Seeing a guy for a little over a month, are things going good?

[platonicorwhat]

So, I matched with a guy on tinder (awful place, I know) and we REALLY hit it off. Nonstop banter back and forth, same humor, nonstop talking. He lived about 2 hours away. After about a week of texting we met up for a date, and it was PERFECT. He even bought me candles because I had often joked about how obsessed with them I was. He made no moves. We went out to eat, went to a hookah lounge, came back to my place and rewatched a show we both love together.

 

Things still went well, about a week later he picked me, we went to his house and we hooked up, but didn't have sex. We played video games all night. It was going really well.

 

Then he goes to his parents a few states over and while over there, his job transfers him back. He tells me but he's super insistent that we can make it work and keep seeing each other, offering to drive to me at least once a month (it's a 9 hour drive). I agree, because I do really like him at this point and I tell him I can meet half way. In reality, 9 hours isn't that terrible as we are both adults with jobs that afford us the weekends off.

 

So like a week or two later, we meet (I drive a little further since he had to pay for the hotel) and we do end up having sex and it was amazing. We also went out a date and he was so attentive. It felt like a relationship.

 

The week after though, he was slightly distant. We still talked every day but it felt weird and when I expressed it he said "sorry if that's the case, it's not intentional" (but he did have the flu), anyway he ends up picking back up and then admits to me he was slightly embarassed with himself during sex. Now things are back to normal. Here are my issues though

 

We talk about sex, A LOT.

He lives pretty far away now, so is there any real chance he sees real potential with me?

We haven't had any type of exclusive talk.

He has said things like I'm the "ideal sex partner" but he has never said girlfriend.

 

Here's the reasons that confuse me:

He wants to try to see each other every other weekend.

He talks to me from the time he wakes up, until late late at night.

He implies that we're exclusive but never actually says it.

He references the future a lot, even though it is usually in a sexual way, like saying how we can work up to stuff and how in the summer we can see each other more.

He didn't want to just sit at the hotel when we hung out and when we hang out, the focus isn't sex, he took me out on a nice date and a movie.

He does stuff to let me know he's "boyfriend" material, like saying once he gets his apartment there I can come stay some and he can cook for me.

When we have sex, it's all about me. Which is strange to me because usually men have been selfish.

He's nonstop asking for my opinion on things he can improve on.

 

I feel like it's way too soon to bring up being exclusive or ask what we are because we're still learning how to handle the long distance thing, but I also don't want to drive out there if I'm just someone he wants to have sex with. I'm down for the big focus on sex if I know, but I don't know how to go about asking. I tried once by saying something low pressure like "Just throwing this out there, I really like hanging out with you beyond sex" and he said "Same, you're really cool" but it didn't progress pass that because I didn't know how to reply. I'm 25 but this whole ordeal makes me feel like a kid again because I haven't like someone like this since I was a teenager, who also makes me feel nervous.

[d0nnivain]

Especially because of the distance conversations about exclusivity are important.

 

What's your end game here? I get this is exciting but how do you think this 9 hour gap will close? His job is now there. You are here. It just sounds futile to me.

[smackie9]

Especially because of the distance conversations about exclusivity are important.

 

What's your end game here? I get this is exciting but how do you think this 9 hour gap will close? His job is now there. You are here. It just sounds futile to me.

This 100%^^^^ you better figure out what you are going to do and want for the long term, then have a talk with him.

But I agree where it stands now this set up is futile.

[platonicorwhat]

Especially because of the distance conversations about exclusivity are important.

 

What's your end game here? I get this is exciting but how do you think this 9 hour gap will close? His job is now there. You are here. It just sounds futile to me.

 

My actual plan would be to finish school here (I have a year and a half) and if things are going well with him, I’m not opposed to transferring to another school somewhat close by. I’ve realized I could make it work because we both want the same things in life; no kids and to travel and we are both career oriented. My issue is at what point would it be appropriate to talk about this stuff? Should I wait a few more months (maybe 2) and see that we can consistently make time for each other before I talk about it with him. 9 hours is a lot, but not when we both have weekends off and the ability to drive halfway and get a hotel.

[d0nnivain]

Do not change schools for him. Just don't.

 

Date him but not exclusively because of the distance. I think somewhere around valentine's day would be a good chance to have the "what are we?" chat.

 

When you graduate, do look for a job closer to him but leave all your options open.

[platonicorwhat]

Do not change schools for him. Just don't.

 

Date him but not exclusively because of the distance. I think somewhere around valentine's day would be a good chance to have the "what are we?" chat.

 

When you graduate, do look for a job closer to him but leave all your options open.

 

I wouldn’t do it solely for him but I did look into schools in states between us out of curiosity and there are some with better programs towards what I want so even if I did transfer closer, I’d still be like 4 hours from him. That sounds good though. Just keep my options open and wait a few months to have the actual talk.

[d0nnivain]

Change schools if it advances your goals & the $$ works.

 

If you are at Small College Noone Ever Heard Of but you can transfer to World Class University for less money & a more prestigious degree go ahead.

 

4 hours vs 9 hours doesn't solve your problem

[Gaeta]

If you are both career oriented then you'll have to adjust to be working in different cities and being apart for carrer advancement right? Career oriented usually means career before everything else so like D0nivvain said where you go to school comes first. He moved for his job, he'll move again for his job, what will you do? relocate each time? ....not if you are like you said career oriented. When I was married I moved all over the place to follow my husband, back then I was not 'carrer oriented', I was family oriented so it worked. Nowadays my job job comes first, meaning I am not relocating for a man. If you are really career oriented you won't budge from there.

Edited December 15, 2018 by Gaeta