rightondude Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I have been with a woman somewhat exclusively (but not totally) for about 3 months (although we have yet to even have a conversation about "what we are" or any future together). We are going to some friends of hers for the weekend and she told me her friend will probably "give me a hard time." I equate that to the dreaded "so what are your plans with my friend?" type question. I have a response ready, an honest one: "I want to keep spending time with X and keep getting to know her better." I plan on ending it there. I'd be interested on hearing anyone else's standard response to this kind of question. Also I will likely briefly meet her mom as we're dropping her dog off before leaving on this trip. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 Friends have no business interrogating you on your *plans*. I'd reply to them your intention is to move with her to Salt Lake City, enter a mormon community and then make 10s of babies. Well maybe not but don't trip over details and keep it generic. My BF would answer something like: Gaeta is the boss so everything she plans are my plans. In front of that reply people usually understand they're not gonna get anything out of him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I hope your GF knows how to stifle her friends when it comes to them bring up "none of your business" topics. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I would just say that I don't know what my "plans" are right now Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I think your planned answer is fine. It's what I'd say Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I have been with a woman somewhat exclusively (but not totally) for about 3 months (although we have yet to even have a conversation about "what we are" or any future together). what does that mean? after 3 months it might be a good time to have this discussion so you both are on the same page. Privately, of course. I'd be put off being coerced into a conversation like that with others you barely know. It's none of their business. Best reply to a rude, invasive question like that is: why do you ask? But, honestly, I'd see how the weekend goes and have this conversation with her in private. It comes down to what you two want, not what others think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I have been with a woman somewhat exclusively (but not totally) for about 3 months That is the problem and why you are not looking forward to the question as you are still seeing/sleeping with another woman/other women. If you are not all in, then perhaps you should not be acting all "boyfriendy" and spending a week end staying with her close friends. This is how people get very hurt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_Smiles Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 Yikes, friends ask partners of friends they have never met this on the first meeting? Kinda rude and none of their business, imo. But if asked - I would reply, to keep enjoying each others company and getting to know each other better or make some off the cuff joke that throws them off and leaves them speechless, and you and her can laugh about the expression on their face .. they shouldn't have asked you q. in the first place so what's the harm in playing with them Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I am also kind of wondering why you’re choosing to do thanksgiving with a woman you’re not exclusive with. That’s definitely a boyfriend thing. That’s dangerous territory if you’re not fully in it. My ex and I dated for a year. He asked me to do a lot of “relationshippy” things, like invited me to his fancy office Xmas party, a work trip to Cancun, meeting old college friends, holidays, weddings, etc. Then, at a year in, I wanted to celebrate our anniversary, and it’s like he all of a sudden realized that I’d been considering this to be a more serious relationship than he’d ever had, and he freaked out. We broke up and I was quite devastated. It’s dangerous to play act like you’re in a relationship when you’re not really. If I were you, I’d steer clear of anything like that until you’ve made up your mind about one woman I’ve the other(s). If I were her friend, I certainly wouldn’t grill you as to your intentions, but if I knew the details of your situation, I’d probably wonder what exactly she was doing with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 No. She is really the one who is asking you (without really asking you). The friend may not ask at all. Are you ready to have the talk with this woman you are dating? She probably does not want to hear your answer for the first time in front of her friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 I agree with Gretchen. Your girlfriend wants to know. And her friends are likely privy to the fact your girlfriend wants to know. Why aren’t you exclusive by now? Is there something holding you back? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 ]No. She is really the one who is asking you (without really asking you) The friend may not ask at all. Are you ready to have the talk with this woman you are dating? She probably does not want to hear your answer for the first time in front of her friends. Yes, exactly. OP, it's time to have that conversation with your lady. This was her hint to you to do so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 At three months, when I ask my guy what his plans are... I don’t really want to hear that we are “somewhat exclusive...” Just saying. I think you need to honest with her, because if she wants a serious, committed boyfriend she would probably rather know now than later that she should keep looking... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author rightondude Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 It just hasn't come up, probably because we are both keeping options open after getting out of long term relationships and just enjoying each other's company in the meantime. Are we FWB's? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't know, but I'm not ready to put a label on it. I don't think she is either, as I know she still updates her dating profile. This is not for thanksgiving, I spent that with my family today. Alone. This is going to party for a few days. She just said her friend gets some drink in her and might grill me. I am not afraid of losing this girl. At this point, I'm really not looking for a long term relationship if I'm being honest with myself. Maybe if we're still doing the same thing 6 months from now, sure. I just don't want unnecessary drama at this event where I will be depending on her for a ride back home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rightondude Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 No. She is really the one who is asking you (without really asking you). The friend may not ask at all. Are you ready to have the talk with this woman you are dating? She probably does not want to hear your answer for the first time in front of her friends. you may be right. We'll have a 4 hour car ride so it might come up. No, I'm not ready to have this conversation with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rightondude Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 That is the problem and why you are not looking forward to the question as you are still seeing/sleeping with another woman/other women. If you are not all in, then perhaps you should not be acting all "boyfriendy" and spending a week end staying with her close friends. This is how people get very hurt. I am not sleeping with anyone else. But I have been on a few dates. If I were to sleep with someone else, I would stop sleeping with her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 It just hasn't come up, probably because we are both keeping options open after getting out of long term relationships and just enjoying each other's company in the meantime. Are we FWB's? Are we boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't know, but I'm not ready to put a label on it. I don't think she is either, as I know she still updates her dating profile. This is not for thanksgiving, I spent that with my family today. Alone. This is going to party for a few days. She just said her friend gets some drink in her and might grill me. I am not afraid of losing this girl. At this point, I'm really not looking for a long term relationship if I'm being honest with myself. Maybe if we're still doing the same thing 6 months from now, sure. I just don't want unnecessary drama at this event where I will be depending on her for a ride back home. Be honest and let her know this before you go to this party. Not on the ride there. It will likely be embarrassing for her if she brings you to meet her friends, only for them to get the impression from you that this is very casual. It's fine if you want to keep things casual, to be clear, but let the lady know this before she drives you 4 hours to meet her friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 Be honest and let her know this before you go to this party. Not on the ride there. It will likely be embarrassing for her if she brings you to meet her friends, only for them to get the impression from you that this is very casual. It's fine if you want to keep things casual, to be clear, but let the lady know this before she drives you 4 hours to meet her friends. Absolutely, completely, 100% agree. This is the kind thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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