DelarosaKandy Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 (edited) I met this guy in my English class about a year ago. He was really intelligent. We became friends right off the bat and would text each other on a daily basis. He's a poet & a writer so he would text me & send me poems & I'd send him samples of my writing. It was all pretty cute. I found out he was just as ambitious as I and we have the same EXACT long-term goals for our careers and education. And texting, i was starting to like him. I could tell that he liked me immediately, because of how much he texted, and how much he looked at me during class.... But then our first time JUST hanging out and grabbing food I felt like something was OFF. We could talk about books and writing but everything else felt awkward.... Ex.: I joke ALOT and he wouldn't laugh at all. I know I'm not a comedian but he wouldn't even give me a pity laugh. He would just stare at me blankly and it would make me feel so weird and awkward. He makes these horrible geeky jokes and I'll give him pity laughs but he will just stare at me without a word. Coming from a family with a big sense of humor that jokes constantly, I found this discomforting. And I know this may not seem like a big deal to people but he's done this for months now and it's almost starting to feel personal. Last time he made a joke, I didn't give him a pity laugh, I remained silent. He stared at me for a second waiting for me to laugh and when I didn't, he laughed really loud and hard at his own joke, it was like an angry, annoyed laugh. And I could tell he just wanted to fill the awkward silence after his joke. It was so weird I didnt even know what the hell to think! I did it two more times on other days we hung out and he did the same exact thing. like he couldn't handle the awkward silence... Our conversations, other than books and movies, feel a little awkward and out of place as well. Like there's something in our personalities that just don't click. He asked me out on an official date today which was a surprise, considering how our hangouts have been. But I think our hangouts indicate how our date will turn out, don't you guys agree? And I feel like he only wants to take me out on a date because I'm pretty not because we get along. When people are dating, can't both parties feel it, if there is a lack of spark, or awkwardness? In response to his text, I asked him what would be the difference of hanging out and dating, and he said if we went on a date, he would be allowed to "put the moves on me." :confused: Edited August 23, 2018 by DelarosaKandy forgot a few words Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Yep, sounds pretty strange. By now, it seems he'd be comfortable talking with you and hanging together and joking around. I don't care for the 'put the moves on you' comment. At best, he sounds immature. At worst, he's socially inept. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Hangout as friends would do.. no kissing, no love, nothing like that. Hands off. Dating you go as strangers, you might kiss, too early for love, some like to flirt, tease, and play.. But a date is something special between to people. Hangout is more for fun and not serious. I to didn't like his comment you said he told you hands on for Dating, never, never say that to any female. She's not a cheap date...That's how he's talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Violetstar Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 "Last time he made a joke, I didn't give him a pity laugh, I remained silent. He stared at me for a second waiting for me to laugh and when I didn't, he laughed really loud and hard at his own joke, it was like an angry, annoyed laugh." Yuck... kind of sounds like the guy is narcissistic. Like maybe he's so used to YOU laughing at HIS jokes that he got offended when you refused to laugh. It sounds like you're a little focused on the joke thing and I get it, it's the worst when we make a joke and the other person doesnt laugh!! But to NEVER laugh? Yet laugh at his own jokes? It's narcissism and you guys obviously are NOT on the same wavelength. He doesn't find you funny and refuses to laugh at something he doesnt find funny. Also, I've seen guys laugh at the dumbest jokes in the world if they were said by a hot girl. Sounds like he doesn't care to make you feel good about yourself... So, If joking and laughing are a big part of your life, i think you have your answer right there. It sounds like you want to date him because you guys have the same long-term goals and thats an awesome reason to date someone but it shouldnt be the ONLY reason. And if you guys have hung out so many times why hasnt he put the moves on you then? He needs you to have the official DATE LABEL so that he can "put the moves on you?" Like it being an official date automatically gives him the right to touch and kiss you? No, he hasn't put the moves on you because its never felt right to him. And i think he knows that he just doesnt wanna admit it. I agree with the other person. I think he's immature and and maybe doesn't know how to communicate or impress a pretty girl. Move on pretty girl, to a nice guy you feel some sizzle and spark with. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 (edited) He’s very intelligent and socially awkward... have you considered perhaps, that he is on the autism spectrum? I once went out with a guy who was fine, as long as we stayed to his preferred topics of conversations. Anytime we veered to another subject, he would redirect the conversation back. And, at the end of the night... he didn’t say goodbye, just said “I’ve got to go to the bathroom” and walked away... I feel like that’s what you’ve got going here. Very concrete, about the expections of a date (ie. he’s going to put the moves on you). And not picking up on the socially appropriate thing to do(ie. laughing at your jokes). Just a thought... Edited August 23, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Desesperado Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Won't comment on the guy, to me you just have different humor senses completely off. But this reminds me of about a year ago, meeting a very intelligent, sportive and positive woman, we went out kissed and like you I said this woman looks perfect, we can talk physics together and understand, she loves everything like me and is open and curious, laughing also lots. But after more dates and texting, I realized this perfect on paper isn't attracting me enough sexually and some character features do not match between us, so in the end it didn't work. Be wary the minute you're thinking someone is perfect, it makes you overlook basic compatibility features, or even sometimes idealize the person and miss red flags. There's no such thing as perfect, there's compatible or not and it's up to you to step back and use your brains, to avoid this perfect fog clouding your judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelarosaKandy Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 He’s very intelligent and socially awkward... have you considered perhaps, that he is on the autism spectrum? I once went out with a guy who was fine, as long as we stayed to his preferred topics of conversations. Anytime we veered to another subject, he would redirect the conversation back. And, at the end of the night... he didn’t say goodbye, just said “I’ve got to go to the bathroom” and walked away... I feel like that’s what you’ve got going here. Very concrete, about the expections of a date (ie. he’s going to put the moves on you). And not picking up on the socially appropriate thing to do(ie. laughing at your jokes). Just a thought... I don't know much about autism. But I looked it up right now, and actually he does fit a lot of the characteristics.... "Anytime we veered to another subject, he would redirect the conversation back." That's exactly what happens. Almost seems like he only has several approved topics in his mind that we can discuss, and either he will redirect the conversation or he will stare at me blankly without any input when I try to talk about something else. I thought maybe we are lacking electricity or maybe he doesn't have any real interest in me. But now I'm thinking maybe he is lacking certain social skills... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DelarosaKandy Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 "Last time he made a joke, I didn't give him a pity laugh, I remained silent. He stared at me for a second waiting for me to laugh and when I didn't, he laughed really loud and hard at his own joke, it was like an angry, annoyed laugh." Yuck... kind of sounds like the guy is narcissistic. Like maybe he's so used to YOU laughing at HIS jokes that he got offended when you refused to laugh. It sounds like you're a little focused on the joke thing and I get it, it's the worst when we make a joke and the other person doesnt laugh!! But to NEVER laugh? Yet laugh at his own jokes? It's narcissism and you guys obviously are NOT on the same wavelength. He doesn't find you funny and refuses to laugh at something he doesnt find funny. Also, I've seen guys laugh at the dumbest jokes in the world if they were said by a hot girl. Sounds like he doesn't care to make you feel good about yourself... So, If joking and laughing are a big part of your life, i think you have your answer right there. It sounds like you want to date him because you guys have the same long-term goals and thats an awesome reason to date someone but it shouldnt be the ONLY reason. And if you guys have hung out so many times why hasnt he put the moves on you then? He needs you to have the official DATE LABEL so that he can "put the moves on you?" Like it being an official date automatically gives him the right to touch and kiss you? No, he hasn't put the moves on you because its never felt right to him. And i think he knows that he just doesnt wanna admit it. I agree with the other person. I think he's immature and and maybe doesn't know how to communicate or impress a pretty girl. Move on pretty girl, to a nice guy you feel some sizzle and spark with. I was thinking you were pretty spot on. I still do. But I think possibly he is either lacking some social skills or somewhere on the autism spectrum. There's a bunch of other things he does I just didn't want to make the post too long. I've been dealing with a work-related injury and a case for over a year. And this other guy I was skyping for a while always asked how the case was going and how I felt. But my friend here never asks, and when I mention it or vent about it, he will ignore it or change the subject. Like he doesn't know what to ask, or say, or he doesn't care. And Desperado you're right. This dude is not compatible for me, no matter how much i want it to be true since we're on the same plan for our majors and degrees and have the same goals, we just dont understand each other. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 He’s very intelligent and socially awkward... have you considered perhaps, that he is on the autism spectrum? I was about to write the same thing. None of us could say for sure, of course, but there do appear to be a couple of hallmark indications of something more than just a different sense of humor or a lack of social skills. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 You are simply not attracted to him for whatever reason. The pity laughs aren't working out, so the pity date won't work either. Understand when you say no, it will strain the friendship. He's going to have to take a giant step back & You have to let him. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 yeah, I think this has run its course. You two are incompatible. Link to post Share on other sites
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