Does my pride prevent me from fighting for relationships?

[depcharger]

In the past I have just let it go. Unless the person is absolutely terrible I let them end it if they feel unhappy or feel they can upgrade etc

 

You want to date me? we like each other? OK we date.

You think you can do better? or you want to end it. I will miss you but I will survive without you to

 

If i ask you out once and you say no I won't keep trying again and again

 

I try not to be desperate about it, why would she change her mind 2nd time around?

 

My eastern philosophy ( asian friends) disagree with me and say I should keep trying to get them to change their minds but I disagree with them

 

Although in moments of desperation or horniness I have texted, emailed, messaged my various ex's ( in hopes of rekindling? or maybe i just missed the sex??? and was hoping to score)

 

When a girl wants to give me the talk

I listen, ask for confirmation, ask her if there is anything i can do to change her mind, ( there has never been a case where she has said there was something I could do to change her mind)

 

I figure by this point it is too late and some of these girls are already dating someone else 2 have admitted they were already dating another.

 

is my pride sabotaging me? Am i supposed to fight for these girls who have wanted to end it? How hard should i be fighting during courtship? when she wants to end it? after she wants to end it? Am i supposed to chase after and convince them i am worth it? am I too laissez faire ( let it be?)

 

How hard have you fought to win someone over to convince them to date you? stay with you? or not break things off?

[Whodatdog]

I dont think pride has anything to do with it. I think you are simply a realist. Ive never understood bugging people who have turned you down for a date. After the first turn down, if you keep after them, its borderline harassment. Why do that when there are millions of people in the world? Surely you can find someone who will want to date you.

 

Its not pride. Its smart.

[Juha]

I am in your court also. I do not chase, beg, keep asking someone who is not that interested. I say ok and wish them the best.

 

Sometimes I have had a woman say to me: That's it? You are not going to say or do anything to show me you want me? I say to them, if you were very interested and liked me you would not be having this conversation about things not working out for you.

 

Although I am not so sure now that this is always the best tactic as I have seen numerous couples where they woman rebuffed the guy time after time. They guy kept trying, while dating others. After some time the woman fell for him.

 

Honestly, I do not get how that happens as I have done that a number of times in the past. Not once has the woman turned or changed their feelings for me.

 

Keep doing you and hopefully you will find someone that you mesh with.

I wish you luck

[basil67]

I also think you're smart. I actually find it disrespectful to chase people who've said "no" at the beginning or who have decided to move on.

[SevenCity]

You are acting with pride and self respect. Bravo.

 

Most men don’t act like this.

 

Sure, you might be able to score some additional sex 1 out of a 100 times, but if you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you are best served to only date women with high interest.

 

I’ve seen guys go as far as marry a women who was “meh” on them. They forever jump though hoops for them and the women are never satisfied and ultimately leave for a guy they are interested in (or cheat).

 

Keep doing what you are doing. Your behavior is textbook correct

[central]

My attitude is the same as yours, OP. Either someone wants to give me a chance, or they don't. And if they do, and it doesn't work for them, that's pretty clear. You can't argue them to change their mind, and if you've behaved as your best self while dating, you've done all you can - or should - do.

 

In some cases I've remained friends with these failed romances, as they are great friends, even if poor romantic prospects. That still enriches my life - and theirs, too, since they want to keep me involved in their lives as a friend. Just don't expect that anything will change - it really doesn't.

 

Anyway, I don't see it as pride (in a narcissistic sense). I see it as realistic pragmatism.