J dub Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Hey guys -- I posted on here recently about being upset that my b/f and I have been having issues (mostly me reading too much in to things) and I was upset because he seems to be pulling away. Anyhow, last night I decided I had to know once and for all if this relationship was a joke and he was lying, or if he really WAS working like he says he is. So I followed him. I know, I know, I should trust him, yadda yadda - but I have been decieved so many times in the past, and his actions have changed so drastically recently that I needed an answer. Well, he was definitely telling the truth and I feel like a true moron now. Thing is, he works completely opposite shifts as I do (I work 8-6 mon-fri and he works 4-10 almost 7 days a week) and we dont have any time for eachother anymore. He says that he is only working this new shift recently because he has taken a lot of time off for vacation and his manager is making him work a little extra to make up for it. I believe him now, but I'm not sure how long this is going to last. He says its not going to be routine, just for a little while. So what do I do in the meantime? I can entertain myself with friends, work, dance and all that crap - I dont want him to feel like I am sitting around waiting for him. At the same time, I MISS him dearly and it feels awful knowing that there's no definite end to this situation. What should I do? Just stand back and live my life as is, maybe stop by and see him once in a while or something? Or am I kidding myself? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 if u cannot deal with his work schedule then you may need to find someone else... Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale if u cannot deal with his work schedule then you may need to find someone else... The problem is, its not that simple. Three years of a relationship is a long time and a lot of invested feelings to throw away just because his work schedule shifted for a while. What I am asking is, what do I do in the meantime? Should I try my hardest to see him whenever possible or leave it up to him to take care of since hes the one with the messy schedule? Link to post Share on other sites
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I would tell him that you feel as if his schedule is affecting the relationship, ask him if you can bring him lunch to work on his lunch break and you guys can talk about it. Obviously you cant just walk away from 3 years and thats understandable. All you can do is try and dont let down your guard. Even though hes not giving all that he can right now, You should still give 100% and let him know that you want this and your willing to do whatever it takes to make him see that. Just dont give up.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl I would tell him that you feel as if his schedule is affecting the relationship, ask him if you can bring him lunch to work on his lunch break and you guys can talk about it. Obviously you cant just walk away from 3 years and thats understandable. All you can do is try and dont let down your guard. Even though hes not giving all that he can right now, You should still give 100% and let him know that you want this and your willing to do whatever it takes to make him see that. Just dont give up.. He works @ a restaurant so I'm not sure taking him lunch will allow me some time to talk to him. But youre on to something - I could still take him something just to be nice I guess I dont know HOW to show him I want to put my 100%. He doesnt believe in me a whole lot right now because I have been making mistakes lately -- making comments and such that I am not sure we are going to work (not regarding his job but other stuff), and a LONG time ago he asked me if he went away to school if I would try a LDR with him. At the TIME, we hadnt been together very long and I didnt see a future because of how laxed our relationship was so I told him probably not. NOW, however, I WOULD make an effort. But he brought up that topic the other day, about how I wouldnt even wait for him if he went away and how he doesnt know what it is I want. I tried to tell him that things have changed and my mind has too regarding that issue. He has never said to me anything like "you should leave for your own sake" or "I cant give you what you need" or stuff of that nature, so I have faith in him still. It's just a matter of proving to him how much he means to me, seeing as my words obviously arent going to prove much Link to post Share on other sites
lvgrl Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 You know what I would do???? Most guys never get this done for them, but when they do...It really hits the spot, it makes them feel as if a woman can do the same thing a man can, and this time he knows what it feels like.. This may sound stupid, but send him flowers..Im serious, its a girly thing, but its such a thoughtful thing to do. I would put in the card something that will make his heart melt...just let him know you were thinking of him and that you love him...I wouldnt do roses, but I would send flowers..I think it would put the spark back.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by lvgrl You know what I would do???? Most guys never get this done for them, but when they do...It really hits the spot, it makes them feel as if a woman can do the same thing a man can, and this time he knows what it feels like.. This may sound stupid, but send him flowers..Im serious, its a girly thing, but its such a thoughtful thing to do. I would put in the card something that will make his heart melt...just let him know you were thinking of him and that you love him...I wouldnt do roses, but I would send flowers..I think it would put the spark back.. Hmm...I sent him flowers for his bday and it turned into a catostrophe because the supplier sent them still fresh (but not bloomed yet so theyd "last") except they never did open up! I felt bad cuz I couldnt even get him some quality flowers. So I'll have to think about that one. For now I think I'm gonna take some food up to work for him on saturday just because Link to post Share on other sites
lvgrly Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 How did it go?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Well, he came to my house last night and basically we are over. He is tired of fighting and he applied to an engineering school in another state the other day because he doesnt think his career path is anywhere around here. He said he needs to take this break up because he needs to know if he can "do it" on his own. He said he had no doubt that I still loved him and he loved me soo much...and it was very difficult for him to do, but he had to know for his own good. What I dont get is: he came to my house, wearing my FAVORITE cologne (he knows it drives me crazy but he only wears it on occasion to keep me from tiring of it) and he was all clean shaven and nice looking despite him just getting off work. Then he was calling me my nicknames, wiping away my tears, kissing my hand and nose, making cracks about our inside jokes, putting his arm around me and kissing my forehead. It was like he was making it WORSE...even tho I know he was just being himself. I asked for another chance but he said I already had enough and why would this time be any different? I guess he has a point, I made some bad mistakes. He has too, and he wants to reflect on all of that. Then he said he wanted to remain friends - um no? I cant do that ! Talk about hurting too much!! He asked why and I said straight up - it would just hurt way too much... he didnt seem to understand. We had a very hard time saying good bye tho. Everytime we would hug it would last for minutes and then we'd part and do it all over again. I just dont understand why we cant enjoy eachother's company up until he leaves? Anyway, its been a bad day needless to say Link to post Share on other sites
lvgrly Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 That made me cry I am very sorry about what happend, but who knows, it might be for the best? Only time well tell hun, but I do wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Of course right now I am numb and dont know what to think. My heart hopes he realizes what he's doing but my mind knows he needs to take his career goals and put them into action for his future, so its a bad place to be in. I didnt mean to make you cry tho I'm sorry It was a very...difficult morning to say the least. Thank you for the well wishes, TGIF Link to post Share on other sites
Pendawn Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Big hugs to you J. The way he broke up with you is exactly the way my ex of 11 years broke up with me - with the hugs and wiping and making jokes etc. I know how HARD that is because you can tell they still have great affection for you and it makes you think, why isn't it enough to just saty together? All I can say is it will get better in time, and I agree with you about not being friends. they want that because they still like you etc and think they have have a bit of you, but it doesn't work -may do in the future. Hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J dub Posted July 8, 2005 Author Share Posted July 8, 2005 Thanks Pendawn...I guess of all the ways for it to end, this isnt SO bad. But it sucks because I feel at fault and I hate that. Especially knowing I ruined something with someone who loved me with all they had and I didnt even see it. I wont rule out friendship in the future, but right now there's no way. It'll make everything so much harder. Link to post Share on other sites
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