clueless_4ever Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I dated this guy I met on OkCupid for a month. Like many people's stories, he was all over me the first week and slowly faded out. I've tried to re-establish communication but nothing. So I'm not trying to get back with him. I'm trying to use this as a learning experience. Let me know if I did something to scare him off? Before we met: he would text all day and conversation would flow easily. He even told his parents and coworkers he was going on a date with me. He was very sweet and genuine. He would always text good morning and good night. First date: he accidentally said he loved me but we both laughed it off. We had an amazing date. After this, things were great. We talked on the phone for 3 hours. We got intimate on the second date and things are still going really well. He would plan the next date before the current one ended. All of our dates lasted over 6 hours. My friends actually said he seemed clingy. Later on, his texts got less frequent. He would leave me on read. I'd text him good morning and no reply. Even when I texted him about meeting up, he'd leave me on read. In the beginning, he told me we could go to the amusement park with his friends but they cancelled and ended up doing something else. Later on, my friends were planning to go to that same park so I invited him and he didn't respond. Something in my gut told me he was pulling a slow fade and I don't know if I self-sabotaged it. There was a time I had to study for exams so I didn't text him. So I texted that I was busy studying but I missed him. He replied the next day asking how my day was. I don't know if it was too much to say that I missed him. We continued going on dates. When we were together, he was amazing. When we were apart, he was so distant and not texting as much anymore. He wouldn't hold up his end of the conversation. So I felt things were over but I called him one day and we actually made plans to meet up. He invited me to his place and I met his dad we got along really well. After I went to his place, I didn't really hear from him again. I posted on my snapchat story having dinner with a male coworker who was a friend. So I told him, the guy this post is about, that I like him and I'm just having dinner with a platonic coworker and didn't want him to get the wrong idea cause I wanted to see where this goes. He replied I could have dinner with whoever I want. Since then, I tried to re-establish communications by sending a light funny snapchat he could reply to but no reply. Overall, I felt him distancing away. I know I should've given space too when he did that. He would text less and he wasn't holding his end of the conversation. He stopped making plans so I started to ask him. Was I coming on too strong? Or is this a case where someone loses interest and there's nothing I could've done about it? Am I pursuing too much? I am the type of girl that goes after what she wants and is direct. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 Am I pursuing too much? I am the type of girl that goes after what she wants and is direct. Yes. He doesn't sound like he's instigating anything without a prompt from you. You might want to just stop texting him to see if he'll arse himself to contact you. Perhaps he's gone as far as he intends upon going with you? Only time will tell. I'd bait the hook and drop it back in the water, unless you've got time to waste waiting on him to come around. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 You are correct that is is pulling the slow fade. Like a lot of guys they are hot at first and then after sex a few times they cool off and look for a new experience. He never said he missed you back when you sent that message. Yes you should have pulled back also when he did. However, you said you are a girl who goes after what you want so I don't want to encourage you not to be yourself. There is a guy out there who doesn't mind a bold woman. This guy is definitely pulling away. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 He's not that into you and most likely filled his dance card somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 He is not interested anymore OP, but I don't think it's because you came on too strongly while you were still seeing each other. Perhaps he met someone else or saw some incompatibilities he didn't bother to share. You're pushing it too much now, yes, but he was fading out anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 He's not interested in you anymore for whatever reason. Maybe he's seeing other women, maybe he doesn't want to commit, etc. But whatever the reason is, I learned, that you, as a woman, have to let go of certain things and start acting like a man sometimes. That is, recognize that sometimes it's just an encounter or whatever else (even though it lasted more than one encounter). Think Daniel Craig as James Bond - cold, hard, made of solid steel. Nothing can touch you, nothing can hurt you, you're not afraid. And whatever the case may be, it's his loss not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I would lose interest if a girl said she was seeing other guys. A lot of people act all great in the beginning then a short time later bAm Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I don't think you came on too strong; things started off quite well and you just tried to continue the pattern of communication. He's either pulling away slowly, seeing other women or both. A punk move, either way but try not to take it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 having dinner with a coworker is a pretty big mistake if you are that far into dating someone and like the other guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Posting a Snapchat of having dinner with another guy is the perfect way to run men off. No guy is going to like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I'm not sure you did anything wrong either, other than maybe refrain from posting anything that alludes to you dating other men. You state this guy is strictly platonic, but we see enough stories here at LS about orbiters, flirty behavior, underlying attraction that it will be questionable what this other guy is about. Otherwise, it seems to me that you were maintaining the high level of contact and the expectations of seeing each other that he himself helped to establish, and you had no reason to believe anything was different. It's perfectly normal for communication to drop to a degree, so you try not to worry about it at first, but at some point you realize he's not initiating and enthusiasm drops. It takes awhile to accept the fact the slow fade/non-interest is happening. At this point, it's time to cut your losses. I've done the same thing, reaching out. I've asked if things are going okay or even if they're losing interest, and the response is always that things are crazy at work or home or something, and they'll even extend a date or make plans. Of course on the day of the date, something comes up or they're sick and they ultimately cancel. When things seem to be going so well, you want to communicate, even if they're having difficulties in life or something seems off...that's what a good relationship is, isn't it? Communication. Too much too soon? Who knows? At some point, you just have to drop the rope, and let them reach out to you. I've had a few reemerge after weeks, and if the relationship was super great, I'll give it another try, but the second time was just a repeat of the first...what can you do? You tried. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 Posting a Snapchat of having dinner with another guy is the perfect way to run men off. No guy is going to like that. You did do a bad with this, I am sorry to say. We all learn certain lessons with social media and if you DIDN'T want the man in question (let alone your SnapChat followers) to see you with this other guy over dinner no matter what the relationship may or may not be with the dinner man, why did you post it to begin with? I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
damni Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 (edited) Please do not get hung up on the snapchat thing, it seems from what you wrote that you had lost his interest way before then anyway. Welcome to the world of dating! for all you know he is not over an ex, is an commitphobe or was seeing anoher woman at the same time and decided to focus on her. What I have learnt is if a guy is into you, then you will never be unsure of his intentions. A man who is into you will not get scared off easily and will be in regular contact with you in between dates. You could have done nothing different to keep his interest, it just was not meant to be. Edited July 21, 2018 by damni 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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