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Facebook OLD screening mishap


max3732

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I've been chatting with this woman online about her interests, job, etc for a few days and she always responded within a minute or so of my messages. Then I suggested meeting up and she said she was very busy, but might be able to do it and wanted my Facebook. I asked why and she said she's met some crazy people online and wanted to screen me. I told her I don't use it very often and don't have much on there other than where I went to school and don't really feel comfortable sharing it, but if there's anything she wants to know about me she can certainly ask. I never got another message from her and just noticed she blocked me.

 

This is the 2nd time I've had trouble with someone wanting to look at my Facebook account. and it's starting to make me wonder if I would be better off just telling them I don't have an account until I get to know them better (although I hate to start the relationship with a lie), if I should actually delete the account (although it helps me keep in touch with some friends) or what else I can do. Unlike the other woman who asked strange questions, this one seemed very genuine and I was really interested in her

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Max you have to understand women are more at risk for dangerous encounters. TBH I don't blame them for wanting to have a look. You don't have to add them, just put your settings on public so they can have a temporary peek.

 

 

You shut her down like that, you just became sketchy. There is no going back now.

 

 

Remember this is about transparency. You need that to encourage trust these days.

Edited by smackie9
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Hmm, interesting. I am a woman and I would not ask, nor be willing to share facebook info, and I understand where you (OP) are coming from. From the way you have articulated yourself in this post, I am assuming you also let her down gently on sharing the facebook info. You offered continued communication to assuage her concerns.

 

I just think this is OLD and I think, while you have to be very careful, a certain degree of risk is expected. Someone could create a fake facebook account, share it, and still turn out to be a creep in the end. Hence you make a first meet, if you are comfortable after a certain number of days communicating, in a very public place. That's also why you do not share many personal details beforehand.

 

Maybe both of these women were scarred previously by some OLD meetings. Nothing you could do about that. Also, IMO, not a reason for you to operate below your comfort level.

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I've been chatting with this woman online about her interests, job, etc for a few days and she always responded within a minute or so of my messages. Then I suggested meeting up and she said she was very busy, but might be able to do it and wanted my Facebook. I asked why and she said she's met some crazy people online and wanted to screen me. I told her I don't use it very often and don't have much on there other than where I went to school and don't really feel comfortable sharing it, but if there's anything she wants to know about me she can certainly ask. I never got another message from her and just noticed she blocked me.

 

This is the 2nd time I've had trouble with someone wanting to look at my Facebook account. and it's starting to make me wonder if I would be better off just telling them I don't have an account until I get to know them better (although I hate to start the relationship with a lie), if I should actually delete the account (although it helps me keep in touch with some friends) or what else I can do. Unlike the other woman who asked strange questions, this one seemed very genuine and I was really interested in her

 

She might not be a real person. Have you ever talk to her on the cell? Be careful of these women you text too on online dating sites. Don't say you have any chat accounts like.

 

Google Hangout

Apple imessager

Facebook

 

Just stick with online app your using most of them who are fake will ask you for another form of chatting. Tell them you want to talk to them on cell after texting on the online app.

 

You have the right to protect your privacy..

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Even if they're are they still need to talk first before leaving that dating app chat. Don't tell them you have FB or anything like that. Keep that to yourself. I have my FB locked down after some stranger started to talk to me. Even today she talks to me on Whatapp. I see her video calls and texts. I keep it as pen pal I don't see where it could go from there. People online are anonymous since the internet is anonymous so many get away with all sorts of scams, fake women etc. Stick with the dating app and talk if you can get them to call you or you call them on cell. Beware of Google Phone and there is another system to watch out for I can't remember off the top of my hand it's a non-working numbers. They can only call you.. When you call them it's plays music and then drops the call.

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Her loss, imo. It's unreasonable to ask you to share your Facebook when you haven't even met. I don't buy the safety angle either. It's easy enough to create a fake FB or to lie and say you don't have one. If she's truly concerned about safety, she should be on one of the OLD sites that provides identify verification, make sure to meet you in a public place, not provide her home address, etc., etc. Having your FB safeguards her from exactly nothing but does give her ample opportunity to scrutinise your photos, see whose posts you like, and other things that are none of her business.

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I think both of those women were overly suspicious, demanding and presumptuous. And then she blocked you? Pffft. It's more likely that you dodged a bullet than lost an opportunity. The assumption that they can determine character by viewing a facebook page is laughable. And the assumption that you must submit to scrutiny of your personal information a red flag.

 

I say steer clear of women who are highly suspicious and have gender-mistrust-victim issues. They are predisposed to negativity and drama. They will suck your soul if you allow it. You are no more obliged to prove yourself to them than they are to you.

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I would say "you're welcome to search for me and view the public information that I share".

 

(I don't share anything publicly by the way, all she would see is name, profile pic and cover photo)

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If she's busy, she does not have time to waste with people who aren't straightforward and transparent. As soon as you refuse to share information, you immediately raise the possibility that you're hiding something - maybe you're married, have a girlfriend, criminal past, unemployed, or any number of other things. And believe me, there are a LOT of guys out there who do try to hide things like this.

 

She does not have time & energy to waste on someone who 'might' be genuine. You are well within your rights to your privacy, but understand that it will be an obstacle to meeting many women in an online environment. That's the price you pay.

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I have asked for Facebook info when I thought someone maybe a catfish or when I thought they may be married or had a girlfriend. I don't think it's that big of a deal to ask for it or to give it but I prefer not to until later.

 

I would actually be much more wary of someone asking for my cell number right off then for my Facebook info. asking for my cell number right off the bat makes me more nervous about identity theft and that kind of thing.

 

You don't have to give out your Facebook information if

you don't want to just be aware that you probably will lose a few girls but if you look at it from the perspective of they weren't girls that were right for you anyway it doesn't really matter does it?

 

But definitely don't lie. Be straightforward about it. I personally don't like to exchange Facebook info too soon with someone I met online for a couple reasons. One, I can read too much into their posts and in psych myself out about them before I even meet them. For two, if it works out and it turns out I actually like this guy then I'm going to be looking at his Facebook post and looking at what girls are liking it and why isn't he liking my posts, etc, etc, as the case may be. It just puts too much pressure in the beginning.

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Eternal Sunshine

I totally get her. I highly value transparency and have no time to waste for people that don't. The way I see it, I am willing to share my personal Facebook from day 1, why shouldn't you? People concerned with excessive privacy either have a wife/gf/multiple FWBs or they plan to do pump&dump and don't want to risk you being a part of their real life. They could also be lying about their age, education level, employment or who knows what.

 

I was slightly more lenient on this in the past and found out something dodgy going on in 100% of the cases. Now I just block immediately.

 

For those suggesting fake profiles: those are super obvious, as is saying you don't have it (chances are, I already found it).

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I have only a small number of friends on fb (I don’t add/accept those I don’t consider my real-life friends); it would be very strange if I have to add anyone I’m potentially dating and delete him afterwards. Actually there’s a guy whom I no longer consider real-life friend. I just set him as an acquaintance on fb, and he doesn’t get to see most of my stuff on there.

 

Would you feel comfortable sharing your full name to the women? The guys who gave me their full names (without me asking) while we’re starting to chat on OLD did this while they’re telling me about their work and giving me their linkedin profile. I know for a fact *some* women would do a basic background check online or at least google you once they have your full name.

Edited by JuneL
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She wants your FB or other social media information prior to meeting you, that's ok. But first a 5 minute phone call because you want to get a feel for the person who is looking for your information because let's face it, the world isn't a safe place and people's private information is stolen all the time so why make it any easier?

 

 

If she wont agree to a completely safe 5 minute call- she can hide her number in any number of ways- then she's either unreasonable or exactly the reason you don't want to give the information in the first place.

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I've been chatting with this woman online about her interests, job, etc for a few days and she always responded within a minute or so of my messages. Then I suggested meeting up and she said she was very busy, but might be able to do it and wanted my Facebook. I asked why and she said she's met some crazy people online and wanted to screen me. I told her I don't use it very often and don't have much on there other than where I went to school and don't really feel comfortable sharing it, but if there's anything she wants to know about me she can certainly ask. I never got another message from her and just noticed she blocked me.

 

This is the 2nd time I've had trouble with someone wanting to look at my Facebook account. and it's starting to make me wonder if I would be better off just telling them I don't have an account until I get to know them better (although I hate to start the relationship with a lie), if I should actually delete the account (although it helps me keep in touch with some friends) or what else I can do. Unlike the other woman who asked strange questions, this one seemed very genuine and I was really interested in her

 

I'd create one specifically for dating endeavors.

 

Other than that, I don't give strangers access to my main Facebook account. If she wants to block on because you won't hand over yours, not much you can really do about that, but you are entitled to decide who gets access to that aspect of your life and who doesn't--no one else gets to decide that for you.

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I'd create one specifically for dating endeavors.

 

Other than that, I don't give strangers access to my main Facebook account. If she wants to block on because you won't hand over yours, not much you can really do about that, but you are entitled to decide who gets access to that aspect of your life and who doesn't--no one else gets to decide that for you.

 

I created one specifically to use these apps that require a Facebook account. Of course I have no friends on it.

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I totally get her. I highly value transparency and have no time to waste for people that don't. The way I see it, I am willing to share my personal Facebook from day 1, why shouldn't you? People concerned with excessive privacy either have a wife/gf/multiple FWBs or they plan to do pump&dump and don't want to risk you being a part of their real life. They could also be lying about their age, education level, employment or who knows what.

 

I was slightly more lenient on this in the past and found out something dodgy going on in 100% of the cases. Now I just block immediately.

 

For those suggesting fake profiles: those are super obvious, as is saying you don't have it (chances are, I already found it).

 

This is very interesting to me. Why would you assume that if someone you never met and doesn't even know if you're a real person or a bot doesn't want to add you that they are some kind of nefarious person? I only add people as friends on facebook that are my friends or people that I've at least met a few times and would like to keep in touch with. A few years ago a female friend told me she went out with someone that told her he looked her Facebook page and she found it creepy and got rid of him right there.

 

Why not meet for the person in a public place for a short date and ask him face to face any questions? I'm not willing to post where I live, what kind of car I drive, where I spend my free time, what places I visit, restaurants I eat or anything else online because I value privacy and don't know what kind of crazy people are out there. Once I get to know someone I will share more personal info about myself. Some of my friends don't have Facebook profiles and are great single guys. I'd say your 100% sure that people who don't share profile info with strangers on the internet is way off.

 

There are a lot of people who setup Facebook profiles with fake info. When did it become some kind of method for verifying someone's identity?

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She might not be a real person. Have you ever talk to her on the cell? Be careful of these women you text too on online dating sites. Don't say you have any chat accounts like.

 

Google Hangout

Apple imessager

Facebook

 

Just stick with online app your using most of them who are fake will ask you for another form of chatting. Tell them you want to talk to them on cell after texting on the online app.

 

You have the right to protect your privacy..

 

Well the one before this wanted to chat on Facebook messanger. I've also had people contact me on Whattsapp, but that was with CMB, which doesn't let you chat on there after a certain period of time.

 

I'd much rather talk on the cell of if she's close just meet for ice cream or something.

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Max you have to understand women are more at risk for dangerous encounters. TBH I don't blame them for wanting to have a look. You don't have to add them, just put your settings on public so they can have a temporary peek.

 

 

You shut her down like that, you just became sketchy. There is no going back now.

 

 

Remember this is about transparency. You need that to encourage trust these days.

 

If I put my settings on public that would expose my account for the whole world and any kind of hackers of who knows what. I'm the most non-threatening person in the world so it's hard for me to imagine someone feeling threatened by me.

 

How much risk is it for her to meet in a public place? Isn't that how people have been meeting for generations?

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If she's busy, she does not have time to waste with people who aren't straightforward and transparent. As soon as you refuse to share information, you immediately raise the possibility that you're hiding something - maybe you're married, have a girlfriend, criminal past, unemployed, or any number of other things. And believe me, there are a LOT of guys out there who do try to hide things like this.

 

She does not have time & energy to waste on someone who 'might' be genuine. You are well within your rights to your privacy, but understand that it will be an obstacle to meeting many women in an online environment. That's the price you pay.

 

How does looking at a Facebook account protect against anything like that? Do people with a criminal past list that on their Facebook accounts? If I were married or had a girlfriend why would I be on an online dating site for singles? I'm on the site to get a girlfriend and get married

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I have only a small number of friends on fb (I don’t add/accept those I don’t consider my real-life friends); it would be very strange if I have to add anyone I’m potentially dating and delete him afterwards. Actually there’s a guy whom I no longer consider real-life friend. I just set him as an acquaintance on fb, and he doesn’t get to see most of my stuff on there.

 

Would you feel comfortable sharing your full name to the women? The guys who gave me their full names (without me asking) while we’re starting to chat on OLD did this while they’re telling me about their work and giving me their linkedin profile. I know for a fact *some* women would do a basic background check online or at least google you once they have your full name.

 

Sometimes I'll try and look up women to see if there's anything publicly available, but I'd never confront them and ask for their Facebook, college transcripts or anything like that.

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I think both of those women were overly suspicious, demanding and presumptuous. And then she blocked you? Pffft. It's more likely that you dodged a bullet than lost an opportunity. The assumption that they can determine character by viewing a facebook page is laughable. And the assumption that you must submit to scrutiny of your personal information a red flag.

 

I say steer clear of women who are highly suspicious and have gender-mistrust-victim issues. They are predisposed to negativity and drama. They will suck your soul if you allow it. You are no more obliged to prove yourself to them than they are to you.

 

Indeed. Not surprisingly, these women are also very structured and older.

 

A stranger doesn’t owe you his loyalty.

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Eternal Sunshine
This is very interesting to me. Why would you assume that if someone you never met and doesn't even know if you're a real person or a bot doesn't want to add you that they are some kind of nefarious person? I only add people as friends on facebook that are my friends or people that I've at least met a few times and would like to keep in touch with. A few years ago a female friend told me she went out with someone that told her he looked her Facebook page and she found it creepy and got rid of him right there.

 

Why not meet for the person in a public place for a short date and ask him face to face any questions? I'm not willing to post where I live, what kind of car I drive, where I spend my free time, what places I visit, restaurants I eat or anything else online because I value privacy and don't know what kind of crazy people are out there. Once I get to know someone I will share more personal info about myself. Some of my friends don't have Facebook profiles and are great single guys. I'd say your 100% sure that people who don't share profile info with strangers on the internet is way off.

 

There are a lot of people who setup Facebook profiles with fake info. When did it become some kind of method for verifying someone's identity?

 

 

Just to clarify: I don't add people I have never met. What I wrote applies to people I went out with once or twice and am interested in.

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Just to clarify: I don't add people I have never met. What I wrote applies to people I went out with once or twice and am interested in.

Well that's not what's being discussed here. She is requesting facebook access before even meeting!

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