Jump to content

Dating a girl at a different Uni


green11

Recommended Posts

Basically, should I ask this girl out who goes to a different university?

 

As of last week, me and this girl I’m interested in moved to University. I wanted to ask her out for the last few weeks, but due to Uni starting and thinking she would be moving to a university quite far away, I decided not to ask her.

 

However, it turns out she goes to a Uni in the same city as I do. So, now I'm wondering whether to give it a shot. I should mention she is just starting her Uni life, whilst I’m in my second year.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Offer her a date if you have her contact information. Follow this pattern below. What I list below goes from the first date to "exclusivity",...it does not go beyond the exclusivity point. It has three sections to it.

 

 

 

Phase One – a few weeks to a month long

 

It begins when the guy offers a girl a specific date once a week and sets the date for a week away. You are making her an offer, present it that way like you know what you are doing. Plan it out ahead of time so you already know what you are offering. A good pattern is ask on Monday or Tues for a weekend date. No “fuzzy” dates! She needs a specific time/day/place. If you hit a day she can’t do it and she actually wants to spend time with you she will give you a counter offer or at least let you know in some way that it is ok to try again later. If she does neither of those then she probably isn’t into you. A compromise option would be to ask her when she is free to get together then offer a specific time/day/place.

 

No chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date, but if she contacts you then be nice, pleasant, friendly, chat with her a bit, but keep it short. This is important to build anticipation for the date so both parties are excited to see each other when they arrive. It demonstrates integrity of both parties when they actually show up for the date without needing to be reassuring each other leading up to it. It eliminates either party from saying something stupid in a text or phone call to weaken the other’s attraction to them before they even make it to the date or maybe causing the date to be canceled or at minimum cause the other to be half-hearted about it. It is needy, insecure, and impatient people on both sides that think they need to maintain chit-chat leading up to the date or the other one might forget about them and not show up.

 

No expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Get over it. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Guys, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you are not her boyfriend and she is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Rinse and repeat, over and over each week or so, but not more than once a week at this early point. Show some discipline.

 

Phase Two – a few more weeks long to a couple months

 

After a few weeks if you haven’t made mistakes the woman will start to contact you in between the dates. This is your cue to set the next date. This shifts some of the power over to the woman. Earlier the guy did all the chasing and setting the date. But now the dates happen each time the woman contacts you which gives her control of the frequency. You are both now sharing in the process. This means to an extent that the dates are her idea and if she is chasing you then she isn't dumping you. It also means that you may now potentially see each other more than once a week. But don’t get carried away, still show some discipline. The rest of this phase is about the same as phase one.

 

Minimal chit-chatting, texting/calling between setting the date and arriving on the date. You can do a little more at this point because she is reaching out to you, but the principle is still the same, so keep it to a minimum.

 

As earlier, no expensive dates, no exuberant dates, no long trips, no weekend trips, no vacation trips, no meeting family/friends. Guy pays for the date. Maybe the woman can pick up the tip if she wants. Again, keep it happy, fun, and light hearted. No heavy subjects. Guys, what a woman remembers about a date are different than you remember. She remembers how you made her feel. So make sure she always thinks of happy feelings and fun when she thinks of you.

 

Still you do not bring up any labels what-so-ever, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, marriage, love, or anything else along those lines. At this point you still are not her boyfriend and she still is not your girlfriend. That is her job to bring that stuff up when she is ready,…not your job. You both still need to understand that you have the freedom to see other people at the same time, even if you don’t choose to act on it,…it is a frame of mind you both need to have.

 

Phase 3 – Lasts until you breakup, co-habitate, get married, or she runs over you with the car

 

If you haven’t made a bunch of mistakes and discouraged her, on average at around 7-8 weeks (maybe longer if you made mistakes) the woman may bring up the exclusivity conversation. She may be vague about it, so you might have to question a little to be sure if that is what she is saying she wants. If that is what she wants, and if you agree to it then you are now finally boyfriend/girlfriend and will need to drop off any others that you both may be seeing.

 

Even after exclusivity happens you still have to keep your head screwed on straight and don't forget what got you to where you are. You still have to show discipline, emotional control and impulse control. Although women may claim they like someone who is a bit impulsive, erratic impulsiveness is not attractive and sometimes just flat scares the crap out of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can you easily see each other? I mean if you are in a City like Boston, NY or Chicago where there is a Uni practically on every corner & you can get to each other by walking a few extra blocks, sure. Otherwise if it will be a hassle to get together, wait until next summer when you are in proximity again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

My Uni is a 30 minute drive away from hers, which is not too bad. Also, I pretty much drive near enough to her university for work anyway, so the distance for me at least won't be a problem. It's really just dependent on her.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. 30 minute drive at university won't cut it. There are too many easier distractions, down the hall, one floor over or across the street. In her 1st year she will be too busy being distracted by all the shiny new things that make up college to deal with a BF who is not right there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Maybe you are right. I do understand what first year at university is like as I have myself experienced it. But I just thought as she seemed interested before university started I thought it’s worth giving it a try, especially as were relatively close together.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would just go for it. You haven't really got anything to lose and with your Universities being quite close you might as well give it a try. She can either say yes or no. If you don't take up the opportunity now you may regret it later.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...