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Asked a girl out, she says maybe but then mentions us maybe going out?


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bit of background info. I started talking to this co worker of mine a few months ago. We clicked pretty well and both admitted we felt like there was something there. She told me she liked me, and that I liked her, but I had just gotten out of a relationship with my current ex, and I didn't wanna jump back into anything before I had that situation under control. She understood and thanked me for considering her feelings. And I told her I would love to see where things went with us once my ex was out of the picture. She seemed all for it, and told me it happens when it happens. Well, a few days after that, she was being weird with me. I asked her whatsw up and she said after thinking about it, we should just be friends because she didn't feel like she needed a boyfriend in her life at the moment. I took it well and figured we could just be friends. Although a majority of the past 2 months since we've been friends, I've gotten a lot of mixed signals from her. Like play fighting, her playing with her hair when she spoke to me sometimes. Sometimes I'd catch her looking my way, stuff like that. I pretty much just brushed everything to the side. Now, fast forward to today. She was telling me how only old men check her out at work. I told her that wasn't the case, and there are young guys at work that check her out. She asked who and every time I named someone, she would find faults in them and continue to ask me who else found her attractive. I had this weird feeling that she was waiting for me to name myself, but I didn't. I eventually just said I didn't know anyone else. Her response was that she's still single with a shrugging gesture. I told her that if she wanted, we can go out on a date. She smiled at me and said "yeah maybe." I took that as a no at first, but then as I was leaving, she said, "Well maybe we can go get ice cream before I leave for vacation on Saturday." I told her I'd let her know when I'd be free and she said ok and we went our separate ways. I texted her about 4 hours later and asked her if she would be free to meet tomorrow. That was yesterday. I still haven't gotten a response from her. But she was Snapchatting me this morning about random stuff with no mention of going out tonight. So what do you guys think?

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Listen when they say maybe or they'll think about it? That means they're not keen on going out with you until something else better comes around. I wouldn't count your fingers just yet. You best look for someone else to go out with.

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That's basically what I was thinking. At first I though get she was trying to go out because she brought up going for ice cream before we parted. But when she didn't respond to my text, I kinda figured she was just blowing it off.

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Lotsgoingon

I hate to break the bad news to you ...

 

Ambivalence is a no. People who really want to date you do NOT send mixed messages.

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Yeah. I just wish she could've just told me no. What's the point of saying maybe if you really wanna say no? I mean, I can take the hint but still, just seems messed up.

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Girl's opinion: This is what is playing in her head. Even tho you were honest with her about getting over your ex....that made her feel she wasn't attractive to you enough, and felt let down. So to save face she tells you she didn't need a BF anyways. She's been fishing to see how attracted you are to her, by throwing those comments about how guys are checking her out and crap. You haven't responded the way she had hoped, and again felt let down. She was hoping you would tell her how beautiful she is, or show some jealousy, etc....but you didn't. You plainly said if she wants to you can go out on a date...like really? How lame...sounds like you felt sorry for her. She had to make a suggestion because you didn't jump at the chance to ask her out then and there....it was a "let me check my schedule" again a let down. You have been nothing but lukewarm, so she isn't going to put herself out there as really interested. I think this whole time she's playing a little hard to get to see how you show her how much value she has to you. She has that expectation. She wants a guy that shows he's really interested in her. Maybe she's not right for you.

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Well I texted her yesterday and asked her if she wanted to go out tonight. And she ignored it. Then she snapchats me like I never asked and when I compliment her, she doesn't respond. So it doesn't make sense to me. She knows I'm into her but she shot me down first. So it's a bit hard for me to just ask her out when she says, "Let's just be friends."

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When people ignore you if you ask them out, I think they means they don’t want to go out with you. I think, anyway.

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TheFinalWord

If she is ignoring your dating requests, then you need to tell her you don't want to just be friends. If she says that's all she has to offer, I would just tell her to contact you if she changes her mind, but that's what you want. Tell her you find her attractive and want to take her out, but you don't want to be just friends. If she has any sense of honor, and really only wants friendship, she'll back off. But it's going to also take you being true to your word and not snap chatting her anymore unless she goes out with you.

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It's just weird guys. I mean, before I asked her out, she invited me to her birthday dinner with her close friends and family. I was the only co worker there and I was the newest person to everyone at that table. We've only been friends for like, a couple of months. Her step dad even told me her mom wanted to meet me! Like, what's going on?? I was thinking about when I see her next time which won't be for a little over a week, that I'd pretend like I never texted her, and ask her out one more time in person so I can get a yes or a no answer. Just so I can be absolutely sure. What do you think?

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Lotsgoingon

Dude, let's clear up something.

 

There is no "to be absolutely sure" when it comes to romance and dating.

 

No such thing.

 

Romance involves the risk of showing your feelings, showing and telling someone that you're interested in them ... and the chance they are not interested in us. Indeed the anxiety around rejection or disinterest is part of the fun and thrill, like getting on that gigantic roller coaster for the first time.

 

Smackie gave you what I thought was a brilliant answer and perspective ... Others have also weighed in.

 

Bottom line: if you like her, then ask her out after work ... or at work and lunch is even passable ... If you don't like her, don't ask her out.

 

Go for what you want. You may not get it ...

 

But if you don't go for what you want, you are almost guaranteed not to get it.

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What I meant by "absolutely sure" was to confirm whether or not she's interested. I just don't wanna look like a desperate loser that can't take a hint. But then again, I guess there isn't anyway to ask her out again without looking like that.

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Lotsgoingon

And what I mean is that you can never be absolutely sure that someone is interested--unless they directly tell you.

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mortensorchid

She's not that interested. I would say yes to someone I wanted to see. She's staying in the dark because she's waffling, either because she's afraid or because she's not that into you. Move on.

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Versacehottie

Well a few weeks back you were sending mixed signals to her and put her on pause--i would just say she is reacting to that and now feels mixed signals of her own and a bit of putting you on hold/pause. I think she's interested but not trying to make herself look desperate and perhaps is truly conflicted herself now.

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Ok this is what you do, just say “Hey Let’s go grab a drink after work”. Being spontaneous gets you the best results.

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Well she actually texted me last night and asked me out for ice cream tonight. I responded positively to let her know I'm interested. And she reciprocated. I'm assuming it's a date. But I'll just feel it out as we go along.

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This girl sounds like a whole lot of drama and games...

 

I hope she is worth the effort and games man

 

Good luck

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Well we went out. It was a lot of fun. She met me there, so at first I didn't thinkit was anything special. But throughout the 2 hours we spent together, I had her laughing a lot and she kept like, play hitting me and joking with me. She was talking to me about things and asking me questions to keep the conversation going. She didn't even look at her phone. It basically felt like a date. When we were going to our cars, she hugged me and thanked me for a good time out. Before I left, I turned around and asked her, "So.... Was this the date?" I said it in a way that didn't make it sound weird. But she laughed and smiled at me and in a playful tone she said, "I dunno. I'll let you know". Afterwards, we snap chatted a little bit before she went to bed, and that was that. Even though she didn't say whether or not it was a date, I'mma still call it a date.

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I'm going to call it more games. It seems like she wants to mess with you and play games. you think it's cute because you like her but she is playing games and stringing you along. She wants to be the dominant one and have you guessing and being submissive.

 

Not very manly at all...

 

Personally I would not be bothered with a woman like this as there will be a whole lot of drama.\ coming your way whether you ever "date" her or not.

 

Move on to a woman who actually shows she likes you and is not going to pay games. It will be much more fun. believe me

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How old is this gal? I'm with Smackie - I think she really does like you. Keep us posted on how it goes.

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Well we went out. It was a lot of fun. She met me there, so at first I didn't thinkit was anything special. But throughout the 2 hours we spent together, I had her laughing a lot and she kept like, play hitting me and joking with me. She was talking to me about things and asking me questions to keep the conversation going. She didn't even look at her phone. It basically felt like a date. When we were going to our cars, she hugged me and thanked me for a good time out. Before I left, I turned around and asked her, "So.... Was this the date?" I said it in a way that didn't make it sound weird. But she laughed and smiled at me and in a playful tone she said, "I dunno. I'll let you know". Afterwards, we snap chatted a little bit before she went to bed, and that was that. Even though she didn't say whether or not it was a date, I'mma still call it a date.

 

This so call date was just to friends hanging out. A date would be more romantic setting. This was just two buddies laughing at each other. The only good sign in this that she didn't look at her cell phone, because if she did that would be more important to her than your so called date or just hangout which is was. Did you pay or did she offer to pay or did you go dutch? Either way she gaming girl. You are under her control. Enjoy the ride don't pay for anything expensive because you shouldn't buy love and affection that way!

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You need to learn to be more aggressive with women. I know you're at work, but next time she complains about only old men checking her out, tell her you can't help but stare at that amazing ass as she walks by. Or if her ass is terrible find some other feature you like. And keep eye contact with her the entire time you say that.

 

If you don't start injecting your desire for sex with her, not your desire to take her out for ice cream, into your interactions this is going nowhere.

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