys while you were texting her.

 

Second girl was possibly only interested in a friendship, but then she realized you wanted more. Sucks, but it happens.

 

Most people will give you a lame excuse because they don't have the "balls" to tell you the truth. Try to be more direct next time, and ask the girl out on an actual date. (And don't text for hours/weeks)

 

I didn't want to rush her.. she led me to believe she was in a delicate emotional state and I didn't want to take advantage of that. We did not at all talk about her ex and I was not her shoulder to cry or complain on. I don't know why she bothered matching me on Tinder if she never had any intention of at least being friends. Remember, I didn't ask her on a date, I asked if we could "hang out" (as I said in my other post, it wasn't phrased this way) - there was no indication that I was romantically pushing her even though I mentioned my interest at the beginning, but even as friends she didn't seem to want to connect with me.. not after she found her new boy at least.

 

For the second girl, it just doesn't make sense. She was just as flirty, until she just stopped responding.

 

EDIT: I appreciate the responses, but I am not intending on this becoming a long thread of examination, critique, back & forth, etc.. The events happened and they're not changing. I have nowhere/one to speak candidly about them though, hence my posting here.

Edited by ClayVantage
Link to post
Share on other sites
Many of my friends (female) can’t be direct! I’ve seen them giving excuses to man (much like those women did to you, never closing the door completely) because they felt they would hurt their feelings... it’s gotten to a point where they ask me to write the « dumping text » because I have no problem being straight to the point.

I have no idea why they do that, but I’ve realized that is quite common with women.

 

Yeah your probably right it's probably as simple as that really.

l can see scenarios where some convo starts he might like her she might think he's a nice guy even if not say her type and one thing goes to another while trying to be polite and not wanting to offend and bla bla.

lt'd be a tricky business being female sometimes and women would have to be careful too so .

Edited by chillii
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

First girl remembers the emotional connect you may of had in the past and enjoyed more of those conversations...doesn't mean romantic interest. You took a shot, she backed off knowing she wore out her welcome and where you wanted this to go. Didn't want to come off as a ^&%$ so she passiveness gave you an excuse to let you down easy. A lot of them do this.

 

 

Second girl, pretty much the same thing. Enjoyed having something in common, but saw your intentions were most likely of romantic interest, and ghosted.

 

 

 

I used to find myself in these situations with guys. Being stubborn about it I was in denial about a guy's intention and thought it could work out as a friendship. Well eventually it sunk in that any time a guy made an effort to get in my space, talk to me and showed interest in what I did and crap, he was pursuing me for dating, not friendship ...duh...that's all I can say is duh.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...