Different Ideas of Fun

[Elpida.]

For the last two months I started dating a new guy who is really nice. We get along great, I can tell he's really into me, neither of us are dating other people and he is often doing sweet things like bringing me little gifts and chocolates when he comes to meet me. We speak every day and see each other several times a week.

 

However, the problem for me is that we have different ideas of 'fun'. I'm late twenties, he's early thirties. I don't mind going for a quiet drink with my friends but we mostly have dinner, see a movie or do something interesting. I'm too old to "party". He on the other hand goes out every weekend, often both Fridays and Saturdays to parties and clubs full of people that are in their early twenties and he's there until 6 or 7am. I can't even imagine being in that situation. Sometimes he'll go out midweek and then go into work with almost no sleep.

 

I'm not his mum, he can do whatever he wants, but I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager. Is this a ridiculous reason for ending it with an otherwise sweet guy?

[smackie9]

 

I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager.

 

 

This is your answer. You are not compatible, find someone who is serious about settling down.

[coolheadal]

For the last two months I started dating a new guy who is really nice. We get along great, I can tell he's really into me, neither of us are dating other people and he is often doing sweet things like bringing me little gifts and chocolates when he comes to meet me. We speak every day and see each other several times a week.

 

However, the problem for me is that we have different ideas of 'fun'. I'm late twenties, he's early thirties. I don't mind going for a quiet drink with my friends but we mostly have dinner, see a movie or do something interesting. I'm too old to "party". He on the other hand goes out every weekend, often both Fridays and Saturdays to parties and clubs full of people that are in their early twenties and he's there until 6 or 7am. I can't even imagine being in that situation. Sometimes he'll go out midweek and then go into work with almost no sleep.

 

I'm not his mum, he can do whatever he wants, but I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager. Is this a ridiculous reason for ending it with an otherwise sweet guy?

 

Why asked us, you already answered your own question.

 

 

I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager.

 

Oh-by-the-way just a little heads up advise for you: HE WILL NEVER CHANGED TO BE THE MAN YOU WANT HIM TO BE!

 

What you want:

 

I don't mind going for a quiet drink with my friends but we mostly have dinner, see a movie or do something interesting

 

So this is the type of man you need to be with.. Good luck!

[alphamale]

Is this a ridiculous reason for ending it with an otherwise sweet guy?

 

I can assure you that he is meeting and hitting on other women at these parties and clubs

[Elpida.]

I can assure you that he is meeting and hitting on other women at these parties and clubs

 

I don't think that every time a guy goes out it's to meet and flirt with women.

[Elpida.]

Why asked us, you already answered your own question.

 

 

I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager.

 

Oh-by-the-way just a little heads up advise for you: HE WILL NEVER CHANGED TO BE THE MAN YOU WANT HIM TO BE!

 

What you want:

 

I don't mind going for a quiet drink with my friends but we mostly have dinner, see a movie or do something interesting

 

So this is the type of man you need to be with.. Good luck!

 

Thanks, you're right! I just felt this kind of weirdness that I was ending it over something silly when he's a perfectly nice guy, but it doesn't sit well with me really.

[Lotsgoingon]

Strikingly different lifestyles is not a silly issue.

 

I think I get what you're. His love of partying and late late nights isn't a character flaw. No it's not.

 

But for serious dating, different lifestyles can conflict ... without a character flaw being a problem.

 

Actually, it's very important to find compatible lifestyles ... extremely important!

[Noproblem]

I don't know, I feel you are giving up on a good guy because you are being judgmental. You are judging him because you like different things and he is of a certain age, so he needs to behave in a certain way.

 

Just because he is 30 does not mean he needs to resolve to a life that consists of walking his dog, watching Netflix and going to dinners occasionally!

 

Some men are in their 50s, and you see them jumping for airplanes and doing crazy stuff, what age has to do with it.

 

But someone mentioned he is not gonna change, I agree, he won't change because that is what he finds as fun and interesting.

 

You better be with someone you are compatible with, however, compatible does not mean = happiness and joy, it's just the easiest choice.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, my idea of fun is low key and less interesting than your idea of fun.

 

I just read a novel or watch an anime or manga and I'll be happy

I even read when I go to the gym so go figure

[d0nnivain]

I'm not his mum, he can do whatever he wants, but I don't want to be with someone who parties like a teenager. Is this a ridiculous reason for ending it with an otherwise sweet guy?

 

Not at all. Dating is about determining whether there is compatibility. You are learning that there is not. Many people who are still partying into their 30s will continue to party even after marriage & kids. Not all but many. Some can settle down into responsibilities but if you have concerns along those lines it's best to address them now, early on, rather than later when he will blindsides because he spent all sorts of time thinking you were OK with his choices.

[snowboy91]

However, the problem for me is that we have different ideas of 'fun'. I'm late twenties, he's early thirties. I don't mind going for a quiet drink with my friends but we mostly have dinner, see a movie or do something interesting. I'm too old to "party".

 

He on the other hand goes out every weekend, often both Fridays and Saturdays to parties and clubs full of people that are in their early twenties and he's there until 6 or 7am. I can't even imagine being in that situation. Sometimes he'll go out midweek and then go into work with almost no sleep.

 

 

I don't think it's so much of a "being too old to party" thing as it is a "not wanting to party" thing. Everyone has their preferences. Yours and his are different.

 

Over time, differences in how you have fun are going to wear down the relationship. You need someone who happily goes for a quiet drink and movies then goes home. He needs someone who will hit the clubs until 6am with him. There is nothing wrong with that - be glad you worked this out after 2 months rather than many years (like I did).

[Elpida.]

Thanks all for your responses. I gave it a little more time after this thread but ultimately I decided to end it with him today. I'm feeling kind of sad about it but I feel like it was a right choice.

 

I know there's not a thing as "too old to party" or whatever and sure, I'm not his Mom, he can do whatever he wants, but it was getting more and more. He is a cop and works shifts, however sometimes he would be out 4-5 times a week until 3 or 4 in the morning. Then he'd complain to me that he never had any money.. Probably I don't have a right to get annoyed about it because again, I'm not his Mom, but I can't imagine being with someone like that in the long run, it would drive me mad.

 

Aside from that he was so nice and attentive and we spoke constantly, but didn't really have a lot of common interests. Personally I love travelling and hiking but if I spoke to him about it, he kind of glazed over with disinterest. Better to hold out until someone with more similar interests comes along I guess.

[Elpida.]

I don't know, I feel you are giving up on a good guy because you are being judgmental. You are judging him because you like different things and he is of a certain age, so he needs to behave in a certain way.

 

Just because he is 30 does not mean he needs to resolve to a life that consists of walking his dog, watching Netflix and going to dinners occasionally!

 

Some men are in their 50s, and you see them jumping for airplanes and doing crazy stuff, what age has to do with it.

 

But someone mentioned he is not gonna change, I agree, he won't change because that is what he finds as fun and interesting.

 

You better be with someone you are compatible with, however, compatible does not mean = happiness and joy, it's just the easiest choice.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, my idea of fun is low key and less interesting than your idea of fun.

 

I just read a novel or watch an anime or manga and I'll be happy

I even read when I go to the gym so go figure

 

I know - definitely he doesn't have to resign to a boring life but I just can't be comfortable with his choices unfortunately. If he was jumping out of airplanes and doing crazy things I would be okay with that! It's just the excessive drinking I can't tolerate (which again, his choice but not one I need to be around for). He showed up at my apartment a few weeks ago absolutely out of his face, stinking of booze, falling over the furniture and vomiting. I would have tolerated that at 18, not as I'm approaching 30.

[Juha]

I know - definitely he doesn't have to resign to a boring life but I just can't be comfortable with his choices unfortunately. If he was jumping out of airplanes and doing crazy things I would be okay with that! It's just the excessive drinking I can't tolerate (which again, his choice but not one I need to be around for). He showed up at my apartment a few weeks ago absolutely out of his face, stinking of booze, falling over the furniture and vomiting. I would have tolerated that at 18, not as I'm approaching 30.

 

you really do not want to date a cop, from what I have seen most of them do not make for a good relationship for various reasons.

 

Consider this a dodged bullet.

 

I wish you luck in finding someone