Hersheys Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Hi! I've been seeing this guy for five months. Its LDR as we live in different countries but not that far only 2 hour plane ride. He's seems OK and doing his part in the relationship. My question is how do I quell my anxiety? I really like him but all these is making me very anxious and nervous. Thanks in advance for your replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 An easy way to do it is to journal here, because it can be therapeutic to discuss what your actual anxieties are about. What are you anxious about specifically? And is this guy worth you spending huge amounts of money on plane trips? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hersheys Posted November 19, 2018 Author Share Posted November 19, 2018 An easy way to do it is to journal here, because it can be therapeutic to discuss what your actual anxieties are about. What are you anxious about specifically? And is this guy worth you spending huge amounts of money on plane trips? Thanks for the reply! I'm mainly anxious about me doing, saying something that will upset him and make me lose him. In the beginning he was the one who came on too strong, very interested but lately I noticed that the 'tables are turning' so to speak. I'm the one who's hot hot hot for him and on his part he fluctuates from hot to lukewarm but most of the time lukewarm. Its not supposed to be like this, right? I feel so dumb right now I feel like I've lost the confidence I had in the beginning I haven't spent much on airfare for him though. Mostly him. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 (edited) So what you are probably seeing is a guy who was taught to be a little lukewarm in order to have you increase your interest level. In the beginning, guys don't have much experience with dating unless they have been doing it since middle school and high school. So, many guys turn to dating coaches or books on how to get dates. I would not critique him for doing so, he's probably just learned because there was nobody else to teach him in his life. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with having the hots for your boyfriend. It seems like you both like each other, and nothing terrible has happened yet. So, I suggest you: 1. Keep your cool as much as you can. You can always express how much you adore him. Just don't text him 6 times a day and call twice a day. 2. Go on as many fun events as you can stuff into your routine. 3. Get to know his friends a little bit. 4. Know the guy beyond the infatuation and rose coloured glasses that you are in right now. Try to sort out what he will be like in the long term. When the relationship gets a little like soggy bread on a rainy day, will he stand up to the challenge of keeping it interesting (and will you)? What are his goals for a long term relationship? Do you see a relationship with a pet/ kids? Certainly these questions are a bit heavy to ask in the beginning phases of a relationship, but at least work on knowing his story about how he got to today. So then - you can have a much clearer picture of the product you are planning on buying. An excellent gentleman brought up in an excellent fashion won't criticize his girlfriend for the little things in a relationship. You'll find out if he is truly excellent if he is also forgiving. Edited November 19, 2018 by Garcon1986 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 LDRs are fraught with anxiety. You quell it by closing the distance. I am concerned that you think you can't talk to him. Sometimes people misspeak, they say the wrong word etc. Your fear that he will leave you after only such a short time together tells me you need to get a hold of your emotions & try to breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 If you're prone to anxiety, then a long-distance relation is not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I'm the one who's hot hot hot for him and on his part he fluctuates from hot to lukewarm but most of the time lukewarm. Its not supposed to be like this, right? I feel so dumb right now If you're prone to relationship anxiety, LDR's are probably a bad choice. That said, if he's lukewarm for you, are you sure you want to be with him even if he lived 10 seconds away? Link to post Share on other sites
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