Malin889 Posted October 9, 2018 Share Posted October 9, 2018 I started chatting a few days ago with a new guy on online dating, we had a nice conversation, he seemed funny and intelligent. In one of the messages he sent the other night, he said how people on online dating can be insincere so he’s not always sure what to think, then later he complimented my looks and then said, “this is my way of asking you out.” I messaged back the next morning (his message came very late), agreeing about the insincerity of online dating, in then said “yes I’d like to go out” but I didn’t leave my number — duh. Anyway so that was Sunday morning, I didn’t get a reply so I sent him a cute direct message today while at work giving him my number and suggesting Friday as a date. Guys like when a girl is assertive and direct, right? I’ve had such strange and sometimes funny online dating experiences and it sounds like this guy has too! I want to show him that I’m not insincere like his past experiences have been! I would have preferred if he replied first with a plan/time to meet, but since he didn’t, I did! Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Well for a start he's not very good at being assertive and direct... he thinks that complimenting looks is the same as asking someone out. Not a great start. Anyway to answer your question, men are as unique as women. Some guys (like this one - he seems shy) probably needs a bit of directness from a woman so they feel they have the green light. Some guys just appreciate the directness since they know exactly what to expect. And other guys find it really intimidating. My point is - you can't generalise to "men like... xxx" when they will all respond differently. You say you want to show him you're not insincere. All you can do is be honest and be yourself around him. It still may not work out, but if you've been honest then it was never meant to be anyway. You've taken control of the situation and suggested a time to meet - go you! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Guys like when a girl is assertive and direct, right? only when he is attracted to her to begin with.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Guys like when a girl is assertive and direct, right? If it isn't too extreme, yes. You did ok, I didn't see any problem with how you did it. I want to show him that I’m not insincere like his past experiences have been!No. Don't try to "prove" anything to him. Do not share "dating war stories" while on the date,...and don't let him do it either. Stay focused on why you are there. Pay attention to him to see if he is someone that you would want to spend a lot of time around. The purpose of the date is to check him out to see if he is good for you,...it is not for you to prove you are good for him. It is up to him to do the same from his side of it. Take normal safety precautions on the date. Don't tell him where you live yet, don't let him get you car's license plate #. Meet in a very public place with a lot of people. Common sense stuff. I would have preferred if he replied first with a plan/time to meet, but since he didn’t, I did!That is the rub. He should have, but he didn't. Online Dating (OLD) is full of guys who don't have the social skills to get a date face to face. ...he complimented my looks and then said, “this is my way of asking you out.”He is telling you that he is lousy at dating. When people tell you what they are like,...believe them. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker but just keep this in mind going into the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 who cares if he's lousy at dating that only means he's more successful in relationships so he hasn't had to become some dating guru. l've never dated in my life sounds like bs to me wouldn't know how but l've never been single either. op l dunno if guys like that , some yes some maybe not some maybe they weren't interested enough to do it themselves who knows. But eh ya did so no harm done , hope he gets back to you soon . Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Functional men usually like the hunt. Dysfunctional men seem to want women to be aggressive and do the work, but then most poor women who fall for that end up like you did. Scratching their head wondering why it didn't work. Long story short, if a decent guy is interested he'll let you know and pursue you. You don't need to find some fixer upper and try and do all the heavy lifting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 l've never dated in my life sounds like bs to me wouldn't know how but l've never been single either So you are saying that you don't know how to date, have no experience. But you are certain that the guy's dating skills are irrelevant and what anyone says is just BS? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 women usually pursue me so i just take the pick of the litter Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 A man likes what he likes and that varies from person to person. I don’t think you should try to make a conscious effort to show him that you’re not insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Functional men usually like the hunt. Dysfunctional men seem to want women to be aggressive and do the work, but then most poor women who fall for that end up like you did. Scratching their head wondering why it didn't work. Long story short, if a decent guy is interested he'll let you know and pursue you. You don't need to find some fixer upper and try and do all the heavy lifting. Yes this has been my experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 it depends on YOU. If you are old fashioned and go for a guy that is confident, then find a guy that will be direct and ask you out. If you are an assertive type like me, you will have np asking them out or at least be obvious you want to meet. Your choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 You’ve taken control of the situation and suggested a time to meet - go you! Thanks! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 who cares if he's lousy at dating that only means he's more successful in relationships so he hasn't had to become some dating guru. l've never dated in my life sounds like bs to me wouldn't know how but l've never been single either. op l dunno if guys like that , some yes some maybe not some maybe they weren't interested enough to do it themselves who knows. But eh ya did so no harm done , hope he gets back to you soon . Good luck. Thanks. How have you “never dated in your life” but also have “never been single either.”? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 it depends on YOU. If you are old fashioned and go for a guy that is confident, then find a guy that will be direct and ask you out. If you are an assertive type like me, you will have np asking them out or at least be obvious you want to meet. Your choice. I’d prefer a confident guy but I also have no problem being assertive if the guy isn’t. I’m not sure what that says about the guy, but I know some people are shy and I figure since he asked me out (although didn’t plan anything), that I would take that extra step forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Functional men usually like the hunt. Dysfunctional men seem to want women to be aggressive and do the work, but then most poor women who fall for that end up like you did. Scratching their head wondering why it didn't work. Long story short, if a decent guy is interested he'll let you know and pursue you. You don't need to find some fixer upper and try and do all the heavy lifting. I found that first part funny between “functional men” and “dysfunctional men”- I guess that pretty much sums up dating in a nutshell lol. :-) I’d prefer not to find a fixer upper. I’m busy enough! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 . Online Dating (OLD) is full of guys who don't have the social skills to get a date face to face. I didn’t want to believe this, but I think you’re right! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I’d prefer not to find a fixer upper. You just did though, and your answer to that was not to walk away but to help fix him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 You just did though, and your answer to that was not to walk away but to help fix him. I wasn’t helping fix him. I gave him my number, I didn’t listen to his problems lol. Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernIslander Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Oh and I honestly wouldn’t overthink it or make a conscious effort to show him you are sincere. If you end up going on a date, great but if not, that’s OK too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Oh and I honestly wouldn’t overthink it or make a conscious effort to show him you are sincere. If you end up going on a date, great but if not, that’s OK too. I agree! If he gets in touch great, if not, it’s no skin of my back. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 So you are saying that you don't know how to date, have no experience. But you are certain that the guy's dating skills are irrelevant and what anyone says is just BS? Nope , never really dated as such, old school mostly here you meet someone you like no need to bs around. lt might be a little different now for some l dunno but before l was married always just met gf's and 20yrs later divorced , oh god, depressing , but it's still much the same, for me anyway. Him , don't even know the guy, just sayin, could b 10 reasons why this why that. But as a guy l wouldn't go for chicks that were expert daters or if l was a chick l wouldn't go for a guy that was an expert dater. or somem like that Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) Thanks. How have you “never dated in your life” but also have “never been single either.”? Yeah , l know , seems weird around LS l know, but l'm not in the states , pretty old school here. Dunno , just met her and off it goes. You be selective , you wait for the right person and it's pretty well a given , no need for the rest of the bs. Edited October 10, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Author Malin889 Posted October 11, 2018 Author Share Posted October 11, 2018 Yeah , l know , seems weird around LS l know, but l'm not in the states , pretty old school here. Dunno , just met her and off it goes. You be selective , you wait for the right person and it's pretty well a given , no need for the rest of the bs. No one wants to deal with the BS! But “waiting for the right person” IS dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts