Friend zoned my ex and he got angry

[livinglife2019]

So after not speaking to my ex for about 6 months, we got back in touch! We decided to become friends. However we've hung out about 4 times and on 2 of those occasions we ended up hooking up. So I said to him if we are to remain friends we can't hook up anymore. I explained that if we continue to hook up and spend the night etc feelings will develop! I said it to him in a text. And his responses seemed very angry. My mum accidentally introduced him as my boyfriend and at the time and the next day he was fine about it he even joked about marrying me. but after explaining we shouldn't hook up he said he wasn't happy about it. He seemed really angry. He sent a text explaining all the things we couldn't do anymore.

 

I would gladly have given the dating him another try, as we both have matured. And I did give him that option when I said we shouldn't hook up if we aren't dating and are to remain friends. I am glad I said it! He said he wanted to be friends, so why is he getting so angry and upset about me not wanting to sleep with him unless we are dating.

 

I'm a bit confused as to what to do,

[Miss Clavel]

So after not speaking to my ex for about 6 months, we got back in touch! We decided to become friends. However we've hung out about 4 times and on 2 of those occasions we ended up hooking up. So I said to him if we are to remain friends we can't hook up anymore. I explained that if we continue to hook up and spend the night etc feelings will develop! I said it to him in a text. And his responses seemed very angry. My mum accidentally introduced him as my boyfriend and at the time and the next day he was fine about it he even joked about marrying me. but after explaining we shouldn't hook up he said he wasn't happy about it. He seemed really angry. He sent a text explaining all the things we couldn't do anymore.

 

I would gladly have given the dating him another try, as we both have matured. And I did give him that option when I said we shouldn't hook up if we aren't dating and are to remain friends. I am glad I said it! He said he wanted to be friends, so why is he getting so angry and upset about me not wanting to sleep with him unless we are dating.

 

I'm a bit confused as to what to do,

 

don't do anything. isn't that the point?

 

my guess is that you are good in bed. well not just a guess, you say so yourself. he wants to go to bed with you every time he sees you.

 

so what's the problem? because if he's hesitating on commitment, there's a reason.

 

first tho, ask yourself if that is what you want? do you want to get engaged to him?

 

it sounds like you could if you play your cards right.

 

you have to keep repeating that you will not have sex with him without the relationship having "dating" status.

 

while on those dates, use your words and find out what is holding him back. your toothpaste, eyebrow shape, your grungy granny panties, your driving or your hand jobs?

 

wtf, find out.

 

im dying to know.

[d0nnivain]

You are confused & you are confusing him (& me). If you are open to dating him again, tell him that. What you are trying to avoid is a NSA / FWB thing but that is not what you said. He thinks that reconciliation is off the table. He's angry because he thinks you rejected him again.

 

And for heaven's sake stop trying to run, fix or clarify your relationship through text.

 

Call him up. Sit him down. Tell him what I just told you -- friends or reconciliation & let him pick but it's OK to set boundaries like no hooking up if he picks friends only.

[kendahke]

He said he wanted to be friends, so why is he getting so angry and upset about me not wanting to sleep with him unless we are dating?

 

Because he didn't complete that sentence, maybe he thought he didn't need to spell it out?

 

The finished sentence is: "I want to be friends WITH BENEFITS and no obligations. I want to come by and tap that and then be on my way without having to answer to you for anything".

 

He's mad because you're holding him to exactly what he said.

[preraph]

I can't tell you how many men I have heard call having sex "just being friends." To them, that's mighty friendly of you to have sex after you're no longer having the benefit of emotions and a relationship, very friendly indeed. If you don't have sex with him, he's going to stay mad and not "be friends," I can almost guarantee you. Exes will so often, once they're released of obligations and responsibility and exclusivity, come back around to see if they can just have no strings sex.

[Desesperado]

You are confused & you are confusing him (& me). If you are open to dating him again, tell him that. What you are trying to avoid is a NSA / FWB thing but that is not what you said. He thinks that reconciliation is off the table. He's angry because he thinks you rejected him again.

 

And for heaven's sake stop trying to run, fix or clarify your relationship through text.

 

Call him up. Sit him down. Tell him what I just told you -- friends or reconciliation & let him pick but it's OK to set boundaries like no hooking up if he picks friends only.

 

Also agree, it's either solution not both, have clearer boundaries or men will try and get frustrated that basically you're not being clear.

 

If you really want to eventually have another go with this guy, you both need time to mature on your side, not continue doing stuff together.

So you either kill it clearly both need to evolve in their own path, or you accept this is done for good and then can be only friends and see each other.

[mortensorchid]

Without knowing the circumstances in which you broke up, you want to be able to see each other / have sex without commitments. Neither of you wants what the other does. Move on.