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Am I petty or am I in the right?? Need outsider !


Juggernut23

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Hey guys, sorry, tried to make this short!

 

Met a girl on a dating app 2 weeks ago. Right off the bat she tells me shes “guarded” and takes a long time to warm up to someone. told me she moves slow. I’m like sure no problem. We hang out twice. Second time, I drop her off at home. I text her, she goes “I really wanted to kiss you, you’re so damn cute”. And we text all night. Then THIS:

 

Wed (day after second date) I text good morning. She took 5 hours to respond, then proceeds to tell me she was bored at work cause it was dead (she always texted me at work before)

 

Thurs: I text morning. Nothing from her till 11 hours later, text “hey you, how was your day”. I ignore her, I’m annoyed.

 

Friday: I drunk text her, she replies within seconds “ohh so you leave me on read and text me 26hours later? lol”. I respond saying I was busy, she ignores me. Doesn’t text all night.

 

Saturday: she has a work party where everyone gets wasted. I text saying have fun and be safe, she responds quick “will I see you?” (I’m a cop And told her I’ll slide by) I said if it’s not busy, but it might be cause it’s sat night. She goes “makes sense”. I asked if she was excited for the party, no response at all.

 

5 days later, I removed her from Instagram and Snapchat (petty I know, but I actually really liked her and thought it would help get over her)I know what you’re gonna say, but I’m not the clingy type at all. Our convos are normal, I don’t “obsess” and text back right away. I have a life and hobbies and she knows it.

 

I came on here because I low key like her a lot, I thought we hit it off, then she Went cold on me for no apparent reason.

 

Any advice would be great, thanks guys!!

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Given that she describes herself as guarded and takes a long time to warm up, I don't know why you bothered. Save yourself for people who are open and welcoming.

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Ask yourself what you actually like about her. I read your post and I don't see the likeable part.

1. Admits upfront she's a chore to date. Not fun.

2. Texts you like option #24.

3. Teases you by not kissing you and then saying she wants to.

4. Gas lights you when you don't text her right away after consistently doing it to you.

 

So I guess you find her attractive. That amounts to very little compared to other things. You were right to bail, she was playing you for a cure for boredom. Actions can make the prettiest girl ugly.

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So her last text was the "makes sense" and then didn't reply to your question, and NOTHING for the next 5 days? She's gone. Disappeared.

 

While it's not unusual to not reply for 5 hours, you probably sensed she was fading. Turned out you were right. And you didn't show annoyance. You only removed her after she disappeared for 5 days.

 

I find these disclaimers to be a red flag: I'm slow to warm up. I've trust issues because I've been hurt before. It means the person is not going to engage.

 

It's like driving a car. You never asked her to step on the accelerator hard. But the gear needs to be in D, not N.

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I’m old... but why not call?

 

This texting thing to me is lame.

 

 

Yeah , can't believe it even cops come on talking like 15yr olds with all the bs and games.

 

l dunno where all this bullshyt starts and finishes but thank God it's not like that here, if you message or call she effg answers if she messages or calls you effg answer.

 

Seems they all set each other off reading too much internet and trying to out do each other, l dunno.

Crazy workd out there.

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Versacehottie

Both of you sound like you are being petty and the whole thing devolved really quickly because of just that. Each one of you is digging your heels in and "acting" guarded. Seems like it is just an act but now you both have chips on your shoulders and are reactionary so doubt it would get back on track.

 

Next time TRY to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I think also once you delete someone from social media, it's a huge statement of someone who's got their panties in a wad and hard to come back from that. Maybe next time try not to add them until you are more stable/serious. Good luck

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Both of you sound like you are being petty and the whole thing devolved really quickly because of just that. Each one of you is digging your heels in and "acting" guarded. Seems like it is just an act but now you both have chips on your shoulders and are reactionary so doubt it would get back on track.

 

Yes, all of this.

 

This all sounds so high school. Why did you not pick up the phone and call her? Some people place far too much emphasis on texting and the number of hours between messages.

 

This could have been handled much more maturely, by both of you.

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Both of you sound like you are being petty and the whole thing devolved really quickly because of just that. . I think also once you delete someone from social media, it's a huge statement of someone who's got their panties in a wad and hard to come back from that. Maybe next time try not to add them until you are more stable/serious. Good luck

 

True, this might sound childish kinda like “she started it”, but the truth it I was fully interested and let her know that. I didn’t completely ignore her after she started fading, I reached out to her a bunch of times and only stopped when she stopped replying.

 

Hahaha. Wel it’s true to be honest , I had my parties in a wad because I really did like her and she blew me off. However, I only have my close family and friends on social media. I didn’t know her all too well and I figured it wasn’t going anywhere.

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Ask yourself what you actually like about her. I read your post and I don't see the likeable part.

1. Admits upfront she's a chore to date. Not fun.

2. Texts you like option #24.

3. Teases you by not kissing you and then saying she wants to.

4. Gas lights you when you don't text her right away after consistently doing it to you.

 

So I guess you find her attractive. That amounts to very little compared to other things. You were right to bail, she was playing you for a cure for boredom. Actions can make the prettiest girl ugly.

 

Wow, you really nipped this in the bud. To be honest she is 100% my type (looks wise) which is why I was swoon. There’s nothing crazy attractive about her personality, she actually whined a lot and came off as high maintenance. Crazy how I didn’t realize it until you said it. Thank you for this reply, honestly.

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Yes, all of this.

 

This all sounds so high school. Why did you not pick up the phone and call her? Some people place far too much emphasis on texting and the number of hours between messages.

 

This could have been handled much more maturely, by both of you.

 

I don’t see how calling her would have made a huge difference. If she wanted to talk to me she would have. I personally don’t like being caught off guard, most people don’t, so I don’t know how much I would have gotten out of her with a phone call. I asked her more than once to tell me what’s on her mind, she replied “haha nothing just trying to relax”. So yeah, I don’t feel like calling someone who isn’t interested in talking to me.

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I don’t see how calling her would have made a huge difference. If she wanted to talk to me she would have. I personally don’t like being caught off guard, most people don’t, so I don’t know how much I would have gotten out of her with a phone call. I asked her more than once to tell me what’s on her mind, she replied “haha nothing just trying to relax”. So yeah, I don’t feel like calling someone who isn’t interested in talking to me.

 

You misunderstood what I meant.

 

I wouldn't recommend now calling someone who clearly isn't interested. What I mean is rather than just texting the boring "hey, how are you?" in the dating phase, place a call. Chat live and catch up about your respective days. That ship has sailed now, but don't rely on texting so much in the future.

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Yeah , can't believe it even cops come on talking like 15yr olds with all the bs and games.

 

l dunno where all this bullshyt starts and finishes but thank God it's not like that here, if you message or call she effg answers if she messages or calls you effg answer.

 

Seems they all set each other off reading too much internet and trying to out do each other, l dunno.

Crazy workd out there.

 

Hahaha you guys are so savage. I don’t know if you know any cops but we are the most childish people out there haha. I never play games, she played numerous from the get go. Would say things like “I’m going to play baseball and my ex is on my team this year, gonna be the first time seeing him in a while”. From the get go she knew I was fully interested. Even after she started fading, I reached out to her numerous times to try to solve it. The more I reached out, the more distant she got. I asked her to tell me what’s on her mind, she would laugh it off like “oh nothing”. Not trying to play the blame game but I really did try. I didn’t get just wound up and stopped replying after she ignored me the first couple times .

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You misunderstood what I meant.

 

I wouldn't recommend now calling someone who clearly isn't interested. What I mean is rather than just texting the boring "hey, how are you?" in the dating phase, place a call. Chat live and catch up about your respective days. That ship has sailed now, but don't rely on texting so much in the future.

 

Haha well we would text back and forth for hours at first, she seemed to

Enjoy it. I’ve been talking to her for a week or so and met up with her on two

Occasions, we spent most of the day together both times. Would talking on the phone be nice? Sure, but I don’t think texting was the issue. Maybe it’s a generation thing? To me, texting is normal, she never complained about it either.

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Hahaha you guys are so savage. I don’t know if you know any cops but we are the most childish people out there haha. I never play games, she played numerous from the get go. Would say things like “I’m going to play baseball and my ex is on my team this year, gonna be the first time seeing him in a while”. From the get go she knew I was fully interested. Even after she started fading, I reached out to her numerous times to try to solve it. The more I reached out, the more distant she got. I asked her to tell me what’s on her mind, she would laugh it off like “oh nothing”. Not trying to play the blame game but I really did try. I didn’t get just wound up and stopped replying after she ignored me the first couple times .

 

 

Ahh that's funny , thanks for not taking it to heart.

 

But ohhh, right , that's different. She sounds like she has all kinds of chips on those shoulders of hers then.

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I don't think it's petty at all you removed her from social media.

 

If she was interested she would message you back and not have you wait almost a day.

 

The whole "you left me on read" thing is very juvanile on her part.

 

Good riddance I say. You've had a lucky escape.

 

I don't think she should be dating with her behavior anyway.

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You did the right thing by severing ties. No your actions were not petty.

 

In the future though try to remember that just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 doesn't mean anybody has the obligation to do so. You came on too strong, IMO. She didn't kiss you on the 2nd date. Yet, you try to text daily & want to be in constant contact after only knowing her 2 weeks. At the 2 week mark I would have expected to see a new guy twice, maybe 3 times. I would have expected 3-4 conversations / interactions. This daily texting BS makes me crazy. I don't want to talk to anybody that much, especially not some guy I just met.

 

She may have been a cold fish but you need to slow down.

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You did the right thing by severing ties. No your actions were not petty.

 

In the future though try to remember that just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 doesn't mean anybody has the obligation to do so. You came on too strong, IMO. She didn't kiss you on the 2nd date. Yet, you try to text daily & want to be in constant contact after only knowing her 2 weeks. At the 2 week mark I would have expected to see a new guy twice, maybe 3 times. I would have expected 3-4 conversations / interactions. This daily texting BS makes me crazy. I don't want to talk to anybody that much, especially not some guy I just met.

 

She may have been a cold fish but you need to slow down.

 

donnivan some girls do tho. my ex was one of them if u recall. non stop texting all the time from the get go. doesnt mean they are into you or its OPs fault.

how did he come on too strong? strong would be trying to sleep with her on first date. he didnt even kiss her on second date? how is that too strong im confused

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donnivan some girls do tho. my ex was one of them if u recall. non stop texting all the time from the get go. doesnt mean they are into you or its OPs fault.

how did he come on too strong? strong would be trying to sleep with her on first date. he didnt even kiss her on second date? how is that too strong im confused

 

You need to ajust according to the person. If you see that the person takes more than a couple of hours to respond, you can assume that she’s not a big texter. If she answers right away and tries to make conversation, than it’s safe to say that she is. Everybody’s different. The guy I’m seeing can take up to 8 hours to answer if he’s working and sometimes 2-3 hours in the evening if he’s gaming. I’m a texter, I answer in 30 minutes TOPS, but usually right away. I learned to not take it personally when he’s slow to answer or when his answers are dryer... whereas you can clearly guess my mood just by how I respond.

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{snip}

 

I came on here because I low key like her a lot, I thought we hit it off, then she Went cold on me for no apparent reason.

 

Any advice would be great, thanks guys!!

 

You have to get over a woman you met less than 3 week ago, saw twice and never kissed?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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You did the right thing by severing ties. No your actions were not petty.

 

In the future though try to remember that just because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 doesn't mean anybody has the obligation to do so. You came on too strong, IMO. She didn't kiss you on the 2nd date. Yet, you try to text daily & want to be in constant contact after only knowing her 2 weeks. At the 2 week mark I would have expected to see a new guy twice, maybe 3 times. I would have expected 3-4 conversations / interactions. This daily texting BS makes me crazy. I don't want to talk to anybody that much, especially not some guy I just met.

 

She may have been a cold fish but you need to slow down.

 

Thanks for the input. I know the post may have seemed like I was too much, but I kept a lot out, just to keep it concise. In reality our conversations we’re very back and forth, I would initiate 50% of the time then she would. When she started giving me the cold shoulder I slowed down, and she re-initiated.

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You have to get over a woman you met less than 3 week ago, saw twice and never kissed?

 

You’re gonna post just to say I should get over it? Was getting some advice on behaviour i haven’t dealt with before. It’s done with if I haven’t spoken to her in days and removed her.

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Yeah, drop this girl. Regardless if she's "guarded" or not, it doesn't justify her mind games. Seriously, I hate people who do this. If she's not busy at work she would've responded to your text instead of texting "bored at work" 5 hours later. Then she criticizes you when you respond late. PFFFT

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Hey, I had a girl text and call me often then slowed to a crawl. Then would text me about something about every other month. We went out once and she cancelled on me 11 times by my count after that, pretty much last minute every single time. I would see on her Fb often where her friends were like, "Hey you doing girl's night this Wednesday..." and like clock work, Wednesday she would have pictures of her out with friends and never seemed to have the last minute, "My son has emergency practice" come up.

 

 

After the first cancellation I checked out and never expected her to follow through when we made "plans" even when she was persistent about meeting up. In her texts and calls she indicated a ton of interest.

 

 

After about 2 months of no contact, I dropped her off facebook when I saw her in pictures with her ex husband. Didn't block her, didn't say anything, just dropped her. A day later she texted me and told me I was childish. I just laughed. She was not a friend, not someone I was dating, she was someone that texted me every other month when she was not with her ex apparently and had cancelled on me last minute 11 times. I would have figured we were about 20 years past that high school stuff.

 

 

Sometimes if you respect yourself, you'll be painted as the bad guy but you're not.

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