Sky222 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 It's an awkward topic for me to initiate. I'm not good at expressing my feelings in the early stages. However, I need to have this conversation with him and could use advice on the best way to go about it! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 You don't have to express your feelings, just straight up ask - "So are you seeing other people?" It's a question that fits in perfectly well with other get-to-know-you questions. It would probably flow more naturally if something about past relationships comes up, or someone else's relationship, but there's no reason you should feel awkward just asking. There's nothing heavy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 Thanks. Seems simple enough. I get all in my head, make things way more complicated than they actually are. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Best way to ask is to be upfront. It's really not as scary as it seems - as long as you're prepared for any answer. Why do you feel you "need" to have this conversation? Do you feel like things are progressing such that you want to be exclusive? If so, prior to this conversation, expect him to be possibly seeing others and don't judge him for it, but you can ask from this point onwards to be exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 You don't have to express your feelings, just straight up ask - "So are you seeing other people?" It's a question that fits in perfectly well with other get-to-know-you questions. It would probably flow more naturally if something about past relationships comes up, or someone else's relationship, but there's no reason you should feel awkward just asking. There's nothing heavy about it. Since we are sleeping together, I'm not sure he'd be honest with me if he is in fact still seeing other girls. Still going to ask, regardless Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 You absolutely should be asking if you're having sex with him. It's a health issue for you. If he seems put out about it I wouldn't see him any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Instead of asking, I say go further. I don't see the point of "asking." Sounds like what you want is a commitment to sexual exclusivity. Well if that's what you want, then put that out there. And you want to be clear with yourself: you don't want to sleep with him if he doesn't agree to not sleep with other people. Now it could be that he's not thinking exclusivity ... so you want to be ready for that ... But if you can't comfortably get to exclusivity then this isn't the man or the relationship for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 Best way to ask is to be upfront. It's really not as scary as it seems - as long as you're prepared for any answer. Why do you feel you "need" to have this conversation? Do you feel like things are progressing such that you want to be exclusive? If so, prior to this conversation, expect him to be possibly seeing others and don't judge him for it, but you can ask from this point onwards to be exclusive. I want to see if we are on the same page and if he is serious about us. When I sleep over at his place, he gets quite a few texts pretty late into the evening. I work for the airlines and am gone for days at time. Some nights when i'm travelling, I hear nothing from him past 6pm. When I'm back in town, we spend most evenings together...I'd be hurt if he was seeing other women when i'm gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 You absolutely should be asking if you're having sex with him. It's a health issue for you. If he seems put out about it I wouldn't see him any more. I agree. As for health, we do use protection everytime. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 It's an awkward topic for me to initiate. I'm not good at expressing my feelings in the early stages. However, I need to have this conversation with him and could use advice on the best way to go about it! take him out to the pub/bar and have a few drinks together to relax and loosen up. after he seems relaxed look into his eyes and ask him point blank if he is seeing other women because if he is then he can't see or date you. be firm. if he says yes he is then immediately put an embargo on the nookie. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 As for health, we do use protection everytime. Still risky. Some STDs can be contracted even without the use of condoms such as HSV-2 (genital herpes) Set higher standards for yourself by establishing exclusivity before you have sex with a guy Me personally, I would want to know the guy I'm having sex with is only having sex with me. Otherwise, it's just yucky. No need to risk being another notch in someone's bed post. Just ask him, "Are you seeing anyone else?" You don't need to get emotions involved. Just be calm. But next time, for your reproductive health and to protect yourself emotionally...have that discussion before sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 Still risky. Some STDs can be contracted even without the use of condoms such as HSV-2 (genital herpes) Set higher standards for yourself by establishing exclusivity before you have sex with a guy Me personally, I would want to know the guy I'm having sex with is only having sex with me. Otherwise, it's just yucky. No need to risk being another notch in someone's bed post. Just ask him, "Are you seeing anyone else?" You don't need to get emotions involved. Just be calm. But next time, for your reproductive health and to protect yourself emotionally...have that discussion before sex. Before we slept together, I told him I don't sleep with people who are sleeping around. He said, "Good, then only sleep with me." Didn't confirm or deny that I'd be the only one, I just took that as him agreeing to my terms. I also told him I wanted to get tested before sleeping with a new person, which i was, before our first time. He said he was clean, but I just took his word. We are going to a concert out of town tomorrow night, so I will have plenty of time to discuss things with him. I can get a good vibe from people when i'm face to face. Our other conversations on this topic have always been thru the phone. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 He said he was clean, but I just took his word. I wish I had a nickel every time I used that statement. I'd probably have $3.05 accumulated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sky222 Posted October 17, 2018 Author Share Posted October 17, 2018 I wish I had a nickel every time I used that statement. I'd probably have $3.05 accumulated right!! Typically I don't trust that response. However, he is a doctor...so I let my guard down. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Before we slept together, I told him I don't sleep with people who are sleeping around. He said, "Good, then only sleep with me." Didn't confirm or deny that I'd be the only one, I just took that as him agreeing to my terms. I also told him I wanted to get tested before sleeping with a new person, which i was, before our first time. He said he was clean, but I just took his word. We are going to a concert out of town tomorrow night, so I will have plenty of time to discuss things with him. I can get a good vibe from people when i'm face to face. Our other conversations on this topic have always been thru the phone. Oh man So he basically said, this is cool with me as long as you're clean and you're not sleeping with other people and as for me, I may or may not be clean and may or may not be sleeping with other women but...that's besides the point You really got taken for a ride here. This is your health you need to be concerned about. Never place that concern in some dude's hands who's trying to sleep with you. And yes, they all give a "good vibe" face to face when they want to get in your pants Get tested, again. And please protect yourself next time Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 right!! Typically I don't trust that response. However, he is a doctor...so I let my guard down. I work with MDs and guess what?... 90% of them are jerks I wouldn't trust in my personal life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 right!! Typically I don't trust that response. However, he is a doctor...so I let my guard down. my little brother is a prominent doctor in Chicago. he treats women like dirt and has a new gf every week. he lies, cheats and steels to these women who adore him because he is a doctor. he is divorced twice and cheated on both of his ex wives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Funny , here the women are no where near as forward as over there , not even close. But often in the very first line or two you don't know each other, she'll just straight out ask if your married or seeing someone, But weird , until l started seeing this sorta stuff on LS and other places , call me a bit slow haha but l've never ever taken it as anything more than just obvious convo when your just meeting someone. Well apart fro the other obvious where it might be a party or somewhere and uv been eyeing each other off. But in everyday stuff l just take it like asking what you do or any other of the just meeting people in general stuff. But ha , maybe the 100s of girls that have asked me that over the years were fishing after all. Not that it'd matter if l was single and interested l would've been onto her anyway l guess. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Funny , here the women are no where near as forward as over there , not even close. But often in the very first line or two you don't know each other, she'll just straight out ask if your married or seeing someone, It is the multi-dating culture that is the issue. People are sleeping with lots of people and it is seen as all OK as they are not "exclusive". To bring it up especially early, is then seen as "judgey", or "none of your business". BUT healthwise it is very much "your business". OP you need to see evidence of testing from this guy, "I'm clean" is not good enough. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedHead5 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Have some drinks and ask him. That's what I did. We were already sleeping together when I asked but had stopped seeing others so I wanted to know so I didn't get too caught up. If he said he was still dating others I would have kept dating him but I would have started seeing others as well. Fortunately, he wasnt, and it all worked out but you have to be prepared for the negative response as well. My bf gets late night texts sometimes as well but he always made a point to make his phone visible when he replied so I could look if I wanted. He never said he did that on purpose but it was pretty obvious. He has always been very open in that sense which made me very comfortable. I try to do the same for him. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Before we slept together, I told him I don't sleep with people who are sleeping around. He said, "Good, then only sleep with me." Oh lord, my eyes rolled all the way back in my skull. What a douche canoe, this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Why do you think he might be seeing other people? Do you have any suspicions? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 If he's not spending a whole lot of time with you, I would just assume he's dating other women, and advise you to date other men until such time as one of them asks to be exclusive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 I want to see if we are on the same page and if he is serious about us. When I sleep over at his place, he gets quite a few texts pretty late into the evening. I work for the airlines and am gone for days at time. Some nights when i'm travelling, I hear nothing from him past 6pm. When I'm back in town, we spend most evenings together...I'd be hurt if he was seeing other women when i'm gone. Oh, I just saw this post... I understand why you are suspicious, but maybe the late night texts are from his brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Before we slept together, I told him I don't sleep with people who are sleeping around. He said, "Good, then only sleep with me." Didn't confirm or deny that I'd be the only one, I just took that as him agreeing to my terms. I also told him I wanted to get tested before sleeping with a new person, which i was, before our first time. He said he was clean, but I just took his word. We are going to a concert out of town tomorrow night, so I will have plenty of time to discuss things with him. I can get a good vibe from people when i'm face to face. Our other conversations on this topic have always been thru the phone. Try not to sleep with him tomorrow night. Go home right after the concert. Link to post Share on other sites
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