LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

messed up with my crush, is there anything I can do to repair it?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree15Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12th August 2018, 8:17 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 15
messed up with my crush, is there anything I can do to repair it?

I need some advice cause I am really down. So two months ago I bumped into a coworker at the coffee dock. I had seen him before but never had a conversation with him. All of a sudden I noticed that I was unable to talk to anyone around him and I felt super shy. The following weeks I lost my appetite and was unable to sleep. I had the feeling that he sensed something cause we then started looking at each other every morning when he got coffee. I kept looking into his eyes and we kept looking at each other for too long. After a few weeks he started smiling as well. Then all of a sudden he ignored me for days. I felt so hurt that when I saw him again the next time I followed him to the coffee dock. He was talking to people but when he saw me he turned towards me and he looked at me as if he was totally in love with me and spoke to me with a very soft voice. Weeks followed and he sometimes coyly smiled or laughed. I was being very discreet as we were at work but I noticed that he kept looking at me all the time even when he was with his own manager or coworkers. I did not look at him at all. I then noticed that his colleagues started noticing this and laughing. Then they also started grinning and laughing whenever they walked by my desk. At the same other guys approached me and as he was constantly looking at me I think he noticed that. I really wanted him to make a move and ask me out, so I started ignoring other guys and kept smiling at him even more. One morning I saw him walking to my desk very slowly and checking out the situation. There were hardly any coworkers and he smiled at me with a very shy smile. In the very last minute he turned around and left. the following morning he worked from somewhere else (close to the coffee dock and he never does this) and I deliberately went getting coffee on my own to make myself available to him. He immediately left and positioned to my right (the coffee machine is on the left). There were two other people standing on the other side (higher managers) and he just stood there next to me not saying or doing anything. there was akward silence. then eventually he broke the silence by saying to them ok Iíll let you go and get coffeee to the managers. I tried to make eye contact but he just looked down into his empty coffee mug. later he just kept staring at me. I felt he wanted to ask me out but kind of felt rejected. the following days he changed his behavior from being flirtatious to being cool. At one stage he interrupted a conversation that I had with my coworker at the coffee dock and left with him totally ignoring me. I felt hurt. Later I caught him again at the coffee dock and I said I am sorry about last week at the coffee dock, I did not want to ignore you I just felt awkward. He said Ďwhat do you mean, I donít remember this.Ē I felt so hurt that I said to him: ď I canít believe youíre lying to me, of course you do remember. ď he nervously said ď I donít. Ď Then I said to him and ever since then you have changed my behavior towards me and you are ignoring me and your team is gossiping about me. He said ď I donít think you know who my team is and why would I ignore you anyway.Ē He also said this is so awkward now. then he said he really had to leave. I spent the rest of the day fighting back my tears. I do realize people do project when they like someone but the moments we had were real and I donít think I am projecting. I do have feelings for him and I am so worried that everything has been ruined. Is there anything now that can be done?
Enna11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:29 AM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 30,998
I'm so sorry you feel hurt & rejected but this alleged interest on his part is all in your head. The whole drama reads so much more like middle school then work. I fear that the other guys smiling & laughing is an adult version of middle school bullying & you are the victim. There is something about your post that skews socially awkward to me thereby leaving you vulnerable.

Whatever smiles & eye contact you think you saw really were you projecting. Your inability to eat & sleep over a co-worker that you have never had a proper social conversation with let alone gone on a date is an extreme over-reaction on your part.

Going forward I would avoid this man. His response that he had no idea what you were talking about from the week earlier at the coffee dock tells me that events you deem so significant & the basis of your "relationship" / flirtation with this man never even registered for him because they were so insignificant & inappropriately overblown by you.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:33 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 170
Iím sorry, but this was all in your head. He was never interested ... otherwise he would have asked you out.
CollegeKid101 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:42 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 15
I think he is a shy guy.
Enna11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:51 AM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 15
I had the impression that he wanted to make a move last week. He was standing right next to me at the coffee dock and I felt so shy that I did not pay any attention to him. He stood besides me without getting coffee. also he stood towards my right and the coffee is on the left. when I finally turned around he just starred at the bottom of his empty mug. the day before he walked very slowly towards my desk smiling at me in a shy way. He also checked out what my coworkers did as if he wanted to make sure that they were busy. he was acting very shy and he has been generally shy. He then left.
It could have been that he wanted to make a move but felt ignored at the coffee dock and got the impression that I rejected him, so he denied that he remembered the situation, right?

what makes you think that I am socially awkward and do you think that he's been bullying me?
Enna11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:51 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12,269
Ah, sorry to hear it OP, but this man is not interested.

All this perceived flirting and attraction was not mutual. It was in your head and you've misread the situation.

I would just steer clear of him at work now.
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 8:58 AM   #7
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 30,998
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enna11 View Post
what makes you think that I am socially awkward and do you think that he's been bullying me?
The level of detail you shared in your post about seemingly trivial interactions, combined with your inability to eat or sleep after these encounters made me question how socially savvy you are. That is not a conventional reaction.

I didn't say he was bullying you. I said I suspected the other office guys may have been. While you think you are being subtle in your crush, I suspect the whole office knows & these colleagues who are laughing may be doing so at your expense. It's possible that somebody coincidently had just told an unrelated joke but improbable.

He may be shy but that does not explain your behavior.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:07 AM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 15
he was constantly looking at me and that was when people starting laughing. I wasn't looking at him at all when he was looking at me. the inability to eat or sleep is a side effect for people falling in love.
could apologizing to him change his opinion? I know, I totally messed up but humans make mistakes, right?
Enna11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:15 AM   #9
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 30,998
You didn't mess up anything because there isn't anything reciprocal there. You are not in love. You have an unrequited crush. Not eating & sleeping is an extreme reaction to these events. Please take care of yourself.

You already tried to apologize once & the object of your affection denied knowing what you were taking about. These events which you view as so profound mean nothing to him. They don't even register. Apologizing again will make work more awkward. It will not fix anything. Leave this alone.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:19 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12,269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enna11 View Post
he was constantly looking at me and that was when people starting laughing. I wasn't looking at him at all when he was looking at me. the inability to eat or sleep is a side effect for people falling in love.
could apologizing to him change his opinion? I know, I totally messed up but humans make mistakes, right?
OP, you barely know this man. How are you in love with him?

Don't worry about messing up. There was nothing to mess up, other than a cordial and relaxed work environment. Yes, he probably thinks you're a little nutso since you accused him of lying about an event that was so insignificant to him that he doesn't even remember. Can't change that now, though.

But it's as though you messed up a budding romance. That's in your mind, unfortunately.
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:28 AM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 15
so no apology, no explanation, nothing at all can change that he thinks I am nuts?
Enna11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:33 AM   #12
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 30,998
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enna11 View Post
so no apology, no explanation, nothing at all can change that he thinks I am nuts?
What will change his opinion of you is you no longer overreacting to his presence. Just avoid him but don't be unprofessional. What I mean is when he is at the coffee dock, you wait until he has cleared the area before you go over there & you stop looking longingly at him from across the office.

If we're wrong & there is something there, eventually he will come to you & use words. Until then you do nothing.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:33 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12,269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enna11 View Post
so no apology, no explanation, nothing at all can change that he thinks I am nuts?
Probably not, to be honest.

This is why you should just leave him alone now. Doing or saying anything more is not likely to help his impression of you.

Last edited by ExpatInItaly; 12th August 2018 at 9:36 AM..
ExpatInItaly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:37 AM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 7,085
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enna11 View Post
the inability to eat or sleep is a side effect for people falling in love.
Certainly not my experience.

Despite what you may have seen in the movies, an individual does not fall in love by staring at someone over a cup of coffee. Relationships develop over time, through conversations and shared experiences.

I agree with the other posters who say that this is very juvenile and definitely a figment of your imagination. You have an unrequited crush on a man.

You donít owe him an apology. Just focus on your work and leave him alone...
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th August 2018, 9:38 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 530
Geez! Usually accusations and lashing out don't happen until after you become a couple. And people break up over the kind of things you said. You said to him "I can't believe you're lying to me". How dare you? It is extremely disrespectful to say that to someone, let alone someone who's not in your life. You're out of line. I don't know what is in his heart before. Just based on what you said to him, I'd say you need a reality check.
Gretchen12 is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is there any chance to repair our relationship; her husband died JR500 Second Chances 15 19th September 2016 4:32 AM
Girlfriend says she can no longer trust me intimately. How can we repair her trust? Matsuda Second Chances 3 25th October 2010 11:02 PM
My girlfriend broke my heart beyond repair...It hurts more then anything Ive felt CJB1 Breaks and Breaking Up 30 7th March 2010 5:12 AM
Crush after crush after crush... highlibidolady Friends and Lovers 1 23rd August 2008 3:29 AM
I messed up ... How Can I repair relationship? Khalid Infidelity 2 1st December 2006 12:12 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:30 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.