Does age matter when dating?

[dateme]

My friends date young women in their 20's all the time. I just won't do it. What do they have in common? Sex has to be the only thing for both. I just don't get it. Why would a young woman want a guy in his 40's.

[d0nnivain]

There's an old joke about this: Why do models date rock stars? 'cause they're rock stars. Why do the rock stars date the models? 'cause they can

 

 

The man feels young, like he's still got it when he dates a young hottie. The younger woman feels protected & maybe gets a little spoiled if the older more established man has a few more bucks that he's willing to spend on her compared to men her own age. It's a bit of a sugar daddy thing without the overt sex/money exchange.

 

 

Age does matter when you are younger. But that is more of a life stage thing. A 23 year old college grad isn't going to have too much in common with an 18 year old HS student. Similarly a 21 year old college student probably wants more freedom then somebody in their 30s looking to settle down. But a few years here or there, especially as you get older is not that big of a deal.

[snowboy91]

With a larger age gap, it becomes more difficult for two people to be compatible due to differences in values, life stages, interests etc. But "difficult" doesn't mean "impossible".

 

As donnivain said, the guy is probably happy to have a young hot woman - he feels like he's "got it", but there could also be a "mid life crisis" element going on too. The man is tired of being settled/stagnated and wants to go have some fun - a classic 20-something approach to life, so I guess they have that in common? I'm not sure why a 20-something girl would want a guy in his 40s, but I assume it's something to do with forgiving an older look (especially if he's in good shape) to feel like they will be provided for.

 

For me, a larger age gap does make me less likely to date someone. As someone who is 27... Too close to 20 and I doubt they'd be into me. On the upper scale, I'd end up assuming a woman in her mid 30s might be too ready to settle down for where I'm at in my life at the moment. But if I'm proven wrong on either of those and I find them attractive, then I can't see any reason not to give it a shot.

[Zippy2000]

Does age matter? Not really. It depends on the person and what their beliefs are. Like above what another poster said that you will be at different points in your lives but if you are young at heart then why not? The problem is there is a lot of pressure on the couple due to the age gap.

 

To answer your question why some women go for older men? Its like why young men got for older women. Its classy, or sexy. Some people just have that preference. I'm 44 now and the youngest I dated but didn't go anywhere was 24. She was a bit inexperienced with dating and in the end she left.

 

 

I wouldn't worry what other people want. Its YOUR preference. Just like some women prefer taller men or men who like long legs. Its their preference and what they find attractive and everyone is different.

[nospam99]

Observation that is specific to one OLD site: On match.com I see profiles of many women in the 50-60 age range whose profiles specify that they are seeking men no older than two or three years older than they are. Some even specific an age range of the men they are seeking where the oldest men in the range are a few years younger than they are. Yes, it's possible that these women just haven't bothered to update old profiles. But I see what I see.

[elaine567]

Observation that is specific to one OLD site: On match.com I see profiles of many women in the 50-60 age range whose profiles specify that they are seeking men no older than two or three years older than they are. Some even specific an age range of the men they are seeking where the oldest men in the range are a few years younger than they are. Yes, it's possible that these women just haven't bothered to update old profiles. But I see what I see.

 

 

Yes, but it does matter at that age.

Older women tend to end up looking after sick and ailing men.

Deliberately choosing an older man therefore does not make any sense to her, as older men will likely get sick quicker and life expectancy is longer for women anyway. She doesn't want to spend her last good years looking after a sick man. Fair enough if he is her long term husband, but not someone she just met.

[coolheadal]

My friends date young women in their 20's all the time. I just won't do it. What do they have in common? Sex has to be the only thing for both. I just don't get it. Why would a young woman want a guy in his 40's.

 

It does happen, like the Florence Nightingale effect where as she would fall for him for some strange reason. Look at the actor who plays Donald Trump on SNL named Alec Baldwin his wife is in her 30's and he's in his late 50s. Age doesn't matter as well. Look at Pres Trump in his late 70's and his wife is in her 40's. These younger for the older goes around.

[Juha]

Unfortunately, yes age does matter for far too many people when it comes to dating.

 

In this country age is a huge hangup for so many people, I do not get it.

 

When I lived out of the country age was not an issue when dating, if you were attracted to someone and got along there was no issue. Age was never even brought up.

 

Here, in the U.S. it is a criteria on many people's list when dating.

I have been and seen people be insulted, berated, and chastised by another party if they showed interest in someone not of similar age.

 

I do not totally understand why age is such a big problem here in America when it comes to dating and relationships...

 

People need to loosen up and not be so uptight it seems. Be happy someone actually likes you and has interest in you not insulted or grossed out that someone is older/younger than you.

 

Too many closed minded people in this country

[Juha]

It does happen, like the Florence Nightingale effect where as she would fall for him for some strange reason. Look at the actor who plays Donald Trump on SNL named Alec Baldwin his wife is in her 30's and he's in his late 50s. Age doesn't matter as well. Look at Pres Trump in his late 70's and his wife is in her 40's. These younger for the older goes around.

 

Can't really compare them as they are celebrities and have a lot of money.

A woman would usually be attracted to them.

 

In the normal world, not so much.

[brigit87]

Yes, but it does matter at that age.

Older women tend to end up looking after sick and ailing men.

Deliberately choosing an older man therefore does not make any sense to her, as older men will likely get sick quicker and life expectancy is longer for women anyway. She doesn't want to spend her last good years looking after a sick man. Fair enough if he is her long term husband, but not someone she just met.

 

That's so true. My husband is two years older than me and I will gladly take care of him if he needs me to in the future. But if I went on the dating scene now I would only date guys my age and younger, but not too young. If you were born on the year I graduated HS then you're too young.

[elaine567]

It does happen, like the Florence Nightingale effect where as she would fall for him for some strange reason. Look at the actor who plays Donald Trump on SNL named Alec Baldwin his wife is in her 30's and he's in his late 50s. Age doesn't matter as well. Look at Pres Trump in his late 70's and his wife is in her 40's. These younger for the older goes around.

 

 

These are rich and powerful men, with charisma and talent.

Do you really think these beautiful women would look at them if they were not who they are?

[coolheadal]

Can't really compare them as they are celebrities and have a lot of money.

A woman would usually be attracted to them.

 

In the normal world, not so much.

 

I date like this myself I can understand why others say what they want. I don't care what others say because when it comes to love and what you want you should thrive for it. Like my quote her reads age doesn't matter at certain ages. If that 20 year old loves her 40 year old then that's it end of story. I don't want anyone my age because I was raised different and to be honest I wouldn't have much in common with those type of women. I like to fun and do fun things. Say like tennis I don't want to hear, they're hips our out, their back has pain. I take care of myself try not to gain I got to remember what causes the gain. I don't see any doctor. I healthy I just like my woman to be younger than me. I guess I am hip to the beat they say..

[coolheadal]

These are rich and powerful men, with charisma and talent.

Do you really think these beautiful women would look at them if they were not who they are?

 

I had watched a personal video of Alec and his 33 year old wife with his baby. I still think it's not about what he has but they seem to be in love. Trump and his wife they have 10 year old son. Too much about him only that he's loaded smart in certain areas, but his wife the first lady seems to take a huge step back.

 

Everyone has idea who they want to be with age doesn't matter what your friends and family seems to but in where they shouldn't. I say leave it be if that's what they want then that is what they'll get 40 and 20.. We shouldn't judge them what we should do is be there for them as their friends. Love matter not the age part.

[nospam99]

Yes, but it does matter at that age.

Older women tend to end up looking after sick and ailing men.

Deliberately choosing an older man therefore does not make any sense to her, as older men will likely get sick quicker and life expectancy is longer for women anyway. She doesn't want to spend her last good years looking after a sick man. Fair enough if he is her long term husband, but not someone she just met.

 

Wow. What a 'downer' thought - and one I wouldn't have considered but, having heard it understand.

 

Now I'm going to whine. I'm 64, active and in apparently great health. My ex-wife, two years younger, is obese and has trouble walking up stairs. This weekend I went on a easy hiking meetup with three women around my age. We had restaurant lunch after the hike. The 'around the table' conversation revealed that all three of them had moderately serious health problems. It almost made me feel guilty that I don't have health problems.

 

What's a healthy senior male do do? I can't exactly hang a sign around my neck advertising that I'm healthy and definitely not looking for or expecting a gf, long-term or not, to be taking responsibility to care for me if I should 'decline' someday.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I struggle to see how they would have anything more than sex and "young women ego boost" thing in common. I am talking about 40+ yo men dating women in their 20s.

 

 

I became friends with a few women in their mid-20s recently (and I am just under 40), and the difference in understanding of life, emotional intelligence and general depth is overwhelming. And these are "mature" women, professionally employed and with post-grad degrees.

[elaine567]

What's a healthy senior male do do? I can't exactly hang a sign around my neck advertising that I'm healthy and definitely not looking for or expecting a gf, long-term or not, to be taking responsibility to care for me if I should 'decline' someday.

 

I think you have to take that into consideration and maybe consider those 2-3 years older women or end up being a "toy boy" to an even older woman.

 

Obviously doing a bit of screening yourself for issues that may cause you to become the "carer" prematurely.

[JuneL]

You should put that into your dating profile (“I am blessed to still have excellent health”). Just curious: What are considered “moderately seriously health problems”? I assume the usual things like high blood pressure does not belong to this category??

 

Wow. What a 'downer' thought - and one I wouldn't have considered but, having heard it understand.

 

Now I'm going to whine. I'm 64, active and in apparently great health. My ex-wife, two years younger, is obese and has trouble walking up stairs. This weekend I went on a easy hiking meetup with three women around my age. We had restaurant lunch after the hike. The 'around the table' conversation revealed that all three of them had moderately serious health problems. It almost made me feel guilty that I don't have health problems.

 

What's a healthy senior male do do? I can't exactly hang a sign around my neck advertising that I'm healthy and definitely not looking for or expecting a gf, long-term or not, to be taking responsibility to care for me if I should 'decline' someday.

[lavenderandvelvet]

Observation that is specific to one OLD site: On match.com I see profiles of many women in the 50-60 age range whose profiles specify that they are seeking men no older than two or three years older than they are. Some even specific an age range of the men they are seeking where the oldest men in the range are a few years younger than they are. Yes, it's possible that these women just haven't bothered to update old profiles. But I see what I see.

 

Maybe the older people just seem older or the women feel more youthful.

[nospam99]

Just curious: What are considered “moderately seriously health problems”? I assume the usual things like high blood pressure does not belong to this category??

 

I would be 'out of line' to mention specifics. But, yes, more serious than hypertension.

[nospam99]

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2016/015.pdf

 

For White, not Hispanic (me), the gender life expectancy gap continues to narrow with age and is deep in the 80s by the time the person reaches 65.

[beerdrinker]

My girlfriend and I are 20 years apart. She's 25 and I'm 45. Originally, I was the one that didn't want to get involved because of the age. I'm not wealthy. I'm nothing special. She's gorgeous. It's not about sex because for us, we connect big time intellectually and emotionally. Sexually, we are quite incompatible to be honest. My drive is much higher than hers. We are best friends and fantastic partners all around. Admittedly, I'm a bit immature for my age and do not look or act like I'm 45. She is quite the "old soul" and definitely is not the typical 25 year old and I think that's our formula. That and we were friends first. She chased me a bit and I hesitated for quite a while.

 

He just sounds like an immature guy with some insecurities that are taking over. There's also generational perception. He more than likely hasn't tried to get into anyone's pants in a few hours or if he did with someone his age, they'd shoot him down. Hence, the judgement. It's not you, it's him and he needs to get over himself. If you like the guy, push him and see what he does! Seriously, give him a push. Feed the ego a bit but push the issue. If there's charisma and chemistry, he'll work for it!

 

If not and he's too much of an insecure judgmental old poop, then move on.

 

Good luck!

[Sunlight72]

I struggle to see how they would have anything more than sex and "young women ego boost" thing in common. I am talking about 40+ yo men dating women in their 20s.

 

I became friends with a few women in their mid-20s recently (and I am just under 40), and the difference in understanding of life, emotional intelligence and general depth is overwhelming. And these are "mature" women, professionally employed and with post-grad degrees.

I would have really agreed with this sentiment a year ago.

 

The woman I am dating is fascinating, fun, and adventurous in life. Being with her, I feel more awake and clear than I have before. And - she likes to do cultural things that I haven't found any other woman to enjoy with me. Opera. Motorcycles. Yardwork. Un-self conscious, uncritical sex and closeness. Foods from around the world. People from around the world. 6 languages (I can only speak with her in 3 though). Just our enjoyment of being at home together or being out together, even running errands is fun.

 

To the OP-

 

I am 46, and now am seriously dating a 29 year old woman. I would not have predicted it.

 

She picked me up. She generally seems to find guys younger than me to be short on life experience and perspective.

 

She has been a translator for US Senators and high caliber businessmen and military personnel in North America, Europe and Africa. She likes men who have a world view. She enjoys opera, symphony and live theater. She owns her own 3,500 square foot home in an expensive market. She also enjoys bars and clubs, and is silly, charismatic, intelligent, and yes, very sexy.

 

She doesn't like movies, or people who think small and float without a plan. She always has a plan, a backup plan, and two alternate plans. When we go on a date, I learned quickly that she expects reservations, and I should know what else is in the neighborhood that we can walk to afterwards if we want dessert, for instance. She likes me to open the car door for her (which I like to do too), etc. She has not been impressed with how guys her age treat her.

 

Last week she showed me a facebook message from a guy she's met at a few social things in the past. His message came about 8 months since last meeting her and was, "hey, I'm digging you. Wanna hang out sometime?"

 

 

Pretty serious courting!

 

He's about 30, and though he is very suburban, in his facebook pictures with his buddies he is throwing gansta hand signs while they're at Chilis having wings. Last she knew, he works as a clerk in a store at the mall. I don't mention his job to indicate his income. He's just not driving toward any goal in life. I have a career I am passionate about, and after 18 years in business for myself it is going really well. If I were 29 now and met her, I don't think I would hold her interest either.

 

So, there are other reasons for some of us with age differences to date, not just for money. She has not found the type of stimulation and appreciation she enjoys with a man own her age - and from what she's shared with me, they're not putting in much effort. She likes being taken seriously, and appreciated as a catch.

 

I am sure she is more mature than her age would indicate. I am not saying this is a typical scenario - just one real life scenario.

Edited October 17, 2018 by Sunlight72

[snowcones]

I think the younger one does not like the way people their age treat them and that's why they go for the older ones.

[dfenn0321]

I am a 29 year old woman dating a 43 year old man. I used to believe that it was an odd thing until I got a little bit older. I truly believe that it has to do with maturity levels. There are several reasons beyond sex why I have chosen him.

 

 

I've never been treated so well by a man.

[Tagalz]

Both yes and no.

 

yes because it can work, but that if only she or he has freedom and are not being pushed to settle down.

 

No because a girl who is younger might want to focus on school and they are living with their parents, while a boy who is a lot older might have work and lives in his own apartment. In short both are at different stages in life.

 

I'm in the same situation sadly