Post first date text, does this mean no 2nd?

[GoodDaze43]

Hey I just need some opinions, I went on a date with this really nice girl and than decided to text her several hours later. Because she didn't reply to the second part of my text I assume No.

 

Me: "Hey was great seeing you! If you're interested sometime we should grab drinks or check out that aussie cafe."

 

Girl: "Was great meeting you too ? glad you finally got to see the market!"

[MidwestUSA]

Not necessarily. Instead of 'If you're interested', you should have outright asked for another date, with specifics - day, time, place.

 

Do that, and if you get a no, then it's a no.

[jjbarr19]

Women ever rarely reject men in a blunt manner. It’s always a soft blow, subtle. In this case, I would assume she’s letting you down easy.

 

Why do I say that? Well, mainly because she didn’t address the second part of your text. That’s no accident my friend.

 

Listen, it was just a first date. Not everyone you meet will be into you, and it goes the other way as well. The more you date, the more you’ll realize that you need a spark to happen. And you can’t create it, it comes naturally. She’s not meant for you because you’re meant for someone else. You just haven’t met her yet. And when you do, boy you’re gonna know. Until then, keep searching, keep dating, but more importantly keep having fun.

[Highndry]

Not necessarily. Instead of 'If you're interested', you should have outright asked for another date, with specifics - day, time, place.

 

Do that, and if you get a no, then it's a no.

 

 

It's interesting that as a woman you don't think so, because as a guy I see it as a rejection. I do agree that he should have been specific, but she completely ignored his request to go out again. In my experience, an interested woman would have said, "yeah, let's do it!"

[MidwestUSA]

It's interesting that as a woman you don't think so, because as a guy I see it as a rejection. I do agree that he should have been specific, but she completely ignored his request to go out again. In my experience, an interested woman would have said, "yeah, let's do it!"

 

I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. At least she was positive about their one outing. Maybe she was distracted, short on time, idk. Maybe she was trying to bait him into being direct about it. Yes, it would be nice if all women grabbed the opportunity and were assertive. I'd have said 'Great! When?'. But even I can't figure out women, so who knows?

 

If he wants a definite 'no', for closure, then asking a direct question about a second date would have done the trick.

[guest569]

Yep, agreed. Ask and find out.

[Gretchen12]

There's too much randomness in what people say and do, it's impossible to decipher with certainty based on that one text. I think a lot of times women just end up in relationships with the most forward guy. All the other guys disappeared for reasons not always clear to the woman.

[smackie9]

That is classic diverting....she did a tuck and roll there bud.

 

 

If she was interested she would have said "Oh I would love that!" It's a no brainer here.

[Juha]

I agree, she responded on the first part and totally ignored the second part of your text.

 

Not a good sign, but you need to ask her out again not make a suggestion then you will get your answer.

 

I wish you luck

[Versacehottie]

Hey I just need some opinions, I went on a date with this really nice girl and than decided to text her several hours later. Because she didn't reply to the second part of my text I assume No.

 

Me: "Hey was great seeing you! If you're interested sometime we should grab drinks or check out that aussie cafe."

 

Girl: "Was great meeting you too ? glad you finally got to see the market!"

 

Ok, I agree with most of the others that she is ignoring the second part of your text. Plus from her wording vibe she doesn't sound like an airhead or spacey, so i think it's deliberate also (tuck and roll is hilarious, smackie!).

 

Two things i think to keep in mind, the fact that you said "if you are interested sometime" is too timid. You already went on one date with her. If you are gonna get a no, not interested, you will get it no matter what--so always default to the confident way of stating things. Presume and word your stuff like she IS interested. More bold like "let's go check out that aussie cafe sometime" or even "we should grab drinks this week, what about thursday". No pussyfooting around, with the "if you're interested" after you've already spent time with her--you are selling yourself short at the point. To be respectful, you could pose a question like that before the first time you've ever gone out and/or if you are friends or work acquaintances where you are not sure if she is interested in dating you. I wouldn't even pose it that way if you met her from a dating app, where the purpose is to date.

 

So secondly, the fact that you proposed it that way, kinda shows me that perhaps you approached lots of other things on the date, in texting and in wording this way. Almost like too nice guy, not assertive enough, thus no spark, which is highly likely why she is not interested or jumping at the next chance. It's something to think about and analyze in your behavior so you can change things up a bit to get what you want. I know some people will say I'm reading too much into a simple phrasing but all this kind of stuff conveys a message to people and your attractiveness in turn. I personally think you need to change some stuff up to convey a more confident you. I'm not saying you're not but if you show off your respectful nice guy side too much you won't get the chance to keep dating someone. I'm not worried that you won't still be a nice guy because it's obviously in you (which is such a good thing) and will be much more appreciated by a girl who is so attracted to you because you lead with confidence. Good luck!

[losangelena]

I agree with versace. You could have been 10x more assertive/forward, and that may have resulted in a different outcome. If I were in this woman’s position, and I got a post-date text from a guy and he said, “if you’re interested,” I would think that maybe he was not so much.

 

In fact, that did happen to me once. I’d been on two dates with a guy that went well, but there was very little escalation of anything physical. After our second date, he sent me a text saying, “we should do something in your neighborhood sometime,” and I said, “sure!,” and then I never heard from him again. Looking back, I realized he was essentially putting the ball in my court to plan the next date, but it totally went over my head at the time. If I’d known that’s what he was getting at, I would’ve acted differently.

 

Anyway, point being, the direct approach has the potential to open more doors, nine times out of ten.

[Lotsgoingon]

I'll echo what others have said with a twist.

 

Definitely you can lose the "if you're interested" ....

 

Instead, think of what you'd like to do, a date or meetup that works for you, and propose that with enthusiasm.

 

But ... there is a bit of a chicken and egg confusion here.

 

We're saying you asked her out too tentatively ... I agree you were pretty tentative ... But ... you might have asked her out so tentatively precisely because you didn't pick up clear enthusiasm and interest from her on the date.

 

There are dates that are perfectly pleasant, even warm .... without one partner showing real romantic interest in the other ... It can be challenging to distinguish those two ... a pleasant date vs. a date with chemistry and energy and enthusiasm. Distinguishing the two kinds of dates does require brutal honesty.

 

Did this woman act--during the date and at the end--like she REALLY REALLY wanted to see you again?

[lurker74]

Please be less wishy-washy. I tend to think she was not rejecting you but next time, "Great meeting you last night and I'd like to do it again..are you free Tuesday night?"

 

Though this is a tad sexist, I will give the golden piece of advice for guys dating women (for the most part): when you ask her out, have a day, time, and location to give her because she almost assuredly HATES the "what do you want to do?' conversation.

 

The corollary to that is when you're married, ladies, just say what you want for dinner. Don't make it a law and order cross examination or it might end up like those episodes do.

[Versacehottie]

oh i just wanted to say to be clear that I think the way you worded it OP with being timid, probably did echo stuff you did all along from the moment you asked her out, on the date and stuff. It's symbolic of probably all the types of things you conveyed including and up to that phrase. I would guess she had already made up her mind or nearly had by that point. Hope I'm wrong, of course, and you are on a good date with her.

 

People (scientifically) like what they feel are their equals or what they think is "better" than they can get (out of their league, one might say) so if you do things that make it seem like you are "lucky" to be (unequally lucky, not appreciative lucky) spending time with them or in their presence, you will likely not get what you want or not be seen as valuable as you are. Good luck

[GoodDaze43]

oh i just wanted to say to be clear that I think the way you worded it OP with being timid, probably did echo stuff you did all along from the moment you asked her out, on the date and stuff. It's symbolic of probably all the types of things you conveyed including and up to that phrase. I would guess she had already made up her mind or nearly had by that point. Hope I'm wrong, of course, and you are on a good date with her.

 

People (scientifically) like what they feel are their equals or what they think is "better" than they can get (out of their league, one might say) so if you do things that make it seem like you are "lucky" to be (unequally lucky, not appreciative lucky) spending time with them or in their presence, you will likely not get what you want or not be seen as valuable as you are. Good luck

 

I want to say thank you Versacehottie and everyone who has commented. You're all very right, too often I am timid and have been told a lot that I'm too much of a nice guy or very friendly. Its important that I try and learn to be more confident and straightforward.

 

I was wondering should I message this girl later this week and be more direct with a plan for a date or should I just take this as a lost and move on?

[GTR King]

Take a loss mate move on

 

If she was interested she would of said something like

 

Had a great time tonight, Let’s do again. How about Tuesday? xx

 

There will be someone out there

[marissajuriya]

there are numerous critical variations with a purpose to make one or the alternative form of coverage the suitable one for you and possibly your circle of relatives. Some subjects artwork higher at the same time as they may be dry. Toast remains crisp while now not sitting in a puddle of water, as an example, on the Vidhigra identical time as precious works of art generally tend to keep their shape and color while it isn't immersed in oil tanks. There are a few subjects, even though, that certainly does not blend with dryness.

[guest569]

I was wondering should I message this girl later this week and be more direct with a plan for a date or should I just take this as a lost and move on?

 

Should you be direct and actually ask her out and risk rejection? Yes. I would go for it. If you want to see her again, and you want to know one way or the other. Otherwise if you're lukewarm and don't care then move on.

[elaine567]

"if you are interested" is the problem here.

It is woolly and implies, we can go if you want but I am not that interested.

To some who are interested that will be seen as a challenge, to others who may also be interested it will be a turn off.

Don't wait till later, what are you waiting for? Suggest a firm date asap and if she says no, then so be it. You will not have wasted days of your time wondering.

[smackie9]

Yes being straight forward/direct is saying "I want to take you out_____" Not "if you are interested, if you feel like, maybe you would like to______" It's like a sales pitch, you say don't ask you tell them what they/you want. Just like wanting their number...say "Let me get your number, What's your number? Give me your number.....Not "Can I get your number? Would it be OK to get your number?. See what I'm getting at? Having that approach does make a difference. It really changes that vibe from meek to confident.

[Versacehottie]

I want to say thank you Versacehottie and everyone who has commented. You're all very right, too often I am timid and have been told a lot that I'm too much of a nice guy or very friendly. Its important that I try and learn to be more confident and straightforward.

 

I was wondering should I message this girl later this week and be more direct with a plan for a date or should I just take this as a lost and move on?

 

I often wouldn't say this but I almost think the best thing to do is make it about you and an experiment of sorts. It's probably a loss anyway since she did not pick up on the invite part of your message, so my advice about looking more confident and "balancing" things out is to do nothing. Yep, nothing. Well, unless she messages you or picks back up and mentions the invite you extended.

 

Here's the thing: if you believe you are equally worth it and of course you don't have much invested with some girl you went out once with, she will need to meet you halfway--because you are worth it. Confident guys (people actually) aren't going to continue to invest in someone and treat them for an end goal that they are not sure they want to happen. Wanting the "end goal" is dependent on HER meeting YOUR standards. If that makes sense.

 

So a girl that was meh about an invite after a nice & fun date doesn't make the cut. *note if it's OLD or an app, people are so dismissive and things so random, that perhaps you will never get any sort of response from her that will round out the experiment, but still i think it will help you recognize your value. (you don't keep throwing good money after bad or putting in effort when it doesn't pay off). If you know her from life/as acquaintance/or if there was really that much chemistry, i think she might meet you halfway & you will hear from her.

 

The main point is that if you were a guy who was less timid, the ball would be in her court regardless. So that's exactly what you should do here as well. Sometimes you need to approach things in reverse (i.e. fake it til you make it) to create the inner confidence you hope to build--in other words, do or copy what a guy who you imagine would be the things you would like to add to yourself or has an ideal dating life would do. Like a guy with options would be onto the next or would appear that way to whoever he gave a chance to that didn't fully jump at it.

 

Another important thing so that you end up in a relationship AND happy is to not want a girlfriend so much so that you just keep that goal in mind. Evaluate at every step of the way--don't jump to the end. Wanting to ask her out again, get another date out of her is "jumping to the end". On what basis, if she is lackluster about you? Sometimes you just need to pull back and be patient to get what you want. That will help you I think. If she picks back up, provided you are still free to date her and not onto the next for real, you can consider it/go with it. Sometimes that space will have the other person thinking about you in the way they should have from the beginning. If you "try" again and get "rejected" again, what message are you sending yourself? Think about it. I wouldn't recommend that at this stage. Whatever you decide to do good luck !!!

[smackie9]

TIP: if you don't get a definitive YES, you back off, and move on. You do not waste your time. That shows strength,self worth and value. To be desirable is to be less available.