MJ11 Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 About 3 months ago I asked out this girl after getting some signs from her that she might be interested in me. When I asked her she did seem genuinely happy I asked her, which resulted in her giving me her number. Initially it looked promising, but she did however reject me when I asked for her decision. She told me though she was attracted to me, she wasn’t looking to talk to anyone new just yet, as she wasn’t in the right place for it (Apparently, she broke up with someone a few months before). Anyway, as she wasn’t really a close friend of mine and me wanting to respect her decision I moved on, and for the last 3 months I went on dating other girls. However, after dating a few girls, I still find myself attracted to the original girl. So, now as it’s been 3 months I’m wondering whether to ask the girl who rejected me out again, to see If she’s ready to start dating someone. So, do you think it’s a good idea to ask her again or not? and If so how should I go about it? Should just be direct with her and straight up ask her is she’s interested, or should I start talking to her again first and build up interest. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 About 3 months ago I asked out this girl after getting some signs from her that she might be interested in me. When I asked her she did seem genuinely happy I asked her, which resulted in her giving me her number. Initially it looked promising, but she did however reject me when I asked for her decision. One of two things: 1. You didn't actually offer her a specific date. You just asked about the concept of a date. Women immediately see this as weakness and indecisiveness and are turned off by it. 2. You did offer her a specific date at a specific time/day/place, and she was flattered to be asked but is just not attracted enough to you to accept. She told me though she was attracted to me, she wasn’t looking to talk to anyone new just yet, as she wasn’t in the right place for it (Apparently, she broke up with someone a few months before)That is just the common BS that all women say to everyone. It means nothing,....other than it just simply means "No". However, after dating a few girls, I still find myself attracted to the original girl. So, now as it’s been 3 months I’m wondering whether to ask the girl who rejected me out again, to see If she’s ready to start dating someone. No. The only way you would do that is if she shows genuine interest in you. If she did that you wouldn't be here asking this question. Should just be direct with her and straight up ask her is she’s interested, or should I start talking to her again first and build up interest. You can't "build attraction". Attraction is not a choice. The only way it works is if they are already attracted to you but you in some way turned them off,...and you were able to reverse it and turn them on again,...but it is rare. If you try this "cold" when there is no attraction it will come across as needy pleading to her. In her mind it will be like you are coming to her kneeling down with your hands together, "Please, please, go out with me, pretty please! Will ya? Huh? Will ya? Will ya?" Now yes, I know that isn't what you would be doing in your mind, but that is the way it will feel to her. Learn to read the signs of attraction. I always recommend Corey Wayne's book "How to be a 3% Man". He also has a YouTube channel. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 If you bump into her, by all means strike up a conversation & see where it goes. If all you have is a phone number but no other connection & you have never been out on a date, it's creepy that you still have her number & you randomly reaching out all this time later will not be well received. Don't bother. Delete the contact info. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 If you do approach, you absolutely don't ask if she is interested,...you just treat it like you know that she is interested (basically BS yourself). What you do is OFFER a date,...you don't ask,...you OFFER. It is a frame of mind. You are offering her an opportunity to spend time with you and if she doesn't it is her loss. It is a frame of mind you must have when you do it. The offer must be a specific time/place/day that you have already determined ahead of time. And as d0nnivain said,...it is probably best to do in person at this point 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I would not contact her again. If she contacts you that is different, make plans with her. If you see her out in person somewhere, talk and make plans with her. If she was actually interested in you she would have been in touch with you. In reality she is not really interested and that was her way of letting you down easy. Women pull this crap all the time, do not listen to what a woman says to you, look at their actions towards you. If they really liked you they would be going out with you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Welcome to Loveshack old chap. Unfortunately you've hit the timeless question about is she attracted, and what can I do to increase her attraction. In the age old question of affection, the only real scenario where people feel instant attraction are: The times where the guy is ridiculously attractive, and the woman feels real lust for him. The times where the guy is extremely well off, and the woman is feeling attraction for his material possessions to get herself an upgrade in her life standing. Most other times, for the vast majority of the rest of the population, girls are like cats in the game of affection, and guys are like dogs. You can't force a cat to do what you want, you have to convince her from an emotional standpoint that it is the most comfortable thing to do. Girls will rarely ever respond to a guys "logic" based approach to why she should be physical and affectionate with her. On the other hand, girls friendzone guys for a variety of reasons, mostly that fall under the category of "it felt like the right thing to do". Guys who attempt the "dog" approach of always being available and always showing affection frequently appear weak in a girls eyes, and then you get the "Oh I don't know", "let's just be friends" speech. You will always find some proportion of girls who will friendzone you, that's a fact of life. Reasons are as varied as there are different cultures on the Earth. Rushing affection is about as effective as trying to grab a cat who isn't comfortable with being around you. The key to dating on your terms is to always be the stately, exciting gentleman who demonstrates and not talks about, being a real man. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 Has she given you any indication that she's changed her mind about dating you? If not, I'd respect her first answer and leave her be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MJ11 Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 The annoying thing is there was initial interest from her, and some of the signs I noticed from her was mentioned in Corey Wayne’s book. Also, even one of her friends did tell me she was interested in me, so I do believe there was at least some attraction from her. Regarding her rejection just being common BS, I actually do agree with you, as it’s commonly the case. But the problem is I’ve had a similar situation before. A few years ago I asked this girl out and she gave me a similar response, saying she wasn’t interested in dating. Anyway a few months down the line when I saw her again she wondered why I never asked her again, but at that point I was dating someone else. So I guess sometimes it could be the truth and not BS, and this past experience is pretty much why I want to try again. Also, due to the sort of person the girl is, I genuinely do think she was telling me the truth. Anyway, to be honest I thought as she did show some initial interest, I thought there would be no harm in trying again, and then If I get rejected again I would leave her alone and move on completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MJ11 Posted September 25, 2018 Author Share Posted September 25, 2018 She hasn't really given me any real indication she has changed her mind. But she did start following me on social media a few weeks ago, which I initially thought was strange if she wasn't interested and both of us not really being close friends. However, I'm probably just over analysing it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 dude if she wasn't interested the first time she won't be interested the second time Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 26, 2018 Share Posted September 26, 2018 dude if she wasn't interested the first time she won't be interested the second time ^This. People rarely change their minds about these things. Link to post Share on other sites
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