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Boyfriend got invited to a housewarming and didn’t mention it to me


ShaneMcCaw

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My boyfriend and i have been together for about 4 months. When i met him he was kind of seeing someone but trying to be with her wasn’t working.. he left her ... pursued me... and we’ve been together ever since. In the beginning of our relationship i had a problem with this particular girl because they were telling each other they missed one another. I eventually talked to him about that/got over it moved on and here we are.

I recently found out she moved and was having a house warming that she invited my boyfriend to. My boyfriend is going but he hasn’t mentioned it to me nor has he asked me would i like to go. So, i brought it up to him and his response was “well she verbally invited me . I asked her the details because she didn’t give me a proper invitation he told me he asked her when she was having it and what day etc..... I’m not staying but i will go”

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My boyfriend and i have been together for about 4 months. When i met him he was kind of seeing someone but trying to be with her wasn’t working.. he left her ... pursued me... and we’ve been together ever since. In the beginning of our relationship i had a problem with this particular girl because they were telling each other they missed one another. I eventually talked to him about that/got over it moved on and here we are.

I recently found out she moved and was having a house warming that she invited my boyfriend to. My boyfriend is going but he hasn’t mentioned it to me nor has he asked me would i like to go. So, i brought it up to him and his response was “well she verbally invited me . I asked her the details because she didn’t give me a proper invitation he told me he asked her when she was having it and what day etc..... I’m not staying but i will go”

 

Shane I don't understand this sentence, could you explain it or rewrite what you mean then I will give an answer.

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Shane I don't understand this sentence, could you explain it or rewrite what you mean then I will give an answer.

 

He told me he ran into her they caught up on each other’s lives she said she was moving. He told me he asked her about her place and she said she was going to have a house warming and that’s when he told me he asked her the details of the party “when,what day,what date”

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I didn’t find out he got invited through him. I work with one of her friends she was talking about it the other day and she told me my boyfriend was sort of invited. And i asked her how did she know ,she told me my boyfriend asked her was she coming and he told her he was but he wasn’t staying the entire time

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Tell him not to go as he shouldn't go without you. If he does go then you drop him. He still has feelings for her and just looking for excuse to get back with her with such an invite opening as a House warming..

 

Wonder if he did sneak and gone you should go and be the house warming bust and say see there you are caught red handed and mud in you face. "Note this is just option but you might not be welcome with her calling the shots and thus you might see the real side of him.

 

Also for you to hear all of this from a 3rd source isn't good either! Like he doesn't want you to find out what his plans are. Cautious with this guy okay!

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Tell him not to go as he shouldn't go without you. If he does go then you drop him. He still has feelings for her and just looking for excuse to get back with her with such an invite opening as a House warming..

 

Wonder if he did sneak and gone you should go and be the house warming bust and say see there you are caught red handed and mud in you face. "Note this is just option but you might not be welcome with her calling the shots and thus you might see the real side of him.

 

Also for you to hear all of this from a 3rd source isn't good either! Like he doesn't want you to find out what his plans are. Cautious with this guy okay!

 

 

 

Apart of me is saying “it’s just a housewarming and i know a few of his friends will be there” what could he do but, him going serves no purpose

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He did not get an official invitation, he got a 'courtesy' invitation just because she ran into him. In other words she invited him just to be polite. He can go to be polite or he can just not go and she won't even notice he's not there.

 

 

 

At 4 months dating I would not expect my bf to drag me into all of his social gathering. Because of the way your relationship started I'd appreciate my bf not to go but you cannot 'demand' he not go, he needs gain that maturity himself. At 4 months dating just stay back and observe, if he is not being the boyfriend you'd hope then you know what to do.

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His motives are obvious, otherwise there would be no reason for him to be so secretive about it.

 

Right, but i wonder was he eventually going to tell me

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Right, but i wonder was he eventually going to tell me

 

No he wasn't going to tell you because doing so would make you to fight! He really doesn't have to tell you anything you know. If he was honest about it he should have told you up front but like most of men we don't want you to know our hidden agenda. No matter how he was invited he was going and that's that! Looks like with or without you more without than with..

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My boyfriend and i have been together for about 4 months. When i met him he was kind of seeing someone but trying to be with her wasn’t working.. he left her ... pursued me... and we’ve been together ever since. In the beginning of our relationship i had a problem with this particular girl because they were telling each other they missed one another. I eventually talked to him about that/got over it moved on and here we are.

 

 

You can never expect too much out of a man that pursuit you while in a relationship and then kept in contact with the ex. I think you know if he did it to her he has it in him to do it to you.

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When i met him he was kind of seeing someone but trying to be with her wasn’t working.. he left her ... pursued me... and we’ve been together ever since. In the beginning of our relationship they were telling each other they missed one another. I eventually talked to him about that/got over it moved on and here we are.

 

I've not news for you OP: he didn't move on from it like he told you. He just lulled you into a stupor.

 

You basically got with a guy who was still emotionally involved with someone and that's called "being a rebound". Now that you're 4 months in--and square in the middle of when "on their best behavior" representatives have been dismissed and the "real you/real him" have come to the fore--he's showing you that the real him misses her, misses being around her and will inject himself into her invitation without giving you a second though.

 

They're not done with one another. That's why you're not going to be invited.

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He did not get an official invitation, he got a 'courtesy' invitation just because she ran into him. In other words she invited him just to be polite. He can go to be polite or he can just not go and she won't even notice he's not there.

 

 

 

At 4 months dating I would not expect my bf to drag me into all of his social gathering. Because of the way your relationship started I'd appreciate my bf not to go but you cannot 'demand' he not go, he needs gain that maturity himself. At 4 months dating just stay back and observe, if he is not being the boyfriend you'd hope then you know what to do.

 

 

Yeah but if she invited him without giving him the details.. then he asked the date/time/etc.... he was preparing to go or trying to figure out was he free... and the fact that he asked someone else were they going ...

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You can never expect too much out of a man that pursuit you while in a relationship and then kept in contact with the ex. I think you know if he did it to her he has it in him to do it to you.

 

They weren’t together exclusive he pursued her for about half of a year but he mentioned how he never really got to be her boyfriend because she had too much going on in her life he felt she wasn’t ready for a relationship (the type of relationship he wanted)

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I mean, clearly he'd drop you like a hot potato for this woman. He still holds hope things will work out with her. She's invited him to something, so maybe she only likes him as a friend, but certainly no way of knowing. She may wish he'd change, and he may wish she would. Either way, there's still involvement. If he is going to this, I say this frees you up to date if you want. He isn't all there with you by any means.

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Yeah but if she invited him without giving him the details.. then he asked the date/time/etc.... he was preparing to go or trying to figure out was he free... and the fact that he asked someone else were they going ...

 

He's not over her don't listen to his lies. Stop and think? Why would he bother to go and why would he bother to get the date and time. Now your saying he's taking someone else with him. Come on now, do you think that's the right thing to do?

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They weren’t together exclusive he pursued her for about half of a year but he mentioned how he never really got to be her boyfriend because she had too much going on in her life he felt she wasn’t ready for a relationship (the type of relationship he wanted)

 

 

To pursue someone for half a year he must have liked her very much. On top of that because they never dated he's left with the 'what if' and those 'what if' are very powerful. He could not have her so you were his second choice. The fact he kept in touch with her and told her he missed her really does support you were his plan B.

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Sounds to me she has friend zoned him, and he is still crushing on her. She isn't the threat here.

 

 

IMO I would never keep dating someone that was still messaging his crush. You had your warning. This is just what's going to keep happening. Now he was trying to keep it a secret from you...epic fail.

 

 

I know it's only 4 months in, but first impressions count. It's not looking good.

Edited by smackie9
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Sounds to me she has friend zoned him, and he is still crushing on her. She isn't the threat here.

 

 

IMO I would never keep dating someone that was still messaging his crush. You had your warning. This is just what's going to keep happening. Now he was trying to keep it a secret from you...epic fail.

 

 

I know it's only 4 months in, but first impressions count. It's not looking good.

 

Not sure about that he ended , but both of them kept in contact

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He's not over her don't listen to his lies. Stop and think? Why would he bother to go and why would he bother to get the date and time. Now your saying he's taking someone else with him. Come on now, do you think that's the right thing to do?

 

No I’m agreeing with you he wouldn’t have asked the details unless he planned to go

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I mean, clearly he'd drop you like a hot potato for this woman. He still holds hope things will work out with her. She's invited him to something, so maybe she only likes him as a friend, but certainly no way of knowing. She may wish he'd change, and he may wish she would. Either way, there's still involvement. If he is going to this, I say this frees you up to date if you want. He isn't all there with you by any means.

 

Thanks for reading and answering. It’s not the point she invited him just the fact he seemed eager to go even with saying he wasn’t planning on staying

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I would be incredibly uncomfortable if my new BF went to his crush's housewarming party without me. He either likes you enough to bring you as his guest or he's keeping his options open with her.

 

I'd sit back, let him hang himself then walk away.

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Okay your bf wanted this girl and pursued her for 6 months. He obviously cared a great deal for her to pursue that long. She rejected his offers and it crushed his ego. Those are the events that push a person into obsession. I imagine he wants to go to the HW party looking his best, to see if this girl has changed her mind about him. Not that he would leave you right away, but that would spell trouble for your relationship if she is now interested. He was not going to tell you about this event because he wanted to go alone and also he knows this would create an argument. He is wrong to go because it doesn't sound like they were/are friends. If they were friends he would have told you and her that you were coming.

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bathtub-row

You don’t have a problem with this girl, you have a problem with your bf who was telling her he missed her while he was dating you. Not sure why you chose to ignore that and continue seeing him. This is the result of ignoring red flags.

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