thr1986 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Hi- I’m a 31 y/o guy. I recently met a girl, through a friend. We got along quite well when we met so I asked her to dinner. We went out to dinner and both had a great time. We had a wonderful kiss after dinner. She texted me that night, thanked me for dinner, etc. Then texted me again the following day with a music recommendation we discussed at dinner. We have texted each day since then (it’s been 3 days). Yesterday she texted me and we started talking about another music reccomwbdation that she sent me. Then I sent her a music reccomendarion and I noticed that for each of her texts, I’ve been sending like 3-4 messages. She didn’t respond for a couple of hours then she responded. I’m not sure that I really became too annoying or anything but I think I overdid it a little. She’s leaving today for an international trip. Should I wait for her to text me again or should I send her something? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Text her briefly, if you want, and wish her safe travels. But then the ball is firmly in her court. Don't text again until she reaches out to you and initiates a separate conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 I mostly just sort of got overly excited I think and started saying too much and then when I did that, the conversation kind of died off. She’s the one who started the conversation... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Listen to FindingMyWay. Send one more text wishing her well on her travels. Leave it open enough so she can respond back to you while she's away but definitely once she gets back. After that, sit on your hands. No more texting her. She has to initiate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 Thanks for the advice. I just sent her a text, “safe travels today” but it looks like she’s already on her flight. It wasn’t delivered. I’ll wait to hear from her now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Are these 3-4 messages consecutive? or were you waiting for a reply in between? If they are consecutive it's not so bad because although they're separate texts they're still only one thought. You just hit send more often that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Don't even worry about it, just dial it back from now on. That's a minor infraction, and if a woman's going to dump you over showing interest, you don't want her anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Seems like a no-brainer. Do one text at a time and wait to see if she answers. Do NOT keep texting when there is nothing to say. Do not keep texting just to be in contact with her. It takes too much of her time and it's very desperate. I don't think you've gone too far over the line yet but the fact she's not returning all of them tells me she doesn't want to text that much. So text her when you have a reason, such as asking her out or seeing if she got home safe and stop just yammering to her on text. Link to post Share on other sites
Larry56 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Hi- I’m a 31 y/o guy. I recently met a girl, through a friend. We got along quite well when we met so I asked her to dinner. We went out to dinner and both had a great time. We had a wonderful kiss after dinner. She texted me that night, thanked me for dinner, etc. Then texted me again the following day with a music recommendation we discussed at dinner. We have texted each day since then (it’s been 3 days). Yesterday she texted me and we started talking about another music reccomwbdation that she sent me. Then I sent her a music reccomendarion and I noticed that for each of her texts, I’ve been sending like 3-4 messages. She didn’t respond for a couple of hours then she responded. I’m not sure that I really became too annoying or anything but I think I overdid it a little. She’s leaving today for an international trip. Should I wait for her to text me again or should I send her something? Don't text her. Sounds like you still have a lot of "Love" in you. Just ignore that part of yourself. It always leads you down the wrong path. Women should be chasing you. Not the other way around. Believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Seems like a no-brainer. Do one text at a time and wait to see if she answers. Do NOT keep texting when there is nothing to say. Do not keep texting just to be in contact with her. It takes too much of her time and it's very desperate. I don't think you've gone too far over the line yet but the fact she's not returning all of them tells me she doesn't want to text that much. So text her when you have a reason, such as asking her out or seeing if she got home safe and stop just yammering to her on text. You’re correct in that - when I texted multiple times, it was all one thought. I never sent a text that didn’t receive a response - I think she likes me but I’m just having trouble gauging how to keep the conversation going for 2 weeks while she’s overseas following a great first date... Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 14, 2018 Author Share Posted August 14, 2018 Or maybe I don’t need to worry about keeping the conversation going while she’s away. Perhaps I can let her contact me on her own time if she wants to or when she’s returned. We made tentative plans to go to a concert together in about a month, so we will definitely need to touch base regarding that at some point Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 Fast forward 2 weeks... she’s back from her trip. We made dinner plans, go to dinner, have a great time, go to a couple of bars afterwards then back to my place and for some reason (never happened) I can’t ...you know.... she doesn’t seem to make a big deal about it. But kinda seemed disappointed. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Glad you had a nice date. I'm not following the rest of your thought. You went back to your place. Then what never happened? Sex? It didn't happen because you couldn't? Then she was disappointed? Well gee, of course she was disappointed. She had been looking forward to it & it didn't happen. What did you expect her to be happy that there were technical difficulties? That would be cruel. Past a certain age or with too much booze or anxiety, these things happen. Keep talking & dating. Hopefully the next time things will be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 Yes. If was a wonderful night but then I (for some unknown reason) couldn’t perform. I think it was the alcohol even though I’ve been fine on that much alcohol before. She left some Jewlery here so I’ll have to see her again. I told her last night I was enjoying getting to know her. How long should I wait until I reach back out to her? I like her. I sort of want to just text her again today but maybe I should wait Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Maybe the technical difficulties were because you are really anxious about this woman. Try to relax and not worry so much (I know, easier said than done). Text her if you want to text but don't get so hung up on how long it takes her to respond, how many texts she sends, etc. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 Do you think a text today saying that I had fun last night is a little much? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Do you think a text today saying that I had fun last night is a little much? No, I think it's a good idea to touch base with her today, actually. Sometime we ladies take it personally when the man in question can't perform, and we start to wonder if he's actually attracted to us. Those of us who have been around the block know it's usually not a matter of attraction, but anxiety, stress, fatigue, alcohol, and so on. But, given that you don't know her well, and don't know if she's experienced that before, I would let her know you had a great time and are looking forward to seeing her again. Don't mention the sex or anything like that; just a fun little note to let her know you're thinking of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 26, 2018 Author Share Posted August 26, 2018 The inability to preform I believe was due to several consecutive nights of drinking and an overall state of fatigue, also maybe a little anxiety because I do really like her. I was exhausted. In the moment, last night, I sort of just said "I'm exhausted" and also said "Maybe we should wait until next time" She did say in the moment "is there some other reason?" I said there was not another reason. other than not having sex, we really had an incredible time. I date a lot, mostly because im 31 and single and Im actually trying to find a girlfriend. It's rare that I really like someone and this one, I really do like. I texted her today about something funny we talked about last night, and then I also said I had a great time last night. She responded and said she did also. Do you think its too much for me to say I'd like to see her again? or should I just play it cool and reach out to her this week sometime and see if she wants to hang out? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 She left some Jewlery here so I’ll have to see her again. I told her last night I was enjoying getting to know her. How long should I wait until I reach back out to her? I like her. I sort of want to just text her again today but maybe I should wait Reach out immediately to tell her she left the jewelry at your place. It may have been intentional so you are forced to call her back (see the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) or it may have been accidental & she's upset about it. So either way, ease her mind & let her know you have the jewelry. Do you think a text today saying that I had fun last night is a little much? No but I think a text telling her you have her jewelry is better. The inability to preform I believe was due to several consecutive nights of drinking and an overall state of fatigue, also maybe a little anxiety because I do really like her. I was exhausted. In the moment, last night, I sort of just said "I'm exhausted" and also said "Maybe we should wait until next time" She did say in the moment "is there some other reason?" I said there was not another reason. other than not having sex, we really had an incredible time. I date a lot, mostly because im 31 and single and Im actually trying to find a girlfriend. It's rare that I really like someone and this one, I really do like. I texted her today about something funny we talked about last night, and then I also said I had a great time last night. She responded and said she did also. Do you think its too much for me to say I'd like to see her again? or should I just play it cool and reach out to her this week sometime and see if she wants to hang out? Glad you reached out & are talking. Her Q about was there another reason was her being insecure & looking for reassurance. She was afraid that you couldn't perform because you didn't find her attractive. Set up another date this week but save the possibility of intimacy for the date after that, next weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Share Posted August 27, 2018 Can you give me your opinion on this? I’m a little hesitant to keep reaching out to her because I feel like I need to “play it cool”...as in I don’t want to look too overly interested or like I do t have a lot going on. Even though I want to text her and want to talk to her, I feel like I need to “play the game” Is this stupid to think? Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Hi- I’m a 31 y/o guy. I recently met a girl, through a friend. We got along quite well when we met so I asked her to dinner. We went out to dinner and both had a great time. We had a wonderful kiss after dinner. She texted me that night, thanked me for dinner, etc. Then texted me again the following day with a music recommendation we discussed at dinner. We have texted each day since then (it’s been 3 days). Yesterday she texted me and we started talking about another music reccomwbdation that she sent me. Then I sent her a music reccomendarion and I noticed that for each of her texts, I’ve been sending like 3-4 messages. She didn’t respond for a couple of hours then she responded. I’m not sure that I really became too annoying or anything but I think I overdid it a little. She’s leaving today for an international trip. Should I wait for her to text me again or should I send her something? She was really texting because she wanted to see you before she left. Your job was to set a date when she reached out to you, instead you just chit chatted. The phone is for setting dates, not chit chat! Remember this for next time, check Corey Wayne on youtube. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 Can you give me your opinion on this? I’m a little hesitant to keep reaching out to her because I feel like I need to “play it cool”...as in I don’t want to look too overly interested or like I do t have a lot going on. Even though I want to text her and want to talk to her, I feel like I need to “play the game” Is this stupid to think? Don't play games. If you want to see her again, call, or text, if that's the current M.O. for your age group, and ask her out! Right now, she may be wondering why you let her know you had a good time, but didn't ask her out again. She may also be still wondering if your performance issues had something to do with her. A mature woman wouldn't think that, but..... Don't let too much time go by. Strike while the iron's hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thr1986 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 Ok, so another thought I'd like some feedback on. I reached out to her and told her I was free this weekend and would like to hang out if she was in town. She responded and said she may be going out of town saturday evening but she wasnt sure yet, but that friday night would be the safest bet. So, I said ok friday night should work for me. we texted a little bit after that, but ive noticed that she doesnt really reach out to me to say hi and start conversation. I'd need to text her to have any sort of communication. Is this a bad thing? (the fact that I need to reach out to her to have any communication)? Do you think its possible that she thinks its strange that I couldnt perform on saturday night? Prior to me saying I couldnt perform, I suggested that we wait until the next time we hang out to have sex. (me trying to get out of having sex because I knew I wouldnt be able to do so)... Could this have been a turn off? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 It happened so what. Nothing you can do about that. Don't worry about it or that in itself will make this an even bigger problem. Keep it cool. Over texting may make you look needy clingy. Not a place you want to put yourself in. Link to post Share on other sites
catchmeifyoucan Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Can you give me your opinion on this? I’m a little hesitant to keep reaching out to her because I feel like I need to “play it cool”...as in I don’t want to look too overly interested or like I do t have a lot going on. Even though I want to text her and want to talk to her, I feel like I need to “play the game” Is this stupid to think? For me personally, I like it when a guy I like texts me a lot. I don't like it when guys play hard to get. On another note, it has happened to me before that a man has not been able to have sex the first time we have tried. I didnt say anything, but i took it personally - I felt that I was not attractive enough. The guy in question made a point of talking about it and told me the problem was anxiety because he liked me so much. That dealt with all my insecurities very well Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts