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Second chance after cancelling first date


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Old 8th December 2018, 11:41 AM   #1
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Second chance after cancelling first date

I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to.

So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do?
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Old 8th December 2018, 11:44 AM   #2
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I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to.

So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do?
I agree with you 1000%. He got a better offer and is now trying to play it off as a work-related issue he can't avoid.



I'd write him back and tell him you'll have to let him know about a reschedule because your schedule is kind of crazy this week. Then, I just wouldn't contact him again.
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Old 8th December 2018, 11:50 AM   #3
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Move on. That is a weak generic excuse. He will cancel again. If he planned on meeting up, I guarantee he would be able to meet up at 7, or 8, or 9...no doubt next week something will come up in a weekday if he has a job that requires him to work all weekend with no notice.
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Old 8th December 2018, 12:02 PM   #4
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Just tell him the dates you are free...

So say something like, I am free Tuesday Wednesday and Friday evening let me know what date is best for you...

If he is interested he will set a date/time/place...

Leave the ball in his court but still message other men...

No loss if he don't reply/meet up

Last edited by GTR King; 8th December 2018 at 12:04 PM..
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Old 8th December 2018, 12:24 PM   #5
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I agree with you 1000%. He got a better offer and is now trying to play it off as a work-related issue he can't avoid.



I'd write him back and tell him you'll have to let him know about a reschedule because your schedule is kind of crazy this week. Then, I just wouldn't contact him again.
I had already replied to the first message saying contact me in the week as I’m not sure what i’m doing yet, and he said ‘ok let’s definitely try arrange soemthing though?’’ And then ‘what day do you think you might be free’ and I haven’t responded.
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Old 8th December 2018, 12:29 PM   #6
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Just tell him the dates you are free...

So say something like, I am free Tuesday Wednesday and Friday evening let me know what date is best for you...

If he is interested he will set a date/time/place...

Leave the ball in his court but still message other men...

No loss if he don't reply/meet up
I am talking to other men and that’s what’s annoyed me that I turned down other dates for tonight as had this one lined up.
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Old 8th December 2018, 12:46 PM   #7
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That is annoying but sounds like he got cold feet and didn't wanna meet maybe he had a batter offer who knows

Wait till he reaches out to you if he doesn't move on....
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:29 PM   #8
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I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to.

So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do?
Seems pretty harsh of you.

If someone cancels and makes an immediate attempt to reschedule and pin down an exact date & time, as this guy clearly has done, that is normally a pretty good indicator that they do genuinely want to see you and aren't just messing you about. I'd normally give them the benefit of the doubt. The first time it happens.
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:40 PM   #9
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Actually this guy sounds like he is honest and you are being a bit childish.
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:44 PM   #10
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Like I Said you need to tell him when your free...

If he is interested sounds like he is.. He will take up on your offer for a date...

No need to act childish he might have a valid reason why he had to cancel
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:50 PM   #11
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Seems pretty harsh of you.

If someone cancels and makes an immediate attempt to reschedule and pin down an exact date & time, as this guy clearly has done, that is normally a pretty good indicator that they do genuinely want to see you and aren't just messing you about. I'd normally give them the benefit of the doubt. The first time it happens.
The offer of a reschedule showing good faith is the accepted wisdom but I don't buy it personally.

If someone bins you off on a Saturday morning when you have a date that night and offers to reschedule for Sunday afternoon or Tuesday night there is still 99% chance it means someone better has appeared who they are trying to shoehorn in instead and they aren't fully invested in wanting to be in your company

In my opinion and experience a cancelled date within the first 3 or 4 dates is a massive red flag unless it's a provable family bereavement or medical emergency. You should be excited to see that person. I used to have a zero tolerance policy with cancellations, recently I decided to give people more of a chance and be more laissez faire about the early stages of dating and met a girl with whom I had two fantastic dates with. There was a real momentum there and so we booked a saturday night date. She cancelled that morning because of a hangover but was desperate to rearrange. I gave her the benefit of the doubt but sure enough, she ghosted me two dates later.

Now obviously a sample size of one means nothing but I have other examples and have seen on these boards and from what friends have gone through enough to learn that a cancelled date early on is one of the biggest red flags that that person is just not excited about you or is more excited about someone else amd you are on borrowed time.

So, OP, I would personally give a flim flam response to say "Sure, hope work treats you well etc" and then block and delete. We all deserve amd should be looking to date people who don't cancel dates for lame reasons.
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:53 PM   #12
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Like I Said you need to tell him when your free...

If he is interested sounds like he is.. He will take up on your offer for a date...

No need to act childish he might have a valid reason why he had to cancel
Interested, but not that interested. Why would you want to date someone who is so lukewarm about you that they can only offer you cancellations and dates on weeknights?
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:54 PM   #13
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I don’t see how I am being childish, I already wasted a day on this and lost money cancelling my hair and make up appointment that I had to pay a deposit for so I don’t want to waste more time setting up for next week only to have him cancel again.

I told him to call me during the week, if he does then I will take it as he’s still interested.
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:57 PM   #14
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Interested, but not that interested. Why would you want to date someone who is so lukewarm about you that they can only offer you cancellations and dates on weeknights?
My point exactly! And honestly what he’s saying he has to do isn’t going to take him all night and he could have said ‘look i’m really sorry I need to sort this but we can meet up later.’ BasicallyI’m not buying his excuse as legit.
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Old 8th December 2018, 1:58 PM   #15
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Sounded like it but if he was Lukewarm then let him contact you....

Best Idea is for him to call you so you can hear is voice etc

his loss if he don't wanna meet
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