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What is his intention?


sweet honeydew

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sweet honeydew

My dance instructor is male and I've taken classes with him in group setting for 2 years. Saw him once/twice a week. I quit going about 6 weeks ago.

 

Now he's called and asked for my help on some business. We met 2 afternoon, once he insist on buying me lunch. Another time he wants to buy me dinner (which I declined) He also keep asking me to go back to class, saying I can take his class for free for life. The first time he said that I joked "I only believe it if you put it in writing.". Then he mentioned that again, I said "You are making me guilty for not taking your class now" The 3rd time he mentioned that I jokingly said"Am I not suppose to tell others that I got it for free?" He said things compliment me and how he doesn't really impressed by all students.

 

We had been friendly with each other. Sometimes I feel he was too critical of me in class. I am confused what happened. Is he interested in me? Is he trying to pay me back for the business favor? Is he wanting me back because other classmate pressure him? (my classmates have asked me to go back privately too. They really like me.)

 

I am very confused what is happening.

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It's hard to know. But as a dance instructor, the guy should know that in any interaction, somebody has to lead. Since he hasn't stepped up & asked you out in so many words, assume he is not interested that way

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Ask yourself if you want to date him. Don't get interested just because he showed interest. Is he actually your type? If you don't want to date him, assume he's not interested (and hope he doesn't ask you out). If you want to date him, ask him out. Don't ask whether the man has chosen you. You choose. That way you get what you want.

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Hah maybe business is sucking for him, and you are his last hope to keep the numbers up.

That is what I wondered too, or maybe the OP is his star pupil and the rest just look mediocre now... not good if you want to attract and keep clients.

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Versacehottie
ask yourself if you want to date him. Don't get interested just because he showed interest. Is he actually your type? If you don't want to date him, assume he's not interested (and hope he doesn't ask you out). If you want to date him, ask him out. Don't ask whether the man has chosen you. You choose. That way you get what you want.

 

love this ^^^^^

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There is nothing here about whether you like him and would be interested in him. And I guess the reason is that you don't know what the heck to think of this guy.

 

I'm involved in social dance ... and I dated a woman who was a dance teacher and I know lots of teachers.

 

There is a policy about teachers of adults that tends to go like this. No dating while you're teaching. If someone leaves your class, then it's OK to try to date them (within reason). There is nothing wrong with him expressing an interest in you now that you've left the class. But he's acting immature in his approach to you. He's hiding and only hinting--where directness is what you would need to even consider such a major shift in how you relate to him.

 

The smooth step would be to just ask you out for coffee or whatever and say he wants to get to know you better ... or say that he misses your presence in class--without begging and all the back and forth.

 

My guess: this guy missed you more than he anticipated ... But there are red flags here ... the red flag is that you never sensed that he really liked you while you were taking his classes. That's a huge. People, especially teachers, can communicate deep affection for a student without inappropriately acting on it. Skilled teachers and coaches do that all the time.

 

Could be that he's desperate. You left the class. Therefore you qualify as someone he can now ask for a date without getting into trouble... and he's clumsily doing so--because he's got nothing else going on in his life.

 

You are right to feel uncomfortable and surprised and confused. You can't quite trust what's going on--that says a lot about the way he's treated you all along. You have to decide if you can see past his clumsiness or if the clumsiness and his distance as a teacher disqualifies him ... And you have to decide: is this a guy YOU like.

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