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I’m pregnant, counting my blessings


Destini

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I’m 18, the father of my child is my fiancé so I’m not just his baby mom. We live together. I have my own car. My mom lives down the street from us, so I’ll have extra help. I have a CNA license as well. Most people are in worse situations. The father of their child or children sometimes aren’t even in their lives or aren’t even happy about the pregnancy nor are they around during the pregnancy. At least I’m engaged to the guy I’m pregnant by. He even posted a picture of the ultrasound on Facebook. That proves he’s happy I’m having his child. Other girls can’t say the same.

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Oh God. We all saw this pregnancy coming a mile away.

 

I really do hope it works out for you but I still have serious doubts.

 

All I see is a young girl who doesn't have the skills or sense to take care of herself who is now going to condemn another person -- your baby -- to a hard life because you failed to educate yourself, get a good job & be able to pass down meaningful skills to your offspring.

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People are likely negative because you've gotten yourself into a very sad situation. You are young and could've done anything with your life. Now you will be saddled with a child while you are barely an adult yourself. Do you understand what a tough road you've now got ahead of you? You can, of course, go on to accomplish anything, but you've made it incredibly hard on yourself.

 

Do you work? Does your fiance work? Will the two of you be able to support this child? Can you afford to pay for daycare, diapers, clothing, health care, etc.?

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I’m 18, the father of my child is my fiancé so I’m not just his baby mom. We live together. I have my own car. My mom lives down the street from us, so I’ll have extra help. I have a CNA license as well. Most people are in worse situations. The father of their child or children sometimes aren’t even in their lives or aren’t even happy about the pregnancy nor are they around during the pregnancy. At least I’m engaged to the guy I’m pregnant by. He even posted a picture of the ultrasound on Facebook. That proves he’s happy I’m having his child. Other girls can’t say the same.

 

Okay so what is the point of your post?

 

Yes you are his baby momma until you say "I do". When is that scheduled to happen?

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I’m 18, the father of my child is my fiancé so I’m not just his baby mom. We live together. I have my own car. My mom lives down the street from us, so I’ll have extra help. I have a CNA license as well. Most people are in worse situations. The father of their child or children sometimes aren’t even in their lives or aren’t even happy about the pregnancy nor are they around during the pregnancy. At least I’m engaged to the guy I’m pregnant by. He even posted a picture of the ultrasound on Facebook. That proves he’s happy I’m having his child. Other girls can’t say the same.

 

What you call negativity is what others who have seen this, lived through this, know someone who lived through this and it's called "recognizing human nature and seeing things for what they are".

 

It's a negative situation if that baby is an "oopsy I forgot to take my pill/wrap that jimmie" or a "Imma trap him" sort of baby.

 

If you and he were married, it'd be a different story altogether. You're not and this journey has just barely started, so how he is right now can easily evaporate before the baby breathes air. I've seen it happen and it's not out of the realm of possibility for you.

 

The people you want to call negative are just telling you to keep your eyes peeled and do not let yourself get lulled into a stupor of false security with a boyfriend who may not be with you the day the baby is born.

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I already feel bad for this kid

 

And I'm not saying that to be mean. I've seen what happens to kids who come from these types of situations. It's really sad. Some of these kids brought into these situations end up getting abused, turn to drugs, do poorly in school, end up living a life of crime as they become adults and then the cycle repeats itself.

 

It hurts to know people are so careless when it comes to having kids only to bring them into unstable homes

 

OP, you had plenty of time to have kids. Not only to have kids, but to bring kids into a healthy environment with two loving parents. You're bringing your baby into a world of turmoil. Are you concerned about how this will effect the kid as she/he grows up?

 

A part of me think that people like you, OP, are too short sided to really care about their kids if they're willing to bring them into such a mess. To me, it just seems so selfish and reckless.

 

I wouldn't dream of getting pregnant until my bf and I have been together for years, have a healthy, loving relationship, can financially provide for our kid and give our kid everything she/he could dream of including a home of our own. I wouldn't settle for anything less for my child.

 

I wish you and your baby the best, OP. I hope you two can beat the odds and be healthy and happy. Use all the resources you can, especially your family. Start getting ready now. Time will fly.

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Ok now I've updated myself on all of this a little more...

 

Mom and Dad live with Grandma

 

Dad is cheating on Mom

 

Mom is financially dependent on... Grandma? Or state funds?

 

Dad works at a gas station

 

Mom has no education, not even a high school diploma

 

What does all this mean?...

 

The kid suffers for a very long time

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I’m so sorry Destini. I know, you are celebrating but this is not good news.

 

You are in no way mature enough to bring a child into this world. And, in doing so you have just made your life so much harder and limited your future in ways that you can not even begin to understand.

 

This is very sad news indeed.

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I think in her last post, OP stated that they no longer live with parents but have an apt. in Missouri. (?)

 

Also, in her latest update (end of September), boyfriend/fiancé/baby's daddy had been faithful to her for all of 2 weeks.

 

Oh, Destini. How I wish you would have listened to all of the excellent advice you were given.

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Yes, as you said there are people in the world that have made worse decisions and people that have made better choices than ur making.

Gratitude is good but you should always still to make the best decisions within that. It not doing that by having this baby out of wedlock.

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Ok now I've updated myself on all of this a little more...

 

Mom and Dad live with Grandma

 

Dad is cheating on Mom

 

Mom is financially dependent on... Grandma? Or state funds?

 

Dad works at a gas station

 

Mom has no education, not even a high school diploma

 

What does all this mean?...

 

The kid suffers for a very long time

 

Based on all this info, I would recommend u terminate if u can and focus on going back to school.

 

Good luck dear.

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Oh, Destini. How I wish you would have listened to all of the excellent advice you were given.

 

Ah, but when you are 18 years old, you think you know it all...

 

And, when you are insecure and clinging to a man like your life depends on it, you need to prove to the world that he loves you and what better way to do that than to wear his ring and then have his baby.

 

The thing is Destini, having his child isn’t going to affect whether he stays faithful to you, or even whether he stays with you at all.

 

All the advice that has been given has fallen on deaf ears.

 

Having a child with this man at your age further demonstrates your immaturity and poor decision making. If only you would have listened to the advice you received... Perhaps someday, you will understand this.

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I'veseenbetterlol
CNAs make very little income

 

Plus it's a grueling job

 

I was about to say the same thing, they barely make over min wage and for the work they do it's shameful. I really think you need a better plan, imo anyways.

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Congratulations.

 

I encourage you to continue studying even while you are pregnant.

 

You must ensure that you will have a degree so that you can support yourself and your baby with or without a father.

 

Best of luck.

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I hope this motivates you to grow up and get yer a$$ in gear for the prospect of making a good life for this baby on your own.

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At 18 your body is not even done growing and your brain even less. It takes up to age 25 for the frontal brain to be fully developed and that's the part that allows us to judge long term. Your child will be 7 years old before you grow a full head on and you understand a bit about life. You will be a child raising another child.

 

 

 

So let me tell you what's waiting for you. Your body is gonna change. You're gonna grow a stomach the size of Texas that will be covered in stretch marks. Your breasts will enlarged and also be covered in stretch marks. When that baby pops out you'll be left with a baby-pouch, that's extra wrinkly skin on your stomach that will stay there forever (remember Cindy Crawford without photoshop that's reality for majority of women after a baby) You will look in the mirror and hate yourself. Your boyfriend won't see you as a sexy young girl anymore but as a mom with the body of a mom. You'll start noticing he doesn't look at you the same way, he'll start seeing the ex again........

 

 

One of my daughter's friend had a baby at 17. She thought it was romantic. The guy left her soon after the baby was born, she has no education, she lives on welfare, she is stuck home by herself changing diapers, overweight, hating herself and looking at all her friends building careers, buying houses, traveling....

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One of my daughter's friend had a baby at 17. She thought it was romantic. The guy left her soon after the baby was born, she has no education, she lives on welfare, she is stuck home by herself changing diapers, overweight, hating herself and looking at all her friends building careers, buying houses, traveling....

 

Her friends are doing what they should be doing at that age - basically having the time of their lives, and working hard to set themselves up to have a better future.

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Too harsh G. You had your daughter just a couple of years older than OP, right? And it all turned ok. My grandma had my uncle at 20, finished college with distinctions and had a great career as a high school teacher afterwards. Mind that she was doing that back in the 50s, so MUCH harder for a woman to get a career.

 

To OP: start getting your support network ready. Your/your fiance’s Parents can help? Are you a part of church or other religious community? Get all the resources lined up as early as you can for peace of mind. When are you due?

 

 

At 18 your body is not even done growing and your brain even less. It takes up to age 25 for the frontal brain to be fully developed and that's the part that allows us to judge long term. Your child will be 7 years old before you grow a full head on and you understand a bit about life. You will be a child raising another child.

 

 

 

So let me tell you what's waiting for you. Your body is gonna change. You're gonna grow a stomach the size of Texas that will be covered in stretch marks. Your breasts will enlarged and also be covered in stretch marks. When that baby pops out you'll be left with a baby-pouch, that's extra wrinkly skin on your stomach that will stay there forever (remember Cindy Crawford without photoshop that's reality for majority of women after a baby) You will look in the mirror and hate yourself. Your boyfriend won't see you as a sexy young girl anymore but as a mom with the body of a mom. You'll start noticing he doesn't look at you the same way, he'll start seeing the ex again........

 

 

One of my daughter's friend had a baby at 17. She thought it was romantic. The guy left her soon after the baby was born, she has no education, she lives on welfare, she is stuck home by herself changing diapers, overweight, hating herself and looking at all her friends building careers, buying houses, traveling....

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Too harsh G. You had your daughter just a couple of years older than OP, right?
No, it did not turn ok, I married at 20 and was a other at 21. I was a kid raising a kid and trying to play wife while I had no clue yet who I was as a woman. I went up to 200lbs, hated myself, my ex-h was abusive, some phases he was good others it was hell and I remember locking myself and my baby in my bedroom with the dresser pushed in front of the door I was so afraid of him. When I left him at age 33 I had nothing under my feet, no money, no assets, and a 13 year old diploma I had never used I could not use anymore. I had to go back to school and from there slowly build myself up. I optain at 40 what I should have optained at 25.
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Sounds horrible :( I was just trying to say you raised your kid regardless...

In OP's case, too late anyway, she can't turn the time back so better do what she can do to raise her kid in the best way possible...

 

No, it did not turn ok, I married at 20 and was a other at 21. I was a kid raising a kid and trying to play wife while I had no clue yet who I was as a woman. I went up to 200lbs, hated myself, my ex-h was abusive, some phases he was good others it was hell and I remember locking myself and my baby in my bedroom with the dresser pushed in front of the door I was so afraid of him. When I left him at age 33 I had nothing under my feet, no money, no assets, and a 13 year old diploma I had never used I could not use anymore. I had to go back to school and from there slowly build myself up. I optain at 40 what I should have optained at 25.
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