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The dog is more valuable than me.


LeaCat55

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I'm writing this from a place of deep emotional hurt, so I apologize if this comes across as very emotionally charged. I'm also typing with acrylic nails, so I apologize if this comes across as drunken typing while wrestling a raccoon in a dumpster.

 

I'm about to leave my boyfriend because of a couple of reasons, but primarily because of his dog. I want to stress that I don't view the dog's behavior as its own fault, I know he has the potential to be a good dog and is just a product of his upbringing and environment.

But this dog is making living my boyfriend impossible.

 

The dog nips and bites not just me, but other pedestrians who pass by. The first night I was at my boyfriends house, I walked past the dog and his food bowl, and he lunged and bit my hand (he drew blood). He's also bitten me one other time when I sat down on the couch with my boyfriend. Other times he just nips frantically at my hand whenever I get too close to my boyfriend on the couch, in bed, or even standing and hugging. My boyfriend just tells the dog "no no Rudy!" Which is about as effective as stapling water to a tree because at this point I'm trying to pry the dog away from me while it's gnawing on my sleeve like the world's biggest milkbone treat.

 

He also growls at me CONSTANTLY. He will also lunge at anyone who walks too close to my boyfriend on the sidewalk, which is a lawsuit waiting to happen. When he does nip me, I instantly, but calmly, remove him from the couch (which used to be a nightmare, but now he jumps down when I tell him to). I don't ever meet his behavior with aggression, but with calm confidence because I get the sense this dog is extremely unstable and insecure.

 

The dog is pervasive in every aspect of our life. Hey I get it, my guy loves his dog. I love pets too, but want I don't like is waking up to them snarling in my face at 2am because I accidentally rolled over and put my arm over my boyfriend. The dog absolutely will not put up with us cuddling, he drives himself between us on the couch, corkscrews between us on the bed , and barks frantically if we kiss. He also will go stock still and raise his hackles at me if I get too close, staring at me menacingly while curling his lip silently. Boyfriend does nothing. Sex has never even been an occurrence, we've been living together for 5 months now, and used to be mildly intimate (in the bathroom, no touching allowed in the bedroom for fear it would upset the dog), but for months. I've begged my boyfriend multiple times to lock the dog out of the room (we tried training him to stay on the floor, but he darts back up every time and bf is not consistent in keeping him down). We tried locking him out a few times but the dog goes nuts, and starts screeching, crying and yelping all while banging on the door. BF caves and lets him in.

 

His possessiveness even extends to the area his food bowl used to be in before I moved it to his crate to reduce food aggressiveness. I remember I put a box in that area, and while I was going through it I turned around and he was face level with me, silently snarling and inching closer. This dog was literally challenging me, it was so bizarre! I've never seen a more gutsier dog, we were almost nose to nose and his composure was unwavering.

 

My boyfriend refuses to neuter the dog because apparently that's "cruel", and it pees on everything. He lets the dog go out on the patio and pee on an old pile of towels that have been decaying out there since before I moved in. And I caught him letting it pee all over my patio furniture. He also lets it piss on peoples cars in the parking lot, which I called him on. He said "well it doesn't hurt the paint does it?" I told him regardless of whether or not it hurts the paint, he is being incredibly disrespectful to let his animal urinate over someone's private property! I would be livid if I caught someone letting their dog pee all over my car! He also lets it poop in people's yards, and never picks it up, lets it trample the beautiful landscaped gardens and flower beds in the parks and in people's yards.

 

This is disgusting, but my boyfriend lets the dog hump him? His leg I mean, underneath the blanket. I remember the first night I was there, we're sitting on the couch and the dog just starts having a go at my bf's leg... AND MY BF HELD IT OUT TO HIM SO HE HAD BETTER REACH. I looked at bf like "wth are you doing?" and he said... I kid you not, "Oh, it calms him down."

 

I was aware of the bulk of these problems before I moved in, and I did have a sit down with bf to politely bring these concerns about the dog up. We both agreed that we would BOTH enroll the dog in a training course together, and work on what we learn as a team. That we would both research training techniques and videos online. And that we would both work on implementing these things with the dog and be consistent. I gave very simple requests, that the dog doesn't sleep in the room with us, because he gets aggressive and territorial (I wouldn't care if he actually just slept next to us, but this is next level crazy). And that he wouldn't go in the kitchen, because he swipes food off the counters, and sheds like crazy. BF hasn't done any of this. I'm the only one who's doing the reading and researching, who's buying the humane "walk nice" halters and trying to socialize him with strangers, who picks up his waste after he poops outside (the dog, not the boyfriend), who bought a clicker and spent hours teaching him commands and tricks. I take him on runs because I feel awful that he is confined to the apartment, and my bf only takes him out a couple of times just to pee.

 

I have brought up our promises here and there, and my bf said "oh, it'll just take time." every time. To which I responded that I understood this would not be an overnight transformation, BUT, you only get results with consistency and implementation of the training. Not just by magically telling me to be patient, and hoping I just deal with the dogs behavior and accept it.

 

So it's at the point now, where I'm sleeping on the couch for the 3rd night in a row, and my bf is currently on the bed spooning the doggy. I feel absolutely used, worthless, and unloved. I tried to pour so much into this relationship, with all of the support and compromises I made with the dog for him. And cooking all of his meals, and picking up after him. And he's totally fine with me sleeping out here. I'll actually be moving out in two weeks, I'm just done. I actually feel horrible for the dog, because I know he is miserable and unhappy.

ASDs are actually incredibly intelligent, and amazing athletes. But when you cram a wonder dog with high sensitivity levels in a place where its needs aren't met, you're going to get a neurotic mess of an animal.

 

I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, I've felt miserable the past few days. Also I need to tell him in the next few days that I'm moving out, any suggestions? Is it better to tell him right away?

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I want to be sensitive and serious responding to your post, but what you wrote lends itself to so many ummmm remarks that make me think I better not respond, but I’ll try.

 

 

First off, who owns the house, your boyfriend or the dog?

 

Second, I can’t believe that your boyfriend is ok with you sleeping on the sofa while he lets the dog do anything it wants and be anywhere it wants.

 

Third, sorry, but it sounds like your boyfriend might need the training more than the dog. Who knows, the discipline and respect could very well trickle down to the dog.....eventually.

 

Fourth, it sounds like you’ve exhausted your options. Perhaps your boyfriend is just better off staying with his dog. It sounds like they have a romantic relationship and the dog has become emotionally attached. Humping his leg? No boundaries.

 

There is a silver lining here. If your boyfriend is behaving and treating and raising the dog like this, you probably don’t want him to be the father of your children.

 

Walk away knowing it’s an opportunity, not a loss.

 

Best of luck!

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Your boyfriend is an incredibly irresponsible and lazy dog-owner. He is willfully ignorant about raising an animal, and frankly, this is why some people should not own pets.

 

You are correct that he is eventually going to have a lot to answer for when the dog actually hurts someone. This is not a matter of if, but when.

Him encouraging the dog to hump his leg is just disturbing to me, sorry.

 

I would be done. I love dogs, grew up with marvelous dogs that were members of our family, and would love to someday have another one in my own home. However, the dog is a symptom of a bigger problem, which is your boyfriend and his screwy priorities. This would not work for me whatsoever. The dog deserves better, and so do you.

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Actually dog pee is very harmful to car paint. It is acidic and it will damage not only the paint but the metal too. Not cleaning up after it is incredibly disrespectful and disgusting. This dog sounds like a law suit waiting to happen and the guy sounds like a complete jerk for allowing it.

 

But clearly him and the dog are a package deal and nothing is going to change that. You can either take them or leave them. And at this point it looks as though leaving them is a much better option for you!

 

I need to tell him in the next few days that I'm moving out, any suggestions? Is it better to tell him right away?

Yes, I'd just tell him straight that you're moving out and why. It doesn't pay to be too delicate or evasive here. If you try to make other excuses or give other reasons then he will likely try to "fix" the problems that you present. Whereas if you say look I like you but I can't live with this dog any longer, then he has no choice but to accept it.

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Your bf is an idiot and it’s hard to believe you’ve tolerated this nonsense for so long. While you’re walking out the door, remind your ex-bf that if someone sues him for the dog biting them, the courts will order that the dog be put to sleep.

 

Regardless of whether the dog is around or not, your bf has shown you what he’s made of and it’s not very impressive on any level.

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I am so sorry you have had to put up with this. I don't know what else to say.

 

 

 

I do respect your willingness to try with your BF in spite of all of this but staying with him is unfair to you. Sorry, but the guy does not sound like he is playing with a full deck, to not put to fine a point on it.

 

 

As someone who has been accused of loving my pets more than my (now ex) girlfriend (very anxious attachment style), I thought I'd be defending him. I was wrong.

 

 

Best of luck, oh and you might want to let him know that if I caught his dog peeing on my truck; I'd kill the dog (on the spot) and beat him to a pulp.

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Well, that sucks. And no - it doesn't make it any better that it's about a dog. If it were his friend that were being inappropriate, you wouldn't even question it if your BF didn't get the behavior to change. And I'm sorry - not having sex because of a dog? I love pets but even I would consider a long drive to the country at that point.

 

As was said above, don't be delicate. Be clear and concise. Do not bargain. If you move out and he changes, you can re-examine but d not cave to the idea that he "swears" he will work on it. It hasn't really bothered him yet so any changes under the threat of moving out will be temporary.

 

Move out. Move on. If he moves heaven and earth to get you back, consider it, but don't take half measures.

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There is no point in trying with someone who has been told over and over that his dog needs to be brought to heel and he does nothing about outside of encouraging the dog to be unsocial. Depending upon the age of the dog, it's not going to easily be trained out of him

 

I need to tell him in the next few days that I'm moving out, any suggestions? Is it better to tell him right away?

 

Tell him to his face when you do, but I'd get everything in order before announcing my plans. Then is when I'd tell him I'm going.

 

Understand this: your boyfriend isn't clueless about his dog. It's going to take the dog biting the wrong person and suing him and possibly running the risk of having the dog put down before he can understand that he has handled all of this wrong.

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Yeah, you're doing the right thing by moving out because he certainly isn't going to get rid of his dog. I would just tell him it's not working and I'm moving out.

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It’s not completely about the dog. If the dog were no longer in the picture, the guy is still the same slob guy. He is completely obtuse to the world around him. I have to wonder how a woman could love and admire someone like this, much less get naked for him. Just reading about him makes me want to gag.

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I have to wonder how a woman could love and admire someone like this, much less get naked for him. Just reading about him makes me want to gag.

 

It's astounding what some women will put themselves through in order to say "I got a man".

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So he doesn't have sex with you but let's the dog hump his leg? :lmao:

 

I'm sorry, there is so much insane in this post. The boyfriend sounds a little crazy and definitely lazy.

 

I dont understand how you ended up in this situation honestly. Why would you move into this situation? If you wanted change you should have asked for it up front and let him do it. You should not have taken his problems on as your own. In my experience, most men aren't going to change. What you see is what you get. You either accept it or move on.

 

As far as leaving, maybe unpopular opinion but I would make all my arrangements and tell him either last minute or leave and tell him afterward. Just from the perspective of avoiding as much drama as possible. If you have made up your mind, it will be mentally taxing if he tries to talk you out if it.

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Please leave this man, if he runs his life like he runs his dog and his household then he's not good to have as a life partner and even less as a potential father of your children.

 

 

 

Move out and call the spca. This dog will eventually rip someone's face off and it will be an innocent child passing by.

 

 

 

Your boyfriend thinks that all this passiveness toward the dog is good but in fact your boyfriend is responsible for his dog's anxiety and aggressiveness. Very few dogs want to be the leader of the pack. This dog is unhappy in his role of pack leader, and he will seriously injure someone soon. The worse in all this is the dog will be killed and your boyfriend will be free to repeat his stupid-nest on another dog.

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Don't blame the dog, blame the owner.....this dog's behavior speaks volumes about what your BF is truly is as a person.....irresponsible. Dump this chump.

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I'm about to leave my boyfriend because of a couple of reasons, but primarily because of his dog. I want to stress that I don't view the dog's behavior as its own fault, I know he has the potential to be a good dog and is just a product of his upbringing and environment.

But this dog is making living my boyfriend impossible. <SNIP>

 

When it comes to relationships where there is a pet dog, cat, bird an etc. You will never get between them and their pets. Just not going to happen my dear. Best thing to do with this guy was to move out and end this doggy relationship. This is the way he wants it. He needs to find a woman the dog will allow. The dog doesn't like you as you can clearly see in your post above. Can't blame the dog but the bf isn't don't much to make your life living with me safe and happy.

 

Best pack up and get out ASAP!

 

Your man your lover isn't keeping you there he's just making sure the dog wants and needs are met. Where as your needs aren't kept.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I want to be sensitive and serious responding to your post, but what you wrote lends itself to so many ummmm remarks that make me think I better not respond, but I’ll try.

 

 

First off, who owns the house, your boyfriend or the dog?

 

Second, I can’t believe that your boyfriend is ok with you sleeping on the sofa while he lets the dog do anything it wants and be anywhere it wants.

 

Third, sorry, but it sounds like your boyfriend might need the training more than the dog. Who knows, the discipline and respect could very well trickle down to the dog.....eventually.

 

Fourth, it sounds like you’ve exhausted your options. Perhaps your boyfriend is just better off staying with his dog. It sounds like they have a romantic relationship and the dog has become emotionally attached. Humping his leg? No boundaries.

 

There is a silver lining here. If your boyfriend is behaving and treating and raising the dog like this, you probably don’t want him to be the father of your children.

 

Walk away knowing it’s an opportunity, not a loss.

 

Best of luck!

 

Very much this. Also, what's the dog's breed? Are we talking ****su or Doberman?

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It's an Australian Shepherd.

 

Those are supposed to be a very intelligent breed, too... it's too bad your boyfriend is teaching him bad behavior.

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Hopefully, you have left this numbskull by now, or have at least found a new place to live and are very close to galloping out the door! Personally I couldn’t take one second of that situation.

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It's an Australian Shepherd.

Highly energetic dog that must be run each day. If the dog doesn't use up his energy it will become destructive. This breed isn't known for being aggressive as you've described, if it's the case then I suspect bad breeding or bad owner....or both.

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Highly energetic dog that must be run each day. If the dog doesn't use up his energy it will become destructive. This breed isn't known for being aggressive as you've described, if it's the case then I suspect bad breeding or bad owner....or both.

 

 

Articles I have read do mention aggressiveness actually. They sound a bit lke a Border Collie, need loads of exercise, space to run around, things to think about and loads of time spent and attention. Can be aggressive especially to strangers and other animals. As they are dogs bred for sheep they can want to round up people and other animals so nipping may be used to make sure the herded animal does as it is told, the fact it is a human may be not be noticed by the dog, it is just instinct.

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There's an aggressive Australian Shepherd that goes to our dog park and while it mostly barks instead of any physical actions, it can be pretty scary-looking when it's angry. I don't blame you and I'm a dog lover!

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Have you ever had a sexual relationship with your boyfriend, or has it always been confined to moments of bathroom groping? I can't for the life of my imagine why you chose to move in with him under these circumstances. Why?

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