Is this an early sign?

[wantsSomethingReal]

I started talking to a guy on Bumble on June 14th. Since then we have been hanging out every night. For the last couple of weeks he has been staying over at my place. He always sleeps on the couch and not in bed with me though. Is this an early sign that he is already becoming detached from me this early on in the relationship? Since it is so new why would he bother even staying over if he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with me. I am 30 and he is 32 if that helps. I am going to talk to him about it but I want to get some insight before I do that.

[drdre]

Are you sleeping together and then he goes to the couch? Or are you not having sex yet? Do you guys make out or do anything physical at all at this point?

 

As a guy, the only time I can imagine staying over at a girls house (that Im dating/courting) and staying on the couch, would be if we were not sleeping together yet but went out and I had too much to drink or something. Even then, in the two times Ive been in that position, I still slept in their bed. We just didnt do anything.

 

Maybe he is trying to be extra, extra respectful? Or maybe he is super conservative?

 

In general, if we are not having sex or getting naked in some way shape or form, Im going home.

[mortensorchid]

I find that strange as well. You let this guy sleep over your house if you are not SLEEPING with him? And so many times? What is his reason / excuse why he sleeps over your house?

[Cookiesandough]

I don't know what it's a sign of. Something weird. It's definitely not untoward for you to ask him why he likes staying over on your couch.

[wantsSomethingReal]

He always just sleeps on the couch and never in the bed. We have not had sex yet but we do make out. He has been staying over for the last couple of weeks and we are not drinking. I go to bed before him usually around 11-midnight and he comes over usually to my place around 7 pm and we hang out the rest of the night until I go to bed. He will stay up and continue to watch TV. I am going to ask him why he decides to stay over but before I do I wanted to just get a bit of insight first. Just because I thought it was a bit weird that he isn't wanting to sleep in the same bed with me. Even if we don't have sex it would be nice to cuddle. After all we do cuddle and make out on the couch so why not in the bed as well.

[Highndry]

As a guy I find this incredibly weird. It's something I've never even done in my life. It sounds like he has some hang-up about sex or something. Have you talked to him about sex? You guys just make out and then stop? I'm not sure I understand this dynamic.

[ThisisIt606]

Do you know if he has a home/place to sleep? If you always hang out at your place maybe he doesn't have a spot to go back to where he can sleep.

 

Also have you ever invited him to sleep in your bed? it's odd that you would even have to extend an invitation but maybe he's trying to be extra considerate if you two aren't in a relationship.

[Ami1uwant]

Unanswered questions....

 

1 how conservative are you two? Did you say something of waiting till marriage before sex? Dud he?

 

2. Does he believe only married sleep in the same bed? My brother when he was dating his now wife when staying at the in laws he couldn’t sleep in the same bed as her even though they lived together at grad school.

 

3. Is there something about your sleeping patterns? You hog the bed or covers or kick ir punch him when in bed? Do you snore? Does he di these things?

 

4, why haven’t you gone to his place? What’s hus normal place he sleeps?

 

5 does he go back home or does he stay overnight?

[drdre]

Do you know if he has a home/place to sleep? If you always hang out at your place maybe he doesn't have a spot to go back to where he can sleep.

 

Also have you ever invited him to sleep in your bed? it's odd that you would even have to extend an invitation but maybe he's trying to be extra considerate if you two aren't in a relationship.

 

That's a great point! Maybe he doesnt have a great place to come back to (car, crowded place, whatever).

 

How did he stay over the first time? Did you say "hey, do you want to stay tonight?" and he was like "yeah, that would be great! Go to bed though, Im gonna stay up and watch tv then crash on the couch"?

 

As if it wasnt weird enough that he's staying over on the couch, the fact that he stays up, at your house, AFTER you go to bed is super weird too.

 

Definitely warrants a couple of questions.

[rightondude]

Is he homeless?

[Doost]

Maybe he’s a time traveler and having sex with you would negatively alter the future. I would be in that bed “cuddling” the night away.

[basil67]

I'm assuming he's sleeping on the couch because you haven't had sex yet. Which begs the question: Why haven't you had sex?

[coolheadal]

He always just sleeps on the couch and never in the bed. We have not had sex yet but we do make out. He has been staying over for the last couple of weeks and we are not drinking. I go to bed before him usually around 11-midnight and he comes over usually to my place around 7 pm and we hang out the rest of the night until I go to bed. He will stay up and continue to watch TV. I am going to ask him why he decides to stay over but before I do I wanted to just get a bit of insight first. Just because I thought it was a bit weird that he isn't wanting to sleep in the same bed with me. Even if we don't have sex it would be nice to cuddle. After all we do cuddle and make out on the couch so why not in the bed as well.

 

Are you sure your more than friends? Sounds like your just buddies. No sex no sleep in the same been, the only time a man does this is when he's really not into you for sex and sleeping in the same bed. You really need to put your foot down and ask him why he's not pleasing you and making you feel good inside?

[act00]

What's his living situation? Your place might be more comfortable and private (or maybe he's homeless and sofa surfing?), but honestly, for him to stay the night after you go to bed is strange for a new relationship. Go home. The only reason I could see it is if he has had too much to drink or he's so tired he's fearful of falling asleep on the drive home, plus work in the morning and staying up so late...but that's when you curb weeknight dates to something short and early and not every night. Are you okay with this arrangement, because I really wouldn't be. Two weeks is too soon to be playing house.

 

I suppose staying on the couch could be just avoiding any possibility of sex and things getting carried away. What are his views on sex outside of marriage?

[kendahke]

I started talking to a guy on Bumble on June 14th. Since then we have been hanging out every night. For the last couple of weeks he has been staying over at my place. He always sleeps on the couch and not in bed with me though. Is this an early sign that he is already becoming detached from me this early on in the relationship? Since it is so new why would he bother even staying over if he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with me. I am 30 and he is 32 if that helps. I am going to talk to him about it but I want to get some insight before I do that.

 

Does he have his own apartment or is he surfing his friends' couches (and he's considering you to be more a friend whose place he can crash at than a girlfriend)?

[stillafool]

So many unanswered questions here.

[Gaeta]

I started talking to a guy on Bumble on June 14th. Since then we have been hanging out every night. For the last couple of weeks he has been staying over at my place. He always sleeps on the couch and not in bed with me though. Is this an early sign that he is already becoming detached from me this early on in the relationship? Since it is so new why would he bother even staying over if he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with me. I am 30 and he is 32 if that helps. I am going to talk to him about it but I want to get some insight before I do that.

 

 

Have you even invite him to join you to bed?

[wantsSomethingReal]

I am religious but if I am in a long term relationship I am fine with not waiting. In the meantime I do not mind cuddling in bed at night when staying over. I am going to ask him on his viewpoint on this.

 

I am going to ask him if he doesn't believe unmarried couples should sleep in the same bed. Though if he does believe this than why even stay over after just knowing each other for a month? Wouldn't he just go home then and sleep in his own bed until we are married? Good question for me to ask him.

 

I do not hog the bed, kick or snore. I do have two cats that share the bed with me and even will when I sleep on the couch. He isn't allergic to cats either. During the weekends I have slept on the couch with him. One time I was on the floor right next to the couch while he slept on the couch. My ex from 4 months ago had no problems sleeping on the couch all night cuddling or in the same bed with me even with the cats.

 

I have been to his place a couple of nights prior to the last couple weeks. We slept on the couch together after falling asleep watching tv.

 

He will stay overnight and then go home to get ready for work. It has been this the last couple of weeks except for one night when I worked overtime. Which I worked until 9 pm. He didn't come over that night and stayed at his own place. I usually leave for work just after 7 am during the week. He has been staying on weeknights and weekends the last couple of weeks.

 

He is not homeless and I have invited him to join me in bed but I do not really get a response.

[Gaeta]

Do yourself a favor, if you are not ready for full sex then send him home when the evening is over. Keeping him over every night like this is *playing house* when you're not ready. You are skipping important dating steps. You will never regret dating at a slower pace at the beginning. The problems always occur when people burn the steps and start playing *couples* and playing *house* after only 4 weeks dating like yourself.

 

 

 

Also you may think it's romantic to lay next to a man in bed with no sex. It's not for men. They get sexually aroused and it's painful and frustrating to get no sexual relieve. All you're doing is playing with fire and you'll end up having sex when you're not ready and build resentment.

[BaileyB]

I agree, if you are not ready to have sex then send him home at the end of the night. Why you have allowed him to sleep on your couch every night for the past month is beyond me... You are not dating this man at this point, you are roommates.

 

And, I don’t think it’s fair to the man to invite him to your bed to sleep over and cuddle. Juat send him home.

Edited July 20, 2018 by BaileyB

[coolheadal]

I am religious but if I am in a long term relationship I am fine with not waiting. In the meantime I do not mind cuddling in bed at night when staying over. I am going to ask him on his viewpoint on this.

 

I am going to ask him if he doesn't believe unmarried couples should sleep in the same bed. Though if he does believe this than why even stay over after just knowing each other for a month? Wouldn't he just go home then and sleep in his own bed until we are married? Good question for me to ask him.

 

I do not hog the bed, kick or snore. I do have two cats that share the bed with me and even will when I sleep on the couch. He isn't allergic to cats either. During the weekends I have slept on the couch with him. One time I was on the floor right next to the couch while he slept on the couch. My ex from 4 months ago had no problems sleeping on the couch all night cuddling or in the same bed with me even with the cats.

 

I have been to his place a couple of nights prior to the last couple weeks. We slept on the couch together after falling asleep watching tv.

 

He will stay overnight and then go home to get ready for work. It has been this the last couple of weeks except for one night when I worked overtime. Which I worked until 9 pm. He didn't come over that night and stayed at his own place. I usually leave for work just after 7 am during the week. He has been staying on weeknights and weekends the last couple of weeks.

 

He is not homeless and I have invited him to join me in bed but I do not really get a response.

 

You just want a sleeping partner without any strings. This what you described to us surely states this. You have all the cuddling you want from your two cats in your bed. If you want a man in your bed you need to kick your cats out of it. If have seen that I wouldn't want to sleep on that bed. I have no problem with cats I've owned them prior but pets needs to be out of the bed you sleep in. You have all the cuddling you want from your two cats and they sure love you for it. He and you are just like room mates and non-sleeping partners. What a combination you have there going on you put up with it because that's pretty much what you really want. He just goes along with it as well. The cats rule in your bed and he's just sleeping on your couch and now your want to confront him about it after so many weeks. My dear get a grip on yourself and lifestyle, your not going to change this is who you are.

[kendahke]

In the meantime I do not mind cuddling in bed at night when staying over.

 

Cuddle your cats.

 

I started talking to a guy on Bumble on June 14th.

 

I wouldn't be cuddling any grown man I've barely known 4 weeks in my bed that I have no intention of having sex with. I mean, what's the point? It's a colossal waste of time. If he's in my bed, we're going to be having sex--or he can go hone and sleep in his own bed.

[wantsSomethingReal]

I ended up talking to him about it and he said it is because he can't fall asleep without a TV on and that he has insomnia. I always have to sleep with a fan on to have some short of white noise in the bedroom. Wouldn't that be able to make for a good substitute for the TV at least as we are getting to know each other? Do you think it is genuine of him if he has those problems to stay over this early in the relationship?

[coolheadal]

I ended up talking to him about it and he said it is because he can't fall asleep without a TV on and that he has insomnia. I always have to sleep with a fan on to have some short of white noise in the bedroom. Wouldn't that be able to make for a good substitute for the TV at least as we are getting to know each other? Do you think it is genuine of him if he has those problems to stay over this early in the relationship?

 

Insomnia! You have cats in the bed, they need to come out of the bed that's very unhealthy for one. Second you going to have to have the TV on while you sleep. You have to make so he can fall asleep with you otherwise your life will be like it is the cats in the bed with you only and he's on the couch with the TV on..