cyndilea526 Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 One night a few months ago... My boyfriend (of 18 months give or take) decided to ignore my texts and calls after he got off work, he almost always texts me after work and comes by my house, and he knows it bothers me when he ignores me. So I, being the good and at this point, slightly worried girlfriend that I am, drove to his house at 3 a.m. only to find the deadbolt AND the doorknob locked, this wouldn't cause question except for the fact that the doorknob is literally NEVER locked and I have a key to the deadbolt but not the doorknob (so that was done intentionally to keep me out). So I walked around the side of the house to take a peek in the window and I saw a girl (who I didn't recognize) sitting on the couch with my boyfriend. The T.V. was on and the two appeared to be engaging in cheery conversation. I walked around to the back door again and knocked... and knocked again... and he hesitantly opened the door, I handed him his key, made a comment about him obviously being busy with his company and I turned to go feeling too emotional to talk. Interestingly, he made ZERO attempt to stop me from leaving... ZERO! Almost as if he didn't care that I was going or like maybe he wanted me to leave. (Side thought: Why do girls always think guys will chase after them and profess love and beg forgiveness for doing stupid things? Damn Fairy Tales!) Anyway, back to what I was saying... I got home but then I decided to go back and ask questions... when I returned he wouldn't open the door despite my incessant knocking and ringing of the doorbell (and when I say incessant I'm talking crazy-time doorbell ringing, just sayin'). The next day he finally responded to my texts around 3 p.m. and said he'd talk to me later. (I called in sick to work, he slept all day and didn't give a crap about my feelings or what was going on in my head) When he finally decided I was worthy of an explanation he said that he ran into her at the bar after work and he was helping her out because she had been drinking and couldn't drive so he offered her a place to spend the night... his house, where he lived alone. The house that he locked me out of. He said: "She's just a friend, nothing happened, nothing was going to happen". And during our talk he said to me "I'm just sorry I put HER in this position". HER! Not me, my feelings were insignificant. He doesn't understand why I don't believe him and I don't understand why he thinks I should. So I'm taking a poll. I told him that I bet most people would say there's more to his story and that I have a right to be upset about it. "She's just a friend"... True or False? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Both of you are wromg and need to break up, grow up and start acting like adults before dating again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 yes he wanted you to leave, so he could get back to trying to bang this woman. Likely after you left, she told him no, or left herself. So then he had to scramble and call you the next day hoping you'd take him back. that could be what happened. Or he could have been helping his friend who drank too much. And decided the best way to devote his full attention to helping her was to not call you and to lock his doors extra tight. Anything's possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 If he had nothing to hide he would've answered his phone, not locked you out, and would've invited you over to spend the night while 'friendy' slept on the couch. sorry, the dude's a tool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 I'll ditto Gaeta. Going over to his house at 3am, twice, was a bit stalkerish. The crazy-time doorbell was probably bad,...but I admit hilarious in your description. At least it wasn't a brick through the window with a note tied to it. In those circumstances I can't say with certainty I wouldn't have done the same. What he did needs no explanation is total BS,...absolutely total BS. If what he said was true he would not have locked the door. It was meant to keep you out just as you surmised. Also if his story is true he would not have ignored you, he would have told you about it and maybe asked you if she could stay with you for the night. I rarely say this directly, but in this case I think it is time to look elsewhere. How in the world can you trust him now? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyndilea526 Posted November 22, 2018 Author Share Posted November 22, 2018 The funny thing is that we are both over 35 so I would consider it a mature adult relationship. But when things like this happen you never know how you'll react and sometimes it's childish. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 The funny thing is that we are both over 35 so I would consider it a mature adult relationship. But when things like this happen you never know how you'll react and sometimes it's childish. When you catch yourself making plans like going to his house in the middle of the night that is because the relationship is already over. You did that because you had no trust in him and you refuse to see things for what they really are. Here you are trying real hard to beleive his story, you want to beleive and unbelievable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 The funny thing is that we are both over 35 so I would consider it a mature adult relationship. But when things like this happen you never know how you'll react and sometimes it's childish. and sometimes it ends up on Live PD. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 When I go out to a bar I always invite women who I have no intention of having sex with home if they are in need of help. Doesn’t everyone? Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 When I go out to a bar I always invite women who I have no intention of having sex with home if they are in need of help. Doesn’t everyone? it's the only gentlemanly sensible thing to do. How else is she going to get home? it's not like there's an uber awesome lyft system they could use. And I always double lock the doors behind me and never tell any significant others about it either, safety first and no need to alarm anyone to my chivalrous ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 When I go out to a bar I always invite women who I have no intention of having sex with home if they are in need of help. Doesn’t everyone? Ya, those are the women men prey upon when they want to have sex with a stranger. You have no relationship with this guy. You said this was a few months ago - Did you go back to him? I hope not! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 (edited) Of course he's lying. He didn't bring her home to "help" her. But the dynamic in your relationship sounds dysfunctional and immature anyway. When you're driving over to your boyfriend's house in the middle of the night to check on him, you might as well end it right there. Healthy, mature adults don't generally feel compelled to do these things, and if you do, you already know it's as good as over. Especially when you have to poll strangers on the internet to justify your feelings to him. You two aren't in grade school here. My guess is that this is not the first time he's cheated, right? Edited November 22, 2018 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nodramallama Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 There's nothing to question. The fact that he ignored your texts fully knowing how much it bothers you (who wouldn't be bothered by this!) is a huge red flag. I understand you going over there to check on his welfare, however, his lack of regard to your feelings once he opened the door should be the deal breaker. He only confirmed that he doesn't care about your feelings at all. Your relationship is over. The best way to reclaim your dignity is to completely cut all contact with him. Delete, block, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 What an inconsiderate girlfriend you are. You were totally cockblocking him! How can he be expected to get a girl into bed when his crazy girlfriend is constantly hammering on the door? You've got some apologising to do. I think the only way you can really make this up to him is by bringing an attractive friend over for a threesome. Or better yet, an attractive sister. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted November 22, 2018 Share Posted November 22, 2018 it's the only gentlemanly sensible thing to do. How else is she going to get home? it's not like there's an uber awesome lyft system they could use. And I always double lock the doors behind me and never tell any significant others about it either, safety first and no need to alarm anyone to my chivalrous ways. ^THIS LOL!! Honey.. you don't just have the right to question this.. you have the right to dump his ass. It's very odd that you have to drive over to his place at 3 AM because he's ignoring you. It does, like someone else had said, show that you don't really trust him. Unless you did it because you're genuinely worried. If I had a boyfriend who contacted me everyday after work and suddenly stopped responding to my calls or texts, I'd probably check up on him too (only if we live close to each other tho!). If I were to be in your shoes.. and he locked the door (with deadbolt and all) and I see him with a girl in side through the window.. while ALSO ignoring all my calls.. I'd dump him on the spot. I don't care if they didn't do anything or if his story is true. There's a reason why he ignored your calls and refused to text/call you. He probably had sex with her. Even if he didn't and he's telling the truth, he should've called and told you about it. AND how often do men or women in COMMITTED relationships bring home a person of the opposite sex and be alone with them because they're drunk? And without telling their bf/gf? This whole situation is just so wrong and it amazes me that you're still with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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