Mixed signals

[xoJagger]

I met this guy about a month and a half ago. And initially things were great. We would hang out a lot and text a lot. He would ask to see me all the time and he was very engaged.

We really felt like we both connected and he expressed how into me he was. He said he was looking for a relationship and wanted to continue seeing me maybe 3-4 times a week going forward.

 

 

Then two weeks ago, he stopped messaging as frequently. He didn't initiate any plans and I became a bit insecure. I wasn't sure if his feelings had changed or something else was preoccupying him. I didn't want to waste my time so I asked him directly if he was still interested in me or what was going on. We met up in person and he told me that he was stil into me but he was very overwhelmed with moving into a new condo and that he isn't the best at communicating on the phone. He was aware that it wasn't fair to me, but he would try to be better at communicating. He also told me that when he's stressed he tends to go silent and focuses on being productive.

 

 

That night he asked if he could see me the next day. I thought that was a good sign and rearranged my schedule for him only to have him cancel. He sent me a text later saying that he doesn't think things will work out right now because he is focused on other priorities. He has two interviews for a full time job next week and then he has to go back to teaching in two weeks. He needs to settle in before that all starts. He said that he hates that he always has to cancel on me and he hates letting me down.

 

 

I really like him and I thought we had a connection, so I really wanted to make this work. If he no longer had any feelings for me and never wanted to see me again then I would move on. But if that's not the case I wanted to be able to work through this "busy" period and see if maybe things would resume once everything has settled down. He told me that he does like me and that that would be something he would be willing to try. He does think though that seeing me once or twice over the next few weeks isn't enough to build something substantial off of. I told him that that was ok. I would give him space as long as he could be better at maintaining communication. We agreed.

I also asked him if he was ever frustrated or annoyed with me because I felt like maybe I had come off pushy or demanding and he said no.

 

 

He hasn't reached out and it's been four days...I'm trying to be understanding. But I was always under the impression that if someone truly likes you, they would make time for you and keep you in their life.

Did he agree to try just to appease me and tell me what I want to hear?

Have I ruined my chances at anything great with this guy?

[Streetlight23]

Wow I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this. I know how you feel as I am currently going through something similar.

 

Its difficult out there. Its so hard to differentiate between they are actually busy versus I'm not interested. Part of the reason I say this is because I have met so many people that make me ask to myself "How have you made it this far?!" ALOT of people do not have their life even a spec in order. An example of this would be a friend that is a bartender that has 2 kids with 2 different guys, constantly complains about having no money but calls out of work all the time. If shes good living her life like that, more power to her, but I personally couldn't do it and its difficult for me to understand how they do it when I know things can be better or easier based on the path I chose in my life.

 

I would love to say she is an exception but its almost like 6 out of 10 people I know are like this. Its crazy!

 

I think the thing that people need to learn is boundaries and being ok with not accepting certain behavior. (I can't believe I am saying that giving what a woman is currently doing to me hahaha, but I'm learning this might be the same advice I need to give myself) I think its fully ok to be "I don't like this and I deserve better" and cut this person out. If they are sincere in their feelings and words and don't want to lose you, they wont. They will fight back. If they don't, they aren't worth your time anyways.

 

Its really hard to do this when you find someone you actually connect with.....

[ExpatInItaly]

He was trying to break it off but felt bad when you wanted to work through it. Yes, he tried to appease you and tell you what you wanted to hear, but he clearly doesn't have much intention of following through if you haven't heard from in 4 days.

 

Sorry OP, I know it's disappointing. He tried a couple times to end it, first by telling you he just can't handle it right now and then insisting that seeing you just once or twice a week wasn't enough when you attempted to negotiate with him. That's the point where you needed to listen to what was not being said directly, which is that he doesn't want to work through this.

 

I don't think you ruined anything, necessarily, because he was already on his way out the door and trying to close it gently behind him.

[amaysngrace]

He's just not that into you, I'm sorry to say.

 

If he were he'd be jumping through hoops for you, not leave you hanging.

[Utsuo]

Sounds like he's reallying prioritizing his own stuff right now and not you. This "seeing each other once/twice a week is not enough for building something substantial" is bullcrap.

 

My girlfriend and I met each other and developed a serious relationship by just going out on weekends in the first 3 months. Sometimes we would hang out during the week when time was avaible, but that was rare.

 

Summarizing.. We were togheter for about just one/twice a week most of the time because our busy scheadule, but we made time for ouselves anyway.

 

So yeah.. I think you're not a priority right now for him and need focus on his life or it just not a strong enough interest in you.

Edited August 21, 2018 by Utsuo

[kendahke]

I really like him and I thought we had a connection, so I really wanted to make this work. If he no longer had any feelings for me and never wanted to see me again then I would move on. But if that's not the case I wanted to be able to work through this "busy" period and see if maybe things would resume once everything has settled down.

 

If he doesn't want to work with you through his busy period, then you're not going to be working through anything with him. He's told you he's not in a place to be/give you what you need in a relationship. Please hear his honesty and quit writing your own interpretation of his narrative to override what he is telling you because you're going to end up hurting yourself.

 

he doesn't think things will work out right now because he is focused on other priorities. He has two interviews for a full time job next week and then he has to go back to teaching in two weeks. He needs to settle in before that all starts. He said that he hates that he always has to cancel on me and he hates letting me down.

 

He's telling you right here that you aren't a top priority in his life right now. There is nothing for you to work through with him.

[coolheadal]

I met this guy about a month and a half ago. And initially things were great. We would hang out a lot and text a lot. He would ask to see me all the time and he was very engaged.

We really felt like we both connected and he expressed how into me he was. He said he was looking for a relationship and wanted to continue seeing me maybe 3-4 times a week going forward.

 

 

Then two weeks ago, he stopped messaging as frequently. He didn't initiate any plans and I became a bit insecure. I wasn't sure if his feelings had changed or something else was preoccupying him. I didn't want to waste my time so I asked him directly if he was still interested in me or what was going on. We met up in person and he told me that he was stil into me but he was very overwhelmed with moving into a new condo and that he isn't the best at communicating on the phone. He was aware that it wasn't fair to me, but he would try to be better at communicating. He also told me that when he's stressed he tends to go silent and focuses on being productive.

 

 

That night he asked if he could see me the next day. I thought that was a good sign and rearranged my schedule for him only to have him cancel. He sent me a text later saying that he doesn't think things will work out right now because he is focused on other priorities. He has two interviews for a full time job next week and then he has to go back to teaching in two weeks. He needs to settle in before that all starts. He said that he hates that he always has to cancel on me and he hates letting me down.

 

 

I really like him and I thought we had a connection, so I really wanted to make this work. If he no longer had any feelings for me and never wanted to see me again then I would move on. But if that's not the case I wanted to be able to work through this "busy" period and see if maybe things would resume once everything has settled down. He told me that he does like me and that that would be something he would be willing to try. He does think though that seeing me once or twice over the next few weeks isn't enough to build something substantial off of. I told him that that was ok. I would give him space as long as he could be better at maintaining communication. We agreed.

I also asked him if he was ever frustrated or annoyed with me because I felt like maybe I had come off pushy or demanding and he said no.

 

 

He hasn't reached out and it's been four days...I'm trying to be understanding. But I was always under the impression that if someone truly likes you, they would make time for you and keep you in their life.

Did he agree to try just to appease me and tell me what I want to hear?

Have I ruined my chances at anything great with this guy?

 

Let's hope he hasn't lost interest in you? When they do texting stops cool in their tracks.