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using different pics to what you actually look like


LeaGreenLad88

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LeaGreenLad88

Right I'll try keep this brief as possible.. But basicallyI have been chatting to a girl from tinder for the past 2 weeks or so...maybe a bit more...numbers exchanged and snap chat etc... We usually txt tho. Never snap chat..

 

Anyway.... she has finally tonight sent me some pics of her which have been unfiltered and not air brushed. And to put it politely she looks so different and a lot bigger than Tinder pics. Now I know this isn't a new phenomenon. I get obv maybe tweaking a pic here and there for a dating site.. But I am not exaggerating when I say it kinda looks like a different person from her previous pics.

 

I don't want to seem like an ass, she comes over as a lovely, friendly and out going young lady (slightly younger than me). And seems really keen to meet me soon, as am I.. But as much as I am trying to see past the fact she's basically given me a false smokescreen of what she looks like. It is really bugging me.. I know how this looks, and makes me look so shallow. But it has been done to me before ...again on tinder 2 years ago.

 

And I know you might think I sound small minded, and shallow...I'm neither of those two things, rest assured.. But the level of attraction has some what lowered. Not just because if the pics, but also because she's kind of lied about how she looks..Ok maybe she isn't confident etc.. But it's really put me in a bit of a predicament..

 

I mean I think I should probably still do the honourable thing, go meet her soon and see how it goes. But having had a date with somebody in the past who has used either really old or photoshopped/filtered pics, I'm a bit sceptical. I Guess may be I need to be less uptight and just see what happens...I don't know..

 

What do u guys think?? I swear I'm not exaggerating for effect, the pictures could easily be confused as 2 different people. I don't want to bring it up to her as id be mortified if I really offended her... Be nice to see a woman's POV on this too.. I am not the best looking guy in my opinion but I have never really struggled to attract women if that makes sense..Maybe as much to do with my personality too..

 

Please don't shoot me down too bad. I guarantee a lot of you guys/girls would be equally as bemused in this position lol.

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Yeah a guy just did this with me on a dating site. His pictures on Tinder were easily 10+ years ago--when he showed up, he looked like Shreck.

 

I make totally sure that any picture I use was taken within the past 6 months and I expect for others to do the same. I"m not expecting a man in his late 50's/early 60's to look like they did in 1985, but to roll up looking easily 30 lbs heavier than in his pictures (not to mention he was dressed like a bum, which told me everything I needed to know about his interest) is completely beyond the pale. (He's the one who got dismissed by the time I got to my car)

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Just the price of doing business. But that's why you shouldn't waste two weeks chatting before a meet. I learned that lesson the hard way, albeit it differently than you. Matched a woman on Bumble. Funny. Charming. Interesting. Got digits...texted a couple days. Then I had to go out of twon for 6 or 7 days so I called her. Her voice was like butta. We would talk for hours. It was amazing.

 

When I got back in town, we were ready to meet and it was clear that it was highly likely we were going to have sex that night...way too much chemistry. I go to her place (I know) and pick her up. She's cute, maybe not as cute as she appeared but still a cute little redhead like I expected. We go out, have an amazing time. Take her back to her place and, yeah, things escalated. Afterward, as I was getting ready to leave at 4 in the morning (her mother was showing up at her place in the morning), she turned on a light and when I went to kiss her, I realized she looked EXACTLY like my sister.

 

That's when I learned - don't escalate the intellectual and emotional connection independent of the physical connection anymore than escalating the psychical absent the emotional.

 

So don't spend two weeks chatting, least of all on Tinder.

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I had a very brief experience with OLD. I remember showing up on a first meet, and the guy had to go out of his way to tell me I looked exactly the same as my pictures.

 

I never understand why people would misrepresent their looks like that. I wouldn’t meet her.

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You are not narrow minded she is. She seems to think this is the way to find a BF by baiting the hook with altered photos. Now mind you she forwarded the real photos rather than have you show up at a date to find out.

 

 

 

I get it, most people on there have higher expectations, BUT you are attracted to what you are attracted to, and you attract is what you attract.

 

 

 

You shouldn't feel guilty for saying "No Thanks" You are right this is a matter of principal. I hate dishonest people too. And yes the insecurity leads to other issues down the road like jealousy, looking through your phone, and questioning every girl that likes a pic on your social media.

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You are absolutely not small minded or shallow.

 

 

These women are dishonest and then they cry because they don't understand why they get rejections after rejections. It's not because of their body, it's because they misrepresent themselves. If they'd showed themselves as they are they would still get attention from men, men who enjoy their body type.

 

 

 

I also got told often during 1st meeting how I was exactly like my pictures. It tells you how men are often fooled with inaccurate pictures. I always had head to toe pictures that were no more than 2 months old.

 

 

 

Men lie too and more often about their age and height. A lot of adults still have a lot of maturing and growing up to do.

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I'd say the majority of girls I've met from online dating look significantly different from their pictures. One was the difference between almost too skinny and being obese.

 

I don't mind people using photos that are a few years old, provided they're still a good approximation of what that person looks like now.

 

This is why after doing online dating for a while, you'll want to skip most of the initial chit-chat and meet up as soon as is convenient.

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I will never understand why people do this either. I would be petrified to meet the guy that I'm talking to, knowing that I look nothing like the pictures he has seen. It's hard enough being confident (at least for me) in what you look like, why make it harder? Every guy I met from OLD was happy when they met me in person because there weren't any surprises. I can't say the same for myself unfortunately, men can be just as bad when it comes to height and weight.

 

 

 

These days with all of the filters on our phones/apps, it is easy to look like a different person, it's scary! I've seen people who I know in real life posting pictures on IG and they look nothing like themselves.. I don't get it??

 

 

OP, I don't think you're a bad guy at all. I wouldn't meet with her, once you're turned off it's hard to get that interest back. She's a liar and doesn't look like the person you were interested in.

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Lol, this post is actually funny because most women i know use filters to take the place of makeup... i don’t know too many women that use old photos

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Lol, this post is actually funny because most women i know use filters to take the place of makeup... i don’t know too many women that use old photos

 

 

When I got my new galaxy I took a selfie with my daughter and I was furious the phone had erased my freckles !! I even went back to the store and told them to fix it! She showed me the phone has a *beauty* option you can push to maximum or minimum. At minimum I recognized myself and my freckles, at maximum I looked 20 years younger. Even the industry wants us to fake who we are!

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I met a woman back in 2016 found out she was 20 years older than me. Ouch! She had also lied about drugs, drinking, smoking, everything. Why lie, she said because it was fun too do so..

 

Just my own experiences with all these sorts OLD they all lie to some extent. You get what you ask for and what you do get you're not going to be happy with the results.

Edited by coolheadal
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Two things:

The way we see ourselves isn't always how others see us, and sometimes people tweak photos to show how they think of themselves.

 

Also, photos, even extra-realistic ones, do not always fairly represent a person. Photos always make a person look fatter, for instance. Video does not. Some people photograph badly. If their face is assymetric, you might not even notice in person, but they may look like a beast in photos. Noses look bigger in photos. Photos are imperfect.

 

Do a video chat with her. If the difference is minor, just go out with her. What if she has the best personality for you and you miss getting to know her? There are SO many people who are beautiful in motion but awful in photos, so many.

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Two things:

The way we see ourselves isn't always how others see us, and sometimes people tweak photos to show how they think of themselves.

 

Also, photos, even extra-realistic ones, do not always fairly represent a person. Photos always make a person look fatter, for instance. Video does not. Some people photograph badly. If their face is assymetric, you might not even notice in person, but they may look like a beast in photos. Noses look bigger in photos. Photos are imperfect.

 

Do a video chat with her. If the difference is minor, just go out with her. What if she has the best personality for you and you miss getting to know her? There are SO many people who are beautiful in motion but awful in photos, so many.

 

 

I so agree with you. I have a friend who's a very pretty woman but on photo she looks horrible! She has a diamond shaped face and it creates shadows on the lower part of her face. It's complicated to get a good picture of her. I'd say most men she met online commented how she was prettier in person.

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a number of years ago I met a woman thru OLD. She came to my place. I opened the door and she looked totally different than the pics she had up on her profile. She was about 10 years older and 50 to 60 pounds heavier in real life.

 

I confronted her by saying "you look different than in your profile pics, what's up?" Her answer was "well...when I post my current pics I don't get any responses"

 

:rolleyes:

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a number of years ago I met a woman thru OLD. She came to my place. I opened the door and she looked totally different than the pics she had up on her profile. She was about 10 years older and 50 to 60 pounds heavier in real life.

 

I confronted her by saying "you look different than in your profile pics, what's up?" Her answer was "well...when I post my current pics I don't get any responses"

 

:rolleyes:

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

 

this is why I suggest doing face time FIRST before wasting your time going out on a date.

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I don’t understand why people do this. This is why it’s best to meet asap after chatting and to plan the first date as a brief meet n greet. So if they have totally misrepresented themselves you have little time wasted

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I'm going to take a different tact . .

 

Are you still attracted to the person in the 2nd set of pictures? Seriously, pretend you never saw the 1st picture. If all you had to go on was the new pictures, would you still message, swipe right or whatever? If so, keep the deception in the back of your mind but meet.

 

 

If no, then just don't bother. You already know she's dishonest. Granted she may be fooling herself but why bother when it's already too negative?

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Cookiesandough

I would just be honest with her and tell her that her that she looks nothing like her pics and you feel deceived. I feel like maybe people who do this need to this need to be called out(but in a kind way) because a lot of people see it as harmless, when in fact you're wasting a person's time. Next time someone might not be so kind. If you're not willing to call it out, I understand, but next time I definitely wouldn't spend so much time before meeting up unless that is a necessity for you

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I'veseenbetterlol
I met a woman back in 2016 found out she was 20 years older than me. Ouch! She had also lied about drugs, drinking, smoking, everything. Why lie, she said because it was fun too do so..

 

Just my own experiences with all these sorts OLD they all lie to some extent. You get what you ask for and what you do get you're not going to be happy with the results.

 

I met a guy who put someone else's pic on his profile, not even the same race! Not all people online lie, my pics were accurate and unaltered.

 

You aren't shallow, I would be upset if someone lied about anything on their profile.

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Yeah I don't think that's being shallow at all. She was a bit shady in putting a photo of herself that obviously looks different to what she looks like in reality NOW. That's reminds me of seeing some OLD pics in which the person puts photos of themselves 5-10 years ago.

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OatsAndHall
To avoid this from happening again, insist on skyping with them.

 

 

 

 

I use Marco Polo and Facetime whenever possible as I have been burned in the past. I try not to be too judgmental but it is certainly disappointing when you go out with a person and they're unrecognizable in person. Those filters will absolutely take 10-15 years off of someone's face; I went out on one date with a woman and thought to myself, "Wow, she looks awful young to be in her late 30's." I didn't even recognize her when we met up.

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I use Marco Polo and Facetime whenever possible as I have been burned in the past. I try not to be too judgmental but it is certainly disappointing when you go out with a person and they're unrecognizable in person. Those filters will absolutely take 10-15 years off of someone's face; I went out on one date with a woman and thought to myself, "Wow, she looks awful young to be in her late 30's." I didn't even recognize her when we met up.
Sure, any video app will work. I was using 'skyping' in the lazy, generic sense.
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One of the many reasons online dating is annoying. If a woman is misleading about her weight, or a guy lies about his height, etc. prospective dates are soon going to find out! What is the point of misleading when you're ultimately going to have to see them in person? I really don't get it.

 

PS - I will never do the text/email thing with a woman I have not met in person. Nope. I want to meet first thing, then decide if I want to talk to this person on a daily basis.

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Eternal Sunshine

I think it's pretty obvious when photo is heavily filtered. Face looks kind of blurry and without a single blemish. When friends post pics like that on social media, I can tell from miles away. Some older men do it on OLD, again super obvious.

 

 

Angles and weight are trickier to tell.

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