LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to. So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to. So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do? I agree with you 1000%. He got a better offer and is now trying to play it off as a work-related issue he can't avoid. I'd write him back and tell him you'll have to let him know about a reschedule because your schedule is kind of crazy this week. Then, I just wouldn't contact him again. Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Move on. That is a weak generic excuse. He will cancel again. If he planned on meeting up, I guarantee he would be able to meet up at 7, or 8, or 9...no doubt next week something will come up in a weekday if he has a job that requires him to work all weekend with no notice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 (edited) Just tell him the dates you are free... So say something like, I am free Tuesday Wednesday and Friday evening let me know what date is best for you... If he is interested he will set a date/time/place... Leave the ball in his court but still message other men... No loss if he don't reply/meet up Edited December 8, 2018 by GTR King Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 I agree with you 1000%. He got a better offer and is now trying to play it off as a work-related issue he can't avoid. I'd write him back and tell him you'll have to let him know about a reschedule because your schedule is kind of crazy this week. Then, I just wouldn't contact him again. I had already replied to the first message saying contact me in the week as I’m not sure what i’m doing yet, and he said ‘ok let’s definitely try arrange soemthing though?’’ And then ‘what day do you think you might be free’ and I haven’t responded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 Just tell him the dates you are free... So say something like, I am free Tuesday Wednesday and Friday evening let me know what date is best for you... If he is interested he will set a date/time/place... Leave the ball in his court but still message other men... No loss if he don't reply/meet up I am talking to other men and that’s what’s annoyed me that I turned down other dates for tonight as had this one lined up. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 That is annoying but sounds like he got cold feet and didn't wanna meet maybe he had a batter offer who knows Wait till he reaches out to you if he doesn't move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to. So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do? Seems pretty harsh of you. If someone cancels and makes an immediate attempt to reschedule and pin down an exact date & time, as this guy clearly has done, that is normally a pretty good indicator that they do genuinely want to see you and aren't just messing you about. I'd normally give them the benefit of the doubt. The first time it happens. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Actually this guy sounds like he is honest and you are being a bit childish. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Like I Said you need to tell him when your free... If he is interested sounds like he is.. He will take up on your offer for a date... No need to act childish he might have a valid reason why he had to cancel Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Seems pretty harsh of you. If someone cancels and makes an immediate attempt to reschedule and pin down an exact date & time, as this guy clearly has done, that is normally a pretty good indicator that they do genuinely want to see you and aren't just messing you about. I'd normally give them the benefit of the doubt. The first time it happens. The offer of a reschedule showing good faith is the accepted wisdom but I don't buy it personally. If someone bins you off on a Saturday morning when you have a date that night and offers to reschedule for Sunday afternoon or Tuesday night there is still 99% chance it means someone better has appeared who they are trying to shoehorn in instead and they aren't fully invested in wanting to be in your company In my opinion and experience a cancelled date within the first 3 or 4 dates is a massive red flag unless it's a provable family bereavement or medical emergency. You should be excited to see that person. I used to have a zero tolerance policy with cancellations, recently I decided to give people more of a chance and be more laissez faire about the early stages of dating and met a girl with whom I had two fantastic dates with. There was a real momentum there and so we booked a saturday night date. She cancelled that morning because of a hangover but was desperate to rearrange. I gave her the benefit of the doubt but sure enough, she ghosted me two dates later. Now obviously a sample size of one means nothing but I have other examples and have seen on these boards and from what friends have gone through enough to learn that a cancelled date early on is one of the biggest red flags that that person is just not excited about you or is more excited about someone else amd you are on borrowed time. So, OP, I would personally give a flim flam response to say "Sure, hope work treats you well etc" and then block and delete. We all deserve amd should be looking to date people who don't cancel dates for lame reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Like I Said you need to tell him when your free... If he is interested sounds like he is.. He will take up on your offer for a date... No need to act childish he might have a valid reason why he had to cancel Interested, but not that interested. Why would you want to date someone who is so lukewarm about you that they can only offer you cancellations and dates on weeknights? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 I don’t see how I am being childish, I already wasted a day on this and lost money cancelling my hair and make up appointment that I had to pay a deposit for so I don’t want to waste more time setting up for next week only to have him cancel again. I told him to call me during the week, if he does then I will take it as he’s still interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 Interested, but not that interested. Why would you want to date someone who is so lukewarm about you that they can only offer you cancellations and dates on weeknights? My point exactly! And honestly what he’s saying he has to do isn’t going to take him all night and he could have said ‘look i’m really sorry I need to sort this but we can meet up later.’ BasicallyI’m not buying his excuse as legit. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Sounded like it but if he was Lukewarm then let him contact you.... Best Idea is for him to call you so you can hear is voice etc his loss if he don't wanna meet Link to post Share on other sites
frankspeci Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I had a date planned tonight with a guy I met from a app. We had the time and place set since last weekend. This morning I get a text from him asking to reschedule for during the week as he has something to sort out with work. I don’t want to put details here but what he’s saying he has to do I feel shouldn’t take too long and he could at least tried to see me after...if he wanted to. So he’s asking me what other days I am available, so far I haven’t responded because I just feel I am probably giving him another chance to waste my time. Most likely he’s had a better offer for tonight and using work as an excuse. What would you do? I've had this happen a lot. I can't think of a time where a first date was cancelled and ever ended up working with the reschedule, even when I'd agreed to it. However you never know with apps. He could be telling the truth. If I were you I would pick a time but let him do the rest, see what happens. Have backup plans ready, aka, what you would have been doing otherwise. You gotta just go with the flow with these apps in general. Don't let it get to you. Stay true to your respectable, reliable self, but don't get invested too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 Sounded like it but if he was Lukewarm then let him contact you.... Best Idea is for him to call you so you can hear is voice etc his loss if he don't wanna meet Now I am getting messages asking how was my day hahah I have literally been through this same scenario with a guy before blowing me out then asking how was my day...no date ever came of it. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Wow Sounds like he wants a text buddy that's all... Best to reply telling him a time and place let him pick the day but don't get your hopes up... Keep messaging others Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 I've had this happen a lot. I can't think of a time where a first date was cancelled and ever ended up working with the reschedule, even when I'd agreed to it. However you never know with apps. He could be telling the truth. If I were you I would pick a time but let him do the rest, see what happens. Have backup plans ready, aka, what you would have been doing otherwise. You gotta just go with the flow with these apps in general. Don't let it get to you. Stay true to your respectable, reliable self, but don't get invested too soon. Neither can I Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 I had an situation with me ex gf. after 3 or 4 dates i had asked her on the next date to come round on a friday evening and we could grab a takeaway and chill in front of the tv. She said yes. Well i got my parents to go out that evening so i could spend time with her and one hour before she was meant to come she texts me saying she's too tired and had a long day at work so she's gonna stay home. i replied that you only live 5 mins away from me and you can just rest here and relax in front of the tv. She said her mum was at home and wanted to keep her company. She apologised and wanted to rearrange for the next day lunch or another day. We ended up going out for 6 months but she was never into me and i should have known from that. she was lukewarm because as someone has already said, shouldn't they be excited to see you at the beginning? lol she rather stay at home with her mum than see me. funny how when we ended up going out and being together she never once used that excuse afterwards. people who are not into you or lukewarm in the first few dates dont ever date them! even if you end up dating them and they end up liking you itl be lukewarm at best. fact! Link to post Share on other sites
somani Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Wow Sounds like he wants a text buddy that's all... Best to reply telling him a time and place let him pick the day but don't get your hopes up...and check our zodicas on https://www.astrosofa.com/astrology/zodiac ...better be square then hurt Keep messaging others Hey, I so know how it is to be totally into one guy but when you are scared or you have the feeling that he is behaving strange don't force anything! As King already said - keep others in mind but I'd also say try to talk to him about everything. Very often it's the case that both are "in love" but are to scared to really talk about it. It can be a huge step and it can be so beautiful. Hard choices but just love and live the moment! Somani Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 I had an situation with me ex gf. after 3 or 4 dates i had asked her on the next date to come round on a friday evening and we could grab a takeaway and chill in front of the tv. She said yes. Well i got my parents to go out that evening so i could spend time with her and one hour before she was meant to come she texts me saying she's too tired and had a long day at work so she's gonna stay home. i replied that you only live 5 mins away from me and you can just rest here and relax in front of the tv. She said her mum was at home and wanted to keep her company. She apologised and wanted to rearrange for the next day lunch or another day. We ended up going out for 6 months but she was never into me and i should have known from that. she was lukewarm because as someone has already said, shouldn't they be excited to see you at the beginning? lol she rather stay at home with her mum than see me. funny how when we ended up going out and being together she never once used that excuse afterwards. people who are not into you or lukewarm in the first few dates dont ever date them! even if you end up dating them and they end up liking you itl be lukewarm at best. fact! Yeh I totally agree with you. He seemed as though he was really interested and keen to meet up but actions speak louder words. Link to post Share on other sites
frankspeci Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Yeh I totally agree with you. He seemed as though he was really interested and keen to meet up but actions speak louder words. Sounds like you made up your mind, but just thinking generally. If I had plans to meet up with a girl and she gave me some flimsy excuse and it turns out it was actually that she had a conflicting date with a different guy. If she wanted to reschedule with me as secondary, I would be ok with that for a first date. I mean it would be weird for her to actually tell me, hey I'm planning to meet a different guy today, so I'd accept a lie as excuse anyway. And because it's a first date I'd still accept the reschedule. Because if we hit it off, whoever that other guy was will probably be out of the picture after that, or at least relegated for a bit. I've set up two dates in a week with two matches before, scheduling the girl I thought I liked better first, but after meeting both, turned out the second one is where sparks actually happened. In your case he probably should have scheduled better, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Most guys experience something like a 70% cancel rate from women, so for a guy to cancel one date and you react like this I would bet a pretty penny that you are being a hypocrite... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleLuu Posted December 9, 2018 Author Share Posted December 9, 2018 Most guys experience something like a 70% cancel rate from women, so for a guy to cancel one date and you react like this I would bet a pretty penny that you are being a hypocrite... I will bet a pretty penny that I either won’t ever hear from him again or he will cancel the reschedule. Boohoo for those guys but it’s not something I do and if he chose another chick over me sorry but no I won’t be a second option, we had this planned for almost a week so that’s pretty damn ****ty if that’s the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts