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Mishandling behavior


Mr.Me

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Committed relationship girl receives a text that is clearly written and designed to illicit a response from a guy not her significant other.

 

 

 

Guy) 9:00am "What are you doing right now?"

Girl) 9:30am "I'm home sick today"

 

Guy) 9:32am "Miss talking to you"

Guy) 11:00am "I'm sorry your sick, wish I were taking care of you"

Guy) 2:00pm "How are you feeling?"

 

Girl) 2:30pm "Crappy"

Girl) 2:31pm "Sleeping mostly"

Guy) 10:15pm "You can ask me for anything you need anytime"

 

 

The next day

 

 

Guy) 10:00am "I know you don't want me lol"

Guy) 11:15am "Are you back yet"

 

Girl) 11:20am "Still sick"

Guy) 1:00pm "Oh that sucks" Let me know if I can do anything for you"

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this situation, It appears the girl tactfully likes being hit on and doesn't flat out say "stop it" while the guy continues feeling it out with subtleties.

 

 

 

Would you consider this inappropriate of either party?

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I don't see any interest on the part of the woman.

 

She gives one-word answers that change the subject. She never even remotely says I like you or I want to spend time with you.

 

I don't see any interest on her part. If I were the guy (or a friend were the guy) I would interpret her reactions as clear disinterest.

 

I don't see "I'm sick" and "I feel crappy" as showing any interest. Just my view.

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Guy) 9:32am "Miss talking to you"

Guy) 11:00am "I'm sorry your sick, wish I were taking care of you''

 

 

Her replying after these comments is completely inappropriate on her part. I don't care what the guy says she is the one in a relationship and she should be shutting him down and blocking him.

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I don't see any interest on the part of the woman.

 

She gives one-word answers that change the subject. She never even remotely says I like you or I want to spend time with you.

 

I don't see any interest on her part. If I were the guy (or a friend were the guy) I would interpret her reactions as clear disinterest.

 

I don't see "I'm sick" and "I feel crappy" as showing any interest. Just my view.

 

I'll second that.

 

Most of his comments go unresponded too.

The guy is clearly a clueless idiot and I think her lack of response says that she knows it.

 

I'm more worried about the OP's state of insecurity in being worried enough about this to even post it here,...when he should be just looking at it and laughing.

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Guy) 9:32am "Miss talking to you"

Guy) 11:00am "I'm sorry your sick, wish I were taking care of you''

 

 

Her replying after these comments is completely inappropriate on her part. I don't care what the guy says she is the one in a relationship and she should be shutting him down and blocking him.

 

I do agree but many women like having orbiters.. it gives the an ego boost they emotionally need that they are not getting from their SO...

 

If they don't shut it down they are doing it to keep the guy on the hook, monkey branching is born this way.

 

I think their committed relationship is down the drain...

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I do agree but many women like having orbiters.. it gives the an ego boost they emotionally need that they are not getting from their SO...

 

If they don't shut it down they are doing it to keep the guy on the hook, monkey branching is born this way.

 

I think their committed relationship is down the drain...

 

 

I agree not shutting him down is a symptoms that her relationship with OP isn't all it's suppose to be.

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Agree she should assert her boundaries by telling him his behaviour is inappropriate and/or no longer responding.

 

Seems she enjoys the attention and has poor boundaries and self-esteem.

 

OP, are you reading your gf's text messages?

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What is “Monkey Branching?”

 

“Orbit” is a good word. I like it.

 

A few of you mentioned you felt like it was doomed. Why do you feel like it’s doomed?

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I don't see any interest on the part of the woman.

 

She gives one-word answers that change the subject. She never even remotely says I like you or I want to spend time with you.

 

I don't see any interest on her part. If I were the guy (or a friend were the guy) I would interpret her reactions as clear disinterest.

 

I don't see "I'm sick" and "I feel crappy" as showing any interest. Just my view.

 

I agree.

 

OP, if you want to break up with her, just do it. You don't trust your own judgement or something? If you can't, you shouldn't be in relationships.

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What is “Monkey Branching?”

 

“Orbit” is a good word. I like it.

 

A few of you mentioned you felt like it was doomed. Why do you feel like it’s doomed?

 

2 red flags:

1) She has poor boundaries / low self-esteem.

2) I assume you're snooping. Snooping means no trust. No trust, no relationship.

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She clearly likes having this orbiter and doesn't want to shut that conversation down/create boundaries (as she should have). It may be because she is keeping him on the back burner or she just likes the attention.

 

I am curious, though, how you retrieved this information. I think that may be more telling in and of itself on the healthiness of your relationship.

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A few of you mentioned you felt like it was doomed. Why do you feel like it’s doomed?

Because she is opened to be pursued by other men. She enjoys their attention. She lets them talk to her in inappropriate ways. If a man texted me he wish he could take care of me when I am sick I'd be pretty disgusted. She is not which means she is opened to men 'other than her bf'.
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Would you guys feel different if this were someone that couldn't be blocked such as a coworker and texting is a main form of communication? What if it were email or other social media? Would that have a bearing on it?

 

 

We actually don't know if this girl has attempted to shut it down or not. We don't have that information here. Could it be simply it's easy for this girl to ignore the passes and be polite till the guy moved on?

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Would you guys feel different if this were someone that couldn't be blocked such as a coworker and texting is a main form of communication? What if it were email or other social media? Would that have a bearing on it?
No absolutely no difference, I'd tell him to stop using inappropriate language with me or I'll take care of it in a more damaging manner.

 

 

 

We actually don't know if this girl has attempted to shut it down or not. We don't have that information here. Could it be simply it's easy for this girl to ignore the passes and be polite till the guy moved on?
No. In this day-and-age of movement Metoo, there is no more 'enduring' this type of sexual harassment till the guy moves on. You shut him down and if it doesn't work you report him.
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In that case she should make no reply at all. You are not required to text, IM or otherwise communicate with people you honestly don't want to have contact with.

 

So by responding to ANY of it she's not only allowing but encouraging. Low level encouragement, maybe, but there nonetheless.

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Poor guy is a hopeless shelp. She's dodging his advances, which mean this guy is making her uncomfortable...and her not responding most of the time is her way of casing a hint for him to go away.....like most young girls they don't want to be evil, and tell them to f off. She's doing the fade on the guy...we all know that game. I know I did that when I was a teenager. I bet she thought this was a friendship like our other poster on another thread.

 

 

 

OP if this is your GF, you have nothing to worry about....her lack of interest is pretty obvious and I agree with PRW you should be laughing at the goof.

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It's definitely not so innocent. No man is allowed to ask me what I am doing right now except my beau, my Dad and my brother. If a coworker texted me that question I would reply "why?" (eg are you asking because you need me to come in to work?") And course no need to tell the guy I am sick unless it's the reason I can't come in to work.

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What is “Monkey Branching?”

 

“Orbit” is a good word. I like it.

 

A few of you mentioned you felt like it was doomed. Why do you feel like it’s doomed?

 

The full term is Beta Male Orbiter. You can google that. I never heard of Monkey Branching, but it sound fun.

 

I don't think it is doomed, I don't see much of a problem here at all. If she responded back to him in an encouraging way, then maybe there is a problem,...but I don't see that at all. The guy has no chance of picking up this girl at all, and I think she is trying to not be an ass about it and is just choosing to give him very little response. Maybe she has to work with the guy or deal with him in some way on a daily basis and doesn't want to make an enemy out of him.

 

I'm more concerned about the OP snooping this stuff on her phone and writing about it on a public web forum instead of just asking her about it. I think most women might want their guy to express these concerns with her in private first before taking it to "The World" without her knowledge.

 

Of course most posts made here by OP's fall into that category.

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This would indicate at some point they were closer.

 

Exactly. This is not a case of just being polite in a strictly coworker type relationship. :rolleyes:

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The full term is Beta Male Orbiter. You can google that. I never heard of Monkey Branching, but it sound fun.

 

Monkeybranching is setting up your next relationship or hookup before your out of your last. You don't let go of the current branch until you've secured your hold on the next.

 

To the OP, it's worrisome behavior. I'd need a bit more context before saying it's doomed. I would like to have seen her respond to the "I miss talking to you" with "Hey, that's great but I'm in a relationship and that text goes too far. I'm sick so I'm going to sleep. If someone absolutely needs something, have them call me."

 

But if she's young and insecure, she may hope that being non responsive will just force it to go away, especially if the dude is in any way a supervisor. So depending on context, I don't think the relationship is doomed but there's work for her to do on herself.

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Would you guys feel different if this were someone that couldn't be blocked such as a coworker and texting is a main form of communication? What if it were email or other social media? Would that have a bearing on it?

 

then that is an HR issue and this should be taken up with them if the contact veers off into the unwanted attention category.

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I looked in your past thread and it looks like you're both in your 40s so we're not talking about an innocent young woman here. You were also guilty of snooping in her email 2 months ago and found things that were disturbing to you. You also worry because she is highly sexual and you wonder......

 

 

I stand by what I said earlier. Totally inappropriate on her part to not shut him down, she is a well experienced woman that knows saying nothing is like saying yes. The I miss talking to you indicates a history between her and that guy.

 

 

 

If I were you I would terminate this relationship. At your age why do you bother with this type of sh%t.

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There are many good points here. I appreciate all that everyone had to offer.

 

All is not what it seems when information is limited such as this.

 

 

 

I haven't been snooping. The GF and I have both been hurt badly in the past and have since discussed many things recently and one of those is a trust and transparency. I've come to the conclusion on that part that my trust levels are just really low for fear of my well being taken from me again. I'm very much a "trust but verify" kind of person. By that I mean I listen carefully and I watch even closer and look for patterns of behaviors to match up within reason. Reasonability is the key word here. We are all human and imperfect. A past relationship really done a number on me and my comfort levels for this kind of thing. I feel that trust is a choice I make and but I watch carefully for signs that perhaps I should not be and so in my hast for truth I sometimes tend to error on the "need to run away" feelings. I don't want to do that this time so I'm really putting thoughts into feelings and perspectives keeping my judgments more left brained than right brained. My logic sense says there are good people in the world. Lots of them. My emotions tell me otherwise so I debate internally and so I ask the original question to gauge others opinions upon my own and looked for perspective perhaps I had not thought of. The original post isn't verbatim but the subject matter is there at least.

 

 

 

This guy is indeed a coworker. One that is leaving the company soon. Email, texting and instant messaging is a main form of communication for the employees and so I've requested that any conversation between them be kept strictly professional and platonic and responses not work related shall be avoided to make me feel better about it. The GF has promised me everyone knows she has me and is very happy. I know, from my own experiences that many don't care and will prey on other with vulnerabilities just to get laid. My girl if you will, is very strong in the mind and heart and also caring and sociable so she doesn't feel the need to be super mean to him on the way out the door but instead she ignores the "hey how are you?" texts and only responds to ones work related. She admits that she has occasionally responded to personal type messages from this guy but is much more outwardly sociable to the other employees. In other words, she just doesn't want to have be a bitch and make unneeded waves just to buy a weeks before he is gone anyway. I've asked her to be open to me about these and that I didn't want to feel like I had to go through her messages and texts and emails. I don't feel like that harbors a good "trusting" relationship by either of us however transparency is big for meso we agreed to share passwords and things. So with all this I think we are both learning and growing and feel like we have something amazing going on and yet we try not to drag the past around in a bucket behind us sometimes we just get a little scared and need a little reassurance.

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