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Risque messages, hmmm.


lavenderandvelvet

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lavenderandvelvet

So in today’s dose of over analyzing - let’s talk about naughty texts.

 

Started messaging an online guy. Good conversation. Similar sense of humor. Exchanged phone numbers after a few days of messages (1-2 per day).

 

This has turned into adhoc flurries of texts over the past few days. . Looks like our schedules aren’t very compatible in tbe near term. So we have planned to meet after Thanksgiving. His ideas for outings are active things like walks and bike rides.

 

So far we have done some of the get to know you stuff. But the texts have basically been random topics in the evening. He sent me a pic of his cat, his cooking, and himself. Innoucuous stuff.

 

Then he slipped in a few PG-13 comments, definitely flirting*.

 

And that prompted me to start thinking about how I feel about that from a person I have yet to meet.

 

I realize it gets a little tricky because while sure part of the dating dance is the physical intimacy part. And of course we keep our radar on for people talking about sex to soon because they want nothing else. And then you think of all the societal guilt that gets placed on women being sexual beings.

 

And that leaves you with a bunch of over analysis.

 

So the question - how do you feel about sexual messages in the early stages?

 

* And I know the next question is what did he say? There were a few comments. Including a joke after I mentioned I was catching a cold, “no kissing for you.” :p

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As a male, they’re not for me and I’d be slightly turned off if a girl started being sexual over message BEFORE meeting. After meeting and you’ve established that there is a sexual attraction then fine, but before - nope.

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I would probably find the "no kissing" comment just fine, but I wouldn't want anything more suggestive. But that's just me.

 

Also my thought.

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<SNIP>

Then he slipped in a few PG-13 comments, definitely flirting*.

 

<SNIP>“no kissing for you.” :p

 

That warrants a parental guidance rating? Oh my.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I don't see the no-kissing comment as PG-13, personally. To me, he's just trying to crack a joke and be a little flirty. Nothing to worry about.

 

If he were sending more overtly sexual or graphic texts, then no, I would not be okay with that. For me, sexual innuendo over a message is the territory of a more established partner and not some guy I have never met.

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You aren't over-analyzing ... You're thinking and engaged in clear thinking.

 

If a step doesn't come to us naturally, it's great to pause and think about what's the smart next move.

 

Keeping the sexual flirting to a minimum is really smart --and not just because you're a woman ... and being cautious on the sexual flirting so does not mean you're succumbing to stereotypes about women and their sexuality.

 

Go with what feels comfortable to you! Period.

 

Unless you're looking for a quick hookup, then you don't want to get too flirty ... because frankly you will meet this person and there's a good chance you won't find him to be sexy or interesting at all.

 

Plus, you don't know that you can trust him yet ...

 

One of the repeated themes on this board is how little you know someone via texting or social media ... You have to meet in person ... and see ... plenty of time for the sexy flirting if you meet this guy and decide you like him ... and you don't even need to start the sexy flirting right away.

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lavenderandvelvet

The kissing comment kicked off a few more flirty comments. E.g. he mentioned hanging out at home in sweats. And I replied I was wearing similar - sweats in dress form, making a cocktail. And that escalated to an aside about imagining marking cocktails in a dress. Paraphrasing here. Anyway he was toe-ing the line intentionally.

 

I generally take these things in context. A few comments is fine. But if themat is the only conversation I am worried.

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I guess he is trying to stay out of the friend-zone, which is a definite possibility if you are not going to see him until Thanksgiving.

By that time you will be sending each other kitten videos and exchanging recipes...

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I guess he is trying to stay out of the friend-zone, which is a definite possibility if you are not going to see him until Thanksgiving.

By that time you will be sending each other kitten videos and exchanging recipes...

 

 

I'll never understand why people try to make something happen online, when there's so many single people in the real world for them to meet.

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I'll never understand why people try to make something happen online, when there's so many single people in the real world for them to meet.

 

because they can't meet people in the real world and are forced to meet people online. what they don't get is that meeting ppl online is actually harder than meeting them in the real world

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because they can't meet people in the real world and are forced to meet people online. what they don't get is that meeting ppl online is actually harder than meeting them in the real world

 

 

nah, it's easier to meet people online. Start talking to them, spend a week or so doing that, then make the conversation flirty - or the other person will eventually do it anyway - and it won't take long for them to start trading nudes and sexting.

 

 

 

But, in many cases these people are usually in other continents, and although there's people willing to come and visit them - it doesn't exactly make for a good relationship when 2 individuals are living in opposite continents does it.

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lavenderandvelvet
I'll never understand why people try to make something happen online, when there's so many single people in the real world for them to meet.

 

Because I don’t often find the right people in real life. You gotta try all the avenues.

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Because I don’t often find the right people in real life. You gotta try all the avenues.

 

 

what do you mean by the right people? People who are single? Yeah, after a certain age most people are paired up.

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lavenderandvelvet
what do you mean by the right people? People who are single? Yeah, after a certain age most people are paired up.

 

The type of single people I connect with. I meet single people I have nothing in common with in my day to day. So I gotta branch out for a different crew of people.

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"...no kissing for you..."

 

 

Geez, that's not even PG these days, that's rated G. If a guy gets nexted for that, the woman did him a favor.

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lavenderandvelvet
"...no kissing for you..."

 

 

Geez, that's not even PG these days, that's rated G. If a guy gets nexted for that, the woman did him a favor.

 

That wasn’t the only comment! Things escalated.

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Are we messaging the same person? I swear this just happened to me. I nexted him, shamelessly, because I don’t like engaging in banter like that without having met in person. In general, he was a bit pushy. And, I got aick of the cat pics.

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Geez, that's not even PG these days, that's rated G. If a guy gets nexted for that, the woman did him a favor.

 

No kidding! This is nuts. Flirting is how it's done. Are you telling us OP, that you expect a guy to play is perfectly straight and never make a comment that's even remotely suggestive? Why would a guy want to get mixed up with a woman like that anyway? Most of the women I meet online will open the door that that kind of flirting after a few messages. I wait on them to open that door (unless she's already done so in her pics or profile). If flirting is off the table, what's left? Continuous exchange of serious data? Pfffft. I think you need to loosen up a bit.

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That wasn’t the only comment! Things escalated.

 

Can you give us an example of how things escalated? It would help if you gave us a better idea of the messages that have your red flags up.

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lavenderandvelvet
Are we messaging the same person? I swear this just happened to me. I nexted him, shamelessly, because I don’t like engaging in banter like that without having met in person. In general, he was a bit pushy. And, I got aick of the cat pics.

 

Lol!

 

Can you give us an example of how things escalated? It would help if you gave us a better idea of the messages that have your red flags up.

 

Me: what are you up to

Him: hanging at home on the couch in my sweats (included selfie)

Me: I’m wearing sweats in dress form. Small talk, I’m making a cocktail

Him: I’m imagining you making a cocktail in your sweats, I should stop before things go too far ;)

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Lol!

 

 

 

Me: what are you up to

Him: hanging at home on the couch in my sweats (included selfie)

Me: I’m wearing sweats in dress form. Small talk, I’m making a cocktail

Him: I’m imagining you making a cocktail in your sweats, I should stop before things go too far ;)

 

 

Are you fresh out of the convent or something? Good gravy...

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