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Why Do Guys Feel This is Ok?


Malin889

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I have been online dating on and off for a while now. A guy asked for my number and we’ve been texting for a couple weeks. Anyway last week we were joking and I made fun of him and he said “don’t tease me or I’ll spank you.” Which I found a huge turn off. I don’t even know this guy - haven’t even met him- and already he’s trying to talk dirty with me? God.

 

Anyway I ignored the comment, I didn’t text him again, then he texted me a couple times in the days following and after a couple days I texted him back, I was honest and said that comment was a big turn off. He apologized. We continued to text - him always initiating. Finally I asked him out because it had been a couple of weeks since the first text. He agrees and we are going out for breakfast this weekend.

 

Then we continue to text. He is in the medical field, and I mentioned I just moved and needed to find a new PCP, and he makes a joke about him being able to give me “free physicals”. Ew. I don’t even know this guy. That was yesterday. So I ignore him and do not respond. Then this morning he texts me good morning, we start talking, he mentions senses of humor again and says I’m funny but then says “I thought you were a serious person and didn’t because of the spanking comment.”

 

Why is he bringing that up AGAIN? I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, originally I was really looking forward to meeting him but now I just realized, even if he was “joking” or whatever, and he isn’t just looking for that one thing, our sense of humors don’t mesh. Why do guys feel it’s ok to talk this way to a woman they met online? Ugh. I give up.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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You have been texting with the guy for "a couple of weeks." That is far too long. A day or two then you meet. These long drawn out text exchanges are time wasters.

 

The guy was trying to be flirty. He was making sure that there would eventually be some romance / sex in here not just a platonic text buddy. You clearly don't enjoy early sexual banter so he's probably not your guy but here's the thing if you met him weeks ago this could have all been avoided.

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I wouldn’t have been joking. I spank every girl I date. I also say sexual things to them because I get horny

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What turns you off, may not be a turn off for someone else.

 

 

 

Just a tip: Don't do the benefit of a doubt...that's a waste of time and will discourage you more.

 

 

 

First impressions count, so if he can't be a gentleman during a simple conversation, just say "no thank you" and send him on his way. Pretty simple.

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That's his personality. It's only gonna get more prominent as you guys get to know each other more.

 

 

 

Once you guys have sex, forget it. It's gonna be non stop. "Can't wait to spank that bottom again!" (or something of that sort)

 

If it's a turn off, I'd probably think you guys are not a good match.

Edited by J21
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This guy was not interested in dating you, if he were he had met you 2 weeks ago. He's one of those time-waster that keeps you on chat and wants to dirty talk.

 

 

 

The spanking wouldn't have bothered me but the 'free physical' would have had me block him.

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Why do guys feel it’s ok to talk this way to a woman they met online? Ugh. I give up.

 

because some women don't mind it and perhaps that's what he's used to. Nothing wrong with that.

 

You're not. Nothing wrong with that--but you're not right for each other if he's turned you off, so why are you still dealing with him if he's got you recoiling this like?

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Ruby Slippers

98% of guys on dating sites bring up something sexual before you even meet. They do it because more and more women are open to casual sex these days, and they're hoping you're one of them.

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You have been texting with the guy for "a couple of weeks." That is far too long. A day or two then you meet. These long drawn out text exchanges are time wasters.

 

^^^^^100%

 

You've built an artificial construct around who you think he is because of all the time you've spent in your head about him instead of meeting him--in person--so you weren't constructing something that can't stand because it's not who he actually is.

 

The guy was trying to be flirty. He was making sure that there would eventually be some romance / sex in here not just a platonic text buddy. You clearly don't enjoy early sexual banter so he's probably not your guy but here's the thing if you met him weeks ago this could have all been avoided.

 

D0nnivain is spitting fire and truth...

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I also agree with donnivain.

 

Nobody and much less guys want a 'text buddy' nowadays. Or pen pal as we once called them.

 

I did came accross women in relationships, or what they said or claimed were the end of their relationships with their partner or hubby, willing to talk but to never ever meet. Okay, next one.

 

I realise people are looking for very different things online - IMO ''pen pal'' shouldn't be one of them.

 

You want hookups, try to make it clear

You want a serious relationship, make it clear too.

You want marriage and children, ditto - but you will scare off 90% of the OLD population. ;)

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98% of guys on dating sites bring up something sexual before you even meet. They do it because more and more women are open to casual sex these days, and they're hoping you're one of them.

 

98%- really? Yikes. Then again, I have gotten a few who say “non gentlemanly” things to me and I always block them. It’s time to block this guy.

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What turns you off, may not be a turn off for someone else.

 

 

 

Just a tip: Don't do the benefit of a doubt...that's a waste of time and will discourage you more.

 

 

 

First impressions count, so if he can't be a gentleman during a simple conversation, just say "no thank you" and send him on his way. Pretty simple.

 

Very good advice! He was telling me that a lot of older women get in touch with him online and he says they are all looking for sex (not sure how he knows this) and he is not into that. But then based on a few things he has said he obviously proves otherwise. He just asked me if I’m a good kisser. I’m done here. I’m canceling my account. Ick.

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Very good advice! He was telling me that a lot of older women get in touch with him online and he says they are all looking for sex (not sure how he knows this)

 

because they tell him. They're not trying to waste time being coy and coquettish.

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Very good advice! He was telling me that a lot of older women get in touch with him online and he says they are all looking for sex (not sure how he knows this) and he is not into that. But then based on a few things he has said he obviously proves otherwise. He just asked me if I’m a good kisser. I’m done here. I’m canceling my account. Ick.

 

 

There is no need to cancel your account, just block the players at their first infraction. I was online 3 years, I heard and saw everything, I didn't give up if I had I would not have met my bf, I simply blocked the weirdos as soon as they said something sexual. When I came online I came across many gentleman that didn't use sexual suggestions.

 

 

 

When I was online I HATED with a passion men that contacted me with *sweety, honey and beautiful*. If we had met in real life they wouldn't have addressed me with these. They said they do it because women like it, I was quick to tell them to go back to these women I belong to different category of women....then I blocked.

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The guy your texting likes to tease and be spank. Are you sure you want to be spank as well. He could be a bit on kinky side as well. Can't be fooled by these strangers online the men are no better than the women. Also you been texting so long that you forget the most important thing about all of this? Who Are you texting too and what's his real story. Call him or you let him call you. But you need to speak to him so you can kinda get some sort of idea of who he is really. Text is cold and intensive as well. Everyone wants to text than talk and hear the real words of the mind. How can you stand this text messaging. This is no way to go about it. He's a flirt and tease if your not that way you need to drop and more on. When the man wants to spank you bottom he's serious about it!

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There is no need to cancel your account, just block the players at their first infraction. I was online 3 years, I heard and saw everything, I didn't give up if I had I would not have met my bf, I simply blocked the weirdos as soon as they said something sexual. When I came online I came across many gentleman that didn't use sexual suggestions.

 

 

 

When I was online I HATED with a passion men that contacted me with *sweety, honey and beautiful*. If we had met in real life they wouldn't have addressed me with these. They said they do it because women like it, I was quick to tell them to go back to these women I belong to different category of women....then I blocked.

 

Yes! I agree- SO MANY men say “beautiful”, “gorgeous” and it’s SO OBVIOUS they wouldn’t say that in person. I hate it when people say that to me.

Edited by Malin889
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Lotsgoingon

First of all, not all guys do this ... not even most ... and yes, I'm a guy ... and I might be naive ...

 

And ... forget the reason why. Cancel this guy ... You cannot even have a relaxed social media talk with him ... without sex coming up in a way that is uncomfortable for you. End of story. End of game. Move on to different guy.

 

Contrary to what you might be feeling (I assume very frustrated), this interaction with him is a success. The whole point of exchanging messages with someone early on is as much to screen out wackos as it is to find good people. Screening this guy out--ignoring him, canceling any future date--is the flip side of opening up to a guy who is good for you.

 

Tip: In the future, trust yourself to move faster. If you have to suppress negative reactions and look past strong negative reactions early on, no way is the relationship is gonna work. Early on is when people are on their best behavior, most agreeable, most determined to show their good sides, most likely to be cautious.

 

So as soon as he mentioned "spanking" the first time and you reacted negatively, that was your cue to move him out of the column of "possibility" and into the column of "not likely." In fact, that was enough of a cue for many people to put him in the "never" category.

 

Trust your negative reactions--especially early on. They're telling you something!

 

Don't ignore crazy nonsense people say. That's exactly what you any pay attention to ... and pull away accordingly.

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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Yes! I agree- SO MANY men say “beautiful”, “gorgeous” and it’s SO OBVIOUS they wouldn’t say that in person. I hate it when people say that to me.

 

With my 200 online meeting I tested it for you. At first I didn't have much experience and I gave chances after chances. I can confirm to you each time a man made a sexual comment before a face-to-face meeting he ended up not being worthy of my time.

 

When a man is genuinely interested in meeting you he will never use this type of language in fear you'll be offended and he'll lose the opportunity to meet you.

 

Do not lower your standards, expect men to address you online with the same respect they would in real life.

 

 

.

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The spanking wouldn't have bothered me but the 'free physical' would have had me block him.

 

People have different reactions. The spanking totally grossed me out & I would have stopped all communication at that point. The offer for a free physical I took with a wink & smile as playful non threatening playful flirtatious banter.

 

But the OP hated it & that is all that matter when she is deciding who to continue talking to & who to meet.

 

Yes! I agree- SO MANY men say “beautiful”, “gorgeous” and it’s SO OBVIOUS they wouldn’t say that in person. I hate it when people say that to me.

 

But a stranger doesn't know you hate something. Nobody has an on-line A game. You can't flirt for long that way alone. It's why meeting sooner rather than later is better. People calling your beautiful, gorgeous or even sexy on line is a way to flirt. It might not be artful but I wouldn't take it as a demeaning insult off the bat. You can speak up & express a preference against it & then shut the door once that preference is disregarded.

 

OLD may not be your medium. I found it awful for other reasons & stopped using it as a means to connect.

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But a stranger doesn't know you hate something. Nobody has an on-line A game. You can't flirt for long that way alone. It's why meeting sooner rather than later is better. People calling your beautiful, gorgeous or even sexy on line is a way to flirt. It might not be artful but I wouldn't take it as a demeaning insult off the bat. You can speak up & express a preference against it & then shut the door once that preference is disregarded.

 

OLD may not be your medium. I found it awful for other reasons & stopped using it as a means to connect.

 

Sending a first message with *hey sexy!* is highly condescending. If a man would want to approach me in real life and he'd start with *hey sexy* how would that be perceived? It also tells me if it's the only words he could come up with to get my attention then he's got no more than 2-3 active brain cells left. When a man uses that for an opening it says a lot about them, it says a lot too about the women that think it's cute.

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Philosopher

I do not see anything particularly wrong in what he said, though I agree that it is on the more risque side and many people may not be comfortable with these kinds of jokes.

 

I do get the impression that you do not like his style of humor and find it somewhat offensive. Given that having compatible styles of humor is often very important in a relationship, if it is particularly bothering you I think it is best if you do not meet him.

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Most guys dont think its ok to talk like that. Maybe youre choosing the worng guys.

 

 

Id also say using the work "spank" isnt exactly dirty talk. Its a bit of cheek or banter. However if he keeps on bringing it up then it might be a fetish he has and wants to facilitate his sexual urges.

 

 

I have some femal friends when guys have talked about are high heels and how they have to wear them on their first date. Other fetishes are about underwear or stockings. These are obviousily those men who are after just one thing.

 

 

Id ask you to ignore talk like that and they bring it up time and time again. Its not romance theyre looking for but just sex.

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During my brief venture into online dating, I used to joke that I would pass over any guy who was shirtless, riding a motorcycle, or holding a fish in their profile picture. ;)

 

Seriously, I'm sure they were trying to be amusing or perhaps they really liked fishing, it just seemed so fake and I hated the whole process.

 

And any man who made any kind of suggestive comment before even meeting was a definite NO GO for me. Suggestive comments or dirty talk shared between two people who are dating or in a sexual relationship can be very fun. But, making these kinds of comments before even meeting an individual is very inappropriate. It doesn't mean a man is funny, it means that he lacks an awareness of what is socially appropriate.

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mortensorchid

You have been texting this guy for a few weeks and you have never met him face to face yet? I have some news for you first of all : You won't EVER meet him fact to face. He's not that serious about meeting you. It's just a texting / pen pal relationship. Second : He would be more respectful of you if he was really interested in meeting you rather than making sex comments to you. Fact.

 

Drop him.

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