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Friendzoned-now what?


max3732

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We had our 3rd date (nice dinner and a movie) planned and about a few hours before she sent me a text saying she wasn't feeling well and will have the postpone. The next day I asked if she was feeling much better and she said she was. I left it that we'll have to reschedule when she's feeling perfect.

 

As we had it scheduled last weekend would asking her again this weekend seem like I have nothing else going on? I was talking to a friend that mentioned you don't always want to be available and drop everything for someone or she won't value you.

 

The other thing I was thinking is inviting her to a simple lunch or just to dinner or to do an activity during the evening that won't be as time consuming just so we can continue seeing each other.

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So she was suddenly feeling ill enough to cancel at the last minute abut was feeling better the next day? While it is possible that this could happen, it's not likely. Especially as she didn't offer an alternative date when she cancelled.

 

I suspect she blew you off

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Plane something simpler for a weekday & see where she is. Do it sooner rather than later. Like tomorrow ask for a Monday date or Sunday brunch.

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Sorry but the way I see it she had another date. I don't think you will be hearing from her soon. I know it's a downer but, if someone is into you they would be all apologetic, and eager to set something up right away......she's fading.

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I’d reach out in a few days and ask how she’s doing and suggest a date activity/lunch and see how she responds. Personally, if I was into a guy but had to cancel due to feeling ill, I’d be reaching out to reschedule that missed date — especially when she’s the one that canceled and suggested postponing.

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So she was suddenly feeling ill enough to cancel at the last minute abut was feeling better the next day? While it is possible that this could happen, it's not likely. Especially as she didn't offer an alternative date when she cancelled.

 

I suspect she blew you off

 

She said it was something she ate the previous evening.

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Women who see you as a priority are going to make it easy for you to take them out.

 

One of two possibilities:

1) She met someone else she likes more than you (likely).

2) She is playing games and has a set of rules where she expects the man to pursue.

 

Either way it’s lose-lose. As a man, you are likely saying “She wouldn’t go out with me three times if she didn’t like me!” Yes, yes she would.

 

Best way to handle it is say “Oh man I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Hit me up when you are feeling better and we’ll plan something then”. Then never reach out again. And date other women so you are not counting on one.

 

And as a side note, you should not be going to lunch on a forth date as she’s not your friend. Have you slept with her yet?

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Women who see you as a priority are going to make it easy for you to take them out.

 

One of two possibilities:

1) She met someone else she likes more than you (likely).

2) She is playing games and has a set of rules where she expects the man to pursue.

 

Either way it’s lose-lose. As a man, you are likely saying “She wouldn’t go out with me three times if she didn’t like me!” Yes, yes she would.

 

Best way to handle it is say “Oh man I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Hit me up when you are feeling better and we’ll plan something then”. Then never reach out again. And date other women so you are not counting on one.

 

And as a side note, you should not be going to lunch on a forth date as she’s not your friend. Have you slept with her yet?

 

I agree with the above poster.

 

Even three dates in, if a woman is still a bit neutral about you - it's probably not a good sign - however, maybe it's cause you're not forward enough with your feelings.

 

Next time you get a change to meet her. Try bang her. That's the best way forward.

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Oops. When I said feelings, I didn't mean tell her about your feelings. I mean, do things that you wanna do.

 

If she's interested in fooling around but she doesn't want to go all the way. Then at least try suck her titties. That's the best way forward. Women love that. Especially when you do it right.

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Oops. When I said feelings, I didn't mean tell her about your feelings. I mean, do things that you wanna do.

 

If she's interested in fooling around but she doesn't want to go all the way. Then at least try suck her titties. That's the best way forward. Women love that. Especially when you do it right.

 

This is my biggest weakness in dating. I don't know how to initiate touch and get very nervous when she's actually in front of me and I try to do it. Usually I'm confused on the conversation and forget about trying to touch or I get so focused on trying it I zone out from the conversation.

 

With her I did some touches to her arm on the 2rd date and she slid close to me when I kissed her on the cheek goodbye. My plan was to go for the 1st kiss on our 3rd date or at least touch her some more during the movie.

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This is my biggest weakness in dating. I don't know how to initiate touch and get very nervous when she's actually in front of me and I try to do it. Usually I'm confused on the conversation and forget about trying to touch or I get so focused on trying it I zone out from the conversation.

 

With her I did some touches to her arm on the 2rd date and she slid close to me when I kissed her on the cheek goodbye. My plan was to go for the 1st kiss on our 3rd date or at least touch her some more during the movie.

 

Whoa!!! You kissed her on the cheek?? Man, you totally turned her off with that move. I am not surprised she cancelled and won't be contacting you again for a date.

 

When you are on a date you never kiss a woman you have romantic interest in on the cheek, you go for a kiss on the lips.

 

You totally turned her off with the kiss on the cheek.

 

Write this one off and move on

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Agree with above posters, your social awkwardness turned her off and it's unlikely you'll be hearing from her again.

 

 

 

Don't contact her again, if you should happen to hear from her then great, you can then proceed to set up another date but don't count on it. And for god sake find some confidence and go for the kiss on the lips next time whether it's with her or someone else. Girls like strength they detest weakness and insecurity.

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I left it that we'll have to reschedule when she's feeling perfect.

 

I'd have left it at letting her reschedule and plan the date--that way, I will be able to gauge genuine interest.

 

If you keep rushing in and not allowing her to act on her interest of her own volition, she's going to always take the path of least resistance and let you do all of the heavy lifting.

 

As it looks, she doesn't seem to have interest.

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She may be blowing you off & using illness as a white lie. You don't know that though. She may genuinely have been ill.

 

Ask one more time for something light like Sunday brunch or an afternoon hang out / activity date. If she doesn't easily say yes to that then you know the "something she ate" was a white lie & you need to move on.

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(1) A last minute cancellation without (2) a genuine apology or something that says I'll make it up to you? I think you're better off moving on.

 

And next time, if you feel chemistry on the first date and she's all googly eyes, go for a kiss on the lips. And relax. She would want you to kiss her as much as you want to, so it'll work out fine.

 

The point is, when there is attraction, and things are going well, both of you are going to want to 'move forward'. When she moved closer to you, that was your cue to go for a kiss on the lips and a possible brief make out.

 

I could list a dozen reasons why she cancelled. But if she was interested in pursuing this, she would have made contact after cancelling like that.

 

Don't waste your time. On to the next one.

 

If she contacts you, great. But, I wouldn't contact her.

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Well it's Friday tomorrow.....so is there a date planned?

 

Yes, for Saturday night. I think there are some red flags here as far as whether she is a good match for me and that I also messed it up (again) by being too timid and wooden on the 2nd date.

 

I general it seems like a vicious catch 22 for me. I can't get myself to be physically affectionate and loosen up until I know she likes me and she won't like me if I'm still and am not physically affectionate.

 

Fortunately I've got a Tinder date setup for Sunday also, but the last few times I've arranged a date on Tinder I've been ghosted or stood up, but we'll see. She suggested Sunday night, but has chatted and then disappeared before so I don't have high hopes.

 

I'm trying here

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Whoa!!! You kissed her on the cheek?? Man, you totally turned her off with that move. I am not surprised she cancelled and won't be contacting you again for a date.

 

When you are on a date you never kiss a woman you have romantic interest in on the cheek, you go for a kiss on the lips.

 

You totally turned her off with the kiss on the cheek.

 

Write this one off and move on

 

Yea seriously. I recall a girl I went on a date with didn’t let me kiss her on the lips. She offered me her cheek and I flat out refused and said “No. I am not settling for your cheek”.

 

We ended up dating for 4 months and I was amazed how much she wanted and referenced sex.

 

She finally broke it off as we were not compatible long term. She still texts me occasionally saying how I was the best sex she ever had and she misses it.

 

Go for what you want, you’ll get it sometimes. And if you don’t thats ok, another one will give it to you.

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Yea seriously. I recall a girl I went on a date with didn’t let me kiss her on the lips. She offered me her cheek and I flat out refused and said “No. I am not settling for your cheek”.

 

We ended up dating for 4 months and I was amazed how much she wanted and referenced sex.

 

She finally broke it off as we were not compatible long term. She still texts me occasionally saying how I was the best sex she ever had and she misses it.

 

Go for what you want, you’ll get it sometimes. And if you don’t thats ok, another one will give it to you.

 

What happened after you said you wouldn't settle for the cheek? She just let you kiss her on the lips? I could imagine getting slapped or told I'm harassing her if I tried that.

 

I also don't understand how you end up making out with someone on a 1st or 2nd date. If you're in a restaurant or walking along the street I just don't see how you end up doing a makeout session. Although I'd definitely be happy with a simple real kiss on the lips for now.

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She said it was something she ate the previous evening.

 

It's bull****, digestion cycle is about 4 hours not 24... If you get sick from bad food it is within few hours, so here you know now it was an excuse, so she doesn't even have the courage to be straight, red flag.

 

I agree with other people, you have to let women do some work, anyway if one is interested and has last minute issue, she will talk about another date, if not she just isn't interested and not worth much energy.

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What happened after you said you wouldn't settle for the cheek? She just let you kiss her on the lips? I could imagine getting slapped or told I'm harassing her if I tried that.

 

I also don't understand how you end up making out with someone on a 1st or 2nd date. If you're in a restaurant or walking along the street I just don't see how you end up doing a makeout session. Although I'd definitely be happy with a simple real kiss on the lips for now.

 

No. She wouldn’t let me kiss her so I kept joking around and called it a night.

 

I let her reach out to me and setup the next date when she did.

 

Some chicks will freak when you try to kiss them. I don’t ask them out again.

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ChatroomHero
Sorry but the way I see it she had another date. I don't think you will be hearing from her soon. I know it's a downer but, if someone is into you they would be all apologetic, and eager to set something up right away......she's fading.

 

 

 

As a guy, I agree with this 100%, Smackie is dead on and posted exactly what I was going to say. If she was into you, especially after a couple of dates, she'd do things like the next day when she felt better beg you to go out with her that night, offer to meet you and buy you lunch to make up for it even if she had to travel to meet you at work, she would guarantee on XXX day she will be free and take you out...

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No. She wouldn’t let me kiss her so I kept joking around and called it a night.

 

Some chicks will freak when you try to kiss them. I don’t ask them out again.

 

 

No "chicks" that I've ever met. When I attempt to kiss a girl for the first time, I look her in the eye, smile and move in slowly for the lip plant. If she's not interested she simply turns her cheek to the side and she gets the peck. Not that it usually ends that way of course. There's no "freak out" why should there be?

 

 

I'm starting to question your approach.

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If a date goes well, it's traditional to do a small kiss on the first date, a better one on the next one, etc. Otherwise, what is the message? It's I just want to be friends and that's all. Yes, that wooden stuff will put you in the friendzone each and every time. If she's going on more than one date, you can assume she likes you enough to start being a little affectionate. Women like men to take charge. Fear isn't attractive, so you better learn to fake it.

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No "chicks" that I've ever met. When I attempt to kiss a girl for the first time, I look her in the eye, smile and move in slowly for the lip plant. If she's not interested she simply turns her cheek to the side and she gets the peck. Not that it usually ends that way of course. There's no "freak out" why should there be?

 

 

I'm starting to question your approach.

 

Perhaps freak out isn’t the right term. When they didn’t kiss me, I’ve had them get uber nervous (if they liked me) or do the one cheek sneak if they don’t and get uncomfortable. I actually remember one who said “Whoa Whoa!” When I turned a regular kiss to French. That to me was a freak out.

 

It, surprisingly, rarely happened to me as usually they would be fine with it.

 

Even times when I though for sure I was going to be rejected they would be fine with it.

 

My default has become always go for it as a result. Win some, lose some.

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