Texting worries

[JiltedJane]

So I’ve jumped back into the dating pool and went on a second date with a guy I’m into. However, after the second date I had to text him confirming our plans for date 3. I’m going away for a week and not sure how my texting access will be. He answered saying that day should be good, but I haven’t heard from him since then. It’s been 2 days, so I know I’m making myself crazy for nothing, but should I be concerned? He didn’t ignore me which is a plus.

Prior to our second date he was the first to message me every day. The only thing I can think of is that he had a busy weekend?

Should I text him casually just asking how his day/weekend is or would that come off as clingy? Tomorrow will be three days which I know some guys still do that rule, but I’ll be gone by then and don’t want to look like I’m obsessed with him on my vacation.

[smackie9]

If you like him let him know! And if you can text during your away time, use email, or post things on social media. If you are out in the woods, then he will understand you won't have access.

[Mardelis]

Doesn't do you any good to make yourself crazy and put so much thought into such a trivial matter regarding a person you've only been out with one time. Are you prone to anxiety? This is something you need to deal with and you can start by accepting your overblown reaction has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.

[JiltedJane]

I’m aware I have anxiety but trying to have a more positive outlook on life instead of always jumping to negative.

Purpose of this thread was to see if I’m getting the slow fade.

[No_Go]

I’m aware I have anxiety but trying to have a more positive outlook on life instead of always jumping to negative.

Purpose of this thread was to see if I’m getting the slow fade.

 

Too early to say if it is slow fade, but he (and you too) do not appear too interested... Isn't it a bit too soon after your last relationship?

[JiltedJane]

Not planning my wedding. Just want to get back out there and see if I’m still desirable.

He ended up texting me today after all.

[Mardelis]

I’m aware I have anxiety but trying to have a more positive outlook on life instead of always jumping to negative.

Purpose of this thread was to see if I’m getting the slow fade.

 

 

[T]he point is that you're focusing on what this guy might be thinking, after only 1 date and 2 days. That's your anxiety talking. A healthier way to approach it would be to focus on something entirely different such as messaging with new dating potentials and relegating this guy to the back of your mind until the situation changes.

Edited September 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[kendahke]

Not planning my wedding. Just want to get back out there and see if I’m still desirable.

 

Well you can do that and still not have an expectation of devotion out of a stranger after only one date. You're not going to be this guy's whole world after just one date and a couple of phone calls/text messages.

 

But No Go has a point: have you resolved the issues that led to the break up of your last relationship, or are you using dating to distract yourself from the heavy emotional lift you should have completed before entering into something new?

 

Because if this thread is here asking us what's been asked, that means you might not be done with that work yet and that's why your anxiety is driving you with this guy doing what the majority of people who are casually dating do---live their lives until a really good reason happens for them to begin devoting themselves to you.

 

[T]he point is that you're focusing on what this guy might be thinking, after only 1 date and 2 days. That's your anxiety talking. A healthier way to approach it would be to focus on something entirely different such as messaging with new dating potentials and relegating this guy to the back of your mind until the situation changes.

 

^^^truth

[JiltedJane]

For the record, it’s been two dates with a third lined up. I’ve had anxiety issues my whole life, but would never get this worked up after only one date. I don’t hear from them after one date it’s “oh well”. After 2nd and beyond it’s when I think “ what did I do?”

 

For past relationship, I’m just trying to give myself a jump start into moving on. I can’t expect to move forward or potentially meet someone great if I’m sitting home alone dwelling on the past and someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

[Mardelis]

For the record, it’s been two dates with a third lined up. I’ve had anxiety issues my whole life, but would never get this worked up after only one date.

 

 

See, what you wrote is very important. You "don't get this worked up after only one date". Yet you get this worked up after only 2 dates! There is very little time and no emotional investment at this point. Your physiciological reactions are overproprotional to the situation. You're causing yourself unnecessary stress and grief and there's another secondary problem which is created- you stand a much greater chance of coming across as needy, clingy, even desperate and extremely insecure to a potential relationship partner.

 

 

 

This is something you have internalized and not resolved and it's going to come up every time you meet a guy that you feel has potential. It doesn't mean you're going to self-sabatoge and never be successful in dating and forming interpersonal relationships- but you might lose a few good ones along the way and totally stress yourself out while you're making the trip.

[JiltedJane]

My thing with anxiety is, I’ll almost act so aloof that I seem disinterested. All in the hopes of not looking clingy.

Luckily the guy Texted me first today, I was more concerned ncetned about it being two days.

So guys, gimme advice. How can I keep this or any future guys interested via text btwn dates? Do I text first? How often, etc. Anything in that area.

What do guys think in regards to texting in general?

I’ll leave my anxiety issues for my therapist.

[RedHead5]

My thing with anxiety is, I’ll almost act so aloof that I seem disinterested. All in the hopes of not looking clingy.

Luckily the guy Texted me first today, I was more concerned ncetned about it being two days.

So guys, gimme advice. How can I keep this or any future guys interested via text btwn dates? Do I text first? How often, etc. Anything in that area.

What do guys think in regards to texting in general?

I’ll leave my anxiety issues for my therapist.

 

You sound just like me. Lol

 

I just let them text me to avoid the pressure. If I like them, I occasionally initiate. But I'm having anxiety in another thread now that I'm actually getting into a relationship about feeling like I'm too uninterested. It never ends! Okay, eventually it will. I'm getting there.

 

I understand your anxiety completely.

[RedHead5]

Oh, and it does help tremendously to keep looking at other guys to date. Keep your options open until it gets a little more serious.

[PRW]

So I’ve jumped back into the dating pool and went on a second date with a guy I’m into. However, after the second date I had to text him confirming our plans for date 3.

 

He should have set the date for a specific time/day/place so there was no ambiguity. He shouldn't be expecting you to determine the day. You shouldn't be "confirming". Now if you honestly lacked information because he didn't take care of that then OK. But next time don't let him leave things hanging, make him be specific from the start.

 

so I know I’m making myself crazy for nothing, but should I be concerned? He didn’t ignore me which is a plus.

Relax

 

Prior to our second date he was the first to message me every day. The only thing I can think of is that he had a busy weekend?

He should never had contacted you "everyday" like that before you are actually boyfriend/girlfriend yet. It establishes a bad pattern that can't be maintained. Once it settles down to "normal" the woman then freaks out thinking something is wrong, like you are doing. What it really did was go from "wrong" to "normal".

 

Should I text him casually just asking how his day/weekend is or would that come off as clingy?

Clingy. Think about it,...why do you want to do it? Do you really think his day might be "bad" and that he might need you to help fix it? No. You are doing it because you don't feel secure, are worried,...in other words, clingy.

 

Tomorrow will be three days which I know some guys still do that rule, but I’ll be gone by then and don’t want to look like I’m obsessed with him on my vacation.

I've heard of a lot rules, but I've never heard of a three day rule. It is simple,...show up at the date you have already arranged on the day it was mentioned. If he has to change the day, he will tell you. By showing up as you should you demonstrate integrity and that you will keep your word. If he shows up it proves the same for him. If you get stood up, then you got your answer, go find something fun to do and call it good enough.

 

You give people enough rope to either prove themselves,...or hang themselves.

Edited September 25, 2018 by PRW