Does he want a relationship with me?

[AnnaKarolina]

There is this one German guy that I really like. Let’s call him A. I've been seeing him for 3 years and nothing happens or turning into a relationship. We started dating in the beginning and went on and off. We became closer again starting last year until now. We’ve been having sex too. He told me he is single. and he wants to get married before 40. He is 37 now and I am 33. Two months ago, while he is gone traveling, he asked me whether I slept with another guy. He then also asked me the same thing whether I slept with another guy while he is gone. He was traveling back then now he returns here.

 

Do you think he is jealous? Why did he ask me that? He never asked me that.

 

So i met him again after he returned. This was this early this month in August. His best friend, B, was there. Later when we're at his balcony B asked me where I live and he said "Why don't you take A to that place? He would like that."

 

I said "Yea lets do things together."

 

and he said again "No why don’t you two (A and me) do things together?"

I said, "Yea he never initiated things."

 

and A said, " Yea I’m busy.” and then he went inside and left me with B.

Then B said to me, "Why don’t u initiate things with him? Can you not initiate?"

 

I went quiet.

 

Why do you think B asked me that? He’s like asking me to date A, right? So, A must have told him about us and he somehow became his public spokesman. I don’t understand, is he that shy or don’t know what to do that he let his best friend talked to me? Or, is he trying to figure out whether I want more from what we are now? What do you think about it? Also, what should I do?

 

Please enlighten me. Thank you!

[Farid]

I'm missing something. What was your reply? Did you sleep with someone? Maybe he thought you were his gf

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If Guy A wanted to make it official, he would have done it already. It has been THREE years! He isn't shy or confused, he just doesn't want anything more than a casual sexual arrangement.

 

I understand why you thought he might be jealous when he asked if you had sex with someone else (more evidence that he is clearly not shy), but it's not what you think. He just doesn't like thought of sharing his toys. It is a territorial thing, not an emotional thing.

 

As for Guy B, he may have had good intentions but he doesn't know what he is talking about, which is why Guy A refused to play along and claimed he was "too busy". He doesn't speak for his friend. Pay attention to the actions of Guy A over everything else. It speaks volumes.

 

I'm sorry, I know you like this guy but I am telling you that you are wasting your time on him. He is not interested in anything more than casual with you, and nothing you or his friend says is going to change that.

 

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but better to know that now than waste another three years clinging to false hope. You deserve to be with someone who will love and adore you.

[AnnaKarolina]

I'm missing something. What was your reply? Did you sleep with someone? Maybe he thought you were his gf

 

I replied to him that I didn't because I didn't sleep with anyone else other than him.

 

"Maybe you thought you were his gf."

 

But he never said we are exclusively dating. How do i confirm this with him?

[AnnaKarolina]

If Guy A wanted to make it official, he would have done it already. It has been THREE years! He isn't shy or confused, he just doesn't want anything more than a casual sexual arrangement.

 

I understand why you thought he might be jealous when he asked if you had sex with someone else (more evidence that he is clearly not shy), but it's not what you think. He just doesn't like thought of sharing his toys. It is a territorial thing, not an emotional thing.

 

As for Guy B, he may have had good intentions but he doesn't know what he is talking about, which is why Guy A refused to play along and claimed he was "too busy". He doesn't speak for his friend. Pay attention to the actions of Guy A over everything else. It speaks volumes.

 

I'm sorry, I know you like this guy but I am telling you that you are wasting your time on him. He is not interested in anything more than casual with you, and nothing you or his friend says is going to change that.

 

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but better to know that now than waste another three years clinging to false hope. You deserve to be with someone who will love and adore you.

 

Well, for a bit of history. We went on and off because I didn't really open up to him as well to him in the first two years. He was the one who's pursuing me in those 2 years. I think I sent him wrong signal too, because at that time I was still dealing my failed relationships issues. So I was hesitant too in getting too close to him. But that changed on last year till now. So, on that note, why things didn't happen in those 2 years is because of my part too. Like I wanted to go there, but what I did was showing him to be stuck here or in the past

[stillafool]

So are you saying you didn't date the first two years but have only been actually dating for one year? The first two years he spent chasing you but you never dated or had sex with him?

[AnnaKarolina]

So are you saying you didn't date the first two years but have only been actually dating for one year? The first two years he spent chasing you but you never dated or had sex with him?

 

Well we met but I never really let him in or get to know my personal world, if you know what I mean. So we met once a while and we had sex. That's why he probably got the wrong signal from me.

[AnnaKarolina]

So are you saying you didn't date the first two years but have only been actually dating for one year? The first two years he spent chasing you but you never dated or had sex with him?

 

We were dating in the beginning and we still met in those two years but only for a drink or at his place.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well we met but I never really let him in or get to know my personal world, if you know what I mean. So we met once a while and we had sex. That's why he probably got the wrong signal from me.

 

I don't know exactly what you mean, no.

 

Did he ask you out on dates and you rejected him? Or?

[Farid]

I replied to him that I didn't because I didn't sleep with anyone else other than him.

 

"Maybe you thought you were his gf."

 

But he never said we are exclusively dating. How do i confirm this with him?

 

I think I get it. In your post you were quite ambiguous about if you did or not.

If you had communicated to him in a similar way, he may have taken it as.. well.. ambiguous answer.

 

I think the reason why his friend is trying to hook you up again is because he didn't tell him what happened, the friend is clueless and trying to help you guys.

 

I think you should just talk to him. Be kristal clear about being intimate with a another man, if you do, tell him that you still like him, and for the rest, you haven't done anything wrong dear. Good luck

[AnnaKarolina]

I don't know exactly what you mean, no.

 

Did he ask you out on dates and you rejected him? Or?

 

Well, I was a closed-off person but I figured that out that's why things started to change last year.

 

There were times when he asked me out and I said no. But, mostly, I still met him.

[AnnaKarolina]

I think I get it. In your post you were quite ambiguous about if you did or not.

If you had communicated to him in a similar way, he may have taken it as.. well.. ambiguous answer.

 

I think the reason why his friend is trying to hook you up again is because he didn't tell him what happened, the friend is clueless and trying to help you guys.

 

I think you should just talk to him. Be kristal clear about being intimate with a another man, if you do, tell him that you still like him, and for the rest, you haven't done anything wrong dear. Good luck

 

I told him I didn't sleep with anyone else while he is gone. I waited till he came back.

 

I asked him out yesterday, I figured I try to follow what his best friend says. He said yes and we would go see a movie next week.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, I was a closed-off person but I figured that out that's why things started to change last year.

 

There were times when he asked me out and I said no. But, mostly, I still met him.

 

I think he lost interest in a relationship a while ago, then.

 

Are you in different countries?

[coolheadal]

Well, I was a closed-off person but I figured that out that's why things started to change last year.

 

There were times when he asked me out and I said no. But, mostly, I still met him.

 

This is your life and you have created it with a man you only see when you can. So you have a causal relationship. B just asking you what are your intentions (also why you don't initiate things) and why are you not making this official. So you have issues from past relationships. This is why you have it like this with A. A asking you if you been sleeping with other men. Right now you to have options either of you are not committed to the other so it wide open and all stakes are open He can be or do with any other option he chooses because this is how you made thing to be in 3 years nothing changes. So your confused to what you started. Then A is now thinking of getting married and you still have cold feet. Your younger than him and he's 37 he wants to be married. What is your take on all of this your so confused you got us all here confused.

 

Make-up you mind my dear and choose what you want to do? Get married to A or just let things go their course because what's going to happen your going to loose A because he told you he wants to get married. B said why don't you two be together always. But you can't because you have issues from the prior relationships so your not ready for A to move in be married as your husband things go from there. Hopeful kids etc...

 

Now are you ready for full committed relationship with A? If the answer is yes talk to A and tell him what you want? If the answer is no then just let things go their course to the end of A.

[AnnaKarolina]

This is your life and you have created it with a man you only see when you can. So you have a causal relationship. B just asking you what are your intentions (also why you don't initiate things) and why are you not making this official. So you have issues from past relationships. This is why you have it like this with A. A asking you if you been sleeping with other men. Right now you to have options either of you are not committed to the other so it wide open and all stakes are open He can be or do with any other option he chooses because this is how you made thing to be in 3 years nothing changes. So your confused to what you started. Then A is now thinking of getting married and you still have cold feet. Your younger than him and he's 37 he wants to be married. What is your take on all of this your so confused you got us all here confused.

 

Make-up you mind my dear and choose what you want to do? Get married to A or just let things go their course because what's going to happen your going to loose A because he told you he wants to get married. B said why don't you two be together always. But you can't because you have issues from the prior relationships so your not ready for A to move in be married as your husband things go from there. Hopeful kids etc...

 

Now are you ready for full committed relationship with A? If the answer is yes talk to A and tell him what you want? If the answer is no then just let things go their course to the end of A.

 

"So you have issues from past relationships. This is why you have it like this with A."

 

This only happened in the first two years. I changed after last year.

 

"A asking you if you been sleeping with other men. Right now you to have options either of you are not committed to the other so it wide open and all stakes are open"

 

I never slept with anyone else and he also never asked me that question before. I told him that too that I dont sleep with anyone else.

 

"Now are you ready for full committed relationship with A?"

 

I am ready and want to get married too with him.

[kendahke]

Two months ago, while he is gone traveling, he asked me whether I slept with another guy. He then also asked me the same thing whether I slept with another guy while he is gone.

 

Do you think he is jealous? Why did he ask me that? He never asked me that.

 

No. I think he was projecting onto you what he's been doing.

 

My ex did this to me about 2 weeks before he butt dialed me going to his side piece's condo. I was incredulous, as I wasn't the one with the history of cheating. Turn out, he was projecting onto me what he had been doing.

 

and he said again "No why don’t you two (A and me) do things together?"

I said, "Yea he never initiated things."

 

and A said, " Yea I’m busy.” and then he went inside and left me with B.

Then B said to me, "Why don’t u initiate things with him? Can you not initiate?"

 

I went quiet.

 

Why do you think B asked me that? He’s like asking me to date A, right?

 

Because A is his boy and A has been talking to his friend like friends do.

 

But that is a good question. Why don't you initiate? A might be a bit sick of you not taking any initiative to do anything and he's lost/is losing interest.

So, A must have told him about us and he somehow became his public spokesman. I don’t understand, is he that shy or don’t know what to do that he let his best friend talked to me? Or, is he trying to figure out whether I want more from what we are now? What do you think about it? Also, what should I do?

 

Please enlighten me. Thank you!

 

All of your questions need to be put to A and you really need to listen to what A is saying to you. He might be over dating you just as much as the things you're listing... quite frankly, from what you've written, he sounds like he's lost interest if he can just walk inside and leave his boy to entertain you.

[PRW]

There is this one German guy that I really like. Let’s call him A. I've been seeing him for 3 years and nothing happens or turning into a relationship.

You are both to blame for that. You been fooling around for 3 years with each one waiting for the other to "blink" first.

 

We’ve been having sex too. He told me he is single. and he wants to get married before 40. He is 37 now and I am 33.

He hasn't even agreed to be exclusive after 3 years (which normally takes around 7-8 weeks),...how in the world is he ever going to have the guts to propose marriage?

 

Two months ago, while he is gone traveling, he asked me whether I slept with another guy. He then also asked me the same thing whether I slept with another guy while he is gone. He was traveling back then now he returns here.

 

Do you think he is jealous? Why did he ask me that? He never asked me that.

Maybe, but most likely he is horribly insecure. Hence why he doesn't have the guts to agree to exclusivity after 3 years of screwing around. He may also be afraid that some other guy, a guy who knows how to be a man, may have moved in on you and would take you away. Which is probably what should have happened and you should have done by now. But since that didn't happen he is thinking, "Whew,...still safe,...I can drag this out another 3 years."

 

and he said again "No why don’t you two (A and me) do things together?"

I said, "Yea he never initiated things." and A said, " Yea I’m busy.” and then he went inside and left me with B. Then B said to me, "Why don’t u initiate things with him? Can you not initiate?"

I went quiet.

Why do you think B asked me that?

Because he doesn't have the guts to be the man in the situation so he having his friend be his mouthpiece for him and is trying to get you to be "the man" in the relationship and take the lead and make all the decisions,...and tell him what to do.

 

Also, what should I do?

Well you could agree to be the man in the relationship, be the leader, make all the decisions,...or walk away and find a man who will be the man. It is unfortunate that you wasted 3 years of your life here. You are 33, you are old enough that having children could be a problem, you should have been having children in your 20's. Some people are grandparents by their late 40's.

[Desesperado]

So to put it bluntly, you agreed and slipped some sort of fwb relationship, because of your dating baggage and kept him at a distance while he talked marriage, now you are wondering why after 3 years the guy doesn't bother ?

 

Of course, he's guilty of staying in some weird relationship and not doing efforts anymore, he should have ended this and find an available wife.

 

But by not communicating, you expected him to read your mind which no man can and since you didn't initiate ever, well basically you're responsible for your own misery here. Would you have voiced your interest, he might have stepped up, or broken up, but you wouldn't be wasting both your time...

 

This relationship is toast you should move on.

[coolheadal]

"So you have issues from past relationships. This is why you have it like this with A."

 

This only happened in the first two years. I changed after last year.

 

"A asking you if you been sleeping with other men. Right now you to have options either of you are not committed to the other so it wide open and all stakes are open"

 

I never slept with anyone else and he also never asked me that question before. I told him that too that I dont sleep with anyone else.

 

"Now are you ready for full committed relationship with A?"

 

I am ready and want to get married too with him.

 

Okay you should be telling A what you should said to me. Now see what happens with him after you tell A all of the above.