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Was she just after a free expensive meal?


max3732

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I'd briefly referenced this match in another post, but this is a different woman and issue so it deserves its own post. I matched with someone on Bumble and didn't hear from her for a while, then get a message a few weeks ago. We did the usual small talk and when she asked what I was up to I told her I'd gone to this nice restaurant. A week later after some more talking she then invited me to an expensive restaurant on Friday night but I told her I already had plans.

 

She mentioned she enjoys bowling so I invited her to go and she told me she's never met me so didn't feel comfortable going there, but that she wanted to go to dinner in a certain neighborhood. I again asked if she'd rather do something more active during the weekend or meet up for lunch, but she said she could only do dinner during the week. So I suggested a reasonably priced place, nicer than a casual place like Fridays but not super high end either. Her response was that it was the worst place in the area. That kind of shocked me and I responded something like "you're certainly opinionated. How about going to X instead?" That was another somewhat reasonably priced place, but actually a bit more than the original place. A few days later I checked and she blocked me.

 

Did I do anything wrong or was she just after a free meal? I've just not had much success with dating and am trying to improve.

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40somethingGuy

I think it is a shame you didn't block her first after she acted all entitled. You did nothing wrong. She just seems like she thinks she is entitled or something. Don't give her a 2nd thought.

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She might have just wanted a free meal, but it sounds more like she has money and doesn't like anything except the nicer places (by her standards). Nothing at all wrong of you to take her to someplace like most people eat at. But bottom line, she and you don't have anything in common. She doesn't want to do anything active and she wants to go out of your price range -- plus it's rude to demand that if it was a first date. First date unless you have known each other in real life prior is coffee or ice cream or a quick drink.

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She mentioned she enjoys bowling so I invited her to go and she told me she's never met me so didn't feel comfortable going there, but that she wanted to go to dinner in a certain neighborhood.

 

Did I do anything wrong or was she just after a free meal?

 

This makes absolutely no sense. It's a public place - if you've never met before, bowling ally or restaurant, it makes no difference...

 

Yes, you did the right thing. Expensive restaurants should be saved for women who love you and with whom you are in a relationship. First meetings after matching on Bumble... those are coffee dates, ice cream, bowling, movie, etc... Short, cheap, and easy to end the date if you find that you have nothing in common...

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{snip} That kind of shocked me and I responded something like "you're certainly opinionated. How about going to X instead?" That was another somewhat reasonably priced place, but actually a bit more than the original place. A few days later I checked and she blocked me.

 

Did I do anything wrong or was she just after a free meal? I've just not had much success with dating and am trying to improve.

I think this was the tipping point of no return.

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It doesn't always mean free meal. She might have been perfectly willing to pay as long as she got to go somewhere she liked, but first date is no time to draw a line in the sand, so that just shows you're not right for each other.

 

I'm spoiled to a lot of good restaurants and may balk at something with my friends, but I wouldn't do that to a first date, although I might only have a Coke if they took me to Wingstop because I just can't.

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I think the older you get, the better quality food you want. I have np paying 20 bucks for burger....organic, sirloin beef burger..mmmmm god I'm so hungry.

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Ruby Slippers

Everyone has certain standards. I'm no gold-digger, but any guy who lacks the imagination or seriousness to invite me to something more interesting than Starbucks is of zero interest to me. And if he invites me to some blah chain place like Olive Garden, I'd rather take a nap.

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I think the older you get, the better quality food you want. I have np paying 20 bucks for burger....organic, sirloin beef burger..mmmmm god I'm so hungry.

 

The average entree where I suggested initially was in the $25 range and it had valet parking as well as string lighting and little place you could walk around with a waterfall.

 

The second place the average entree was around $30. The place she wanted to go was $30-$50 without sides. It's a really nice place and I actually took someone I really liked there for a 3rd date a few years ago and paid for the whole thing.

 

I can afford a place like the one she wanted, but got taken by someone before and this is someone I've never met.

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Ruby Slippers

She has a lifestyle standard and you don't meet it. Happens all the time. You're clearly not a match. Next!

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This makes absolutely no sense. It's a public place - if you've never met before, bowling ally or restaurant, it makes no difference...

 

Yes, you did the right thing. Expensive restaurants should be saved for women who love you and with whom you are in a relationship. First meetings after matching on Bumble... those are coffee dates, ice cream, bowling, movie, etc... Short, cheap, and easy to end the date if you find that you have nothing in common...

 

That's what I thought.

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I am a woman, and I would never expect that a guy I had matched with online would take me out to an expensive restaurant for our first "meeting." I wouldnt even call it a "date."

 

However, if we have been dating for nine months and it's Valentine's Day... That would be more reasonable and very much appreciated.

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It is all about compatibility and dating is about filtering out the wheat from the chaff. She is perfectly entitled to have an opinion on where she eats and is perfectly entitled to refuse to go to places she considers down market.

You are perfectly entitled to say no to her requests too.

In this way, she filters you out and you filter her out, win win.

Compatibility is very important.

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1.I'd briefly referenced this match in another post, but this is a different woman and issue so it deserves its own post. I matched with someone on Bumble and didn't hear from her for a while, then get a message a few weeks ago. We did the usual small talk and when she asked what I was up to I told her I'd gone to this nice restaurant. A week later after some more talking she then invited me to an expensive restaurant on Friday night but I told her I already had plans.

 

2.She mentioned she enjoys bowling .

 

She was testing and you failed. She asked what you were doing and you said:

 

1. Eating at nice restaurant.

 

So she though cool. Lets go to nice restaurant...and you mentioned bowling.

 

She immediately got turned off. Who cares if she mentioned she likes bowling. If I was her I wouldn't have went on the date with you.

 

In any case you guys didn't match. End of story.

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It is all about compatibility and dating is about filtering out the wheat from the chaff. She is perfectly entitled to have an opinion on where she eats and is perfectly entitled to refuse to go to places she considers down market.

You are perfectly entitled to say no to her requests too.

In this way, she filters you out and you filter her out, win win.

Compatibility is very important.

 

Absolutely agree.

 

But, this is a first "date" with a woman he met online. She could walk into the restaurant and when he stands to great her, she could say "Nope. Too short." And that will be it. Why in the world would he spent his hard earned money on a woman that he does not know.

 

Second, third, fifth, tenth date... Sure, if that is what they both enjoy and he has the money to spend on expensive restaurants. But, for the first meeting - I don't blame him for taking a pass...

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Absolutely agree.

 

But, this is a first "date" with a woman he met online. She could walk into the restaurant and when he stands to great her, she could say "Nope. Too short." And that will be it. Why in the world would he spent his hard earned money on a woman that he does not know.

 

Second, third, fifth, tenth date... Sure, if that is what they both enjoy and he has the money to spend on expensive restaurants. But, for the first meeting - I don't blame him for taking a pass...

 

But it wasn't a blind date. They knew what each other looked like and they're already been talking.

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She knew what she was doing. If he was wowed by her looks he would have taken her anywhere. It was one of my first tests when I was dating. If the guy agreed to take me to an expensive place he was into me. If he wanted to go cheap he wasn't. Which was great since I was able to prequalify guys for my dates...lol

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She knew what she was doing. If he was wowed by her looks he would have taken her anywhere. It was one of my first tests when I was dating. If the guy agreed to take me to an expensive place he was into me. If he wanted to go cheap he wasn't. Which was great since I was able to prequalify guys for my dates...lol

 

Yes and that is how it often works.

Brigit gets a guy who is prepared to invest in her, and he gets a date with Brigit win win.

 

The OP should never have mentioned being in a nice restaurant to this girl, if he wasn't prepared to fork out the cash. He did it to impress her and when she called his bluff, he suggested some cheaper place...

Not good.

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Versacehottie
I think this was the tipping point of no return.

 

I agree. Calling her opinionated, while it seems like it was true, is probably what made the situation a no go. But same-same, a girl who rejected you invite of bowling or the other restaurant you suggested sounds ungrateful & rude and so you got some valuable information that realistically she was a no go for you as well.

 

You both reached an impasse really early on, probably coming from at her end being bitter and cautious and your end being cautious.

 

I don't think she was necessarily after a free meal but you were probably paying for the sins of others or preconceived notions that she has about where a "guy who is really interested" would take her on a date as well as the type of dating she is seeking overall (not the kind you are basically). I think it's best that it happened so soon & you'd be smart to take the belief that girls are after free meals out of your head (very rare). Based on your other thread I think bowling is a great suggestion and will help you both on the date and to find the right type of girl for you. She wasn't it. No big loss.

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IMO, if either side has issues about where to eat a dinner then they are just shooting themselves in the foot, you too...

 

I doubt she was actually just after a dinner but you did insult her with your opinionated comment...

 

The dinner place can sometimes be like a negotiation, if you don't play you don't date...

Women just want to go someplace nice, it doesn't have to be $$$$ but if you can't agree on a place and one or the other throws an insult out there I guess that ends it, right then and there...

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She sounds like an entitled brat

 

I would never expect a guy to pay for an expensive meal on the first date

 

Count your lucky stars you never had to meet her ;)

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And if he invites me to some blah chain place like Olive Garden, I'd rather take a nap.

 

Damn, I love Olive Garden.

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