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Zidane--5

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I am confused. A girl is taking hours or a day to reply to my text message but always replies?

 

I have been texting a woman, who is 6 years older than me, for a month now and I have been out with her on a date once. She is a nurse and I know she has a tough schedule now and then. She is a slow responder (took like 4 hours to text me back). However, sometimes she responded very fast.

 

In addition, during our date, she told me she is going on a vacation for 2 weeks. Our date went very well and we had a great time together (we kissed, but didn't had sex). I really liked her and definitely wants to see her again. She also showed some interest and wanted to see me again before she went on vacation by asking me if I want or can meet up with her. Unfortunately, we couldn't see each other due to her busy schedule. Moreover, she also told me that it is too bad she is going on a vacation now (meaning she wants to see me), and that she will see me in couple weeks when she gets back.

 

Although, I hinted several times that we should still keep texting while she is on a vacation so we still are in touch with each other (she ignored answering that part). During her vacation, I texted her once and our conversation never ended (still going on till today).

 

However, the confusing part begins now. She started to take days (up to 4, and now 2) to answer me instead of hours. I know she was on a vacation and maybe wanted some space (I never texted her more than one message) but she still answered with long messages and still ask me questions (She might still be interested?) Also, she apologized for texting so late. However, she never texted me any pictures of her during the vacation. She also added one picture to her Happn profile.

 

I knew when she went back, so I tried to set up a second date with her by asking if she wanted/could meet this Sunday (10-07-2018). Unfortunately, she had to work. But she never mentioned a day or a date for when she might be available. I also added her on Snapchat, and she added me back, but we have not snapped each other.

 

I am confused, is she still interested in seeing me (playing hard to get), is she just being courteous (but she is not interested anymore), or can it be something else? I have not been pushy, I am giving her space, and trying to play along. However, she might be texting with other guys she might have met during her vacation (and that's how the game is).

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If she contacts you again fine, set up a date. If she never does, it's not from the lack of you trying. Date other women.

 

 

If it's this difficult to see each other then you would get too frustrated with her schedule anyways. There's a woman out there that is more suitable....keep looking.

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You say you're giving her space, but.......

 

 

I know that if a guy I'd been on one date with basically insisted I keep in text contact while I'm on a vacation I planned well before he came into the picture, I wouldn't be too thrilled. You expected vacation pics, and now you're wanting Snaps and Happn (whatever that is). Have you communicated at all by phone - actual voices? It's hard to maintain any type of tone via text, to convey interest, or lack of, humor, etc.

 

I think she humored you, but is tired of it. She'll offer a concrete date if/when she's actually interested in meeting again.

 

I do hope 10/7 wasn't her first day back from vacation. Not being given a day to decompress would have sealed your fate for me.

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SunnyWeather

you are trying to create a false sense of intimacy with someone you have only met one time. stop being so needy, it's not a good look. you've made your feelings pretty clear, and she is not demonstrating much enthusiasm in return. buck up and stop trying so hard. let her reach out to you.

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You say you're giving her space, but.......

 

 

I know that if a guy I'd been on one date with basically insisted I keep in text contact while I'm on a vacation I planned well before he came into the picture, I wouldn't be too thrilled. You expected vacation pics, and now you're wanting Snaps and Happn (whatever that is). Have you communicated at all by phone - actual voices? It's hard to maintain any type of tone via text, to convey interest, or lack of, humor, etc.

 

I think she humored you, but is tired of it. She'll offer a concrete date if/when she's actually interested in meeting again.

 

I do hope 10/7 wasn't her first day back from vacation. Not being given a day to decompress would have sealed your fate for me.

 

 

Well, I didn't insist. I only mentioned it for her twice or thrice that I HOPE we will be in touch. Also, I didn't expect anything cause I didn't tell her to send me any. I sent a snap request only after she went back from the vacation. I still haven't snapped her. Happn is like Tinder.

 

Yeah, it all has been through text messages cause I don't know how she will feel if I call her. I think she isn't going to pick up anyway.

 

No, she went back 10/05 from vacation. However, if she replies again and asks me a question should I just answer quickly and let the conversation die or just keep answering as normal. Also, I don't answer her right away, I actually wait 10-12 hours.

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If she contacts you again fine, set up a date. If she never does, it's not from the lack of you trying. Date other women.

 

 

If it's this difficult to see each other then you would get too frustrated with her schedule anyways. There's a woman out there that is more suitable....keep looking.

 

Thanks for your answer. I just don't think she will contact me again. So probably moving on..

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you are trying to create a false sense of intimacy with someone you have only met one time. stop being so needy, it's not a good look. you've made your feelings pretty clear, and she is not demonstrating much enthusiasm in return. buck up and stop trying so hard. let her reach out to you.

 

You are right. She showed enthusiasm at the start, but during the vacation, she have been different. However, she isn't going to reach out. I know myself, no one reaches out to me :) - not trying to be petty - just the truth.

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Well, I didn't insist. I only mentioned it for her twice or thrice that I HOPE we will be in touch. Also, I didn't expect anything cause I didn't tell her to send me any. I sent a snap request only after she went back from the vacation. I still haven't snapped her. Happn is like Tinder.

 

Yeah, it all has been through text messages cause I don't know how she will feel if I call her. I think she isn't going to pick up anyway.

 

No, she went back 10/05 from vacation. However, if she replies again and asks me a question should I just answer quickly and let the conversation die or just keep answering as normal. Also, I don't answer her right away, I actually wait 10-12 hours.

 

 

You don't see the contradiction in bold? Then you added her on snap after she got back, AND asked her out. That's all within what, 48 hours? I'm cringing for you.

 

And, okay, you consider her taking four hours to reply to be 'slow', but you're taking 10-12 hours. Is this some sort of rule?

 

Just do what comes naturally. If you get a text and can reply right then, do so. If not, wait. I'm a nurse, I can tell you she's busy, and if you're texting her when either of you is working, well, you can't read much into reply times.

 

Right now, unless you hear from her, just stop all communication. You've more than done your part. She didn't offer an alternate day for a date; there's not much you can do if she's not interested.

 

It happens, so sorry.

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You don't see the contradiction in bold? Then you added her on snap after she got back, AND asked her out. That's all within what, 48 hours? I'm cringing for you.

 

And, okay, you consider her taking four hours to reply to be 'slow', but you're taking 10-12 hours. Is this some sort of rule?

 

Just do what comes naturally. If you get a text and can reply right then, do so. If not, wait. I'm a nurse, I can tell you she's busy, and if you're texting her when either of you is working, well, you can't read much into reply times.

 

Right now, unless you hear from her, just stop all communication. You've more than done your part. She didn't offer an alternate day for a date; there's not much you can do if she's not interested.

 

It happens, so sorry.

 

Well, I asked her out before even she got home, so it's not within 48 hours.

I think you misunderstood me. In the beginning, she answered me very quickly (sometimes minutes later, and sometimes four hours later on average). However, during her vacation, she began answering after 4 days, and now she answers after approximately two days. I also know she was very busy back then (before taking off to vacation), but she still answered very fast. Now everything is different.

 

Well, I have stopped all communication as she hasn't replied yet. I only send one message at a time and then waits for her response.

You are right about there isn't much to do if she is not interested, but she shouldn't tell me "see you in couple weeks" or "it's bad timing I am going on a vacation now" if she really knew she is not interested. I don't know, maybe she talked with her friends, found someone. It's just confusing never to know what to expect.

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ExpatInItaly

For whatever reason, she has lost interest.

 

I wouldn't have mentioned two or three times that keeping in touch while she was on holiday would be nice. She understood the first time, I promise. Knowing you were eager to hear from her, you should have left the ball in her court to reach out when she felt keen to do so - especially considering you've only had one date.

 

However, there could well be other reasons she has faded. I wouldn't stress it. Just take a more measured approach in the future.

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Scarlett.O'hara

She is updating her dating profile so you can safely assume that she is multi dating or at least keeping her options open, which means she isn't serious about you. You are just a guy she has had one date with among others. Therefore, you don't get special treatment.

 

Also worth noting is that she is in a profession that makes her very busy and preoccupied with other things, which means you are unlikely to get that much texts throughout her day. It just won't be a priority for her right now.

 

I think it is perfectly understandable that she would have wanted space on her vacation. I don't even think that is in question. The fact that she tried to avoid your hints about keeping in contact multiple times confirms this.

 

Honestly, I think your expectations might have been a bit high with her. It sounds like you are just on different pages. With the right woman, your pace would be met with equal enthusiasm. I think it is best to try and find someone else.

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LifeBeginsAt40

You know what, this is kind of like my girl at the start of our relationship. A lot of what went on then only really makes sense now. My now girlfriend doesn't take her phone with her anywhere, leaves it switched off for a couple of days at a time, doesn't have anything other than text messaging installed etc etc. She dropped her phone in the toilet a few weeks back, and only got a replacement two weeks later after her work were trying to get hold of her and I suggested that she might need one.

 

Basically, she is absolutely terrible at communicating, and would far rather do it face to face. How did I deal with this at the start of us dating? I would CALL HER. Texting is fine now for me to ask her what she wants for dinner, what time she is home etc etc, but a lot of people don't want to have an entire conversation via text. They are too busy / just plain and simple can't be bothered. It may well have been with your girl on holiday that she just wanted to kick back and relax. You aren't her boyfriend, so at the end of the day, she owes you nothing in terms of texting back etc. It sucks I know, but that is the god's honest truth. Early on in our relationship, my lady went away for a week and I got a couple of texts off her. I just let her be. Didn't get in touch, just let her be with her friend. She came home and I called her a couple of days later to sort out our next date.

 

Also, do you know if she is introverted or extraverted? If she is an introvert, then the very worst thing you can do is keep texting and nagging her. She might just have needed some space. Even now that we are an item, my very introverted girlfriend will sometimes just push me away and tell me she needs her alone time. At the start of our relationship I of course thought this was her pulling away from me, but I have now learned that is just how she is, and once she has had her day or two of being on her own then she is the wonderful, funny engaging girl that I fell in love with again.

 

Maybe your girl is dating other guys. Want to stand out from the crowd? Be a man and call her. Have a date and a time in mind, and have a plan. Nothing cheesy like the movies or dinner, but have something fun. When I was dating around earlier this year, I would take first dates to fun activities that I wanted to do anyway. I found some really fun nights in my city doing some really weird and wonderful things. Although I didn't pull every girl I went out with, we had a lot of fun.

 

Action plan for you.

 

1) Call her

2) Offer her some dates that you are free

3) Think of something out of the ordinary to do - set yourself apart from the other schmucks taking her to the movies or whatever.

4) If she agrees to a date, leave her the heck alone - no texting, snap chatting, facebook stalking etc etc. Just leave her until you meet up. Day before text her to confirm plans.

 

If she doesn't offer you date, or says she'll look at her schedule, get back to you and then doesn't, then you know she has moved on / isn't interested. You should then do likewise.

 

You are coming across to her as a wuss who is frantically running after any crumb of attention she might give you as opposed to a strong male who couldn't care less if he sees her again or not.

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For whatever reason, she has lost interest.

 

I wouldn't have mentioned two or three times that keeping in touch while she was on holiday would be nice. She understood the first time, I promise. Knowing you were eager to hear from her, you should have left the ball in her court to reach out when she felt keen to do so - especially considering you've only had one date.

 

However, there could well be other reasons she has faded. I wouldn't stress it. Just take a more measured approach in the future.

 

You are probably right. Thank you so much for the advice.

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She is updating her dating profile so you can safely assume that she is multi dating or at least keeping her options open, which means she isn't serious about you. You are just a guy she has had one date with among others. Therefore, you don't get special treatment.

 

Also worth noting is that she is in a profession that makes her very busy and preoccupied with other things, which means you are unlikely to get that much texts throughout her day. It just won't be a priority for her right now.

 

I think it is perfectly understandable that she would have wanted space on her vacation. I don't even think that is in question. The fact that she tried to avoid your hints about keeping in contact multiple times confirms this.

 

Honestly, I think your expectations might have been a bit high with her. It sounds like you are just on different pages. With the right woman, your pace would be met with equal enthusiasm. I think it is best to try and find someone else.

 

Well, you are right. I am a person that gets attached very quickly (hate my self for that), but as you mention I am not getting special treatment.

 

I expected at least to see her again when she says "see you in a couple weeks". So, yes you might be right that I expected more.

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You know what, this is kind of like my girl at the start of our relationship. A lot of what went on then only really makes sense now. My now girlfriend doesn't take her phone with her anywhere, leaves it switched off for a couple of days at a time, doesn't have anything other than text messaging installed etc etc. She dropped her phone in the toilet a few weeks back, and only got a replacement two weeks later after her work were trying to get hold of her and I suggested that she might need one.

 

Basically, she is absolutely terrible at communicating, and would far rather do it face to face. How did I deal with this at the start of us dating? I would CALL HER. Texting is fine now for me to ask her what she wants for dinner, what time she is home etc etc, but a lot of people don't want to have an entire conversation via text. They are too busy / just plain and simple can't be bothered. It may well have been with your girl on holiday that she just wanted to kick back and relax. You aren't her boyfriend, so at the end of the day, she owes you nothing in terms of texting back etc. It sucks I know, but that is the god's honest truth. Early on in our relationship, my lady went away for a week and I got a couple of texts off her. I just let her be. Didn't get in touch, just let her be with her friend. She came home and I called her a couple of days later to sort out our next date.

 

Also, do you know if she is introverted or extroverted? If she is an introvert, then the very worst thing you can do is keep texting and nagging her. She might just have needed some space. Even now that we are an item, my very introverted girlfriend will sometimes just push me away and tell me she needs her alone time. At the start of our relationship I of course thought this was her pulling away from me, but I have now learned that is just how she is, and once she has had her day or two of being on her own then she is the wonderful, funny engaging girl that I fell in love with again.

 

Maybe your girl is dating other guys. Want to stand out from the crowd? Be a man and call her. Have a date and a time in mind, and have a plan. Nothing cheesy like the movies or dinner, but have something fun. When I was dating around earlier this year, I would take first dates to fun activities that I wanted to do anyway. I found some really fun nights in my city doing some really weird and wonderful things. Although I didn't pull every girl I went out with, we had a lot of fun.

 

Action plan for you.

 

1) Call her

2) Offer her some dates that you are free

3) Think of something out of the ordinary to do - set yourself apart from the other schmucks taking her to the movies or whatever.

4) If she agrees to a date, leave her the heck alone - no texting, snap chatting, facebook stalking etc etc. Just leave her until you meet up. Day before text her to confirm plans.

 

If she doesn't offer you date, or says she'll look at her schedule, get back to you and then doesn't, then you know she has moved on / isn't interested. You should then do likewise.

 

You are coming across to her as a wuss who is frantically running after any crumb of attention she might give you as opposed to a strong male who couldn't care less if he sees her again or not.

 

First of all, thanks for taking time typing this. Wonderful!

However, I think your situation is much more different than mine. Moreover, you are right that I am not her boyfriend. It's just that she kinda promised to meet again and then suddenly fade out. Why say something that you can't comply?

 

Yeah, I probably should have left her alone when she went on vacation. Although, I don't know if she is introverted or extroverted. And i did not keep texting or nagging. I am just taking it step by step. Answering her messages when she replies.

 

It's not that i don't want to call her. I am certain that this will freak her out and she won't even respond to my call. But yeah i have actually nothing to lose. I will try to call her in the coming days and try your plan.

Thank you very much for you response and your time. I really appreciate it.

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