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I feel attracted only when I cant have someone.


grazyexes

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Is this normal? If I date a girl usually what happens is that if she doesnt want me, I will like her very much. If I notice that someone likes me, my level of interest drops. If this same girl loses interest at some point, my level of interest raises again.

 

I was obsessed with this one girl when she didnt want me but now shes into me and I dont feel the butterflies that much.

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Lotsgoingon

Chasing can be fun and addictive ... and when you know someone doesn't like you, you probably good at shifting into seduction/approach ...

 

If someone actually turns back to you and says I like you too, that can be confusing.

 

Because once someone expresses and interest and you have expressed, now comes time for action. Now what do you do start and build a relationship. Can terrifying ... and terrifying as well to have someone like us ... as in expect us to be competent and reliable and so on ...

 

Develop your confidence ... take one of those people who shows interest on a date ... even if you no longer feel attracted. That attraction is likely still there. It's just frightened by the prospect of having to take action beyond just longing for someone. Your attraction to the other person loses its confidence right there ... But it'll come back ... if you engage one of the women who likes you.

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Chasing girls who are unavailable is not going to be a very successful strategy for you... If you want to find someone to date, you will need to realize this and change your thinking.

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Everyone likes the chase to some extent. But when it is consistently preventing you from holding down a relationship it’s time to have a think about your childhood and what model you had set by your parents. Or maybe you had a parent who was distant and you felt you had to work hard to receive love?

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newyorker11356
Very true, someone once told be that boys love the chase. I feel its all down to your mind. Own up and act maturely those butterflies will definitely come back. Try spending lesser amount of time too, the distance will make you want her more.

 

Nah, I'm a guy, and I don't really enjoy or like the chase. I like knowing that a girl *gasp* actually likes me, especially if I like her back.

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mortensorchid

It's an old story. The ones you want don't want you, the ones you don't want want you.

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Nah, I'm a guy, and I don't really enjoy or like the chase. I like knowing that a girl *gasp* actually likes me, especially if I like her back.

 

Ditto I don’t chase women all.

 

The one time in my life I did it was when my ex left me and I was trying to get her back. Never will I make that mistake again.

 

OP - It’s positive you recognize this. I recommend seeing a therapist to try and figure out the underlying cause.

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Perhaps it's a fear of commitment. If she likes you, it scares you off. Only when you can't have her, is she safe to desire - because you'll never have to commit.

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I think what's missing is the push and pull to experience romantic built up, creating sexual tension, flirting, teasing, friendly banter to get those fires igniting. That my dear is chemistry. What you are doing wrong is creating your own chemistry with your imagination instead of letting the interaction with the girl do it for you.

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64 y/o male here. Divorced for a year, separated for 11 years before that (co-parenting) and meeting women on OLD for less than a year. Maybe it is my age, but I hate the chase and see no point to it. A woman who is not interested in me is just a waste of time. I've got better things to do. Next.

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Ok, so I didnt see her for few days because i was working night shift and she was working day shift. Yesterday we met quickly before I had to go to work and I felt the butterflies again. I think im just scared of commitment or something. I have had alot of one night stands before but never been in a serious relationship. And im 23.

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Is this normal? If I date a girl usually what happens is that if she doesnt want me, I will like her very much. If I notice that someone likes me, my level of interest drops. If this same girl loses interest at some point, my level of interest raises again.

 

I was obsessed with this one girl when she didnt want me but now shes into me and I dont feel the butterflies that much.

 

Are you an Aries? LOL

 

A lot of men are like this. They love the chase but as soon as it's over they lose interest.

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